Hellobee Boards

I had sobbing crying fits for a week, my Mom would be downstairs with the baby and I'd be upstairs curled up with DH. That leveled out. Although I was never diagnosed with PPA I had a lot of invasive thoughts and regularly saw my therapist who I started seeing during pregnancy. I hope it clears quickly for you but if not don't keep it to yourself.

I was shocked by how hard the "I will never have a minute to myself ever again, why did I do this my life was so nice before!" thoughts hit me. New babies just need you so much and it's so overwhelming. But think of it this way - if it didn't get easier nobody would ever have a second one, right?

Do your best to let everything go. If the laundry is full and all the dishes are dirty and you have no food then eat takeout off paper plates and wear dirty clothes and nap when you can, even if you just lie down by yourself with your eyes closed for 20 minutes. And don't be afraid to talk about it and ask for help.

YES! The baby blues are 100% real and 1000% difficult! I was exactly the same way! I felt so anxious all the time and I couldn't ever get enough sleep. I'd lay away stressed about not getting enough sleep and having to get up in an hour just to feed the baby again and have the horrible cycle start over. And I regretting even wanting a baby and feared I had ruined our lives forever. And I would just break down bawling over ANYTHING. Sometimes I didn't even know why I was crying. And I lived in FEAR of my husband returning back to work. He ended up staying home longer and then working from home part time because my anxiety was at an all-time high. I have NEVER been prone to depression or anxiety and the baby-blues made me feel like a crazy person! It didn't help that I was breastfeeding and breastfeeding was HARD.

But it DOES get better!!!! Every week was a little bit better than the week before and between 6-8 weeks, I finally came out of my fog and started to feel like a normal human being. That was also went I felt like I truly was starting to love my child (loving them isn't always instant like so many people claim) and I no longer regretted having him.

I promise it will get better!

The first two weeks are the hardest. If you don't feel generally improved after a month, I'd suggest talking to your OB.

Yes, it absolutely gets better. I agree that people don't talk enough about how hard it is to bring home a new baby. I think some people end up with relatively easy situations, where their baby sleeps alot and they have lots of family help, etc. In my case, my baby did not sleep, she cluster fed every hour for like the first 3 weeks straight, she was super cranky, and my family's idea of "help" was to hold her when she was sleeping and leave when she woke up and cried. I was an absolute wreck, not to mention I went through some serious mama bear stuff where I started to get seriously angry if anyone other than DH asked to hold the baby. I was on the lookout for PPD, but in retrospect, I think I had PPA instead which went untreated. Definitely keep assessing yourself for issues like that. But in the first couple weeks, it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed.

I feel like things got better in stages for us. We got into a rhythm after maybe a week or two, she started sleeping a bit better, I got more confident. We went through some setbacks (MSPI, sleep regressions) and I definitely felt at times like we were looking into a black hole. But I distinctly remember when she was 5 or 6 months old suddenly realizing that life was pretty good again.

Yes, it does get better. Only it takes time. It's going to take a few weeks just to recover physically, find a new routine, and get baby to sleep on a more reasonable schedule.

This might be counter intuitive, but make taking care of yourself a priority. If the baby cries for five minutes while you grab a bite to eat, he'll be fine and you'll feel stronger. And that feeling that you've no idea what you're doing will go away before you know it. And if you feel like it's been a while but things are not getting better, look for help - maybe support from your OB, maybe help with the daily grind, maybe both...

It gets better, I promise. It gets wonderful. But those early days are brutal. I did have horrible PPA which blighted the first 2yrs of my oldest's life, but even that got better with therapy. I was well with my second but it was still super tough - it got better around 6 weeks. Big hugs.

@Goldengirl: Hang in there it does get better. The hormones do make you feel high and low. It wont always be like this.But if you continue to feel so low do talk to your OB about it.

It gets so much better. I had a really hard time at first too. I realized I have high sleep needs after LO was born and I struggled so much not having any control over if or when I would sleep again.

Do what you need to do to get through this phase. Do you have family that could help? If not, consider getting a postpartum baby nurse (they will help you be a more confident Mom).

Ask for and accept help (meals, help with laundry, etc).

Ask DH for help. I was having trouble shutting my brain off to sleep. He stepped up and made sure I got an uninterrupted chunk of time to sleep. I would hand off LO right after feeding and I'd go to bed. He would "be in charge" and would wake me when LO needed to eat again. Knowing I would get some time to sleep made the biggest difference to my mental and physical health.

@Kitkat: Amen to the new moms group! I joined one when LO was 5 weeks old and it felt so good to know I wasn't alone in some of the thoughts and feelings I was having. We had 10 new moms and all but 1 felt many of the same feelings @Goldengirl: mentioned in her original post. The "this will never end I ruined my life" feelings were spot on for 9/10 of the women.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Having a baby is HARD! I had baby blues with my first two, maybe PPD but never diagnosed. My third is 2 months and somehow the baby blues have stayed away this time. The only difference is I'm taking Vitamin D this time. My levels were super low when tested at the beginning of my last pregnancy (never tested before then) and Dr. Google says vitamin D deficiency may be linked with depression. I'm not a doctor to say if it is linked, but I have noticed such a huge difference that I would recommend getting your levels checked. And talk to your nurse or doctor about it too. You should see if they have any other suggestions. Also, getting out of the house and seeing people can be a major boost. Hang in there and I hope you start to feel better soon.

@goldengirl I'm glad I read this board because now that I'm 1 week PP I am feeling the same way! How are you doing now?

@Goldengirl: it lasted more than 2 weeks for me - I think I didn't start feeling back to myself until at least 8-9 weeks post partum when my baby's sleep lengthened. I had a really rough time and it peaked when he was 5 weeks old then it just slowly (very slowly) got better until one day I sat down and realized I finally felt like myself again. So it does get better, for sure! Just take it day by day, go into survival mode, and one day you'll look back at this and give someone else who's having a hard time the same advice.

I wish I had known when my son was born that I would eventually find him to be amazing, and that I would eventually enjoy parenting. It would have made everything a lot easier if I'd had faith it would get better. Everyone is different, but please know that the odds are high that eventually you will think your child is awesome even if your life feels out of control right now.

It's really hard. Honestly, I did not really start to turn the corner until my son started to crawl at 7.5 months. The first few months were consumed with sleep deprivation and breastfeeding challenges. Then I had to adjust back to work (while still sleep deprived and pumping). Then there was the four-month sleep regression. And then at around 6mo we had a terrible vacation where my son was super demanding. (My husband and I were convinced we would never enjoy a vacation again!) In hindsight, I think my son was frustrated that he could not get around on his own.

Once he started crawling, he was a little better at entertaining himself. And I remember 10mo being a fun age. Just really smiley and interested in everything. Then he started walking. And talking. And that is when, for me, it really started to get fun.

When I was pregnant, I expected that I would love having a cuddly newborn, and that a toddler would drive me crazy. It turns out that I love having a toddler (and generally I think I just find it easier to relate to people who are verbal!), and found the demands of a newborn to be incredibly overwhelming.

I always wanted to have a second child until I had my first one. Then it took over a year and a half for me to even consider having a second one. (Now I am trying for a second and struggling since it's taking awhile.)

@Goldengirl: how are you feeling?? I could have written exactly what you wrote. I struggled terribly for about 2-3 months with post partum. My son is 11 months and I'm realizing ya know what? I really really just did not enjoy the infant period. And that's ok. Once he started crawling and trying to talk, I can't tell you how much better things got. I needed some interaction from him.

@Goldengirl: Newborns honestly are tough!! I literally could NOT see my way out of my funk. I was MISERABLE and felt so much pressure "ohhhhh are you so happy? They're only this tiny once!" I thought I would never enjoy life again. I think the biologic component profoundly affects us post-natal also. Once the night-sweats stopped and my milk regulated (prob 8 weeks) I really started to feel better.
Life won't be the same and it might not be perfect but you WILL get better.