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When I think of that phrase, I tend to think that it means parents know their kids quirks and personality traits better so they are more intuitive in some of their wants, needs, etc. more than that it means the parent always knows the best course of action for a child or that they always know the best way to handle a situation. For example, when our little ones were babies, I was much more likely to be able to guess whether they need to eat, diaper change, sleep, etc. because I was around them more, heard and saw the way they responded to situations, etc. Now, I'm more likely to be able to head off an emotional breakdown because I can see warning signs that someone else might not see. I can guess what presents they might like the best because I hear them chatter far more than anyone else. That said, when one of my kids seemed to be really struggling emotionally, you can bet I got advice and help from people who I fully expected to know "better than" me.

hmm..."best" is such a subjective word. I mean, probably parents do know their children "best", compared to teachers or other relatives, or friends. But as PPs have said, that doesn't mean they know everything.

Adults would probably say, we know ourselves "best", but of course we have behaviors that we don't notice about ourselves that others notice about us. It's the basic Johari window concept of "self".

This article has some good information http://changingminds.org/disciplines/communication/models/johari_window.htm

But I think as parents, we can see our child's public self and blind self, and maybe if we are very empathetic we can see a little of their undiscovered self. But we won't see their private self. Plus, parents tend to be myopic about their own children--we frequently can't rationally compare our children to other children. Some parents may inflate their children's abilities, for example. And other parents may play down their child's abilities or not even notice them. There's a lot of interpersonal psychology going on, and of course...kids change. Adults frequently want to box children into a certain type, but people are forever changing or adapting so that's not really a useful model to try.

One small example: if you ask me, I would say my oldest is fairly outgoing. Not over the top..she has her shy moments, but if it were a scale of 1-10 with 5 being the average, I would say she's a 6-7. But in her old daycare, the teachers frequently commented about how quiet and reserved she was. She's pretty talkative at home, at the playground, and on play dates, so that worried me a little. At the same time, I don't think my oldest is particularly loud, like she doesn't randomly scream like so many kids do, but she is very verbal.

But now at Preschool this year (new school, new teachers, new classmates), her teacher let me know that she is overly talkative and sometimes needs reminders to lower her volume. The teacher commented that she has such a loud voice to be the smallest kid in the room. So there's a pretty big disparity between what her old teachers experienced, what I experience at home, at what her new teacher experiences in terms of LO1s personality.

It's interesting.

I absolutely know my kid best. But, I do not know children best. People who have more experience than me knows what kids are like, what can be expected of them, etc, etc, etc. and that's why I defer to daycare teachers often. But every kid is different and I understand the nuances of what makes my kid different best.

This is so interesting. I think I know DS best, but I am often surprised by the behavior other people get out of him. For ex, he has an ear infection and the shortest temper currently. My dad took him out today and he was in a terrible mood when they left, crying and whining. I was so worried the whole time they were gone (I probably would have given up and come home 10 minutes in) but they went to the park for over 2 hours and had an awesome time. So I def need to let go and let other people in, because he might surprise me.

I think there's a balance. It's my job as a parent to observe each individual child, respond to their needs, personalities, and desires, and help them integrate into a larger framework of family and community and society. In essence, I am the gatekeeper and go-between for my kid - I help introduce the world to him and introduce him to the world. That requires enormous skill that yes not everyone has in equal amounts, so research and advice and community is necessary to broaden that knowledge base. Essentially I'm obligated to keep an open mind and filter things that best work for my kid and our family. But at the end of the day, I'm responsible. It's my kid, it's my job to know him and develop him and train him and protect him, so you bet I know him best. I think the problem comes when parents don't want to keep working on their parenting skills and want to parent from a position of ignorance.

I'm not a parenting expert but I am an expert on my child. That said- I am not a physician or psychologist. I do agree that children have basic needs that need to be met and are in some ways very similar. It's amazing how the norm is so diverse within cultures and countries. Volunteering in Costa Rica and silly enough the documentary Babies taught me so much about the human experience.

I see your point.

I'm often the first one to be able to figure out what LO is talking about or decide if she's tired or sick. And I often feel like she's a lot like me. And that's the trouble - I often graft my own feelings and desires on her. And it often backfires. Whether or not that's because she's so much like me or because she's nothing like me

I think parents do know their kids best, but also need to be able to take constructive criticism/ advice from the experts (teachers, doctors, etc). I know their taste and day-to-day schedule inside and out. I know when my kids are sick, sleepy, or hungry even if it's not apparent to anyone else besides possibly their dad. However, I listen to her pediatrician when I'm having trouble with stuff and I plan to do the same with teachers.