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@Madison43: @Silva: one of my best friends is a professional organizer and I've done a lot of informal help for friends (cleaning out coat closets, setting up nurseries, etc) over the years--it's incredible how emotionally triggering the decluttering process can be for some people.
@lilyofthewest: I didn't read every single post so don't know if this was already suggested, but one thing that might help is if you get someone to come again is if he has an entire room that doesn't get touched--like, the dining room, or your bedroom. then he can have his peace of mind, and anything *not* in that room is fair game, which is only fair to the other people living in the house who want/deserve a tidy environment (i.e. you).
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We use both a home cleaner and have hired an organizing service to help us deal with our clutter. It has made a huge difference for us to have both. I have convinced my husband to keep the cleaning service we use monthly because it forces us to tidy up once a month and our house stays overall cleaner as a result.
You're in Montgomery County, right? My parents had an excellent home organizer down there who helped them de-hoarder and de-clutter without throwing things away. They also have a cleaning person who has worked for them for 30+ years and is very good at cleaning around clutter (my mom was a serious hoarder and never let her throw anything away). Wall me if you want recommendations.
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@lilyofthewest: Your description of your partner's computer security and the fact that he's freaking out and believing that a 20 something hacked into it while house sitting for you just furthers my belief that there are some much larger issues going on here. I don't think your partner is a jerk, but I do think he has some mental health issues that ought to be addressed.
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@Truth Bombs: Agreed, that seems like a highly unusual degree of security for home computer.
Does he normally exhibit a bit of paranoia about his things/people being in his space?
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Hoarding and obsessing about bottle lids, grocery receipts and papers and old crossed off to-do lists sounds like a mental health problem. Sure, a ruined immersion blender is something to be annoyed about. Everything else is over the top. Someone possibly touching a home computer that is password protected is paranoid. It sounds like the person you hired did exactly as told, and is now getting heckled about it by your partner. I don't think this is something you can work out with your partner until they recognize that there is more to the "clutter" than just "clutter" and it is more hoarding, obsessive compulsive behavior, etc.
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@lilyofthewest
We have had a cleaner for a year. My husband reluctantly agreed and every time they come he fusses about something or another. Annoys me but I just let it filter out. We're not going to get rid of the cleaner bc he's not going to do it. We're not going to get a better deal somewhere else (we got a really good deal) so I let him say what he wants to say but this monthly cleaner is happening.
For example, this past month, he was griping that they didnt put his lotions exactly how he had set up. I told him that was ridiculous because if he wants them to wipe down and get rid of dust, they need to move everything and then put it back. If everything is in the exact place, that means they are just wiping around the items. I don't know if he got it, but he just likes to complain.
As others have mentioned, I do declutter and put things away before she comes. I do dishes and leave an empty sink so they clean the sink. My husband is picky about his computer (that he always leaves on bc he runs a server through it) and we just let them know in advance not to touch it.
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@psw27: As someone who struggles with anxiety and obsessive compulsiveness, I couldn't agree more.
While I'm not a hoarder, I have a ton of crap on my desk at home. I feel like leaving something out will remind me to do something with that thing, and I never do...it just keeps piling up. But then when I do need whatever it is, I know exactly how to find it. It's like my own organized clutter. So when my DH moves it, it drives me crazy.
We've learned to strike a balance in that the office is my space. Everything else needs to be tidy and cleaned up. Every so often, I take a day and clean the office and get rid of whatever isn't needed, but it's not as often as it should be.
I figured out my obsessive compulsiveness as I went to therapy for my anxiety. I realized I had to have the silverware in the dishwasher a certain way, hang my clothes on the line a certain way. It's just who I am. I have it much more under control now than I did before, but I think some of the items your partner is obsessing about could be anxiety related. Your partner is just taking it out on the cleaner.
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