Are you a better mother than your mom, or vice versa? In what ways? Please elaborate. 
And Early Happy Mother's Day y'all!
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I am a better mom. I don't know if I feel up to talking about why. It was bad. Like, "Why did no one call CPS?" bad.
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This isn't something that's easy to quantify, so I said other. My mother struggled with severe mental illness for most of her adult life, but despite her personal struggles, she was a good mom. There were years of her life where she was basically not functional and not able to actively participate in our family, but I ALWAYS felt that I was loved and cared for. I do not blame my mom for her shortcomings; she was dealt a terrible hand and managed as best as she could. As for me, I'm very hands on and actively participate in my children's lives. I am not dealing with crippling health issues. But I am probably more stressed out, less patient, and definitely more demanding than my own mother was.
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I'm going to go with its not a competition and we all have our strengths
happy mother's day!
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I think my mom was probably better! I have little patience and get flustered easily when the kids are acting crazy! I don't remember my mom ever really snapping at us for just being kids. I feel bad that I'm not as patient as my mom was!! Hopefully I make up for it in other ways...
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I selected other:
We are very different people in different times, have different-ish values and wants for our kids and in drastically different situations.
My mom was a stay at home mom, who only worked for a few years of my life. The second her and my dad lived in the same house she was gifted my oldest brother, so she went from having no kids and being single to having a 7 year old.
I work outside the home and my kids go to daycare.
It’s not something I can easily compare.
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We're different, our situations are different, our lives are different.
Also, I can't compare because I'm currently pregnant with my second and I am my mother's second child... I don't remember what my fetal self thought of her abilities at the time
That said, I have a wonderful mother who is one of my closest friends now and aspire to be as good a mother to my children as she has been to me.
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My mother is amazing...she's the kind of person that when she meets you, you've earned an Italian grandmother. When my son was in preschool and she did the drop off, every kid in the class called her Nonna.
She's a fountain of knowledge, particularly regarding special needs, as my brother is special needs. She knows when to get worried and when it's developmental because she taught kindergarten for 17 years.
I, on the other hand, am not very nurturing. I am to my own son, and I am trying towards other children and I think I am somewhat succeeding. When I go to my son's school, a lot of his friend recognize me and are quite comfortable to come to me if there's a problem.
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I am a better mother and yet growing up I thought the world of my mom.
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Hey I apologize if I rubbed anyone the wrong way! I guess I worded it wrong in the OP - It is more fair to say in what ways were you better as a mother and in what ways your mom was better.
For me I am better, hands down lol. Now that I am a mother myself, I can't help but reflect (and almost a little resentful, sorry) that my mom really didn't do a good job
She was very over-protective, did everything for me. Growing up I had no chores other than studying. She didn't let me wash dishes or show me how to cook, didn't enforce I had to pick up / clean up after myself when I was a child....etc. AND THEN she went and compare me to my relatives how xyz was already doing this and that and I was not. I mean come on. I was a child and you gotta take the lead and take me to that direction, things don't just magically happen. Sigh. So I hate to say it but I became more resentful after I become a mom .... I can't get over it, especially when she criticize me how I am not doing it right (eg. I wasn't spoonfeeding my child when he was able to feed himself, or why DS was not potty trained when she potty-trained me at 12 months or something ridiulous). I do have to say though, that she is more patient than me, but then again, there was no point to fight if she did everything for me - it would have been so easy if I just pick up all of DS's toys instead of urging him to do it himself. I am thankful that she created an environment that we eat healthy though, which makes it easy for me to continue with DS.ETA: @Hypatia: oh no.... hugs !
and Happy Mother's day to you dear 
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I feel like it's apple's and orange's. My mom was SAHM until my brother went to preschool and then she taught his class and continued to teach part time through out our school years.
It's hard for me bc honestly I don't "remember' my mom doing much for us or with us. It's so weird. Like I know she was there and I remember obviously when I was older that she came to all of my school events and all my games. But when I was younger I honestly don't remember her much.
I remember getting off the bus, changing clothes and then going outside to play with my brother ( I grew up on a farm with lots of land). I feel like half the time my mom didn't know where we were and we didn't know where she was either. We had clean clothes and food and I know we had bedtimes. But I don't remember her giving us baths or putting us to bed.... I do remember my childhood fondly though so I know I was loved and well taken care of and it makes me sad that I dont' remember her more. Like why don't I? Is it just me or was she kind of hands off? Was she doing her own things? I do know that I always had a feeling of I had to handle things on my own and I never felt comfortable going to my mom about anything.. boys, school problems, girl problems, birds and the bees type stuff.. so maybe she was kind of hands off.. I also know we didn't hug much or say I love you much.
All that said, I really hope I am more of a "presence" in my kids lives!! Especially my DD's. I want to have a different relationship with her than I do with my mom. I want her to talk to me about everything and come to me with ALL Her problems and not feel like she has to handle them by herself. If she gets dumped and is sad I want to be there with a canister of ice cream and lay around with her and watch sappy movies and cry/talk it out. I want her to remember that I put her to bed every night and I want her to hug me freely even as she gets older and I want us to always say I love you to eachother..even as we get older... Of course all of this goes for my DS too. As opposed to my mom, I WOH.... however I do feel that I have way more patience for my kids and I also feel like I truly treasure our time together. I hope my kids can feel that and can "remember" it.
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I don't think I'd say either of us is/was "better," just different. The early childhood research/parenting advice is also very different now, so there are things that I think are important that just wouldn't have occurred to my mom in that generation--like, I'm more hands-on in my play with the girls and in the ways I try to engage with them, whereas when I was a kid I had way, way more screentime. I also don't think my parents really encouraged art or gross-motor/outdoor play because it was outside their comfort zone (I mostly read books and played with dolls, haha). That said, I have always felt loved and supported by my mom and known how proud she is of me, and felt that she is my advocate and has my best interests at heart. She's wonderful!
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Similar to others, very different times and situations. I had a wonderful childhood and hope that my children will say the same one day. We all do the best we can with lives we live.
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I had teenage parents who often didn’t have the skills to cope with the challenges of raises kids. I study and reflect a lot so I can do better.
I understand you saying you wish things had been better. I sometimes wonder why my parents didn’t seek help to develop skills that could have improved our lives and relationships, but I know it had to be extremely hard just trying to survive as poor as we were.
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Different people living in different worlds, so its tough to compare. My mom is my best friend - so in that regard she gives me something to strive for - having the same type of relationship with my daughter some day...
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My mom is a great mom and now grandmother but it’s sort of the only aspect of her life that she has together. She’s definitely struggled with mental health issues that so far I have been able to avoid. It’s so hard to compare bc she had 4 kids, the third (me) by the age at which I had my first. Money was an issue growing up (but not too terribly so) but hasn’t been so far for my family partially bc I got married and had kids later. Also I work and always plan to and she became a SAHM when I was 5, a choice which I think has negatively impacted her life at times. Anyway she is an amazing mom and grandmother but I feel like I have my life more together overall. But who knows what will happen in the future, I definitely try to be mindful of my own mental health and realize I could easily struggle at some point too.
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I only said I'm "better" because I feel like in this day and age, I have access to so much more information/parenting styles etc than my mom ever had. My mom is not perfect, but I believe she was/is the best mom she could/can be with what she knew/knows.
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@lamariniere: Same.
My mother had an undiagnosed/incorrectly diagnosed mental illness during my childhood. It was rough and there are many things I never want my children to experience that I did, but it wasn't a choice she made. Once I got into high school, she was finally properly diagnosed and medicated and I had a mother. Not a perfect mother, but I had a mother instead of a mentally ill individual that needed more care than she offered. My mom now is a more patient, generous, and kind person than I will probably ever be. We aren't better than one another, just different. I voted other.
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Eh, we're really different. I think both of my parents were really good parents, generally speaking. I mean, they made their mistakes (and I sure make mine as a parent), but my parents were always really loving. My parents both had/have 10x the energy I have. Like my mom almost always worked as I was growing up, and had a husband that was gone half the time (because he was an airline pilot) and they had 6 kids, but they still had meals on the table, we never ate out, my parents did all the lawn care, all the house cleaning, the laundry, our house was always spotless. And they managed to do all that without like, beating us down with their type A cleanliness. It just like, "magically" all got done and I don't remember my parents ever complaining about it. My parents also never, EVER fought or even argued or even had disagreements with each other in front of us. Like never in my memory. It's kind of abnormal really, haha. I benefited a lot from being the 5th kid out of 6 because my parents evolved a lot and I had a much more gentle, stable upbringing.
Having said all that, my parents also heavily pushed religion and we had some issues surrounding that as I grew up and left the fold, so to speak. And just by nature of who they were--constantly busy people--I don't think I ever got a whole lot of one-on-one attention from either parent. I didn't ever feel I was missing out growing up, but now that I'm a parent, I do know that I spend a lot more time just being/playing with my kids. I think that's a generational change, too.
Long story short--my mom might *just* have an edge on me, but I think I'm a pretty good mom, too.
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We're very different moms. She SAH and had 6 kids. I WOH and have two so far.
I'd say I have different strengths and weaknesses, but I hope that I'm being as a good a mother to my kids as she was for me. Obviously I hope not to have yelling matches with my teenagers and be less obsessed with a clean house, but I still have many years to go
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I am way better. No comparison.
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I'd probably say my mom was better, but that's purely based on the fact that she had it harder.
I have one toddler and am pregnant with #2; she had 7 kids in 8 years, including 3 sets of twins (the youngest two sets were 23 months apart). She SAH my whole childhood; I work. My dad worked a blue collar job and had a ton of mouths to feed; we're double income and just have the one (and a half). She was amazing for the cards she was dealt, so it's not like I'm a slouch (I actually think I'm really good); she was just a superhero. -
It's hard to compare. She was a SAHM to 3 kids within a 4 1/2 year age span, whereas I am a WOHM to 1 for now. I know for a fact that she was much more patient with us, especially as young children. Now having 3 teenage daughters was a whole different story, we made her crazy.
I love everything she was able to do for and with us. She went on all of the field trips as a chaperone, was at all of our classroom parties, she went our all of our games (even if she had no idea what was going on and sometimes cheered for the wrong team). She always taught us not to put up with shit from anyone because she had dealt with preferential treatment to her brother because he was a boy so he was golden, and my dad's mom was pretty terrible to her too.
All in all, I aspire to be as much like she was for the most part for my son, and any future children.
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My mom identifies more strongly as a mom than I do. She quit working when I was born and didn't work full time again until I was in college. I always felt growing up that she was too fixated on me and did not give me enough space. Even as an adult I feel like she wants me to make her feel needed all the time, which I find exhausting. She also makes her disappointment clear when I make perfectly valid choices that diverge from her expectations / preferences. She did try hard to be a good and hands-on mom, which I appreciate, but her attitude makes it difficult for me to have a non-superficial relationship her as an adult.
I work full time and don't really take enough time for myself because I give most of what's left to my son. I definitely have strong opinions about my priorities as a mom, but I do not enjoy many aspects of household labor that accompany raising small children. So, since my husband refuses to hire a cleaning lady, I make him do most of the cleaning. I have our sitter (and my husband on the weekends) handle bath most of the time. I make a hot breakfast and sit down with my son together every morning, but we eat a lot of takeout for dinner. My mom did a lot more of that hands-on stuff. I try to focus on sharing either "quality time" or down time with my son instead of pushing through the nuts and bolts of the day.
I don't know what is most important to prioritize. Given how I feel about my adult relationship with my mother, I really try to give my son the space to explore who he is rather than lead with preconceived notions. My gut says that forming a good relationship with him is most important, and that it won't matter in the long how many baths I have supervised as long as I manage to work from home enough to have my ear on the ground and be present when it really counts.
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I think we are both great parents. I was fed, clothed, kept safe and loved. And I don't say that lightly because I work in a field where I see children all the time without any of what I just listed.
She made lots of mistakes and we struggled, but so do I as a mom now. At the end of it all, I know she loves me and did her best and I'm thankful for that. I hope my children extend that same grace to me and know I did my best and I want them to do even better!
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Such interesting responses. I love how fiercely protective some of us are of our moms. In reading some of these what has jumped out is how lifestyle plays into the critique. My mom and I are similar in that respect and yet our approach to our circumstances are very different. When I say I am a better mom that’s because I recall the moments when my dad was the better parent or I witnessed other parents respond to me or their own kids the way I wish my mom had. I am the mom that I wanted growing up.
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Mine is a better one than me for sure and I don’t even feel bad saying that. I don’t think there’s anyone better than her. Our lifestyles are similar and our personalities are too, but I think she handles things a bit better than I do, she’s very wise, helpful, and selfless. I always say I hope one day that my kids think I’m as good as I think she is.
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@ElbieKay: This is interesting... my mom and I have a very civil relationship, we haven't fought since I was a kid and talk weekly. She gave up a lot to be a good mom to me, and I really appreciate it. But we are certainly not close - like if I had a problem, I wouldn't ask her for advice. Some of it's personality and different life circumstances, but also what you say - having more rigid expectations that are very culturally conditioned and don't work for me/my life circumstances. I often wonder how to avoid reproducing this with my LO...
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@irene: @Hypatia: <- this.
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Due to my Moms hard work/sacrifices I have many advantages that she did not. I am also fortunate to have a kind, devoted, hardworking co parent and husband- a true partner.
So it’s not a fair comparison- it’s just different. She did the best she could with what she had. I have resources and tools that allow me to be a very good parent and she’s contributed to that and I am grateful.
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@periwinklebee: I struggle with guilt about the resentment I have towards my mom. We would have a much better relationship if she was less overbearing. Why can't she just drop it? And yet I feel this pressure to fall in line -- I never acquiesce -- that infuriates me. I know I blow it out of proportion but I don't think I will ever fix it.
I am expecting twin daughters and am determined not to repeat this dynamic. I hope I succeed.
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@ElbieKay: I'm sure you will succeed
Your daughters are super lucky!
She was very over-protective, did everything for me. Growing up I had no chores other than studying. She didn't let me wash dishes or show me how to cook, didn't enforce I had to pick up / clean up after myself when I was a child....etc. AND THEN she went and compare me to my relatives how xyz was already doing this and that and I was not. I mean come on. I was a child and you gotta take the lead and take me to that direction, things don't just magically happen. Sigh. So I hate to say it but I became more resentful after I become a mom .... I can't get over it, especially when she criticize me how I am not doing it right (eg. I wasn't spoonfeeding my child when he was able to feed himself, or why DS was not potty trained when she potty-trained me at 12 months or something ridiulous). I do have to say though, that she is more patient than me, but then again, there was no point to fight if she did everything for me - it would have been so easy if I just pick up all of DS's toys instead of urging him to do it himself. I am thankful that she created an environment that we eat healthy though, which makes it easy for me to continue with DS.
and Happy Mother's day to you dear 
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