When DH and I got married, we kept our parties local and tried our best to keep costs down for our guests. Now that we have friends getting married, it seems like the idea of a local party is a thing of the past. DH has been invited to two bachelor parties this summer - both in Las Vegas! With airfare, hotel and food, that's a minimum cost of $1,200 per party! I have friends who have recently gone to Miami Beach and on a cruise for a bachelorette party. It seems like all of these destination parties are really adding up, especially if you are invited to more than one. I'm curious, for people who attended your bachelor/bachelorette party, how much did they spend? Are you spending more on parties now than you asked people to spend on yours?
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haha, yes! for my friends that married young, it was renting a limo and going into town for drinks and staying at a hotel. now that we're older, anyone who's getting married now is doing the destination parties.
I didn't have a bachelorette party - I just asked my friends to join me on a New Year's Day plunge in South Boston (the L Street Brownies) and then we went to brunch.
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I have only been to one that we flew to the location. One I had to fly too but that is cause I was out of state, so I had to fly in for the bachelorette and wedding.
We are planning one for a friend in August. We rented a lake house, getting a limo bus to take us to the wineries and then relaxing at the lake. It will be about $250 for the weekend, which I think is a great price for the weekend.
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I got married in 2010.... For my party the bridesmaids rented 2 adjoining hotel rooms - we went to a swanky roof deck bar/lounge in Philly, my aunt/mom paid for all the apps we ordered and the first round of drinks for me and the bridesmaids. Other guests not in the wedding party just paid for what they ordered. we went to 2-3 more bars downtown after that lost and gained a few people along the way, everyone pretty much paid their own tabs. My theory was I would rather make it easy and have more people come out and celebrate than only have few.
I've been in 5 weddings now and for all of them we kept it fun and reasonable. 1) Hotel in Atlantic City, 2)Limo to AC, 3)Mine in Philly, 4)NYC but we stayed at one of BMs Apts, 5) Phillies Game/Bars. None of my friends have really done far flung parties and if they did i would have to decline
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DH is away on a bach party right now that is probably going to cost 1500-2000. That's about average for his friends. Mine prob cost my friends a few hundred dollars each, between dinner out, wine tasting, and a limo to take us to and from wine tasting. But DH and his friends have all done destinations (he's in Vegas right now) .
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Mine wasn't local but it was in a city 2 hours away so didn't require a flight. I'm guessing between gas, hotel, and going out each person attending probably spent $200. I went to a destination bachelorette a few months ago and with flight, hotel, going out I probably spent $1,000.
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I don't really like bachelorette parties, so I didn't have one. At this point, though, I might use an obligatory girls' weekend as an excuse to get a break from being a mom!
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DH and I were one of the last of our friends to get married, so I think our perspective is a little skewed. His friends usually went to Atlantic City or some other beach town and played golf, so theirs got quite pricey. His was probably mid range. They went to the beach, but not as long as other parties (because DH never has more than two days off in a row)
For mine, my SIL booked a suite at a hotel nearby (just so we didn't drive home after drinking) so it wasn't anything major. Just dinner/drinks.
DH's best friend just got married and they both had in-town events where people did dinner and a bar/show.
But the fact that most of us are in our late-30s/40s probably means we aren't as likely to go "all out" on a weekend getaway as much as younger people might want to. Plus, we just get tired earlier
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I think what bothers me about the destination bachelorette parties is the time commitment. I feel like being in someone's wedding now is an insane commitment time-wise, and I'm not one who enjoys giving up all these weekends. The last wedding I was involved in the bride had a destination trip and then a local party the following weekend. Sure, I always have the option of not going, but she is one if my closest friends and I imagine she would be very hurt if I didn't attend.
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I feel like my friends did bigger parties when we were younger. Like at 26, most of us were single and no kids, so flying to South Beach for a long weekend was awesome. Now people have families and other things to use their vacation days and travel funds for so its a little simpler.
I have had to travel for a few but mostly because I didn't live in the same city, not because it was a crazy destination.
DHs friends are still more about the big going away destination party. I think we are getting too old for I take he's had to skip some due to timing and babies.
Mine was in town, but some people had to travel to me. We stayed in a hotel where we found a good deal. DH's was a driving destination.
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We were only 21 when we got married so we tried to keep the costs real low!! The girls and I did lunch and paint-your-own-pottery, where they gifted all their pottery items to me. Total cost was probably about $40-$50. For the boys, they drove to Boston (2hrs away), checked out local sites, went out drinking, and split 2 standard hotel rooms between 9 people. Can't estimate the total cost because I don't really know the details, but I can't imagine much more than $100 each.
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We did dinner, a painting class, and then had a slumber party at my house. It was no more than $40 pp.
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Mine was just at a local culinary school and a bar after. Very low key and perfect for me.
I think today's trend in bachelorette parties, is like any other over done events in todays picture perfect world of pintrest and social media. A few people started it and posting this amaaaazing pictures and everyone jumps on board. Bachelorette parties, themed baby showers, over the top picture perfect 1 yr old parties, flag day party.. you name the celebration, it looks like it just came off a pintrest board. -
Mine was maybe $125 per person. Just my closest girl friends rented a lake condo through AirBnb (it was a really good deal) for a weekend and all we did was lounge around the lake/pool and drink margaritas. We didn't even go out, which was my preference. Everyone was local.
My husband's friends insisted on a destination bach party, and they went to PR and each guy paid for an activity--they went deep sea fishing, rock climbing and rapelling, etc. It was a little overboard, and of course since that, every guy that's gotten married has had a similar trip.
Blah.
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We didn't have them. We think they're kind of ridiculous and unnecessary. You're already asking people to spend quite a bit to be in the bridal party. It didn't feel right to ask for even more. I just threw a bachelorette party for my bff. We had a low key mobile spa day at our house and it still was about $500 per person.
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Ours were all pretty local, the furthest was a 3 hour car drive to KC Power and Lights, usually it's just a hotel room and going out downtown for dinner and drinks or a party bus. So 200 or so dollars.
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I eloped and didn't have a bachelorette party. At the last one I went to we just went out to a nice BYOB dinner and then barhopped locally - I spent around $100, and that included some drinks for the bride-to-be. It was great. One of the other women attending the party was lamenting that we should have gone away for a girl's weekend at some fancy-ass spa, and I was like, nope!
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Mine was local for me so they didn't spend too much but they all drove to see me... 1-3 hours and they stayed with me.
My husband went on a bachelor party trip last month and spent a lot....but it was for his bro so he didn't mind as much.
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I had a joint bachelorette party with my BFF/MOH because she was getting married 2 weeks before me. We got t-shirts made and went to a Phillies game (we're both big fans). Afterwards, we just went to the bar. So the cost of the t-shirt, the Phillies ticket and whatever drinks you wanted at the bar...maybe $50 total/person?
We had a good amount of people get married after us, and they ranged from a night out locally to a full weekend in Atlantic City.
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Mine cost $75 per person! Plus drinks at the bar. It was awesome.
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@TrailRunner: I agree, it is a time commitment! Plus, in addition to all the weekends, sometimes you're expected to take time off work for things like the bachelor/bachelorette party or even the wedding if it's on a weekday. My BIL is getting married on a Friday, so that's a normal workday for people.
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Mine was in a small city north of where we live (1 hour drive) and we stayed in a hotel and just did dinner and drinks for 2 nights. It was nothing crazy.
My DH's was in Miami but they didn't do a lot of activities except drinking (and the strip club...).
I've skipped the few destination ones I've been invited but DH has gone to Vegas and Miami and NYC recently. I think guys make a bigger deal about them!
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@Foodnerd81: I agree that having a family makes these type of parties harder to attend. In addition to taking time off from work in some cases, you have to be away from your family, and use funds that could have been put toward a family trip or something you need like a house repair. There are so many more responsibilities as you get older!
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I've only done one in town bachelorette, one flying and then the others are usually around a 2-3 hour drive. It's getting harder to do but I pull it together for friends who have done the same for me because I want to celebrate them and their time like they did for me. I would not/could not do a flying to Mexico or somewhere that cost $1000. No way.
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We did mine on a really small scale. It was just more of a girls night. We spent the night in a hotel and just went to a few bars. Nothing too wild and crazy!
I haven't been to a bachelorette party recently, but it seems crazy that they're so elaborate and expensive.
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I was the last of my friends to get married. I got to a point where I boycotted all out of town parties because most of my friends also got married out of town. I decided to skip one altogether because other people's annoyed me so much
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A destination bachelor/ette party seems very extravagant to me! I would definitely decline an invite.
We married young, for my party we went to dinner and then back to a friends apartment for raunchy games and lingere gifting and dessert. It was a really fun night! My married friends all did something similar. -
We eloped and did not do bachelor/bachelorette parties. It seems like for my girls friends we tend to keep things more low key like wine tasting or a spa day or something similar. The guys always end up going to Vegas (a 4-6 hour drive from LA) and doing expensive stuff, like golfing, staying in suites at super fancy hotels, pricey dinners (like $100+ per person), cabana by the pool for drinks/food, etc. The last two times my husband and I decided that he should pick one of the nights to go and would fly home the next day to keep costs down. Even a $100 plane ticket home is usually much less expensive than whatever the guys had planned and another night in a hotel. Most of the wives in the group have been less than thrilled with the costs and plans. There's not too many more to get married, thankfully.
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I went out with a few friends (maybe 5) for dinner and dessert and they did a little lingerie shower. In our town so no one traveled or stayed overnight. DH didn't do anything. I would have felt horrible asking anyone to do anything more than that!! Certainly no travel!
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Mine was local and 2 nights before the wedding, so out of town guests didn't have to make 2 trips. We went to my sisters house for drinks and games, then my BIL drove us to a few bars. Guests paid for their drinks, hostesses probably spent $400 total (split between 3 hostesses) to rent the van and party supplies.
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Yeah I find it shocking how much people expect others to spend. My hen do was based in the city where I live, we went for dinner and then to a karaoke bar (love it) with my sisters, mum and MIL and old school friends. It cost each person about £50. DH just recently went on a stag do that was abroad and cost several hundred pounds - although that's still nothing compared to some of the amounts in this thread!
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Our wedding doesn't really apply, as we went a relatively nontraditional route. Just had a fun day/evening out with our friends, doing things we enjoyed. Easy, inexpensive, done.
The money people expect others to spend on their weddings is pretty staggering, to me. I have zero qualms with, "I love you, and am so damn excited for you. Although I can't make your bachelorette, I would really like to treat you to a concert/festival/fancy dinner to celebrate your upcoming wedding!"
I know people are prone to thinking if a person is a close friend or loved one, they'll make it happen. Eat ramen for a month, delay your vacation, cut off cable for the summer. But that's a whole lot of assumptions. When you're expecting your guests to shell out a month of rent for a drunken weekend, you've gotta realize some people simply aren't going to make it.
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I was one of the last in the group of friends to get married and we were all in our late 20s/early 30s with no kids yet.
I had a destination bachelorette and DH had a destination bachelor party. We used it as an excuse to do a girls trip/guys trip and it was really fun. now that most of us have responsibilities (mortgage, kids, etc), a destination party is not going to happen if anyone else gets married. I think for all of the people who came to our parties, it was the only destination one they've done except for siblings.
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I was one of the first to get married in my circle of BFFs. They more than obliged and did my bachelorette in Vegas! We were all in our mid- to late- 20s and we still talk about it to this day as one of the best trips for us :). I'm grateful to have had a great getaway with my best friends.
I've flown to one (because I lived states away), but the others have been local. There's one next month that I'm so sad to miss, but I will be 38 weeks pregnant :(. My BFF is not yet engaged, but I can't wait for her destination bachelorette!
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I was married young, so all my friends were in college, or weird jobs. We didn't even get to go where I wanted to go because after I announced the restaurant, people started backing out! It wasn't even an expensive restaurant - entrees maybe $15/person? So we went to a family style restaurant, and then we did some games back at my sister's house. It was sooo low-key and friends hardly had to pay for anything.
I definitely wouldn't be able to afford a $1500 bachelorette weekend - that's ridiculous.
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@sunny: @mrsjyw: I think it can be a lot of fun to do a destination bachelor/bachelorette party with a group of friends, especially when everyone is excited about the destination and has the funds and time to go. I think what turns me off to some parties is that it's typically all about the bride or groom, which makes sense, but the people who attend often don't get a say in what's going on.
For example, this Vegas trip my DH is going to is not something he would have chosen to attend on his own. He doesn't like to gamble, isn't a big drinker, and would prefer to go somewhere closer to home. If this were just a normal guy trip, there would have been compromise and everyone would have had to agree on where they were going and the activities involved. Maybe your trips were more like that, but my DH's experience is that he doesn't get a say in it at all. And it's a lot of money to spend on something you might not enjoy as much as a different trip.
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When I got married in 2010 we were young and broke so we just went out to a club and that was that.
Now we are planning a bachelorette for my dear friend and I think it is pretty modest though it is more traditional - there is a party beforehand and then we are hitting the town, and even though it is local for most of us we have hotel reservations. There is no fancy dinner planned (snacks at the party). However, some of the bridesmaids are acting like this is so extravagant and are annoyed to contribute the couple hundred bucks!
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I did mine in the city where I lived. A few people came from out of town (mostly from the city where I grew up), but no one had to fly. I think they just took the bus, which is about $50 round-trip. Then the rest of the costs were a not-super-expensive dinner and drinks. I don't know an exact amount, but I don't think it was crazy!
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I personally haven't been invited to many, but I will be honest, when I was in my 20s, it would have been hard for me to afford attending if it was destination and it was $1500. It would probably have been a choice between a weekend away and a share in a summer house at that point.
Now, it's the time that is the problem.
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This has happened to me too! I actually forgo any parties that are far away because I don't want to leave the kids. If I didn't have kids I would probably go.
It's nice that you have so many friends getting married and want you to be part of their celebrations.
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