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TTC After Loss Part II

  1. Academicsocialite

    olive / 54 posts

    @bhbee @periwinklebee @mrskansas @knittylady: thank you all so much. I'm so sorry that all of us are here but I'm glad we can all lean on each other a bit when the going gets rough.

    I'm trying to focus on the things I can do in this weird limbo time. I'd like to lose some of this pregnancy-combined-with-stress-eating weight for a start. I've been eating terribly since going back to work full time. None of my clothes fit (and my maternity wardrobe is really triggering, let me tell you).

    I'd love more suggestions on how to stay positive - are there things that have worked for you all?

  2. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @Academicsocialite: I believe you said you have a 4 year old daughter, correct?
    For me, focusing on my little one helps so much. When I'm feeling down, we make tacos and have a picnic in the living room or drive through the country and I just listen to her babble (she's 2). Really anything to break up the normal routine.

    I've also gained weight and most of my clothes don't fit so I've been trying to eat healthier and lose it so I feel better going forward.

  3. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    I'm officially in crazy territory. I just bought a 30 dollar fertility yoga dvd set. It's fine. Everything's fine.

  4. Academicsocialite

    olive / 54 posts

    @knittylady: I must be your neighbor. Because that sounds like a great idea and now I want one!

  5. Jruess

    grape / 80 posts

    @knittylady: not crazy. Crazy is continuing to buy clothes & baby items that you had planned to buy prior to the loss.

    This whole thing is so hard. The loss on top of the hormonal adjustments are almost too much some days. We lost our baby girl on my daughters birthday. We were advised to wait 3 months before trying again. I've been thinking about due dates and am guessing we will wait even longer since February will have so many emotions.

    On day 4 of whole 30 over here. Hoping to lose pregnancy weight and give myself something else to obsess over.

  6. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    @Academicsocialite: Join the insanity!

    @Jruess: I'm starting a whole30 on Saturday and am really looking forward for my body to start a project that's not trying/being pregnant for the month.

  7. Jruess

    grape / 80 posts

    Has anyone else experienced bleeding a few days after their first period was over? Im about a week out from my first period and have had some light bleeding today. Just odd as I've always been extremely regular. I know pregnancy changes things. Just not sure if this meant something.

  8. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @knittylady: um ... I ordered wondfo opks today ... and my d&c is tomorrow. So yeah, crazy town!

  9. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @Jruess: I did. My first period after the D&E lasted my usual 7 days, but I started spotting brown a few days after it ended. The brown spotting lasted for 3 days and then stopped. I think it's normal for your first period to be a little messed up.

  10. Jruess

    grape / 80 posts

    @PeaceLily: I assumed it was normal. Ugh. So cruel to have the constant reminder.

  11. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    @bhbee: OMG I love it.

  12. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @Jruess: I know.

    I was relieved when my period returned and then the spotting made me worry all over again.

  13. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3045 posts

    @Academicsocialite: thinking of you

  14. ALV91711

    pomelo / 5621 posts

    I have some catching up which will have to wait until tomorrow on my computer.

    Tonight DH and I DTD for the first time. I broke down in tears and couldn't stop or control them. Has anyone experienced this? I felt bad for DH and it was out of nowhere.

  15. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    @ALV91711: I initiated two nights ago and DH said he was too tired- the next morning he told me he was scared of hurting me (one week post op) and also scared that I could get pregnant. He was all welled up.

  16. ALV91711

    pomelo / 5621 posts

    @knittylady: The emotions are hard. How are you feeling post op?

  17. Spinny

    cherry / 125 posts

    I'm sorry for everyone's losses.
    Date of loss:
    CP in July 2014, DS born in July 2015 and MMC in January 2017.

    How long are you waiting to TTC again:
    My husband and I discussed it last night and we're going to start trying again this cycle.

    Any kids:
    My son is 20 months.

    How are you feeling?
    Excited and nervous. I've never felt that our family is complete and I know there is someone missing. It took nearly a year to conceive my son and I got pregnant on the first try last year, which we lost at 9 weeks. I have no idea what to expect now.

  18. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    I'm in recovery from my d&c. A littl groggy and sad but ok. Hopefully feeling better soon. Kids are excited for movie and pizza later

  19. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @bhbee: glad it went ok!
    Enjoy your pizza and movie night, sounds like fun!

  20. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    @bhbee: the night of and day after my surgery were awesome, weirdly. Probably the drugs! I felt cozy and spoiled and drunk on my living children. Enjoy any moments of happiness. Thinking of you and sending ❤

  21. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3045 posts

    @bhbee: glad all went well pizza and movie sounds fun!

  22. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3045 posts

    @Spinny: sorry for your losses

  23. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @Spinny:

  24. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @bhbee:

    @knittylady: Whatever drugs they give are seriously awesome. I felt so relaxed and zen for awhile afterwards...

  25. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    Ok so the physical recovery has been easy so far but the hormonal ... omg. I fell off some kind of cliff around 24hr later and I've been a total mess and feeling all the sad and exhausted feelings. I was feeling a lot more hopeful before this so I hope it really is hormone adjustments and doesn't last too long. But maybe it's also that I locked away some stuff to get through the week and now it is coming out. Like having those "everyone is pregnant or has a new baby" moments, which immediately transition into guilt because I do have kids already.

    Basically my point is that this sucks and I want to give everyone on here a virtual hug for having to deal with it in whatever ways are real and important to you.

  26. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @bhbee: My hormones were a mess for about a month after the D&E. There were definitely genuine feelings that I needed to process, but the hormones compounded everything significantly. Any small thing would make me want to burst into tears. I was also really exhausted for awhile after - if the exhaustion continues, you may want to ask your doctor about using an otc iron supplement. I think this helped.

  27. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    @bhbee: I'm sorry. I know that with my surgery (it was emergent) I was so so focused on the physical recovery (and being glad to be alive etc.,) that the emotional recovery was delayed. I knew knew knew that's what was happening when I was feeling happy directly after surgery, but I thought maybe I dealt with emotional stuff earlier before the ectopic diagnosis or something. Nope. About a week post-op I started feeling really low and have been very weepy since. Yesterday I wept in the car for ten full minutes after a solo grocery run. It was... surprising.

  28. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    PSA - If you feel like you WANT a good cry, listen to The Chain by Ingrid Michelson. I'm 100% sure it's not about pregnancy loss, but the words hit me hard. I wept listening to it, and I think felt better after? Ugh.

  29. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @knittylady: @periwinklebee: yeah I am all over the place! Against my better judgement I watched call the midwife last night which got me a few more cries in. Also it referenced this religious quote from about the 14th century that really resonated, I looked it up to save it.



  30. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3045 posts

    @knittylady: ugh, I was singing Mariah Carey's 'Always be my Baby' the other day and it totally made me cry thinking of the miscarriage And yes, I know it isn't about that, but it still resonated with my little one that I lost. Sometimes it's good to get a good cry out, though.

  31. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3045 posts

    @bhbee: that's a great quote. Thank you

  32. ALV91711

    pomelo / 5621 posts

    @bhbee: The hormones have taken me for a wild ride. I'm not usually a crier but have been crying over the craziest/littlest things lately. It is slowly getting better.

  33. Academicsocialite

    olive / 54 posts

    Whenever I want to have a good cry, I just listen to "Smallest, Wingless" by Craig Cardiff. It's devastatingly resonant with my experience.

  34. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    I hope you ladies don't mind me chiming in - but I'm a loss mama too and I'm really pulling for each of you. It is a tough road to travel and I'm definitely not out of the woods yet, but I hope to be a success story very soon.

    We have had multiple early losses and a termination at 18.5 weeks for fetal anomalies. I still listen to "Beam Me Up" by Pink when I want to call in the tears.

  35. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    @winniebee: ❤❤❤❤

  36. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @bhbee: I'm still trying to deal with the emotional side, but I've gotten much better over the past month. My due date is next week and I can't seem to talk about it without crying though. I cried last weekend to my acupuncturist when I was telling her the due date was coming up and I just cried about an hour ago when I was walking to get lunch with a co-worker and I was telling her how I'm planning to take off work because of the due date and I know I won't be able to focus on anything.

    It also gets me sad because it's been long enough now (just over 4 months) that I'm forgetting what it felt like to feel the baby moving around inside me since I had just started to feel him move when we got the bad news about his diagnosis. At the time it made me even more upset to feel him move knowing that we were ending the pregnancy, but afterwards I was grateful that I got to feel him moving and I've been trying to remember that feeling, but it's getting harder to do.

  37. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @PeaceLily: so many hugs, I can't imagine how hard the due date must feel. we will all be thinking about you.

    I am having a really hard time with mornings but am ok part of the time too. I'm telling myself it will get easier after this week. Hopefully hormones calm down some and I also need to get past tomorrow. It was supposed to be my nipt appt and I had a plan to announce the gender on Easter with a cute little setup. Maybe I should listen to all the songs and cry tomorrow to get it out!

    When did you all have discussions with dh about trying again? I brought it up with mine lightly and he was not happy to talk about it now and I get that. But I also told him that we have to talk about it before too long because having that plan is part of moving forward ... it would be a different grieving to say "this is how it ends" vs "this was a bump on the road and we try again". Anyway just curious how everyone approached it. I think I'm ready to try next cycle, sometime in may, so I'm hoping we can talk about it later this month.

  38. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @bhbee: Me and my husband were thankfully on the same page about trying again right away after our loss. I think I just said to him how I want to be pregnant again ASAP and he agreed. We never used any sort of protection and honestly we would have been happy to conceive just a few weeks after our loss, but I don't think I ovulated the month after, so we didn't start trying officially until after my first period.

    I think we both felt that the pregnancy was stolen from us, which I know doesn't make much sense since we chose to end it, but we felt like the healthy baby that we thought we were having was stolen so we went straight into trying again.

  39. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    On a lighter note it is super weird to take an hpt and think "dammit that came up too fast!". I can't wait for things to be back to normal and I know it's way too early for that. I do think my hcg fell a lot before the spotting that led to my d&c so hopefully it's a shorter road at least.

  40. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @winniebee: Thinking of you, can't wait to see a pic of you holding the little one you are growing now - he'll be here so soon!

    @bhbee: The first thing my husband said to me anytime I was upset during our pregnancy or the subsequent loss was "we can try again soon." That has pretty much been his default line to me being emotional about it. But this is #1 for us, and he knows how desperately I want kids, so stopping was never on the table.

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