I’m trying to figure out how I feel about this. My husband was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school K-12, but he is lapsed and not particularly religious. I was raised Protestant, and I attended public school as a kid. I’m not particularly religious either. We have two boys, and we’re looking for a private school to send our oldest to when he starts kindergarten in the fall. My husband feels strongly that private school is the way to go for our family, plus we aren’t zoned for a great public school in our city. We applied to three very competitive and elite private schools with no religious affiliation, but we just found out we were waitlisted at two and rejected from the third. I don’t want to get my hopes up about the waitlist, and I would like to figure out another option for our son. My husband wants us to apply to the Catholic school, and he’s certain we would be accepted there since my in-laws are friends with the head of school and the school’s enrollment has been down lately. My husband said he liked attending Catholic school as a kid and he feels nostalgic about it. Their website says they accept children of any faith, but it’s still a Catholic school that teaches Catholicism in addition to all the school subjects. The children pray daily and attend a mass every week. I’m worried about my son being treated differently by his classmates or even teachers. I’m also not sure how I feel about him having that much religious instruction when we’re not religious at home. Also, while the school says they accept kids of any faith, I saw a stat that said the school is 98% Catholic, so he would definitely be in the minority. Have you or anyone you know attended a Catholic school as a non Catholic? Do you have any thoughts on this or advice for me?
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DD is almost 3. She has gone to childcare at a private pre-8 Catholic school part time from 5 months. DH was raised Catholic and I was raised Methodist, we are agnostic. I had a great chat with the principal and they are happy to have us as long as long as we respect the way they do things. We have been very happy. It’s tight knit and if anything I feel more connected and at home than I expect, it’s no secret we are non practicing. We chose the school because I have a close friend who’s family has gone there for generations and DD goes to school with her kids, we wanted something small and personal and it’s in a tiny farming community. They have nothing but wonderful things to say about DD. Just be open to the fact that your child may come to identify themselves as Catholic. I’m not sure if we are going to do private school or not.
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No experience yet but we are non-catholic and hoping to get DS into the catholic school system where we live.
To us the catholic schools here seem to be better suited to our family than the public schools. We also want DS to be exposed to religion and we've never taken him to church. The couple of catholic schools we have gone to open houses at have been very diverse.
There is nothing to say if after the first year you don't find it is the right fit for your son or you as a family that you can't change schools.
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I am non-catholic and come from a non-catholic family. I went to a catholic school for 6 years, starting when I was 7. It was fine. It had zero impact on me and at no point was I made to feel uncomfortable by anyone for not being Catholic. It never came up and kids never discussed it because it just wasn’t something they cared about. I don’t know if that is the norm, but this was an elementary school and a junior high school. We did a prayer every morning, mass and church and religion classes. It was not a big deal at all. We were sent there because it was a nice school in our district. Then we moved cities and went to public schools after because we weren’t following friends anywhere anymore.
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The only private school near where I grew up was a Catholic school, and I knew practicing Jews who attended. Most of the people I knew personally who attended weren’t practicing Catholics, but rather came from families who wanted their kids to go to private school and it was the only option they had within a 35 minute drive. If you feel strongly about attending a private school, I don’t think it having a religious affiliation would matter.
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I attended Catholic school (I'm Catholic) and there were always a few non-Catholic kids in class. They were never treated any differently. We had to attend mass every first Friday and the non-Catholic kids would just abstain from communion.
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I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school K-12. I now attend a Methodist church and baptized both girls in this church.
I don't really see any problem with sending your child to a Catholic school K-8 and you could definitely make it work 9-12, but morality/social issues were discussed a lot more in my Catholic HS and looking back, I do feel like I was brainwashed a little. So I would just be very prepared to be clear with your child by 7-8 grade regarding those issues if you don't entirely agree with Catholic doctrine (pro-life issues and whatnot).
On the whole, I had a great experience at my Catholic schools and would kind of prefer to send my children to a Christian private school. Alas, DH is a public school teacher and he's pretty adamant they attend public unless there are issues.
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I would want to know what the plan is for kids that aren't getting the sacraments, assuming that the religious instruction during the school day includes this preparation.
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I went to Catholic school from K-12 and Now my son attends catholic school. There was always a few non Catholic kids in school but no one made a big deal about it at all. They just abstained from communion. They were not made to feel differently at all.
Yes, catholic faith is a major part of curriculum but in early years it’s just basics. As they get older you would have to discuss with them the differences but I think that’s a good thing anyway.
And as a Catholic who went to catholic school my whole life, I still made up my own mind about many issues. I wasn’t brain washed to feel a certain way. All depends on the person.
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My daughter attended Catholic school in Kindergarten & 1st grade. We had just transferred to a new city and didn't know where we were going to buy a house so we put her in Catholic school. We are not Catholic and attend a non-denominational church. My daughter had a religious class, prayed daily and attended mass weekly. I never felt like she was treated differently but it might have changed the older she got. There were quite a few non-catholic kids. We ended up moving her to public school which I have never regretted. Part of it was the tuition costs (by the time both kids were in high school we would have been paying $24,000 a year) and part was that she had a really bad 1st grade - she and her teacher did not get along. I did appreciate the smaller school feel, the administrators were amazingly helpful and the art teacher was phenomenal!! I did have to have some conversations with her about what we believed versus what the catholic school taught but I always told her she had to respect them and do what was expected of her.
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My eldest DD just started in a Catholic primary school, and my family is Greek Orthodox (so kinda similar in some ways). I am in Australia, so I think our school system is different to the US - here our Catholic school system is almost the direct alternative to public schooling, there are maybe just as many Catholic schools as government schools. Most Catholic schools here have students from a variety of backgrounds, and there are many non-Christian children at our school. Even though they have a ranking system to determine admission (ie. Catholics in parish, catholics out of parish, eastern orthodox christians, other christians, then other religions/no religion), they are very accepting of students from other backgrounds and celebrate diversity. They conduct mass and RE classes, but I haven't felt that they push things onto the kids. Our school fees are quite low in my opinion - we have a $1200 family fee (covers all your kids) and each child has a year level subsidy (about $200-300) which covers the cost of all books, stationery, excursions and events, so with 2 kids there it would cost me around $1800 a year.
In comparison the the ageing public schools in my area, I am glad we made the choice to attend the local Catholic school. Class sizes are lower and the teaching style is what I prefer (traditional desks, seperate rooms) instead of the newer "inquiry" type learning that many schools here are doing (kids sit on floor/beanbags, no desks, open door classrooms with no walls separating different classes.
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I know this is an older post, but we just got our acceptance letter to the Catholic school and still haven't heard anything from the other schools, so it looks like Catholic school might be our only option right now apart from public school. I'm still not 100% sure I want to send my kid there, since I worry about him not fitting in or being overly exposed to Catholicism. I saw the schools demographics, and they said 98% of the school is Catholic, so he would be one of only 2% non Catholics there. Does anyone else have any comments on this topic?
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I think you should talk to the school about it. Perhaps they could give you the syllabus for the religion classes? Could you chat with the religion teacher?
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Curious about this as well. I'd be interested to hear how things go for you.
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@aprild: In the schools I went to there were definitely not even Christian kids especially in the older grades. But what I would guess you can expect is traditional Catholic theology being taught in Catholic schools. Since confession and first communion are somewhere around 2nd grade, it starts pretty early. I would guess mass attendance is mandatory, as usually the whole school goes in these types of settings, but taking communion or participating in the sacraments is not something that would be expected or even accepted for a non-Catholic. But as far as being tested on the material, I would definitely think that would be happening. I don't think I knew any kids who were confused by this..they knew that it was Catholic teaching and they knew they weren't Catholic.
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I would feel very uncomfortable about my kids going to a religious school. We are not religious and I would not feel comfortable having my child pray and attend mass etc.
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@aprild: did you find out what @Looch asked?
Are there any beliefs that squarely conflict with what you believe that would be taught at school? We have a nondenominational Christian school that we plan to send LO and I am wondering, because I haven’t asked yet, how abortion and homosexuality is handled.
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@aprild: I went to parochial school and it was an excellent education and no one cared about non religious attendees, but to me it comes down to this. It sounds like you’re not considering public school? You were waitlisted at your top choice private school. So what are your other options? If this is your best option, take it.
I once listened to a podcast where a mom said do whatever is easiest for school. They had done public school, parochial, Montessori, home school. It is all fine. Your kids will be fine. And that really made me feel better like just do what you think is best and go from there. None of these decisions are permanent
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@jennlin821: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I talked to one of the mom's at my son's preschool about the religious aspect of the school. She teaches at the Catholic high school, and she has a child at the Catholic elementary school, so she's familiar with their program. She said the children are expected to attend all the religion classes and the weekly mass, but they would not be allowed to participate in communion. Anything they aren't able to do, they would sit out on, but they would be present for everything else. She said in elementary school, the religion class is mostly learning the history of different people in the church and the holidays. Like for St. Patrick's Day, they learned all about St. Patrick. She said even if you aren't Catholic, you could think of him as a role model. At the high school level, the religion class gets more in-depth, like they spent a whole semester just learning about the catechism. In middle and high school, the kids only go to mass once a month, because there isn't time to do a weekly mass. I don't think they bring up touchy subjects like abortion and homosexuality, although they do service projects for their Catholic charities. One charity is a center for pregnant women where they can get free care and assistance. While I think it's nice they provide that service, I know they are actively telling these women not to have abortions.
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@gotkimchi: The public school we're zoned for isn't considered the best in the city, but it's also not the worst. I would consider it, but my husband feels strongly about sending our kids to private school, because he thinks they would get a better education, get more one-on-one attention and also be around children who come from "better" families. I know that last point is debatable, and I don't have a problem with diversity, but my husband is concerned about our kids getting in with the wrong crowd. His parents sent him and his brothers to Catholic school, and that was the main reason. I've heard my FIL say that his sons all had sweet, innocent spirits and sending them to public school would have broken them.
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@aprild: it’s really up to how much religious exposure you’re comfortable with. If the school was an Islamic faith private school and you substituted all those Catholic teaching times with Islam would you be ok? Is that even a fair comparison for you?
I really don’t think your kids will have an issue socially being part of the 2%.
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I agree that I don't think your kids will have any issue socially or be singled out for some sort of negative treatment. As for not participating in communion, even Catholics sit out communion when they need to go to confession, so it wouldn't be odd at all. There are always some people who stay in the pews.
That said, it sounds like you're really uncomfortable with Catholicism and therefore I wouldn't recommend doing it. There are other options, even if they're not "perfect" (there is no perfect school, of course). If you really want to try this school anyhow, I would suggest learning more about Catholicism by reading about its precepts and teachings. I might be able to help you find some books to read, or you could ask the school or a priest near you for recommendations.
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We are Jewish and for grade school I went to a private Episcopal school. We went to church weekly where they taught what I consider to be non-religious religious lessons (the golden rule, etc.) and there was a huge Christmas pageant. Socially, it was pretty liberal, which I think was more important to my parents than the fact that it was a religion that wasn't ours. (I mean it was also the 80s so a lot of social issues just weren't discussed, but both the headmistress and the Reverend were lesbians who lived with their SOs and it wasn't a thing). I was obviously in the religious minority but was not the only Jewish kid, and I never was made to feel like an outcast because my beliefs were different, it just was what it was. This is a different situation than what you are dealing with but thought I would offer my perspective.
Edited to add: my parents sent me there because it was the best option academically, and as @gotkimchi said, was the easiest- it was very close to our home and not having to deal with driving me/sending me on the bus at a young age was important to my parents.
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@aprild: then you guys have to decide if you can live with a catholic education or he can live with public. But like I said neither is a permanent decision, you can always change
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I greatly sympathize with this dilemma. We just were deciding on preschools, and one of our best options was a JCC where even though they are open to all students, my son would have likely been the only non-Jewish student in his class. Ultimately we felt we had a few very good options and decided to go with a different one, but I struggled with the choice a lot because I liked the JCC a ton, but wasn't sure what impact being so starkly the minority would have on my son. That said, if we didn't have other great options, I wouldn't have hesitated to enroll him there.
Do you think your husband's/his parents' reasons for objecting for public school are based in truth/facts about the public school you are actually zoned for? Would it be worth at least visiting the public school if you can, to take a look at it and see if there might be gifted and talented or other programs that might provide more of the close attention you are looking for?
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My daughter currently attends Catholic preschool which is part of the elementary school. My husband is a lapse Catholic as wlel, however I will say since her starting he has decided to join the church again, realizing how much he missed it. Previously befor emoving we were attending a different church, but now have been going as a family to the mass. I was raised Methodist, but have been weighing the idea of converting myself (I'm undecided at this time.)
BUT I will say I can't imagine DD going to the school and not being Catholic, everyone who attends our school is Catholic (very small school. only goes to 5th grade) and the religion is very much a part of the curriculum even at the preschool level. My daughter does the sign of cross every time we pray which was taught there, and also does the common Catholic table prayer at dinner time. If this is not something you want to teach your child I would probably go another route.
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I went to an excellent Catholic school (was raised Catholic, now lapsed). Most of my classmates were Catholic but we had kids of other Christian denominations and even non-Christians. I had a Hindu in my class and he had to do all of the religion class assignments and attend Mass but did not participate in the sacraments (just sat in a pew for Communion, etc).
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If you haven't, I would recommend touring both the Catholic school and your public school and meeting with the principals. My brother and sister-in-law were in a similar situation, but they are both catholic. They were deciding whether to choose the Catholic school or public. The public elementary school doesn't have a great reputation, but when they met with the principal and went on a tour, they were amazed at the programs offered, the training the teachers had, the layout/setup of the classrooms, teaching philosophy, etc.. When they toured the private school, it didn't even compare. They are so happy they chose to go the public school route and their son is now in 5th grade. My SIL has shared with me that in her experience the school's so-so reputation is more to do with low-income and minority students that attend the public school than the actual quality of the education.
Another thing I would mention is that I believe that going to school with children with a wide variety of experiences, culture, religion, and income is very, very important. From my perspective I am uncomfortable with sending my children to school that is segregated in the way that most private religious-based schools are.
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I don't have experience with Catholic school but I am agnostic/borderline atheist so I would not be comfortable with sending my kid to a school where she would have to pray daily. However as long as you believe in a higher power and don't mind the prayer part, it seems like its not that big a deal. I doubt they talk about touchy subjects like abortion/homosexuality in elementary school so if anything you can try it out for the elementary age and then change it up once they get to middle school if you're unhappy. I would also find out if they teach about evolution, dinosaurs and such.
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@pmrlady: Catholics have no problem with evolution and Catholic schools teach it.
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