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My baby wants to be held around the clock

  1. gotkimchi

    pear / 1577 posts

    @periwinklebee: just wanted to say you’re doing great, it’s so hard with your first! And also my second slept on the boppy lounger until 5 months

  2. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @gotkimchi: Thank you

  3. snarkybiochemist

    pear / 1879 posts

    @periwinklebee: I have very much cried in the shower while my daughter cried in the next room bc I had given all I had to give and she still wanted more. It's ok

  4. Iced Tea

    persimmon / 1227 posts

    @periwinklebee: How’s it going now? I’m curious if the Swaddle Up did anything for your LO. Both my kids preferred that one!

  5. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8381 posts

    My DS was like this and we ended up co-sleeping for the first few months. Those first few weeks are the worst for wanting to be held, so know that it is a phase and it will get better.

    With my DD I was able to let her fall asleep on me and once she was *really* asleep I was able to move her to the PnP.

  6. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @Iced Tea: thanks! He does seem much happier with the swaddle up than the other ones, so this has been super helpful! His sleep is still not great but we are just trying different things and seeing what works. He often seems to be woken by needing to pass gas and seems uncomfortable. I’ve read gas discomfort peaks at 3 to 4 weeks, so hopefully that improves.

  7. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    @periwinklebee: For gas, this helped us alot:

    1) Standing them up on your lap. For some reason, that helped both my kids let out big nice belches. And it was by the far the easiest, most effective way to burp them.

    2) When you burp them up against your shoulder, thumping in an upwards motion on the LEFT side of their back.

    3) Basically alternate the 2 methods until they burp.

  8. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @ShootingStar: thank you! When did you start to phase out co sleeping and how difficult was that? We are cosleeping now as it is the only way I can be functional and I don’t mind doing it for a few months but don’t want it to be a long term solution. I figure I shouldn’t touch nighttime sleeping arrangements until he is sleeping better on his own in the daytime, which will probably take awhile...

  9. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8381 posts

    @periwinklebee: My goal was always to get him to sleep on his own, so I started pretty early if not right away. I'd nurse him to sleep at the beginning of the night and put him next to me. Then at his first wake up I'd nurse him again and when he seemed deep asleep I'd put him in the PnP next to the bed. At first he'd mostly wake up. So I'd give it 2-3 tries and if he wouldn't stay asleep I'd bring him back to our bed.

    I did that for every waking - nurse then give it 2-3 chances to settle in the PnP. It got to a point where it was easier and easier, especially at the beginning of the night. The end of the night, when the drive to sleep is less, was more difficult.

    By 6 months we had him sleep in his own crib and sleep trained him with CIO around 7m.

  10. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @gingerbebe: thank you, this is awesome. I was wondering if there’s more I should be doing, he always burps after a feeding but still seems so gassy later. I’m trying to envision how the standing burp works, do you support them like with the sitting burping position but just standing up?

    @ShootingStar: thanks, super helpful!

  11. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    @periwinklebee: You just hold them under their armpits and just kinda stand them up on your lap, like they're hanging there. You don't have to pat them, just the act of sorta standing/hanging straight seems to help let the gas come up.

  12. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @gingerbebe: awesome suggestion, as usual, I’ve gotten a couple of great burps!

  13. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7088 posts

    @gingerbebe: @periwinklebee: my pp doula also told me a trick where you slowly lift them up above your head and lower them back down a few times. Like holding under their armpits. Something about the up and down brings the gas to the top and we got some burps out that way. I would do that a few times and then go back to patting the back.

    Also if it’s trapped farts I’ve heard great things about the windi! I haven’t ever used it but just got some for baby 2 when he’s here since they get rave reviews.

  14. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @SweetiePie: I think I'm gonna need to order that - he hasn't been pooping great either, ugh, and from the reviews it seems to help with that too... going to try the lifting up and down as well.

    He's generally a pretty happy baby but it's so hard to get him to sleep and his naps when he finally does tend to be really short - I wonder if there's something obvious I'm missing. I also feel like co-sleeping is turning more and more into him grazing all night, which is not so great for my sleep or sanity, so we need to work on that too but at this point I couldn't imagine trying to get him to sleep on his own at night since naps are so lousy...

  15. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7088 posts

    @periwinklebee: how long is he spending awake at a time?

  16. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @SweetiePie: I always try to get him to go down for a nap around the 45 min to 1 hour mark but oftentimes just can’t get him to settle, then he really wants to eat again, and it can turn into several hours awake where he will fall asleep eating but as soon as I try to take him off he will start frantically rooting and won’t settle: so I spend forever cluster feeding but I’m not sure how much he’s actually taking in since he’s not eating very vigorously

  17. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7088 posts

    @periwinklebee: Unless you think he needs to eat for medical reasons I would try to break the overtired and wired cycle you seem to be in and let him fall asleep at the boob and hold him for a good 2-3 hour nap. THEN feed as soon as he wakes up and hopefully he will be rested enough to fully nurse. And then from that do the EASY routine making sure he is going back to bed at the 45 min mark, and really trying HARD not to nurse to sleep.

    That’s what I would do if it were me, knowing what I know now. Seems like he’s in an endless cycle of overtirdness which leads to falling asleep while nursing which leads to incomplete nursing/snacking all day and night, which leads to continuing to be overtired and so on.

    You COULD also try to do a bottle of formula instead of the boob. Or BM if you are pumping. Nursing is great but if it’s impacting your mental health and hurting other aspects of infant care (sleep for them is SO important) then it might be worth considering other options. I’m in the “happy mom, happy baby” camp, regardless of what it is that makes you happy.

    Hang in there mama, it’s so hard but it will get easier.

  18. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @SweetiePie: my problem is I need to figure out how to get him to sleep. He’s happy if I put him drowsy but awake in the crib or swing but has yet to fall asleep, stroller rides and carrier sometimes work but often not, ditto on bouncing. This is all true even when he’s not overtired. I’ve been trying to nurse to sleep for 45 minutes and that’s not working either because when he falls asleep he’ll pop off and then be frantic to get back on. All I know is to try something for a little while and if it doesn’t work move on to the next thing...but it’s definitely not doing much for my self confidence as a mom. If this continues I’ll try formula as well. His weight gain was great last week on just breast milk but today has been particularly bad and I wonder if it is a growth spurt.

  19. jape14

    pear / 1535 posts

    @periwinklebee: you've gotten a lot of advice already but in my experience with two kids, I don't think trouble napping in a particular way necessarily dictates trouble sleeping at night (independently or otherwise). I held both of my kids for most naps in the early days - I started one nap a day in either the swing or crib starting around 3/4 weeks - and both slept in a flat bassinet from the second night home. Unless your LO has days and nights mixed up, there's more of a natural drive to sleep at night than during the day, so night sleep can be easier to "fix" than daytime sleep. Obviously you don't want your LO to be up all day, but if you're getting him to nap for a chunk of time after appropriate awake time, don't worry about the length of the nap so much. If you can extend a nap with feeding or whatever, great, but try not to sweat it if not. If it were me, I'd pick one "naptime" a day (obviously with a baby this young you don't have set times) and work on attempting the swing/crib/bassinet at that time. Then you have a plan -- "for his 10am nap, I will attempt the swing/crib/bassinet for at least X time" -- and it won't feel like every single naptime is an opportunity to "fail" at putting him down. Not saying you are failing at all -- babies just have their own agenda despite our most careful plans!! -- but this is how I felt with my first and how I fixed that mindset with my second.

    Also, like many others have said, both of my kids resisted the swaddle at first but slept so much better once we swaddled them. In addition to the swaddleup which I loved with LO2, we really liked the velcro swaddleme swaddles. My DH was way better at getting the swaddle tight enough so they couldn't bust out, for what it's worth!

    Finally, my main goal would be to get him sleeping independently (in bassinet) for at least the first chunk of overnight sleep. What time are you trying to start "bedtime"? Both of my kids had their newborn witching hours/cluster feeding from like 7-10pm -- they just nursed and snoozed from that time so I'd park it on the couch and watch TV while DH cooked/did chores/etc. I had much more success getting them to sleep in the bassinet when we matched the "bedtime" to the conclusion of that time. Both naturally moved their bedtimes earlier around 8-10 weeks and getting them down earlier got sooo much easier. (And once you get your evenings back, you feel more human.)

  20. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3193 posts

    @jape14: thank you, this seems like a really good approach. We’ve been both going to bed around 9:30 or 10 which seems to be the conclusion of cluster feeding. My baby seems to particularly hate the rock n play and to be more comfortable on a flat surface, so I may try buying a flat bassinet and see if we have better luck with that...

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