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September 2018 POAS

  1. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @Sams Mom: No joke though - "Schrodinger's Cat" has gotten me through many decisions. Lol. 🤓 Heck, even my son has a book on Quantum physics that highlights the theory (but, mind you, the cat isn't both dead and alive ... it is asleep and awake in a box - far more "child friendly." 😉). I LOVE it. #ScienceSolvesProblems🤓



  2. Sams Mom

    grapefruit / 4492 posts

    @Kaohinani: I love that! It's so cute!

    Remind me again, is your average luteal 12 days?

  3. skinnycow

    pear / 1728 posts

    I'm officially out. AF started tonight.

    On the bright side, DH and I decided we would plan a 5th anniversary trip for next month if I wasn't pregnant so I have that to look forward to.

  4. Sams Mom

    grapefruit / 4492 posts

    @skinnycow: I'm sorry

    I remember you mentioning NYC. I loved it the one time I went, have lots of fun!

  5. QBbride

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    Ugh whyyyyyy did I think it was a good idea to take an easy@home HPT in the evening of 7dpo must resist taking one tomorrow AM.

  6. magnolia

    persimmon / 1168 posts

    My DH woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep. Then I was awake and decided to test since I had this dollar store cheapie. we are both shocked and elated!



  7. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @Sams Mom: Sorry, I had dozed off. 😴😂 My luteal is between 12 -14 days (it fluctuates). I figure, if I can make it 16 dpo; that is 2-4 days late ... I may test again. If my temps stay up 18 days and no AF but another BFN, I have my appt coming up to see what is wrong. Best cases - pregnant with late implant or I had begun with a low hcg level; worse cases - either an ectopic pregnancy (which I HIGHLY doubt) or I'm perimenopausal. Staying positive.

    Side note - Temp drop today. Down from 98.29 to 98.16. Only non-symptom is that I'm tired (and my Fibro makes me achy). Nothing else.

    Double side note - Ironically, just the other day, I found out that Irene (a fellow HB poster on here) is actually the illustrator of the aforementioned book and series. It has been my son's favorite for the last 1-1/2 years!!! The people one meets here on HB is amazing! 💙

  8. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @magnolia: Congratulations, mama! 💙👶🎊✨🎉🎈 I am so happy for you, hun ... what a spectacular thing to wake to!

  9. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2648 posts

    @magnolia: congrats!!! Definitely a nice thing I wake up to.

  10. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    September 2018 POAS

    Hypatia: 9/2
    Umberto: 9/2
    Mrs. Toad: 9/3
    2Mamakrewe: 9/4
    Starlitsky: 9/5
    Kaohinani: 9/14 , 9/18
    Yellowbeach: 9/15
    Skinnycow: 9/15
    Paranundrum: 9/15
    Berly: 9/17
    Qbbride: 9/18
    Mrsdynamitegal: 9/19
    Patientlywaiting19: 9/20
    Magnolia: 9/20
    Supernovaj: 9/21
    Cstanton13: 9/27
    Sams mom: 9/28
    Jessiemuller88: 9/28
    Umberto: 9/29
    Karenbme: 9/29
    LAZB: TBD

    Best of luck to everyone this month!

  11. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2648 posts

    Well, I’m afraid I may have declared success too early. Line should definitely have some change today vs 2 days ago. I can try to tell myself it looks the same but I know it’s really lighter. I’ll try again tomorrow but I’m pretty sure I know what my beta will be on Tuesday 😔



  12. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @yellowbeach: Sending *hugs.* Please know that I'm not saying this to make you feel better (although I hope it does), but [at least] via media, they all look the same. Once you have your clinical tests run, things will be more definitive. I'm keeping hope that embie Yellowbeach will be fine. 💗

  13. Berly

    cherry / 107 posts

    @magnolia: Congrats!!

  14. karenbme

    persimmon / 1419 posts

    @yellowbeach: I’m with kaohinani, in that the lines look the same to me. Hopefully your RE has good news when you go in for the definitive testing, but know that we’re all here for you, too.

  15. LAZB

    pomegranate / 3904 posts

    @yellowbeach: 😩 I really hope it takes off tomorrow, I was really crossing my fingers it’d be darker today.

  16. Jessiemuller88

    clementine / 973 posts

    @magnolia: omg!!! That’s super positive!! I’m so happy for you! Congrats!

    @Yellowbeach: I think they all look the same! I have hope your line will be darker tomorrow. Hang in there. I know it’s stressful.

  17. Chuckles

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    @yellowbeach: I'm with @jessiemuller88: I think they look similar, but know that we're all here for support. Also, I think it took several days for my lines to get much darker early on. They were pretty similar for a few days in a row, enough that I got worried. But then I waited a few more days and the test line was much, much darker.

  18. QBbride

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @magnolia: WOW those are some nice looking lines!!! Congrats!

    @yellowbeach: I’m sorry you are in limbo. FWIW, as others have said, it looks the same to me (not lighter) but I can understand why you would be stressed. Thinking of you ♥

  19. magnolia

    persimmon / 1168 posts

    @Kaohinani: @QBbride: @Jessiemuller88: @Berly: @yellowbeach: thank you ladies !

    I’m cheering for you all from here on out!

  20. magnolia

    persimmon / 1168 posts

    @yellowbeach: I’m sorry to see your update, I do also still see a line. Hoping for the best

  21. magnolia

    persimmon / 1168 posts

    @skinnycow: Sorry to hear about AF

    your trip sounds fun and like a good distraction. I’m a native NYer so if you have any questions let me know!!

  22. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2648 posts

    Ugh I just started spotting 😢 I’m afraid it’s AF.

  23. QBbride

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    @yellowbeach: oh nooooooo. Really, really, REALLY hoping it’s not 😓😓😓😓😓

    We need some more good news this month!

  24. dc yoga bee

    grapefruit / 4770 posts

    @yellowbeach: oh noooo.

  25. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @yellowbeach: Oh, hun. 😫 I am soooooooo sorry. Spotting isn't "AF," though, so there is still hope. Is there a clinic that could run a quick beta or would you rather wait it out? My heart is breaking 💔 for you at this moment as I know how you must feel! *hugs*

  26. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2648 posts

    @Kaohinani: I’m at work in the ED. Was debating calling he Resident on call and asking if they could bump my beta up a day so we get the delta sooner. Not exactly emergent though - so I don’t want to be a hipocrit and call them for this. Although selfishly I want to shorten my wait.

  27. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @yellowbeach: Tough call! Ethics vs. Emotion. 💗 Honestly, I'd have the same internal struggle. Devil's advocate on this - if a patient came in, pregnant (doesn't matter how far along), and had begun bleeding; wouldn't tests be run? (They did with me at 15 weeks with DS.) Be the patient for once - especially with how much you have invested (emotionally, financially, and in yours and DHs time) into this. You are as important as anyone else. 💙

  28. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2648 posts

    @Kaohinani: I took your advice and called my friend the on call OB Chief. I did have some sharp shooting pain yesterday, which concerned me a tad then but not enough to do anything about it. I’m probably going to end up at my RE in the am for an Us and beta quant.

  29. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @yellowbeach: I am keeping EVERYd#mnTHING crossed for you. Please, keep us updated.

  30. Sams Mom

    grapefruit / 4492 posts

    @yellowbeach: o crap, spotting doesn't mean you're out. I am hoping and praying everything works out and you get great beta levels.

  31. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    Ladies, I'm certain no one will read this as it is a Sunday evening and one of our own has been in distress so I've been silent (and strong in hopes that she has a successful pregnancy) but I'm realizing TTC is getting to me. If my luteal is 12 days I'm 2 days late and if 14, then today, I was due for AF and (thank goodness) she was a no-show. My issue, is that I have been so stressed over my infertility that, in the last week, I have been self-medicating, with alcohol. Most nights only a glass or two. My Fibro has been terrible and I have been trying to ease my pain as well without pain medication since I cannot take Fibro medication (it induces my seizures). I have been a mess. The stress of nearly 3 years TTC makes me cry some nights. I hold strong though because I try to believe that it IS meant to be and I CAN do it. I like to believe that we all can and will (positivity). I digress... My problem is I am finding that I am more and more depressed and in pain with each BFN. I find myself paralyzed to take the next test (the reason for last month's "thing we do not speak of") and can only do so if I drink. Liquid courage, I suppose. Can anyone offer any empathy or sympathy as I sit here exposing my soul and considering deleting my entire account in absolute embarrassment of sharing everything I hold sacred. I am absolutely trying to stay positive about this cycle but with so many negative starts ... this is exhaustive.

  32. Sams Mom

    grapefruit / 4492 posts

    @Kaohinani: don't beat yourself up, and don't delete your account before I drive the next 85 miles of highway to get home and get a better answer

  33. dc yoga bee

    grapefruit / 4770 posts

    @Kaohinani: I’ve been following along you ladies and am holding out so much hope for you all. It is incredibly hard and a lonely journey to be on. I want to remind you that it is okay to feel the way you do. Take some time to just be. I know you’re really into fitness. Can you go for a run? A hike? Some way to feel unconnected? Also, this cake up in my instagram feed today and it was just what I needed today. Hopefully, it brings you a little comfort as well.



  34. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @Sams Mom: @DC Yoga Bee:

    Thank you both so so much. I'm just having such a difficult time and trying maintain my usual positive self. I need positivity outside of "selfspeak." I appreciate your outreach beyond what you would ever assume possible. 💙

  35. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2648 posts

    @Kaohinani: I can definitely release to reaching for that extra glass of wine in Times if stress. I think we are alike in that our minds run wild and get preoccupied. Sometimes the wine can feel like a way to get it out of your head for a bit. Like all things in life, moderation is key, but I always ask myself if the wine will help in the big picture or not.

    I’d be lying if I said the thought of a glass didn’t cross my mind as soon as I got home as I’m so pessimistic about this pregnancy and what I feel is another loss. Not going there yet with the wine or with officially calling this a loss, but definitely feeling like the deck is stacked against me.

    Didn’t help that when I got home and told DH I had talked to the OB and she was concerned and suggested an appointment tomorrow first thing that he said “well why the hell did you even test before your blood test tuesday. If the doctor had thought that was a good idea he would have ordered it earlier but he didn’t. You caused this stress.” 😔

  36. Mrs. Goose

    pear / 1737 posts

    @Kaohinani: I follow along the poas boards and am hoping that your long journey will be over very soon. So many people here are thinking of you and rooting for you. So just know that. I find it comforting that there is this support here.

    @yellowbeach: perhaps he’s saying that out of his own fear/ sadness? I know everyone is hoping for a good outcome for you and your family. ❤

  37. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @yellowbeach: I'm so sorry, 😫 Yellowbeach. Focus on you and not on me. I don't usually consume but as of this last month (especially the last week), between the lack progress in our TTC and the increasing pain from my Fibro, I have been indulging. I prefer not to drink often because of the medications I take and often fear the effect they may have on my fertility since I'm of AMA. However, I've been SO D#MN stressed, and yoga, pilates, massage, and "tumble-time" class with DS isn't cutting it. I feel lost at times even with the most positive thoughts.

    On to you, don't cause yourself unnecessary stress. You have been through and are going through enough for ten people. You and embie Yellowbeach are priority. Do what you need to in order to find out if your special something is viable and keep positive ... You work in a medical field, you have seen "comebacks." I'm keeping faith that there is hope in this +. 💙

  38. Kaohinani

    grapefruit / 4144 posts

    @Mrs. Goose: Thank you so very much. Your words are very comforting. 💙

  39. Sams Mom

    grapefruit / 4492 posts

    @Kaohinani: ok lady. Your optimism is so appreciated here, but it is not required. You do not have to paint on a face for us. We of all people know the shit storm that is trying to conceive. So whatever you need to to relax and cope (as long as it is in moderation as yellowbeach mentioned).

    As to any depression, don't ignore it if it is a problem. Yes you can feel blue sometimes, but if it's a constant there is no shame in therapy and/or meds... Or coming on here and venting about the crap shoot that is trying to get pregnant. Remember first and foremost to take care of yourself, it will make everything else easier.

    And of course you know I'm here for you whenever (I'm just slow on the reply sometimes 😬)

  40. Sams Mom

    grapefruit / 4492 posts

    @yellowbeach: so I'm willing to bet you're husband's reaction was out of stress and worrying on his part... But that was a dick-ish thing to say. Let yourself feel what you need to, don't beat yourself up, and know that one of us is on here at any given time to hear a vent.

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