I know you open yourself up to it if you complain, but man I cannot STAND sleep advice. This is not my first rodeo (I have a 3 year old and an almost 10 month old). I've tried it all. Just let me complain sometimes!
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As a parent, yes, all sleep advice. My kid is not your kid and he won't eventually cry himself to sleep. I promise. We've tried.
I also hate the advice about anything where people tell tou not to stress. Really? Thanks. I'll just turn that part of my brain off.
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Health advice. I have chronic pain from a serious condition with my spine. There's nothing doctors can do about it but prescribe pain medicine, but because of all the pain killer abuse, most doctors don't want to give extended prescriptions even for legitimate pain. We're TTC, so I wouldn't want to be taking them anyway. So, I take Tylenol and pretty much live with pain from the time I get up in the morning until I go to sleep.
I never bring it up to my friends, because I don't want to be a downer. But sometimes my friends will ask, with the best of intentions, "How's your back been?" and if I say anything other than fine, they will launch into unsolicited advice about chiropractors and homeopathy and healing oils. It takes all my willpower not to explode on them.
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I am 8 months pregnant with my second, and pretty much from when I started telling people I was pregnant, any time I mentioned that my toddler isn't a great sleeper, people would tell me how I should really fix that now before the new baby. OH REALLY?? It hasn't occurred to me that I would want my toddler to be a good sleeper before adding a newborn (or pregnancy) to the mix. THANK YOU.
Also people who tell me I should have potty trained before the baby is born. I'm less than 6 weeks away now and I just can't, so unless you want to do it just support me.
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Meal prep advice. I work all week, I do not want to spend my precious weekends in the kitchen prepping/freezing meals.
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@rachiecakes: hahaha same here
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Anything that starts out with, what you SHOULD do is..."
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Advice on weaning my youngest so I can get pregnant again already.
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oh my gosh, my mil and sil are the WORST about this--anytime you complain about anything, even just to make conversation, they launch into this know-it-all advice mode. the most absurd was when my sil, who has has like, stick straight hair, and has never dealt with postpartum hair weirdness bc she's never had a baby, starting making suggestions about my very, very curly hair when I made a complaint about my random post-partum short hairs.
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@MrsRcCar: I mean, how long ARE you planning to nurse? You know the baby doesn't NEED it anymore, right??
(advice I got from 6 months on).
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Any type of cruel behaviour modifcation advice - "just bite her back", "she needs to be turned over your knee and be given a good spanking", "scream in her face". Um, no thank you!
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@Rockies11: My son went through a biting phase and I was shocked how many people said to bite him. That to me would reinforce bad behavior.
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Pretty much any unsolicited advice pisses me off but I'm especially annoyed by unsolicited discipline advice. It's one thing if I ask (and I do sometimes), but to tell me in the moment, how to discipline my kid, or shortly thereafter, is majorly irritating.
Newsflash-I'm doing the best I can to make sure my kid grows up with manners, knows how to keep his hands to himself, etc. but some days, we all have to pick our battles.
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We co-sleep and the few people I've told always say something like 'you should nip that habit in the butt soon!'. Really? Maybe it wasn't a choice to co-sleep. Maybe I like it. Maybe it's none of your business.
Everyone trying to tell me how to cure my son's reflux. If someone tells me to pedal his legs one more time I'm going to pedal my foot in their a$$.
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@BandDmommy: omg that one takes the cake. If I had a dime for every time someone told me go bite him back, hit him back, scream back, etc. omg... Just no.
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@BandDmommy: My daughter (2) bites occaisionally when she's very tired and my baby (6 months) just got a couple of teeth so she bites when nursing. I have gotten repeated advice for both of them to bite back! And to scream in their face thing to scare them into not biting. Like, wtf? The thought of biting either of them makes me queasy, and it is impossible that that is any more effective than spanking which studies show is detrimental. Not to mention completely ineffective on very young children. But every time I talk about biting, someone gives this advice.
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@Rockies11: I hate when people try and give me advice on biting. It comes from a judgmental and non helpful place.
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@BandDmommy: biting is just... behaviour like any other kind of behaviour. Nobody says you should punch your toddler in the face if they hit another kid, or grab a fistful of your baby's hair and pull it if she grabs ahold of yours. Biting advice of this type is totally bizarre and irrational.
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@Rockies11: agreed, but biting is treated very differently. My son got pushed hard one day, had a big red mark that ended up bruising and daycare said nothing, no report was written, etc. but bites are reported in triplicate!
We've been on both sides and it sucks, but I don't think LO is hurt any worse from being bitten than he is from getting hit or shoved into something (usually... he did get one very nasty bite that left a bruise that lasted 2+ weeks)
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Up until the last week my biggest pet peeve was potty training advice. She was still well within the normal range. So she didn't do it early or first like so many other things, this is when she was ready to poop on the potty. Its done and over with and done on my terms not my mothers, inlaws or well meaning mom friends.
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When family would say "she needs to learn" if she cried when they held her and wanted me. Um, no, she doesn't have to "learn".nShe is just visiting you then won't see you again for years. Give me my crying baby back!
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Really any unsolicited advice pisses me off. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.
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@travelgirl1: I tell people that she needs to learn that she has a say in who touches her and holds her and she can decide who to show affection to. When people think about the long term implications of that one they usually shut up.
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@Foodnerd81: my family thinks I am crazy because E is almost 21 months but I don't mind. Apparently at a year he should have been done cold turkey.
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@MrsRcCar: once I got much past a year they accepted that I was just crazy and dropped it.
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Any advice that starts with, "Oh, you'll see...."
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advice with a nasty tone. I don't mind people asking "have you tried X?" or "x worked for me" but you know....that tone....
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@Foodnerd81: @Mrs. D: yes...any kind of potty training advice! I was pregnant this summer and everyone was pressuring me to train the 2 year old. That didn't happen. And now that the baby is here and 3 months old I'm hearing it again! Granted, I have started because I want and feel ready to, not because people are telling me to, but I really get annoyed with the commentary I have to hear about it.
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@mediagirl: yep! Or "just wait....".
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@mediagirl: UGH. That's the worst. Or, "You just WAIT!" I only say that in my head to a family member without children (yet) who thinks she's got it all figured out.
Unsolicited financial advice pisses me off too.
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My FIL's "positive parenting" advice. He was a teacher for many years, then got into working with chaotic families, teaching them how to parent effectively. He is a wonderful man (now retired) and is amazing with Elliott - she behaves impeccably with him - but his methods are all about engaging her, distraction..... which is all well and good when you look after her three days per week and have four days to do housework and relax (plus 7 x good nights sleep). Sometimes, you don't want to engage the child, you want it to stop being a douche so you can put the shopping away!
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Discipline advice. Living in the south I get a lot of horrifying advice. Especially from the older crowd. Incling my MIL and DH's grandma and it drives me insane.
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When I was struggling to get pregnant, the "have you tried this?" questions/advice were annoying, mainly b/c the advice was incorrect, or b/c we had really tried everything.
I also got prickly when everyone told me how to turn my breech baby around.
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Ugh everything unsolicited!
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anything unsolicited.
if i want help i'll ask for it.
cue mil hatred.
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@Cherrybee: lol! You're so funny.
I also agree with advice in that judgemental tone. Or people who say they can't offer advice because their angel of a child never had such an issue. 🙄
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@Cherrybee: hahaha yes!!! Just stop being a dick!
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@Foodnerd81: yes, the "your toddler should be potty trained the baby" remarks made me want to gauge my eyes out. I was 8 months pregnant, massive, exhausted, no patience and SO OVER training so I threw in the towel. Now that baby is here it is 100000x easier training C (even with a 5 week old!) than it was while pregnant
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@mediagirl: Or my personal other favorite: "Just wait" [insert smug grin].
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Same....sleep advice. I have read and tried EVERYTHING. I especially hate if people "have a strong sleep (or nap) routine and that's why my baby Sttn". No, you lucked into a baby that sleeps well. Congratulations. I also had a strong sleep routine that I followed from 6 weeks onward with the fervor of an OCD person and still my child would not sleep through the night.
(advice I got from 6 months on).
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