We are in cycle 23? TTC #2. The opportunity for a private adoption of a newborn due in April has come up. Nothing has been signed at this point, and it may end up going nowhere, but if it were you would you continue TTC? Switch to NTNP? Or switch to actively TTA for the next few months.
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How far are you down the line with adoption? Are you in direct contact with the birth mother? Have y'all met? Has she expressed that you are the people she would like to move forward with concerning raising her child? Unless those things were in place, I would not put anything on hold. I would preferably want paperwork.
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@LBee: this is a wild situation. The mother's mom works for my sister. The Grandma was speaking of her daughter's desire to give this baby up for adoption. She said they wanted to do private local for the chance that her 3 y/o daughter would be able to know her sibling someday. The mother has spoke with my sister extensively because she wanted a feel for us before meeting us. She is 95% committed to adoption, she went as far as to drive out of state for an abortion then decided against it and settled adoption is the best for everyone.
We're supposed to meet next week after Christmas sometime.
No contracts are in place, this is still early stages. I know it's early, but April isn't far away at all. I know I'm getting my hopes up for something that isn't a guarantee, but I still also POAS early every cycle in hopes that this is the one. π€·ββοΈ
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In this situation, I would not personally stop TTC until the moment it became a plan, not just an opportunity. Even then, I'd probably just NTNP.
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@smuckers: with my luck I'll have babies born within a few months of each other
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@Sams Mom: With that data, I would continue to TTC. Best / worst case scenario - both happen and you have twinblings. Worst / worst case scenario - you aren't pregnant, you've put things on hold, and the adoption didn't happen. Even if you got pregnant today you'd have 5-6 months to get into the swing of things.
Sounds like a crazy situation, good luck!
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@Sams Mom: I mean, worked out for Mrs. Train
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@smuckers: and I think Mrs Starfish (but her's are through IVF if I remember right)
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Hmm I would just NTNP then. April is not far away so if this doesn't work out, you should be able to actively TTC soon enough?
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I would keep TTC! You have no guarantee of getting a baby either way so I'd just keep going unless ending up with two close together would be financially/emotionally difficult for you.
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@Sams Mom: You already know my stance on this because we email. I would TTC until the moment those adoption papers are signed and the baby is born and I am holding it ... but that is me, of course.
At any point, being filled with emotion and hormones, she can change her mind (or, Heaven's forbid lose the baby) and you could be left without the tiny bundle you signed up for. Besides, statistically, you have been TTC for 2 years, so 3-5 more "precautionary" months of TTC to "see what happens" (NTNP) may have a 5% chance of working (compared to 10-20% when actively TTC). Consider what if if you don't fall pregnant because you stopped AND the adoption falls through? Would you "woulda, shoulda, coulda" yourself for it? As stated, I would keep plugging along and consider what is meant to happen will happen. Either you will have a baby or adopt a baby (or both) but in any scenario, you will be a much happier mama.
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Keep humpin' because you know as soon as you sign those adoption papers you're going to get pregnant
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@snowjewelz: that's why I considered that, especially since I feel we should have something in the works in the next couple months.
@skinnycow: that's what I'm unsure of. I'd definitely be done at 3 kids, but 2 so close but so far apart in milestones/development sounds scary.
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@pachamama:
@Kaohinani: I love that you came with statistics! I feel like I've had such shit luck I can't get pregnant, but once that becomes the mindset here I am pregnant with twins and adopting a newborn
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@Sams Mom:
"Bo knows baseball" as well as "Kao know infertility!" -
I would keep ttc at least until there is more of a set plan. Even if she commits, Iβd still not prevent
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I'd go for the TTC!
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I don't know that it's good so many are agreeing with me
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I say keep TTC! Goodluck!!
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I'd use this as a chance to take a break from ttc being so stressful. I'd still make sure you're having a ton of sex and time decently but perhaps back off on opks etc. (You can temp easy now and just use that to know when o has passed
I've got everything crossed for you that you'll get preggo or get to at this baby. I know there's a baby out there for you -
@MamaBear87: It's like you know I'm crazy/TTC rabid.
I really should relax some, and maybe thinking I'm going to adopt will relax me, so if it falls through I'll be relaxed enough to have conceived on my own.
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@Sams Mom: you know it would be good for you to chill a bit
But I certainly wouldn't prevent while this is going on. You can mail me all your opks though. I'll keep them safe while you take a break
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@MamaBear87: I ordered OSOMs last week (monkey covering eyes because I'm on a desktop) but haven't bought any OPKs in about 6 weeks
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@Sams Mom: Your memory is spot on for me - it happened for me with IVF. When we first signed on for surrogacy, I couldn't take any more and I stopped trying IVF cycles. As things took longer and longer, I couldn't *not* be doing something so I dove back in.
All that to say, I sort of did both (try and not try) when faced with a similar situation and I think both were totally the right choice at the time based on my emotional state and needs. I have to imagine that the adoption process is a roller-coaster so I would just ask yourself how much you can take on right now emotionally speaking.
As for the "best / worst case scenario" that you have twinblings, I'm obviously of the opinion that that's a pretty sweet outcome.
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@Mrs. Starfish: The only other time I've been neurotic like this is:
I have worked on car engines since I was 8, jump forward to 16. I knew how cars worked. I knew how transmissions worked. I knew how engines worked... But I couldn't drive a stick for the life of me. I knew the mechanics and I just couldn't make it work. In this case perseverance finally paid off and I can drive a stick... but I don't think it's working like that on the TTC front.
I don't know what I can and can't handle sometimes. Like do I push through and it will happen, or figure out how to accept this lot (and my son is a pretty sweet lot let me tell you) and maybe end up with a happy surprise. For some damn reason being able to drive my dad and uncles hot rods was worth the crazy... but I don't know if the crazy is worth the stress now a days (albeit much more important than being able to drive a fast car).
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@Sams Mom: progress! I so hope you get a squish out of this. However it happens
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@Sams Mom: Ok, I am definitely not great at stick but I totally feel where you are right now. The whole process for me was so damn irritating because in every other thing in my life, it I worked harder or better, I could reach my goal. Infertility wasn't like that and it made me so bitter and angry. So much so that I *still* get pissed off when people hear my story and they are like "Oh wow, I hear that this happens all the time - adopt and relax and then you get pregnant".
No, just no, there's so much more to any story like that - it's not that simple, you know?
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@Mrs. Starfish: yep. There isn't anything else out there (maybe natural talent in arts or sports) that you can understand so well, but not be able to duplicate.
I've definitely had the "I KNOW HOW TO MAKE BABIES WHY CAN'T I MAKE BABIES" fit.
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@Sams Mom: It just sucks and I'm so sorry that it is happening to you. I really hope that things turn your way soon. It can be hard to be hopeful when it's been such a long road, so I'm going to be hopeful on your behalf.
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I would keep going, and if they both happen then I'd just take it on and let it be a part of our story. I totally understand it would be a challenge at first though!
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@Sams Mom: it actually happened to Mrs Train too. She adopted and then got pregnant with twins. I think theyβre about 9 months apart?
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@Miss Ariel: you're going to give me a heart attack
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@Sams Mom: I would keep TTC. You just never know what is going to happen. A coworkers son had three adoptions fall through, one they even had the baby for a few weeks but the mom changed her mind.
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It doesn't sound like you are going through an agency so you are probably good to keep TTC. @Miss Ariel: is right. I adopted my son and had twins 8.5 months later. My agency had a rule to not place newborns with pregnant moms and asked that all infertility treatments stop during the adoption phase but my twins weren't from infertility they were just a surprise and because I got pregnant after they placed my son with us the placement wasn't disrupted. They are now all in fourth grade and doing fine. I might have a few extra grey hairs poking through but other than that I have survived as well. So if I am your worst case scenario, go for it. We have a crazy and chaotic life but we love it!
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