How do I make it stop?
DS is 15 months and hits me all day long - while I'm cooking, using the bathroom, changing his diaper... breathing. What is the right thing to do or say to let him know it won't be tolerated?
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We tell H "hitting hurts," or "no hitting," or "we don't hit our friends." She kept hitting me the other night because I was leaning on her chair and I took it away and put it in another room.
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D does this to me (and the dog :-/) too. It kind of starts out as patting and then gets a little exuberant. I grab his hand when he's doing it and tell him "gentle hands" and show him what I mean. I think it's gotten better? He seems to be moderately more gentle to the dog I think.
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Oh, and if he's sitting on my lap and he does it and won't stop, I set him on the floor. Which he does NOT like.
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@ShootingStar: I do the same thing if I'm holding him and he hits me. It's just constant... mainly with me. When I tell him to be nice to the cat, he'll stop hitting her and start petting. But with me, it's another story.
@avivoca: those are good ideas!
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I walk away from E when she hits me. If I'm holding her, I set her down and tell her, "you can't hit mommy" and walk away. If i'm in the kitchen cooking, I set her down about 10 feet away from me. Basically, i ignore her for a bit when she does it. I just assume she hits for attention, though. She started to do it quite a bit and then it just stopped as soon as I started walking away. Now she only slaps a little when she gets really excited and I think her energy gets the best of her
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My son is right around the same age. I was so excited to see him when I got home from work yesterday so I scooped him up and got hit all over my head and face. I guess they just get over excited but I will try these techniques too. He also gets crazy legs and kicks me when I change his diaper. It really hurts!
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Around that age is when we started time outs for situations like this. I'd put him in his bed (since it's tough to get them to stay in one place at that age) and say that we don't hit. He usually cries/whines/pouts and I say something like, "Sit there for a minute and when you've calmed down we can try again." After a minute is up and he's calm I ask if he's ready to play nice now, give him a hug, and time out is over. If he does it again I say, "Uh oh, looks like you're still not ready to play nice!" And back to time out he goes. It works really well for my son as long as I'm very consistent about it.
ETA: I'm talking more for when they know they're doing something wrong or keep doing it. If it's the overexcited kind I just get up and walk away.
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@wonderstruck: this is definitely not excited hitting. He's coming up to me and continually hitting me for a reaction. If he hits anyone else, he immediately lays his head on them to apologize but not with me.
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I did similar to @ShootingStar:. if his hitting gets aggressive, I tell him we do not hit! Then tell him gentle and demonstrate. Now when we say "gentle" he knows to back off and pet instead. Sometimes though, it falls on deaf ears. When that happens, I set him on the ground or place him away from us to show him that it is unacceptable. He'll get upset and cry. Once he's done crying, he'll come over to us and snuggle up as his way of apologizing, and all is well again. As if it never happened. Kids. lol
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We are running into this too. I've put him down and told him "no hitting". My mom thinks we can start timeouts, but I don't know if he's too young.
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@Mrs. J: C definitely wouldn't benefit from time out hahaha. Sometimes I wonder if the hitting is related to pain from teething or being tired.
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When DD hits, I tell her, Ow you hurt mommy. We don't hit and I walk away. I gave her like a minute and I say are you ready to say sorry. If she does we hug and I explain why hitting is bad and she needs to use her words. If she is not ready, I walk away again.
So far its working for us. Is your LO using hitting as a way to get your attention?
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@bunnylove08: No. I know he's only 15 months old but he does it knowing it's wrong. He'll hit me in the face or he'll just come up to me and hit me in the arm or leg when I'm playing with him.
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@Ash: does he understand Ouch? if you use the sound and say you hurt me, and walk away he will see that the playing stops when he does that behavior.
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In addition to what everyone else has stated (firm expectations, positive reinforcement, time outs), I found some books on the matter helped. One of our favorites was "I call my hand gentle", and the Best Behavior series by Dr. Agassi
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@bunnylove08: I do say ouch but he just laughs so I don't think he understands.
@Mrs. Pen: Thanks for the book suggestions!
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@Ash: our ped said one minute time outs for a one year old.
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17 comments