What does the word spoiled mean to you? If someone used this word to describe your child would you be upset?
What does the word spoiled mean to you? If someone used this word to describe your child would you be upset?
papaya / 10570 posts
It depends on the context. It can either mean that the child has been given everything they want to the point where they are ungrateful and nasty.... Or sometimes people just use it to mean they are showered with love/attention/gifts but dont mean the negative bit.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
People call me spoiled all the time and I admit it, I am. For example, I ordered a suitcase from a department store and changed my mind on it. I'd tossed the box already, so I called my dad and he dropped what he was doing to go to my house, pick up the suitcase then drive 3 towns over to meet me at the mall so I could return it in store so I wouldn't have to pay for return shipping, find a box, etc. I could have waited but when I thought of it, I had to address it right away. I didn't grow up with a lot of material things, but my parents did and still do a lot because that is what they could do.
People also call my son spoiled, and he is, with time and affection. I don't get upset about it, though, because this is how people around him show him love (meaning, giving him time and attention) and as a result, he's very loving and caring towards people.
It's not all bad, at least I don't think it is. I think people tend to throw the term around in a negative way when are actually other issues at play, maybe jealousy?
coconut / 8079 posts
@Cherrybee: ok this helps me. i tend to only think of it in a negative way. but i like how you phrased it that some people think of it as a child showered with love and attention. i think this is what this person means when she says this about my LO, but my mind always seems to react to the word spoiled as if its an insult!
coconut / 8079 posts
@looch: thanks for your reply. my love language is definitely quality time so now that we are in the toddler stage and LO does not necessarily need as much of my time as he did while he was an infant, i still devote lots of time to him as my way to show love. so in that way he is very spoiled! and i think this is what that person was getting at.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@jhd: I definitely see what @Cherrybee: and @looch: are saying, but the word has a negative connotation to me, so I would feel insulted (initially) if someone called my kids spoiled. I'd have to really look at the context of what they are saying and the way they said it to determine if that's what they meant or not!
persimmon / 1183 posts
A child/person who has received many benefits and luxuries from their privilege and has come to expect and feel entitles to them.
coconut / 8079 posts
@Adira: I'm the same as you. The word comes across very negatively to me. I have to take a step back and think and usually talk to DH to help me interpret what the person said!
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
To me, being spoiled means the person is a narcissist and believes their needs or desires are paramount or more important that other people in their family, team, community, etc.
Being spoiled in terms of things and time can be correlated to that kind of self-centered behavior, but I don't think that's always the case. The vast majority of wealthy, fawned over only children I know are extremely polite and kind children.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@jhd: I mean, just looking up the definition doesn't make it seem like being spoiled is a GOOD thing. Here's an example:
"to weaken the character of (a child) by complying unrestrainedly with its desires"
coconut / 8079 posts
@Adira: I totally looked up the definition before starting this thread. LOL yes, based on that definition spoiling is really not something I want to do!
nectarine / 2148 posts
Eh it depends on the context.
If someone says randomly 'your kid is too spoiled'...then I would take that negatively.
If it's Christmas and my mom tells me that DS got spoiled for Christmas....I don't take it negatively because he probably was. I think in this context people mean it in a non-negative way.
clementine / 927 posts
I think of a child who is unable to cope with disappointment and is unaccustomed to not receiving everything he/she wishes.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Eko: That's a good distinguish. I think if you're using "spoiled" as an adjective for your child, it tends to be more negative than using it as a verb, if that makes sense.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
To me it means being undeserving, ungrateful, and having a sense of entitlement. Generally, I would say it's not nice to call someone spoiled. However, terms like "spoil him rotten" are often said when a child is lavished with love & affection and maybe stuff too, but it's adult-driven not child-driven.
coconut / 8079 posts
@Adira: @Eko: the verb vs adjective distinction makes sense to me. DH might say that i spoil him when i go out of my way to make his favorite meal for example. and we could definitely say that LO gets spoiled at Christmas!
squash / 13208 posts
I think it means they get whatever the want.
If the child was under 12 months I wouldn't care of someone called my LO that - they were spoiled with love and attention!
Toddlers and older kids - I def see it as negative
honeydew / 7504 posts
To me, spoiled is Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Whines, stomps her feet, and gets whatever she wants without being grateful. So would I be insulted if someone called my kid spoiled? Yes. But more than insulted, I'd be disappointed with myself, because that is NOT the kind of child I want to raise. I'd have to take a really hard look at my parenting.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
To me, spoiled doesn't necessarily mean being granted or having "all the things". Its more a perspective/something internal. When someone acts entitled or deserving, and lacks perspective on what they have/have been given... that's spoiled to me.
papaya / 10570 posts
@jhd: I'm sorry somebody said that to you and I hope they didn't mean it offensively because, if they did, they suck.
pomelo / 5678 posts
Being raised in a way that does not encourage respect, appreciation, being grateful, and compassion.
I don't think it is always a negative, though! Such as, "awe, you baby-wear her around the house! What a lucky spoiled little girl!" Sometimes in context it can just mean lucky, indulged with a good thing.
coconut / 8079 posts
@Cherrybee: She did not mean if offensively at all, but it's hard for me to think that way when I hear that word. But based on this thread I see that I'm not the only one who thinks terribly awful things when they hear the word spoiled!
Thanks, everyone for the replies.
grapefruit / 4997 posts
Being spoiled is mostly a negative adjective in my opinion that can turn a child into a spoiled, ungrateful brat and will lead to damaging characteristics in adulthood (Google search affluenza teen Ethan Couch). It doesn't mean material things to me only but also how they act or treat others. A person can have all the finer things in life but if they are kind to others, I wouldn't label that person spoiled.
kiwi / 739 posts
Reflecting on this- when I have heard it about my nieces from others I am mad and defensive. However I know I have told them they are spoiled before and I didn't mean it poorly. I meant they receive a lot of things. My sisters love language is gifts and always has been since we were kids and that's how she shows her love. My nieces certainly aren't brats about it, they didn't throw fits when they didn't get hover boards for Christmas- they just don't know differently.
I guess my point is it can be sad with love and with a teasing/disbelief (jealous?) tone or it can be said in a bratty way.
Eta: read this and they sound like spoiled brats my wording wasn't the best.
apricot / 287 posts
@littlebug: Veruca Salt was my first thought, too. I guess in general I would think of it as negative, but I suppose my dad calls DS spoiled a lot and he just means that he is well-loved.
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