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I do not understand this "dropping in" thing. It happened when I was visiting my mom recently after she had surgery. We all have cell phones now! Can you not call or text, "I'm in the area - good time to swing by?"
The dinner part is one thing but I'd be inclined to just say, "Hey, please shoot us a text before you drop in unannounced next time." Maybe it is regional/generational/etc. but I would be so grumpy to host anyone unplanned no matter the time of day!
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i love random drop ins and also do the same to peeps in our neighborhood as we wander the neighborhood a bit, but not at dinner time and if they were eating, i WOULD NOT STAY! and not if it happened at dinner, more than once. that's rude/weird and i would definitely have DH talk to them. also weird because they live 30 minutes away, so it's not like they're walking by!
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Maybe it is a southern thing? It's completely normal for people to just pop in and vice versa where I live. My MIL always cooks extra as if she expects people to just show up, and they do all the time lol.
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This would give me so much anxiety. It is not hard to send someone a text and ask if it's a good time!
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@Josina: You are very patient and a Big person for being able to say you will try to let it go. I would freak out if this became a common occurence, just my personality. A couple times is fine, I get it can happen, eventhough I would never do such a thing unannounced and unplanned and I never go to anyone's house empty handed, it's the proper thing to do to bring something to whomever's house one goes to visit, even if it's family. After a few times of this happening I would flip out at my husband that he needs to fix this and if BIL kept doing it despite what my husband said to him, I'd probably end up saying something to him myself, if I feel someone has pushed me to it, I have no problem with confrontation. I hope things will get better for you, hopefully they'll stop with the surprise visits or bring dinner for all of you!
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I have a Greek mentality - if you stop over at my house unannounced I'm gonna feed you til you can't eat no more. Whether that means picking up a take away, putting some frozen pastries in the oven, making some salad, cheeses, pickles and olives. When I was a kid it was always a given that uncles, unties and cousins would ring the bell in the late afternoon and stay for dinner - we did the same thing to them! In fact, if someone came unannounced and I didn't prepare a quick dinner for everyone I'd be totally embarrassed .
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I would not be ok with people showing up unannounced. I need time to prepare and plan for guests. My place is usually a mess. We have two full time jobs. The family calendar is crazy. My husband and I are both introverted and value down time. The food prep, while annoying, is secondary to the lack of invitation.
It is unfortunate that you didn't turn them away politely the first time, because now there is a precedent.
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@FannyMae: That actually sounds really great, and like a great childhood being able to do that and have an open-door policy with family.
@ElbieKay: I actually can't imagine just turning them away, like sorry, we're eating, get your four kids back in the van and drive 30 minutes back home. Eek. I wouldn't do it to my own siblings, so I can't expect DH to do it to his. -
@josina: I think it might be time for you to return the favour and visit them unannounced one night.....pack a picnic in the car just in case they're not as hospitable though!! haha
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Sorry I don't have enough money to feed 6 guests every week unreciprocated. Sorry..... not sorry.
In other words, this situation is SO weird to me. We grew up down the street from my cousins (family of 5) and we would have never come over as a family unannounced, even though we were decently close.
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New idea: can you guys have a standing dinner every week and rotate? Say it's hard to accommodate them when they just drop in but if you can plan for it, it would be way less stressful and it would be more enjoyable for everyone. That makes clear u don't like it when he drops by but doesn't make you inhospitable.
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This happens to us regularly with a members from both sides of the family. I almost always double recipes so I have leftovers, so we thankfully usually have enough for all. (Just don't have lunches for ourselves the next day anymore). Our problem is that it's just adults this happens with, so we can't just pull our mac and cheese or chicken nuggets lol. I always feel awkard myself and push dinner back a bit thinking they'll leave, but they usually don't. Then, we get the oh it's okay we don't need to eat, but it's the awkward, so you're just going to watch us eat? Nope, they usually end up making plates also.
We never do this to anyone, so I don't understand it.
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