How would you feel with your nanny asking to run personal errands while she is taking care of your baby?
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As long as she isn't taking up her entire day with errands, and wrecking your LO's schedule I think the occasional errand would be fine. My baby sitter will often take my LO grocery shopping. My LO is 21 months, and loves going to stores, and pointing things out though and babbling. I think it depends on the caregiver.....I trust mine, and know that she is always at home at the same time for meals and naps, so it wouldn't bother me at all.
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Maybe on occasion with time sensitive things, but just doing it during the day so they don't have to use their own personal time? I'm personally not cool with that.
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It totally depends--stopping to pick up a prescription on the way home from the park is fine. Driving 40 minutes for a doctors appointment in the middle of nap time is not fine.
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@MrsBrewer: that does sound fine. I actually have asked a previous nanny to do groceries for me sometimes and i know she picked up stuff for herself too. not a big deal at all.
currently, my nanny wants to do errands that require taking public transportation to get there and back, so i imagine it will take some time (probably an hour or two in the afternoon). I said it was fine. But i don't think i would love it if she did it often. She has been with us only a couple of months and a couple of other small things have bothered me like this, so i am not sure what to make of it.
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@Coral: definitely not time sensitive from what she told me. She also only works for me 4 days a week, so she has another week day off. though i think she gets called into another job on her days off from us sometimes.
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@Pollywog: she is waiting until after his nap. that would have been a big no if she wanted to wake him or take him out for his nap as he sleeps horribly when out.
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On occasion for important things (need to pick up a prescription or mail a package that is time sensitive). AND if it didn't interfere with my son's schedule. But if it was like "I want to stand in Sephora for a half hour looking at lipstick" - no.
This was one of the pros of my nanny - I've talked about her cons a lot but never her pros. When she was at work she was at work. She never ran her own errands or socialized on my time. She was with my son and that was it. I can remember MAYBE one time in 2 years and she asked me first. I think she had to get toothpaste or something random.
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@californiadreams: I think that what she wants to do causes unnecessary risk. I'm not comfortable with public transportation, so maybe I am biased. But as it is, I don't like caretakers other than my husband to take my baby in the car. I think its mostly unnecessary and I ask this of family who are watching her for free! I don't get to do personal errands when I'm at work, so I don't think that paid nannies should do personal stuff like that either.
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@californiadreams: I just read what you said about public transport after my initial response. Nope, I don't think that's something I'd be ok with. It's just not necessary. I'd actually rather she took some time off if it was something she HAD to do during business hours. Ask to leave early or come late one day.
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Negative ghostrider. Hauling my kid on a 1-2 hour personal errand on public transportation when he could be at the park or playing at home? Hard pass.
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@californiadreams: I would be uncomfortable with the scenario you laid out. I don't have a problem with my nanny running into a pharmacy or something while they are already out and about. But a 2 hour detour? no. I mean, it would have to be a very special reason and then I would have to decide as the employer if I want to take a half day off work and give her a personal day, or if I want her to take my kiddo with her.
I think it's unprofessional that she asked, tbh. But again, that's because she's relatively new.
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@californiadreams: I think as a one time thing it would be okay, but I'd prefer it to be park of an adventure where she ran her errand and the kid got to go to the park or library. It isn't fun to be dragged from errand to errand.
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@agold: ya i was not a fan of the bus thing for her own errands, but i think in general i am ok as i plan to let her take the kids on the commuter train this summer to do some fun activities downtown. Never would i let her drive them anywhere though, that's my bias.
@Truth Bombs: it is roughly a 20-25 minute commute each way, plus the errands itself (there are 2 of them in the same complex). renewing her gym membership and paying a phone bill. It did rub me the wrong way, especially since she has tomorrow off! (from us anyway). But i didn't know if i was being too harsh in feeling this way.
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@californiadreams: bahahahahaa. No. Renew your gym membership and pay your bills on your own time.
ETA: Both of these things can be done over the phone... so, I don't even get why they are happening, nevermind happening while you are paying her to take care of your child.
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@Anagram: yes, i have thought that my previous nannies would never have even asked me this, so i would never be put in this situation. And to be honest, this is not the first unprofessional type of thing she has done/asked. And i have been going back and forth on finding someone else, but none of the things in isolation really seem to warrant firing someone. She is mostly good with the kids (baby took a long time to adapt) and i trust that they are cared for. But i am sure i can find someone who meets those criteria that also doesn't annoy me like this! ugh, i hate this all around.
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@californiadreams: Ummmmmm if you haven't read my nanny posts, do it. If she's annoying you so early on it will only get worse and your resentment will grow.
I was the same way - "oh but this one thing would be so drastic to fire her over" and "but my son loves her" - but when you put it all together and realize she was making my life more stressful rather than alleviating stress - my only regret is not letting her go sooner. I was a good year overdue.So yeah - if you don't love her, let her go.
Also, a gym membership and a phone bill? WTF? Renew the gym membership the next time you go to the gym. Pay the phone bill over the phone or on your weekend. Done and done.
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We have a nanny now who takes public transportation with my kids and yes, she does do errands, but it's usually going to the grocery store or to the bank and it's on the way to the park or next to the park. I would not feel comfortable with her taking them somewhere just for the sole purpose of running her own personal errands.
The way I see it is, if she had an office job and the bank/grocery store is next to the office, and you hop in to run a quick personal errand, that's ok. But you wouldn't/couldn't take 2 hours out of your job to run out and do a personal errand, so why would you do that when you're a nanny.
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Sounds like she has to do those things in person because she's possibly paying cash...that's the only reason I can think of that she'd have to do those two kinds of errands in person...I am struggling here to think that this would be okay while on the clock.
Personally for me, public transportation isn't a huge deal, I use it frequently, I would rather that than driving...but 2 hours is a long time for kids unless it's an absolute emergency.
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@SweetiePie: i am not on HB as much as i used to be, but i did see one of your follow up posts and i was curious to see the initial one but i think it was gold so i couldn't read it. what were some of the incidents?
@sooz: good point. and i do encourage to take breaks for herself, but i guess she is confined to my house since break time is when the baby is sleeping. and i am not sure how do breaks work when you also have an older kid that does not nap? as for 8 weeks this summer, she is supposed to have my 4 year old home with them at least 2 days/week
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@californiadreams: I totally understand your point, but the nature of the nanny job is that you have flexibility. You're not in meetings all day, or in front of a computer answering emails. I consider her breaks to be sort of built into the position -- for example, going to the park and watching the kids as they play and chatting with her other nanny friends. But again, the nature of the job doesn't allow for "consistent" real breaks.
Don't get me wrong...I also know it's a hard job, so I let her put on a 30 minute show for my older kid. That way, she can eat her lunch in peace. I do that when I watch my own kids, so I don't think that's a big deal.
Lastly, if she worked an non-exempt position (hourly), she would get a lunch break, but not get paid for it. I pay her for the entire day, so I think in the end, it all works out.
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@californiadreams: omg I want to scream. I just typed a long response and accidentally hit the wrong thing and it was erased. I HATE DOING HB ON MY PHONE.
I'll reply from my computer later! -
I see it your way too @agold: unnecessary risk. I wouldn't want her to lose my kid or for my kid to get hurt when they really did not need to be away from home or other places I specifically wanted them to be.
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We had a previous nanny who did a lot of personal errands. It started out as just the occasional trip to the bank, to pay a bill, etc, and then turned into her taking the kids to do things in preparation for her upcoming wedding, etc. Given the experience I had with this, I would personally not be comfortable with a nanny taking my kids to any errand that wasn't right in town, along the way to somewhere they were already going. Our current nanny uses our car and this was something we made clear to her when she started, in an effort to avoid the slippery slope we found ourselves in last time.
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so i did already tell her it was okay for today, but i prefer she not do it often as our baby already gets carted around a lot with us. I tried to make it sound light and hopefully she gets the message. But this is not the first time she asked either. within the first month, she asked if she could take my baby with her and her mom to Ikea, which is a much farther trek and i wondered if she meant in her mom's car?? before i could reply, she had texted back and said "nevermind, my mom said no". i then replied that it would not have been possible anyway since her mom does not have an infant car seat installed. So back then it annoyed me that she even asked but i let it go because she didn't just do it without asking.
Just to clarify, it may not be a 2 hour thing, but maybe only 1 or 2 depending how long the errands actually take, probably more in the middle. or even closer to 1 hour.
@SweetiePie: aww! ok i will look out for it!
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: i am not worried about her losing my kid as he is 13 months old and not walking so she will likely wear him or use the stroller. but it is a good point.
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@bushelandapeck: I agree, its too easy for it to spiral out of control.
@californiadreams: I would also follow up to specify that ANY time she takes the baby out of the house she needs to request advanced permission.
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Honestly she sounds immature. The IKEA thing is even more of an egregious request. These types of requests so early into her employment with you would make me worried that she has bad judgement.
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Under the circumstances you described, these are not things I would want my daycare or nanny doing with my child. It's one thing to pop into a bank and deposit a check or run to the post office but these sound like a bit more of an adventure.
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Yeah what you described would be a hard pass for me. Like you, I would be annoyed and take it as an indication of lack of professionalism and good judgement on her part.
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Honestly I don't like anyone running errands with my kid except DH or I. Especially not people I am paying to watch her. If it came down to her needing to take time off (where I would need to arrange alternate care) or take my kid I might ok it very occasionally- like every few months for a short period of time.
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Once in a while might be ok, though it does entirely depend on you being comfortable with the transportation situation. But is this the same nanny who is doing some mlm thing while she's working for you? If the little grievances are popping up, I agree with @SweetiePie: that if they keep building you might be wishing you let her go sooner.
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I didn't read all of the replies, but when my daughter was under 1, I had a nanny every morning. Since I WAH, I made them leave the apartment every day with the stroller (no car involved). She could do whatever she wanted during that time, so if it was going to the park or personal errands, I didn't care. Occasionally I would ask her to do something for me, but that was rare. I may have had a different opinion if they had to go places in a car.
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For me it would depend on the context and the time sensitivity. Honestly, I think I would take issue with any errand that requires them going out of their way. I live in a walkable town, so I would not care if my nanny stopped in the pharmacy with my son on the way back from the park or something. And if I lived in the 'burbs and my nanny was already driving my child to a music class and needed to pop into a store in the same shopping center, that would not bug me either.
But it is not fun for a kid to be schlepped around on a long errand. Renewing a gym membership and paying a phone bill can wait until her day off.
If this was a nanny you knew for a long time, and if this was definitely a one-off (like she is going away for the weekend and will miss a deadline, and can you grant her this one exceptional favor), then it would also be different. I don't like that she is so new and trying to pull this regularly. You are paying her to focus on your child, so the time should be spent focused on child-friendly activities.
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i would not be happy, no matter how little the time or how infrequent. She is paid to care for my child, not run errands, and she has a whole day to do those things! Plenty of things to do that are child friendly instead. I would say no, especially if she is fairly new and you have other concerns. She has to develop the trust first because this is what she is telling you but in reality, what is she actually doing? How far is she willing to push the boundaries? Sorry if I sound cynical! I've had the same nanny for almost 3 years and has never asked to run an errand, and she's with me 5 days a week! She does have one morning off. At this point if she asked me though, I wouldn't care at all because I trust her.
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@californiadreams: ok, I meant more like someone taking your child like the thread YouBoots posted. Scary to think about, but if she's already busy doing her own thing...hmm.
I will say, my brother's nanny used to take him all over the place and she didn't ask my mom. While out and about my mom would get stopped by total strangers saying hello to "Alice's boy."
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Thanks for all the replies. I agree too that if it was some errand in my neighbourhood and she was already passing by or out for a walk, I would not care at all nor would I think she needs to tell me every time. It's just this combined with other things she has asked that rub me the wrong way I guess and overall I agree she is a bit immature and unprofessional. It's not a long term position as we were planning to do daycare at the end of the summer so I'm stuck on whether we should just keep her for the summer or think about finding someone I'm happier with. I want to love my nanny not be annoyed with her. But there are several pros to keeping her, including we feel made a commitment to her and would feel bad if we broke it.
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@Anya: yes same one
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@californiadreams: I think it's a long time till the end of summer and if you've got so many cons on your list now and this many incidents where you're uncomfortable, I'd start looking for someone else now.
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Since our nanny was part time, I was only cool with the occasional errand if it was time sensitive. I know she used to run through the bank drive through with my kids occasionally and that didn't bother me. She had Fridays completely off from us and had later starts a few days so there really wasn't any reason why she couldn't do her own errands on her own time.
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