My son is 3.5 and has always been a poor sleeper. He stopped napping at home around 3. Still naps at school but not much (they say he sometimes sleeps for maybe a half hour). He recently started refusing to go to bed. Hours and hours of resisting. My husband and I have tried taking away privileges, toys, etc. we’ve tried bribing him with toys. Nothing works. We have no issue sitting in his room until he falls asleep but if we do that he wakes up in the middle of the night calling for us. We’ve tried moving his bedtime later, earlier...nothing works. We are at our whits end. Any suggestions? Commiseration?
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Do you think he'd do well with a visual routine of bedtime that ends with a reward? When we had nap trouble with my son just before he turned 3 we implemented a visual schedule so he could see how things went step by step, and he could move the clothespin from one step to the next which he loved. We were able to wean him off the chart once he didn't need it anymore. We recently introduced an evening sticker chart because he was giving us a hard time leaving his room at bedtime, and was waking up overnight. So far it's had the same positive impact, and he's loving saving up his sticker charts for rewards. For him the visual aspect helps him know what to expect, and it seems to nip the bad behaviors in the bud almost immediately. Happy to send you the charts we've used if you think it might help!
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We had to do a re-sleep training around that age for our son as well. We took advice from a combo of sources (including HB) but the major 2 things we did were 1) introduce a Nighttime Pass. He can use it once to get out of bed but once it's used he's not supposed to get out of bed. 2) if he gets out of bed without a pass it's straight back to bed. The first time it's a gentle "I'm sorry, you used your pass already. Back to bed". 2nd time its "Back to bed". From then on out its a silent guiding back to bed. It took a few nights for it to stick. I think the first night we did it maybe 60-70 times. Then 20-30 the next. And then it seriously dwindled. Definitely took less than a week. It was exhausting for sure but it worked. I remember one piece of advice was that you and your spouse trade off so its a back and forth of who takes them to bed each time. I forget the rationale for that but I do remember it helping. GL!
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@Portboston: commiseration. My former perfect sleeper hit 2.75 and the easy nights were over. We moved him to a bed and it resolved but im sure you already have him in a bed.
how long has this been going on for you? My son is 3 and gets in weird, terrible habits for a few days/weeks....? -
Baby gate? If we didn’t have one I’m sure my 3 year old would be up and down out of his room endlessly some nights!!
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@wrkbrk yeah, we still have a door handle cover on the inside of my 3.5yo's door. Which I know some people think is horrible, etc. But I've had it ever since we moved him out of his crib so he has never know the difference. And honestly, I do not trust him running around the house at night. And he would NEVER go to bed if he knew he could come out of his room. I mean NEVER. At some point it will have to come off for him to use the bathroom, but he still is in a nighttime diaper (never dry at night) so we're not there yet.
Edit - I spent the night with him in a hotel this weekend (we were traveling) and it took him TWO HOURS to fall asleep. And this was after no nap and most of a day at Disney. It's like if someone else is in there with him, he can't resist the temptation to talk/want to play, etc.
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We go through phases of this with DS as well. Where he stalls at bedtime and we practically have to drag him through the steps or he gets no books (which he haaaaaates not getting his books so this can works sometimes). Then repetitive calling out for us to come back for whatever reason, and a little phase where he wanted me to sleep with him because I did when he was sick ONE TIME. The only thing that worked was to say he has his night light, his blanket, stuffie, etc and that after the first call out, we wouldn’t come back and we would see him in the morning. He would scream and protest but we would stand our ground. 1-2 nights and done. I would also not hesitate to put a door handle lock if you need to, if he keeps getting out of bed repetitively. Us going in seemed to rev him up more and more rather than calm him and the next night it would always be worse.
Maybe play up the big boy aspect as well that he has a cool big boy bed and big boys stay in bed, etc.
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Thanks for all the advice ladies!
I am all for locking the door/putting up a gate but my husband is a softie and ends up caving. I’m pretty sure he’s close to the point of doing it but we’re not quite there yet.
We’re going full on bribe now with a star chart. 5 stars and he gets a remote controlled car that he’s been wanting. He insisted on sleeping with it last night (still in the box). Whatever keeps him quiet in his bed!!! He got up 3x last night before falling asleep, for somewhat legitimate reasons. Which is a low record for the past two weeks!
Hopefully tonight goes just as well!!
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