My DS is almost 20 months. For at least the last 3 months, anytime he has been outside and I make him come inside he has an absolute meltdown. Any suggestions to help him get over this? Or is this just an age thing and will pass?
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I point out something that will be inside that she loves. Like, "DD, lets go inside and see our kitties!" "DD, lets go play with [thing she loves]" Or I bribe her with a snack - that's the most effective, although probably the least sound parenting advice
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@renee0106: you may already be doing this, but do you give a warning? I do "one more slide" with my 2 year old, then I tell him what fun thing we're doing next-snacks are a good incentive!. He'll often push it and take 3 more slides and make me chase him, but then we can go without too much drama, maybe a little crying for a minute.
I may just be lucky though. This morning he cried over his giraffe book for 5 minutes and I have no idea why.
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@Dahlia: Hey, it's worth a shot! I'll have to try something like that!
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@macintosh: Yeah I haven't really tried warnings yet. Maybe I do need to give him some advance notice that we're going inside. I know I don't give him enough credit for how much he actually understands. I'll have to try this next time too!
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@renee0106: I wish I had better advice, since we dealt with this BAD when my girl was the same age. Only we would be outside at a playground two short blocks away, so I would have to wrestle her kicking and screaming into her stroller, then up the stairs to our condo.
I tried warnings (5 minutes, one more minute, one more slide...). It got to the point where she would ask me to set the timer on my phone, watch it count down, then start screaming when the timer went off, so that didn't really work for us. Sticker reward charts helped briefly. Snacks didn't really help since we were going home for dinner usually.
Mostly she just outgrew it, eventually, but I stopped going to the playground as often because of it.
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@Foodnerd81: Yeah we have ended up not going outside as much because of this and I just hate it! I kind of wondered if its just an age thing, hopefully he'll outgrow it soon!
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My 21 month old is the same way. He LOVES being outside and coming inside is always a meltdown. However, I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS give a TON of advanced warning and notice. It does not stop the meltdown... but I do think it helps and the fact that I am always consistent about it, I think he is learning what it means. For example: in 5 minutes we are going to go inside. When we go inside we can get a snack and a drink of water. In 2 minutes... in 1 minute... in 10 seconds... okay, now it's time to go inside. Can you walk inside or do you need me to help you? If he won't go, I pick him up and carry him in. He still usually has a mini-meltdown but it used to be a lot worse. And I tell him, "I hear you, you are feeling angry that we had to go inside. I know you love to play outside. Now, it is time to cool off inside and have a snack, but we will go back out side ____ (after nap, after lunch, whatever)." Repeat as needed to validate his feelings, I give him hugs.
I use this strategy for all transitions now and it has helped - i.e. taking a bath, turning off the water in the bathtub, going upstairs to get ready for bed, etc. It's not perfect. His meltdowns are WAY worse when he is overtired, so I just recognize that. And I think I have come to realize that it is part of life with a toddler! So I don't let it bother me as much. It's going to happen! I give him lots of advanced warnings and then give voice to his feelings/narrate what is happening when he does get upset (a la Janet Lansbury).
I am not a fan of trying to bribe to get him to come inside or transition to the next activity without a meltdown (i.e. if you come inside you can get a cookie! or whatever). He has to learn about transitions.
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I had to start setting a timer on my phone. I will tell her 2 more minutes and when we hear the alarm lets run as fast as we can inside! It works 9 out of 10 times. If we really need to get moving inside I'm not above using snacks as a bribe
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We also have had success with warnings/countdowns, and the phone timer is a good one as well - B seems to think that he can't argue with "Siri" (because I tell Siri to set a timer for five minutes).
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@MrsADS: Omg turning off the bath water. That's another one of his current issues. Those are great points! I definitely need to be consistent in what I do. I'm definitely going to try the advance warnings.
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We do the mama-buzzer. "Finish playing because we're going inside in five minutes when the buzzer goes off." Wait any amount of time, because at least they can't tell time yet. "Ding ding ding! Time to go in!"
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At that age, we do warnings but don't use time warnings (i.e., "5 more minutes"). We usually say "okay, we're going home soon but you can pick one/two more things to do and we leave. Got it?" Slides are the easier - once they go down i pick them up and walk over to our bike/car/etc. to leave.
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I give a warning. Sometimes it's "5 more minutes" or sometime it's "next time you put that chalk in your mouth!"
It doesn't always stop the melt down. I think that's normal.
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We did transitions that he could identify, it works for all kinds of things. Time based transitions didn't work, but saying "two more times down the slide" was more successful.
Time based warnings, with a timer, are just now starting to work at the age of 6.
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I struggle with this with both my boys (3 and 1). I try to give warnings and sometimes use a timer, but food helps too!
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We use a kitchen timer that beeps REALLY loud. For some reason, using timers not on our phones worked better for my son. It was this outside entity that enforced the rules. We did have meltdowns with the timer, but at 2.5 years old, we use the timer for lots of things and he doesn't question it any more for the most part. In the beginning, we just set the timer for 2 minutes and said when it beeps, we gotta move to the next thing. Once he became compliant, we changed it to 1 minute. We always give a warning first like "okay, when the alarm goes off in 2 minutes, we have to go home." Then we make him look at us and give verbal acknowledgement like "okay Mommy." And then we just enforce the alarm.
When he complies, even when its after a meltdown and he's sniffling, we praise lavishly about what a good boy he is and SOMETIMES we give a reward, like 2-3 fruit snacks or something. I'm totally not above bribing, but I do it on my terms (i.e. randomly) so its not an expectation. (We DO have bribes for potty use and nail clipping that he knows to demand from me, but I can live with that).
Anyways, its TOTALLY NORMAL for that age and you're doing a great job.
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Chloroform?
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I have no good advice, just wanted to say we are dealing with the same thing times two. T thinks it's funny to be chased and we are trying not to play chase much at all right now. I'm also trying not to ask him if he is ready to do things unless he actually has a choice. For some reason that's what comes naturally to me so I have to catch myself so I don't just get a "NO" every time.
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As pp's have said I've had luck giving warnings and also setting my timer. I also say once timer goes off that dd can do one more thing whatever she wants. I think it makes her feel like she's kind of in control and able to "decide". My best luck comes from making her think or feel that she has a say and that I'm not forcing her to do something.
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@Mrs. Turtle: I had to be careful about asking if he was ready at times as well. I started the choice of "Do you want to walk or be carried?" "Do you want Mommy or Daddy to tuck you in?"
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@Mrs. Toad: Yeah it's a hard habit to break. Up until a couple of months ago the answer was always yes so it was safe. Unfortunately it's challenging to carry both kids if they're both screaming and wiggling so I really try to get them to walk in!
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I bought a small hourglass from Amazon that lasted 2-3 minutes when my son was around that age for transitions. He knew that once all the sand was gone, we would have to stop doing what we were doing. Might be a helpful tool to try. I can try to find which one we end up ordering if you are interested. It was glass so not ideal but I ordered it based on it lasting a relatively short amount of time.
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I usually find a way to get her to leave somewhere peacefully. These are things that I do/say...
1. When I get home, I'll tell her we're going to eat dinner, then we can play outside for a little bit, then we come inside to get ready for bed
2. Give tons of warnings through out. Alright, time to play! Remember, we will play for while then go back inside. Ok, after this activity we will go inside or ok, 5 more minutes then we'll go inside
3. Find something enticing in the next step. Obviously, going inside to get ready for bed isn't enticing (unless it's bath days and I'll give her a "new" toy in bath, or let her blow bubbles in there, etc). There is a bird next on our deck, so last time we were out, I told her we need to quietly go inside so that mommy bird can feel safe and feed her baby birds. She complied, to my surprise, haha. Or sometimes I just say well baby sister is tired so I'm going inside to change her and she usually doesn't want to be left alone.
She's in a phase where she likes to "help"... So sometimes I'd say wow I think daddy (who's inside) really needs some help and she'll run in haha!
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Oh yeah, we also started introducing controlled choices at this age. So when we leave the park for dinner, for instance, I will say "Okay, we gotta go eat dinner. Should we have CARROTS with dinner or CUCUMBER?" He'll say "CARROTS!" And then I'll say "Okay! Should we have STRAWBERRIES with dinner or PINEAPPLE?" - "PINEAPPLE!" This is happening while we walk away from the park and is a nice distraction for him and helpful in meal planning for mommy.
We also did the distraction by choice thing a lot in the mornings with outfits. This shirt or this shirt? These socks or these socks? Blue water bottle or green water bottle? Especially if the choice could be in the location/setting of the next transition. Don't want to get out of bed? Pick a t-shirt. Don't want to leave the room to go to the kitchen? Pick a breakfast food. Don't want to get in the car? Pick a hat.
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@Mrs. Turtle: Luckily, I'm only trying to carry one. He's gotten better but I now can't carry him while carrying the 4 month old. Good luck. You can always try "Do you want to walk or hop or run, etc?"
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@Mrs. Turtle: @Ajsmommy: @Mrs. Toad: Ooo I like letting them be able to "decide." I hoping he's old enough to get that. What age did you guys start trying this?
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@Alba4: That will be me in one year. I have a 6 month old too! I can't imagine having two running around and trying to get two of them inside.
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@renee0106: I don't remember when I started. DS is a late talker, but he could understand for a while. I'd start and let him make a choice. Just make sure that you are good with whatever choice he makes.
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I give a warning of time, then a second warning of a shorter time. When we are somewhere like the playground (which is really hard to leave) I let her push the button to start a timer on my phone. When it goes off she gets to do two more things (slide/swing/climb/whatever) and then we go.
Also a silly game like "can you stomp like a giant" "tiptoe like a fairy" works sometimes.
I love this little song:
I traveled far across the sea, I met a gnome and old was he
I said to him, "where do you live", And this is what the gnome told me
Come with me to jumping land, jumping land, jumping land
If you wish to live with me, follow me to jumping land
...running land
...stomping land
...skipping land
...tiptoe land
...running land
...hopping land -
We give a five minute warning and a two minute warning in almost all situations. Then we sing two little songs from Daniel Tiger:
"It's almost time to stop so pick one more thing to do"
"That was fun but now we're done"
Letting her pick the final thing she does seems to help, and then acknowledging that we had a great time but we need to move on. It works the vast majority of the time.
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@renee0106: oh one other thing that sometimes work, but probably isn't the best thing to do, I act like I'm going to leave her. Ok you won't come home with me? I guess you'll sleep at the park. I'll see you tomorrow! At first she would come running after me crying, which felt horrible but honestly not worse than carrying her screaming under one arm and a screaming poopy newborn in the other arm. But at least she would come. She's almost four now and I sill sometimes have to do that, but she just smiles and comes with me now usually when I say it.
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OMG my 20-month old is having major tantrums lately too... I am finding that I have to motivate him indoors with something. So I'll say lets go inside and have a snack, or, let's go find your Lightning McQueen car, or, why don't you go get XYZ... etc --- so he will voluntarily go in and get whatever. It doesn't work EVERY time, but it definitely helps!
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I can't remember what age this started to become fun, but we set a timer to see if our older son could do something in a certain amount of time. So if it's taking off his clothes for bath, we'd set a timer for 2 minutes and tell him he has to have his clothes off by the time 2 minutes passes. We've done that with DS2 (he's 20 months as well), and will do it to go inside...he'll hear the timer go off, smile, and take off. We'll make it a game to pick him up, tickle him and carry him inside so he's happy and smiling as we do it to make it more fun.
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@Foodnerd81: Oh I not above doing that at all. I wonder if my DS would even care. Lol.
@hellobeeboston: Glad to know I'm not alone! I just need to figure out what is going to motivate him, he's pretty hot and cold as to what he even likes each day.
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Definitely timers/advanced warning. Also sometimes a choice of "do you want 2 more minutes or 3 more minutes?" Or choices about what comes next-- lo1 often resists bath until we ask what colors she wants in the tub (we put in little dissolving color tabs)
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