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@Cherrybee: can you find a way to carve out special E time then have the in laws take her the other time? I made a point to do some special mommy C time while I was pregnant because I knew it would get much harder after baby was born, and I really am glad I did it. But the half time when you are trying to get stuff done and she is trying to get your attention is so so annoying. Could they commit better to certain times of taking her or of the house? Or maybe you could invent some errands out of the house so it's like, ok you need to be here at 9:30, I have a doctors appt, see you at 5? Or next time they tell you to sit and read E a story, say, ok great idea, could you finish folding these baby clothes while I do that? It's so much more stressful trying to do both.
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@Foodnerd81: I didn't want to set new precedents with E that might then be taken away as a direct result of baby sister's arrival. I intend to start "Elliott Time" but only once Im in a feeding routine etc and I know what time I can dedicate and when. Im already finding shes clingier with me because we spend so much more time together now Im on mat leave - it doesnt bode well. My MIL really, really wants to help by hoovering, folding baby clothes etc - she's always asking what she can do- but these tasks are so cathartic for me, its like I neeeeeeed to do them. Quietly. Alone. It helps my anxiety.
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@Cherrybee: I think you should just turn it around on them. After baby's here say, as soon as they show up at the door, say "Hi, I'd like to lay down with baby, can you read E a book and take her to the park?" Or whatever.
Or if she suggests taking the baby, just correct her and say, "What I really need to relax is to go feed the baby/lay down/etc, why don't you take E for a while?"
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I did have anxiety while pregnant with my second. Around 32 weeks I threw myself into a big project and redid the room the baby was going to be in. A lot of it was after everyone was in bed. I'd cut, replace, patch drywall, sanded a lot and painted. I made choosing a paint color a huge ordeal as dh and I tried to find the exact right color. It was a lot of silly obsession over whether the drywall was sufficiently blemish free, and paint samples, and over analyzing, and probably took a month since I'd just work an hour or two at night. But it directed my nervous energy and I loved the result.
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@ShootingStar: If therapy is teaching me anything it's that this is the root cause of most of my issues - a complete inability to ask for what I actually need. My inlaws would LOVE it if I just specified exactly what they could do to help; they really do just want to help. But I have so much guilt about how much they do for us..... I feel like I cant ask for things, I have to let them set the agenda...... I feel like I have to repay them and the only thing I have that my MIL wants is a brand new baby (I feel like she wishes it was her baby). To expect her to take care of the toddler but deny her unlimited access to the baby seems ungrateful and selfish. I have asked them to keep Elliott's routine exactly the same for now, but I don't feel like I can say "this means you let me drop her off at 9, let me collect her at 5 and leave me the hell alone in between unless I ask otherwise" because that makes me a massive cow. So I'm left with their interpretation of "keeping her routine the same", which involves them being at my house all the bloody time and my MIL talking about how she is so excited to be super involved ("help") with the baby.
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