Hellobee Boards

Hopefully the other parents knew they were going to be swimming unsupervised! Scary.

I am not a fan of the mom that basically did a pool side drive. The mom that demanded perfection from the kids was over the top two. Unless kids are in danger or being a nuisance let them be at a pool. If they need help or instruction they will ask.

I don't know. I'm going to say the first mom was okay and the second was over the top. Many European countries have no problem fostering independence in their children. My sister and I were left to fend for ourselves after school since I was 9 or 10 years old, because my parents had multiple jobs. Unfortunately, I'm sure if my mom did that today (leaving 2 kids home alone in the middle of the country) it would be a borderline child neglect case. Not to mention all those times I cooked dinner and operated a kitchen stove and handled sharp knives!
Obviously, every situation is going to be different and certainly kids will have wildly different maturity levels. What do you guys think? How closely are you going to watch your pre-teens/teenagers?

I know the first was sort of neglectful with more potential for real danger, but the second one makes me much sadder for those kids! I hate when parents micromanage play.

@jedeve: Oh yeah, I totally hear you. Those are extremely valid points. Probably the biggest point, in my mind, is the "somebody else's kids" part. I wouldn't want to accept that kind of responsibility if something did happen! But for my own kids, I dunno. My parents were pretty hands off. I think wandering into either extreme can potentially damage the parent/child trust relationship.

@blackbird: Our pool allows for drop-offs at age 10. Then again, it's a pool with lifeguards and pretty strict rules. Not an unmanned lake.

This topic has been on my mind lately, because there have been several news reports recently about people like the South Carolina mom who was arrested for neglect and lost custody of her daughter for leaving the 9 year-old in a nearby park. http://www.businessinsider.com/mcdonalds-fires-debra-harrell-2014-7 She apparently lost her job, too. (@Corduroy: I'd say judging from what happened to Harrell, your fears aren't misplaced.)

As to kids around ages 10-12 swimming in an unsupervised group, I see kids that age swimming in small groups at a local park without parents present all the time. They arrive on their own and I've seen them coming and going often enough to know that their parents aren't there watching them. I'd be concerned if they appeared to be poor swimmers, but they're basically little Michael Phelpses.

I think maybe there is an assumption that the parents of the kids who were dropped off at the park in the original post were unaware that they weren't going to be supervised, but if they did and said it was okay, wouldn't that render this situation not crazy? The parents should know their child's swimming ability and overall maturity and would seem to me to be in the best position to assess whether it's okay for them to swim without an adult present.

I think it's critical that adults look out for the children in their community, but it seems to me that as a society we're drawing the line too high in terms of how old children need to be before they have significant amounts of independence.

@jedeve: I don't mean to be critical of your reaction. I understand where you're coming from--I've got a small child and I can't imagine letting him out of my sight near water, or virtually anywhere else. Earlier this summer I totally judged (in my head) the parents in my neighborhood who leave their older elementary aged kids alone all day. But I realized that I was essentially projecting my experience parenting a 3 year-old onto 11 year-olds, and the two aren't comparable.

Water makes me very nervous, I was a trained lifeguard/water safety instructor and I don't think I would feel comfortable leaving my son unattended at age 10-11, largely because even strong swimmers get fatigued and can pull someone down with them in an instant!

I would like to think I would be okay with dropping off, but I am still not sure about the age, especially if there are children other than my own involved.