AND SHE'S NOT EVEN MY NANNY ANYMORE. WTF?????

*Warning this is long and ramble-y but I'm fuming and need to vent. My mind is just spinning.

Ok, some of you are familiar with my former nanny drama and if you're not - here it is for your reading pleasure.
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-advice-im-mad-and-need-an-unclouded-perspective/page/2#post-2642131

@anagram: @winniebee: @lbee: and @gingerbebe: I'm especially looking at you since you helped me a lot in the past!

Basically, she is STILL without a job (Tues and Thurs) so I have been still occasionally posting on our local FB moms groups AND in a more curated local mommyblog where I am paying $85 to place the ad for her. I've done it twice so its been $170 out of pocket because I'm trying to be nice, its supposedly better leads, etc.
And on top of that, we paid her THREE MONTHS severance, still use her once a month or so for babysitting because I know she needs the cash, I gave her a small birthday gift in January when she babysat, etc. She has said repeatedly that we are the best employers she ever had, etc. You can see some of the things we did for her in the other thread as well - lots of history there.

Anyway, I posted to FB again this week and also on a local moms blog. I wrote a glowing recommendation (I didn't lie, I just focused on the things she did well and if someone calls me for a reference and asks a specific question about one of her weaknesses I would be honest, maybe slightly sugar coat because I don't want to blackball this woman but I also don't want to screw over another mom).
I told her I did this and she said thank you. I'm afraid to post my exact ad because there might be some local moms here and it would out me!

Well, I've given her info out to maybe 10-15 different moms over the last 48 hours or so. Today I get this text from her:

Hi XXXXXX, when you speak to anyone about job description please do not mention house work or what you paid me they all have this notion that I do house work I did that for you because it was how you were with me and I went on some websites and noticed all the parents looking for part time was paying 20 and 25 dollars an hour so just do not mention those two things thank you

I'M FUCKING FLOORED. Sorry for the language. But I'm really pissed. I let you go 5 months ago. You still have no job. I really owe you NOTHING and I have still gone out of my way to post 4 ads for you 2-3 times since I let you go. The best part...I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION HOUSEWORK OR PAY IN ANY OF MY ADS! The one I had to pay for requires that you select for housework: None, Light or Heavy. I chose light because sorry, but its pretty much a requirement where we live - when kids nap for hours a day or go to school you have to do some work, its not break time - wipe counters, clean up lunch, put away toys, fold clothes, etc. No one is asking you to scrub toilets or clean out a fridge - don't act like you did me some favor because you wiped down the counter that you messed up after you made my son a PB sandwich. I specifically stopped the nanny several times from doing too much because I told her that wasn't part of her job (like if she started to fold MY laundry or sweep the floor, which IMO could still be considered her domain but I didn't want to muddy the waters so I kept it to kid-related chores only). IF MULTIPLE PEOPLE ARE ASKING YOU TO DO HOUSEWORK AND ARE OFFERING $17/HR ITS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IS EXPECTED. They came to that conclusion on their own, not because of a single thing I wrote. Maybe YOU are wrong about what your job is. And just now one of the moms messaged me and said "I spoke to her but not sure what to do because she sounds like she literally just wants to sit with the baby and do nothing else. What did she do for you?" I mean, is that not insane? And she wants me to not tell them what she did do for me? And now I'm not even sure how to reply to this woman because I WANT to say "forget it, she is a dud". I don't even want to help her or say anything nice anymore.

So now I am trying to decide how to handle this. The pissed part of me wants to send a sort of scathing reply and just delete the ads I wrote for her on FB and wash my hands of it. I feel that I've gone above and beyond and she is still being picky about the people who contact her and making it my problem when its not. You have the audacity to criticize my post? Even if I DID post that you do light housework and what I paid you, STFU and just say thanks that I'm even helping you. Or start by saying "thank you for posting, i really appreciate it as i know its not something you have to do. Can I ask a huge favor? blah blah blah"

Here is what I drafted in my blind rage but haven't sent. Is this my years of frustration with her boiling over or is it an acceptable thing to say?
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Well first of all I haven't told anyone how often I paid you or what I paid you because I don't want to be that involved. I don't even know what you are being paid right now so I can't even answer that accurately.
And secondly, xxxxxxxx website makes you choose from the options: no housework, light or heavy. I chose light because you won't be able to find a job that doesn't expect child's laundry, cleaning after his meals and picking up his toys - I think that is implied with the job. If I put "no housework" I think no one would contact you. That is how they define light housework on their website (wiping counters, tidying toys, etc. during nap or while at school). If someone is asking for more than that it is not because of anything I said. I didn't mention housework at all on the Facebook posts.
And if you think you should get more money an hour for doing light housework then you can tell them that's what you charge. You can say it's X with housework and Y with no housework. I haven't given them any rate information so you can tell them whatever you want, its not on me.
Also, I feel like you are always implying, even after the fact, that we didn't pay you enough when we paid you the rate you gave us. There wasn't any negotiating. You told us your rate and we paid it. We gave raises each year on top of extremely generous bonuses. If you want more you should tell the moms who are inquiring you want more, nothing is stopping you. But I will be honest, I have TONS of friends at this point who have nannies and I've never once heard of them paying more than $21 and that was for 2 kids. Average for one kid is $17, almost everyone I know pays that. I'm not sure where you get that info or who these nannies are that fetch $20-25/hr. Maybe they are through agencies who notoriously charge more or maybe they are being paid on the books. I know not one person that pays that much though, especially for one who won't do any housework. So if that's what you're holding out for, you will probably be waiting a long time.
Good luck and I will be a reference as needed but I think that since we are coming up on 5 months, and you seem to be unhappy with my ads, this will probably be my last time posting one for you.
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The timid part of me thinks to say "I said nothing about housework or pay. They are coming to that conclusion on their own" and leaving it at that. But then I'm like - I want to cut ties and I think being nice at all to this woman, or anything short of blunt or even rude, keeps the door open and I want it to be closed. I don't plan to ever post for her again and I won't be using her for babysitting anymore. I'm SERIOUSLY now ready to be done with her. We are oil and water - she is toxic for me and I just need to cut her out of my life. But she texts me like every week or every other week to say hi and ask how my son is and to inform me that she's still looking. Do I just ghost her and stop replying?

HALLLLLP. My being overly kind and empathetic towards her is biting me in the ass and I'm not sure what to do.
Please answer with what you'd REALISTICALLY do - not what you'd do in your imagination (because in a dream world I wouldn't even have to ask you ladies, I know what I'd like to do, haha).