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I'm all for making it as small as possible and not stretching our budget. Ours is less than 25% of our take home pay of two salaries. It was a higher % when we first bought but our salaries have increased significantly since then. It was still well within our budget when we purchased though-I think around 25% of our take home pay at that point as well.

@LCTBQE: we also literally just refinanced this last week, so so can tell you what to expect there.

@maddyz: I don't think this thread is really representative of the average person or at least not in higher cost of living areas...

@2littlepumpkins: It can feel crazy to put that much into rent (it is not an investment in any way). But it's where we want to be right now.

We're in PNW and just bought a new house. We'll be exactly 30% with just our PITI. prices here have skyrocketed the past few years and we're on one income right now. I'll be happy to go back to work in a few years and have some extra money!

So pros and cons, in my opinion, are some of the following:

Cons to 'burbs:
-Even higher property taxes. Up to double, depending on the town. A percentage of property tax can help on taxes, but there is a cap (maybe it depends on income? Ask a tax professional).
-higher commuting costs. Monthly train passes, plus possible MTA passes, plus possible a parking lot pass really adds up. Way more expensive than what my husband pays now to commute.
-Much longer commute. Especially door-to-door, many people end up commuting 1.5 hours each way.
-This is Hoboken specific, but we have free public Pre-k 3 and Pre-k 4, and it's a really great program. And it's hard to beat free. So it's saving us 2 years of childcare compared to the suburbs.
-more property upkeep. More to clean, yard to maintain. Either have to DIY or pay to have it done. = more $$$
-less walkable, but this depends on the individual house and how close you can buy to the town center.

Pros to 'burbs:
-More space in the house itself. Private back yard.
-Nice community pools
-sometimes childcare is cheaper (like daycares, but depends on daycare).

@LCTBQE: It really isn't the cornerstone of financial stability. Maybe if you pay it off fully at some point and live there forever while maintaining it impeccably and thus adding value to it, that's one thing. But if you're looking at a condo in a building, you have to ask yourself how financially stable that makes you in the long run.

Most people in our generation don't buy a home and live in it forever like previous generations did - they buy and sell over and over again and try to use it to make money for short-term gain - i.e. trying to buy a bigger/nicer house, etc.

If you get to a point where renting costs you more each month than a potential PITI, then I think its a good point to start looking into buying, but again, once you add in all the transaction costs and maintenance, that could tip towards renting once more.

I am a big fan of renting as long as it gets you closer to your financial goals. We rented a dump for years and drove paid off beater cars while we knocked out most of my law school loans. We finally bought when DS1 was 9 months old because the landlord wanted to raise our rent to a point where buying wasn't going to cost us much more each month and we would be in a much bigger and nicer house than our rental. And we had the benefit of a VA loan where we had far less transaction costs than the average person, so getting into a new house didn't cost us much. If we had to pay 20% down with all the traditional costs, we would have rented for longer.

And in the 2 years we've lived in this house, we've spent probably $15,000 in random but totally normal expenses? We had to trim huge overgrown trees, fix the landscaping, paint the interior, replace sinks, faucets, the insulation in our attic - and all that doesn't include our regular lawn guy, pest guy, annual tree trimming/pruning, plumbing, AC/furnace servicing, etc. I definitely never paid for any of that crap when I lived in my rental - I just e-mailed my landlord and was like FIXITNOW. And omg, just thinking about trying to coordinate repairs and contractors and all that in an ultra urban area like NYC makes my brain want to melt.

With regards to schools, we got a much better deal living in a town with average schools than the town we had been renting in, which is considered to have stellar public schools. Once we wrapped our heads around the astronomical property prices these ragged old homes (not updated, shabby looking 3 bedrooms that were like 1400 sq feet) plus the crazy local taxes and fees that went to support those schools, we realized we could literally buy a MUCH nicer house that was double the size for HALF the cost and pay for private school. Unless we had like 5 kids, it wasn't going to make up the cost difference. So, if you aren't specifically vested in public schooling, that may be something to think about.

We spend about 18% on our mortgage/insurance right now. At it's highest, we spent about 33% (when I wasn't working). I will say for us, 33% was not comfortable, even without a LO in daycare. But we also have student loans. It was do-able. But we weren't able to put much away every month. Keeping it closer to/under 20 is much more comfortable.

@Anagram: @LCTBQE: My brother and sister in law and one of my cousins both moved to Maplewood from the city when they had their kids and they all love it! We love visiting them because the downtown is adorable and walkable from their house which is totally new for my kids who live in a subdivision where you have to drive to everything. None of their kids are old enough for public school yet so no first hand experience but I know being comfortable with the school system was a big part of why they chose Maplewood.

@LCTBQE: RE: schools, yeah I figure it doesn't make a difference in the city proper but it may in the burbs, nameen? I hear you about being able to do stuff to your house - that part sucked. But it's also a huge money suck! Having that restriction actually saved us a lot of money and we haven't even done anything nice to our current house! It's amazing how expensive doing junk to your house it - it's like wedding planning - everything is upcharged so much and we are not DIYers. I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn with two kids and a dog in what I think is a 1 bedroom plus a formal dining room with pocket doors that they use as a second bedroom? And a small garden in the backyard. They love it and wouldn't imagine moving but dear Lord, they have two boys and I just can't imagine it! You NYC moms are rockstars for real.

@LCTBQE: I have never heard that but 30% sounds super high to me. I feel like our new mortgage is borderline ridiculous (we just moved) and it's 10% of our total household before tax income. That said, I have monstrous student loans too, so that doesnt help anything!

@LCTBQE: yes you nailed it exactly - concrete tiny "yard," super dark, and omg I forgot they have a dog too.

@LCTBQE: Counting everything fixed, ours is about the same. Sigh.

@808love: this article is so interesting. It seems like the upshot is that you can't get out of doing the hard work of looking at your costs, researching what costs will change with a potential move, budgeting a certain amount for uncertainty, andnusing that to determine what amount you can afford. Makes sense, but certainly makes it harder to figure out what you can afford!