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What do we do now?

  1. YogiRunner

    clementine / 849 posts

    @petitenoisette: your comment about just raising our kids to be good people and calling it a day really made me think, and I thank you for that. My son is only 6 months so I'm constantly thinking of what I'll do in the future, but you're right that the golden rule has been taught by many parents for eons and it's a solution that I am fortunate to be able to choose because of my privilege.

    Beyond that, it's my privilege to be able to say that I'll take a few days and mourn the election by retreating into my liberal suburban life. So many of us are in real pain from the election results that we must heal from, but it's good perspective to realize that there are many people out there who are now in real fear for themselves and their families, and their first priority is to ensure safety.

    I really like the safety pin idea!

  2. IRunForFun

    pomelo / 5509 posts

    I wish I could believe that the reports of hate crimes and blatant racism in the days following the election were being exaggerated but I've heard personal examples of several now. Including a woman I went to high school with, who is dating a black man, and had "N***er lover!" shouted at her on the street. That's not nearly as bad as some shocking and tragic things that have happened across the country but the fact that it happened to someone I know hit close to home. I know that there are Trump supporters who genuinely believe their intentions are good, but to stand behind someone who modeled this type of behavior and made others feel comfortable acting this way, to me, makes them complicit.

  3. Mrs. Lemon-Lime

    wonderful pea / 17279 posts

    @ShootingStar: as adults some of us thought Trump was a joke at first. No wonder those kids think saying that is funny. Trump walked back his initial mean tweet about the post-election results protestors. I guess someone on his team finally told him as President words matter.

    I wasn't a Bernie fan, but if people wanted change I wish it had been him.

  4. YogiRunner

    clementine / 849 posts

    @IRunForFun: I can't take these stories. This is awful

  5. Mrs D

    grapefruit / 4545 posts

    @josina: Your post is perfect. Everything you said times 1000.

    I have reached out to several friends who I know to be true passionate liberals who are gutted by this. I have told them that I am sorry for what they are going through. Half of the posts the share on facebook are emotional wreck type posts and that makes me so sad for my friend. If you truly care about politics and policies and such you are going to feel this in your lifetime as presidents come and go. What bothers me the most, and makes me the most sad - not one of these people has responded (fine I get it and its not that that bothers me) and every single one of them has made blanket statements about Trump supporters. I have in essence been called a racist, misogynist and other awful things repeatedly by people who are supposed to be my friends. People are saying things they cant take back. I have never once identified as a "Trump Supporter" - yet I am being treated as though I stood there and cheered him along as he made some of those hurtful comments. And it makes me sad.

    And to answer @bluestripedbee (sorry if I got your name wrong - I dont know how to go back and tag you). Yes - as a decent human being I would always stand next to a fellow human being inappropriately harassed/mistreated. Physically. Someone is taunting you in a public place - yes I will stand there with you and talk to you and be with you. Can I stop it - maybe not. I do not, and have not ever turned a blind eye to abuses on innocent people.

    I'm sad to see both sides reacting to this news in hurtful ways. I'm sad people are smearing that all over facebook. I wish people would draw attention to the peaceful protest only. I'm just sick of it all...

    So I am going to move on with my life. Raise my kids to be good, kind, loving citizens. I'm going to treat my friends how I want to be treated and hope they do the same in return. And I am going to continue to be the good human being I am and hope that others will follow suit.

  6. nana87

    cantaloupe / 6171 posts

  7. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    @Mrs D: You'll do that with all minorities? Muslims, Latinos, Black, LGBTQ? Disabled? (I can name off a dozen more...) Does immigration status matter? Will you defend a stranger? Will you speak up to a fellow Trump supporter? If so, great! If you can do that and tell your friends that don't believe you, I'm sure they'll change their tune. But like others have said, I haven't seen one speak up against racism. I have many tell me that they aren't racist. One even told me that they aren't racist but then proceeded to tell me that as an asian I shouldn't be offended. He was a white man telling me how an asian should think and feel. Also, having a Muslim (insert minority group here) friend does not mean you aren't racist against other muslims. I hate hearing that. (You might not have said that but I'm just saying I've heard it from my circle.) I think you really have to show unbias regardless of whether you know them or their background. Go away from using negative stereotypes.

    Sure, I think racism is out there in variety of degrees subconsciously but most of us filter it out so it never gets said. Or our conscious tells us we shouldn't be thinking that way. With Trump being elected, there's been a lot of people proclaiming they can do whatever they want because of Trump. That's wrong. That's where we need to put our foot down and try to stop it.

    Granted, if I were to go up to a Trump supporter, they would probably yell and tell me to F off and call my a derogatory liberal name. But I would think that a fellow Trump supporter telling them to stop might have a bit more emphasis and power.

  8. erinbaderin

    pomelo / 5573 posts

    @Mrs D: I guess the point is that while you say that you don't identify as as Trump supporter you voted for him. And therefore you are one. And no matter what your reasons were for voting for him, his election legitimized the horrible hateful things he has said, as evidenced by the horrible hateful things that have happened in your country in the last few days. You can't throw up your hands and say "Oh, I don't support /that/ part of it" because tacitly, you did when you decided that he was qualified to lead the country. Casting your vote for him is a form of cheering him on. There is a big difference between being sad that a politician you truly believed in doesn't win an election and being legitimately fearful for your way of life when a politician who has openly professed to hate you wins an election. If Hillary Clinton had lost to, say, Mitt Romney people would be sad. When Bernie Sanders didn't win the nomination people were sad. Right now people are terrified. Because you say you are going to move on with your life, and you have that option, but gay people and Muslim people and transgender people and people who reply on the ACA may not have that option.

  9. Mrs D

    grapefruit / 4545 posts

    @bluestriped bee: So now I need to re-prove myself as a non racist? I am assumed guilty? Seems contradictory of the message overall. I voted for Trump because I feel strongly about certain policies not because I support him. I have in every chance where I have had the opportunity denounced the language he has used and statements he has made which I find offensive. But now because I voted for him I need to somehow prove myself something I have not ever been and have never endorsed? I've undone all the goodwill I have built up in my life because I voted for my beliefs on certain policies? I'm sorry, I cant get on board with that. I will however continue being the good person I am - not because I need to prove myself to anyone else but because its who I am and what I believe in.

  10. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    @Mrs D: You really don't have to prove it to me because this is an internet board, but if you have a friend that you care about and want to gain their respect again... maybe you should show them. Maybe if you like this community and some of the users here (hence you are still here), prove it to us. What harm is there? It will probably make you gain some respect.

    ETA: The things I'm seeing being done to my fellow asians are terrifying and I've posted my outrage on FB... but not a single Trump supporter has told me it is wrong. All I hear is silence.

  11. shabang

    apricot / 370 posts

    @erinbaderin: People can vote for Trump and yet not support racism, racist rhetoric, or the hate-filled statements that were made. Painting all Trump supporters as racist is wrong. And, it's not doing anything to alleviate the fear of those who worry about their rights being taken away, thinking a large part of the country devalues them. It's just not the case! Good people voted for Trump. Some prioritized an economic agenda, some prioritized a religious pro-life message, some always vote Republican. I'm sure there are reasons I haven't heard. We can't live in a bubble any longer and refuse to listen to our fellow Americans, whether they are a minority, immigrant, LGBTQ+, disabled, or a Trump-voter. The racism and bigotry we see now is despicable, but stereotyping and condemning a huge population is part of the problem, not the solution.

  12. Mama Bird

    pomegranate / 3127 posts

    @Mrs D: I'm sorry you're dealing with this. But don't be surprised. I don't have to dig deep to find examples of ordinary people turning monster just because they can. It's OK to say hateful things now. Soon it might be OK to do them too. My group has been on the receiving end of this many, many times. I'm scared for my children's lives. I'm a working mom. When I'm away from them, I can't breathe. When I'm back home, I forget for a while, and then they go to bed and I realize I still can't breathe. I'm not the only one.

    Even if Trump didn't mean to encourage the hate (why is it following him then?) he's not even in office and he's already caused so much trauma to so many.

  13. YogiRunner

    clementine / 849 posts

    @Shannon: So the policies you like or a party vote are enough to justify electing someone who promotes hate and fear to anyone who isn't like him? @erinbaderin: is spot on when she says this goes beyond usual politician bullshit- people are terrified for their safety. I'm genuinely curious about the reasoning behind voting for (and therefore supporting) a proven bigot, no matter what few policies he campaigned for. This is why my heart is in a million pieces right now and I'm just trying to understand where the heck people are coming from.

  14. skipra

    pomegranate / 3350 posts

    @Mrs D: Anyone who voted for Trump is essentially saying they condone such opinions. So you, perhaps are not racist, but your vote says that it's ok for the highest elected official in our country to be.

  15. shabang

    apricot / 370 posts

    @YogiRunner: For some, yes. Check out the exit polls - not even everyone who voted for him thought he had the temperament to lead. I'm just suggesting we accept that people have different motivations and priorities. Do I wish that the election showed a unanimous renouncing of shock value entertainment, racism, and stereotyping? Yes! But I've done a lot of reading and listening over the past few days trying to come to terms with what happened, and I've been reminded that every person is a multifaceted individual who may have views different than mine. Does that make them a racist? In some cases, yes. In others, absolutely not.

  16. yellowbird

    honeydew / 7303 posts

    @Mrs D: I am sorry. I have to agree with others here that even if you voted for trump because you believe in a conservative ideology. Your vote for him says that it is okay for our highest elected official, the leader of our country to be a racist, sexist, xenophobe. It is not okay.

  17. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    @erinbaderin: 👏👏👏👏

    @Mrs D: being called a racist and misogynist is just the chance you take when you vote for someone who is clearly both. You made your choice and you are not a victim here.

  18. honeybear

    nectarine / 2085 posts

    @petitenoisette: I'm like 99% sure there is a prohibition against personal attacks on this site, and saying it's cool for another poster to be called a racist and a misogynist definitely fits that bill.

  19. yoursilverlining

    eggplant / 11824 posts

    So my husband just informed me that one of his Muslim students (she wears a hijab) confided in him that since the election 3 people have honked and screamed epithets and "trump will deport you" comments at her from their cars while she walked down the street. We live in a liberal/blue city. I can't imagine what's going on where it's red.

    Congrats Trump, non-voters of all stripes and third party voters right now. "It's my right!" - yeah, and your right has direct consequences like emboldening racists and duping the blue collar / rustbelt into thinking manufacturing jobs that will NEVER come back no matter who is president, will.

  20. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    @honeybear: no one on this thread called her that, she said it was her friends who have implied as such. She brought it up. I merely stated that she made her bed so she can now lie in it. Didn't call her either words.

  21. honeybear

    nectarine / 2085 posts

    @petitenoisette: Voicing approval of someone else being called those things is a personal attack. And you approved it.

  22. Caly

    nectarine / 2765 posts

    @yoursilverlining: I just read your comment to my husband...and it breaks both of our hearts.

  23. Mrs D

    grapefruit / 4545 posts

    I'm sad there is so much hate on this thread. If you fail to understand or try to understand the people like me in the country (bc let's be honest - those who supported trump for the hurtful and inexcusable things he said are NOT anywhere near the majority of the people who voted for trump) is what's wrong with this all.

    Instead you just want to name call and stereotype us all. Call us ugly names. This will do nothing but divide further.

    Instead there should be dialogue, calm and constructive. None of us want the America we all live in. No one wants high school students chanting horrible things st innocent children. No one wants men being dragged from their cars and beaten for who he votes for.

  24. Mrs. Lion

    blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts

    @Mrs D: I cant speak for anyone else, but I shared this on facebook today because it very eloquently puts into words what I have been feeling but having a hard time expressing. I feel that the entire letter spoke for me, but this part in particular...

    "I know that you are not racist, sexist, or hateful. I know you are loving people. But the truth is many Trump supporters aren't like you. If you are silent, your vote for him will be a vote for them, because they are not silent. So speak out against hate. Show grace and support to those who are afraid. You can, I know you can, because I know you are wonderful people. I know you, and I love you, but this cannot be the end of your political action. This is not a vote you can cast and forget. You have a responsibility to follow through and take ownership for this administration."

    http://www.heatherrosewalters.com/new-blog/open-letter-to-conservatives

  25. Mrs D

    grapefruit / 4545 posts

    @Mrs. Lion: can you clarify what action you would like or expect? Serious question...I'm trying to understand.

  26. Madison43

    persimmon / 1483 posts

    @Mrs D: I fear this is going in circles, but I - and most others on this thread I assume - understand that many people, like you, did not support Trump for the terrible and inexcusable things that he said. What we don't understand is how you could support him, through your vote, in spite of the things he said.

    I understand all of many valid reasons people vote for a republican platform over a democratic one. And I understand not voting for Hillary. But I really, really don't understand why Trump's hateful rhetoric didn't disqualify him as a candidate for rationale people like yourself. Yes, everyone has issues that they feel passionately about and those issues themselves can be intensely polarizing but I liked to thing that we were all bound by a common sense of decency and understanding of what kind of person was fit to lead us. Some hyperbole here, but if David Duke rolled out a economic plan that solve the national debt without raising taxes or cutting services, I still wouldn't vote for him, because...David Duke.

    A previous poster mentioned the coal industry and I actually get that - if the difference between one candidate or another is the immediate threat that you may not be able to food in your kid's mouths because the alternative supports eliminating your industry, ok, I get why you may not support him but still vote Trump. I don't expect people to be saints, and I'd pick feeding my kids every time too.

    But then we talking about a small percentage of reluctant supporters...it doesn't explain everyone else to me. I want to understand I do....but I just don't.

  27. Mrs. Lion

    blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts

    @Mrs D: I think it would go a long way, for me as a christian who did not vote for trump, for people who did to clarify out loud that they do not condone the comments he had made throughout his campaign and the hate crimes that are rampant right now. It feels to me that people who voted for him knowing that this was his character endorsed this behavior, and I think actively stepping up now to say you (a figurative you) will not tolerate it would help ease a little of the hurt and anxiety. It feels like a vote for trump was a vote for hatred, so I do think it is on the people who elected him to help put a stop to this. Hate has become socially acceptable, and of the vast majority of trump supporters arent actually this hateful (which I hope and pray that they arent) I think standing up to this type of behavior will take away that acceptability and drown it out.

  28. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    @Mrs D: I'm going to try to explain how I feel and how a lot of us feel and I don't intend this to be a personal attack.

    We are not stereotyping all the people who voted for Trump. We are not saying that you are going to be yelling at Muslims to get out of the country. What I'm saying is that people who for the candidate who inspires these behaviors are still part of the problem. There are nuances to racism and white privilege. The privilege to feel "well, he's not targeting me so it's not that big a deal." The privilege to feel economic issues can trump hateful speech and ideas in a candidate.

  29. katsupgirl

    nectarine / 2280 posts

    @Madison43: I get that you really do want to understand but I think @Mrs D: has already explained her position in this thread and previous ones. For most people here her answer is never going to be good enough because they wouldn't vote for a republican anyway.

    I get that people are upset and need to vent but it needs to be tempered. I think people channeling their energy into supporting programs they believe in is productive but generalizing and labeling a large group of people as hateful is not. How do you expect Trump supporters to not be silent when the angry voices keep yelling and vilifying them?

  30. Madison43

    persimmon / 1483 posts

    @katsupgirl: I'm going to bow out after this because as I mentioned, its circular at this point. But just to clarify MY position, (i) I never said she and fellow Trump supporters were hateful (see my comment that its not that people endorsed his behavior, but voted in spite of it) and (ii) I was also explicit that this isn't a partisan issue for me, and I'm sorry, but if you think that we are all having this conversation because we wouldn't vote for a republican anyway, you're missing the point.

    If the answer is that people voted for him because his policy proposals were more important to them than the impact of HIS hateful rhetoric, then fine. As I said, I'd like to understand, but I don't.

  31. Mama Bird

    pomegranate / 3127 posts

    @katsupgirl: It's SO not about him being a Republican! Actually I rather like a few of his policies (who doesn't like the idea of bringing jobs back home, if it works?) and the fact that he's one of the very few non-politicians to make it into office. But this long ago stopped being about one party vs another for me. There are a couple of people I'd never vote for no matter which ticket they were on and what they promised, and he's the second one. Anyway, it's a done deal. We do need to start healing.

  32. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    I think this is the type of thing we're looking for from trump supporters :

    "I voted for trump despite my strong disagreement with his disparagement of women, minorities and muslims. I truly thought that those who believed in what he was saying about those groups was a tiny minority. I am now so saddened to see how his election has emboldened this group of people and that it is apparently a much larger group of individuals than I realized. In particular since my vote contributed to condoning the hateful words behind this behavior I will work to condemn it when I see it and speak out against anyone trying to whitewash what is happening right now in our country."

    Instead this is what I think many of us here are experiencing on other platforms:
    -stop whining, you're just upset you didn't get a trophy (just no)
    -denial that the hate crimes are occurring (gaslighting)
    -false equivalency between any bad behavior by anti-Trump protesters and the hate crimes mentioned above
    -Trump voters being sad and angry that they're being called racists, etc. (you care about hateful rhetoric only now that it's being used at you)

    I do want to come together and heal as a nation but there is work to be down to get there and it's not going to be painless or comfortable.

  33. YogiRunner

    clementine / 849 posts

    The title of this post is "What do we do now?" Whether we wanted our vote to cause it or not, there is real hate and real sadness erupting everywhere right now. One thing everyone on this thread (and beyond) can agree on is that we all want what's best for our kids. Can we agree to take at least a small tangible step to help stamp out any signs of a culture of hate and combat it with love? There are so many great examples given above - teach your kids about privilege and equality (beyond what you normally do), give to a cause that is meaningful to you, commit acts of kindness, wear a safety pin. For me, one thing I'll do today is find my son books with female protagonists and themes of diversity (I was sent a short list if anyone is interested).

    Can we all commit to at least one thing as a way to move forward?

  34. winter_wonder

    persimmon / 1479 posts

    @YogiRunner: well said.

  35. Mrs. Lemon-Lime

    wonderful pea / 17279 posts

    Not for nothing, I don't need anyone to justify their vote to make me feel better about them as a person. Asking someone to tell me what was Trump's appeal is different because with all of his rhetoric I just didn't get it. Every person gets a vote and how individuals exercise their right is fine by me. We clearly weren't listening to one another's grievances before the vote and now we are.

    One thing I would like Trump to do now is unequivocally come out in support of civility. Grabbing at women's head scarves as they walk down the street is unacceptable. This country is better than that.

  36. Kemma

    grapefruit / 4291 posts

    @YogiRunner: I read a great quote somewhere that said something like "we can't control what happens in the White House but we can control what happens in our own house".

    I'm not American but we all need to be the change, stand up for those people being marginalised, treat others with kindness and teach our children to be good, kind and honest citizens of the world. What we do everyday will surely make more of a difference than what Trump does or doesn't do while in office.

  37. Adira

    wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

    I read a fantastic article that really helped explain to me part of the appeal of Trump. I think all liberals should give it a read!

    http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-trumps-rise-that-no-one-talks-about/

  38. gotkimchi

    nectarine / 2400 posts

    @Adira: this was a good article, I've been following along but not commenting because I've been finding it hard to put into words how I feel. I grew up in a rural community and I think to label all trump supporters racist is to have such a narrow scope of this issue. The issues are deep and real and misunderstood by many. Many people think trump will give them a chance. Wether that's true or not, we'll see. But until someone's walked in these shoes i find it hard to judge them. I voted Hillary but I'm not surprised trump won - life is tough out here and people want to be heard. Trump made them feel heard.

  39. arosebyany

    clementine / 955 posts

    @Adira: this was a great article, thank you! Like @gotkimchi: I've also been following along, but not chiming in. I live in one of those extremely red rural areas, I voted for trump. I have no desire to discuss why, but I wanted to stay that that article expressed much of the sentiment I see day to day! Thanks again!

  40. youboots

    honeydew / 7622 posts

    @Adira: interesting. I live in a farming county/community in a blue state.

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