FIL and my LO (3y4m) are talking on FaceTime. I had been holding the phone for LO so he could talk and play, but asked him to hold it for a bit because I needed to check on something in the other room. After a few minutes I hear FIL ask LO "Where's that mean old mommy of yours?"
How would you handle a situation like this?
grapefruit / 4466 posts
I'm sorry 
If it was me, I would probably bring it up with my husband and see if he could address it since it's his family.
cantaloupe / 6171 posts
Omg that would piss me off. I wouldn't say anything in front of lo but I'd text him after saying something to the effect of "do not undermine me or bad mouth me to my child" I'm not sure of a nice way to phrase that, maybe like "Thanks for facetiming with lo, he loves talking to you! In the future though, please refrain from name-calling (I heard you call me "mean mommy") as we don't want to model that behavior to lo"
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I would have jumped back into the frame and said "here I am." My son wouldn't have noticed, but it would sure send a message to the offender.
Since you can't recreate the moment, I'd just confront my FIL directly...and say something along the lines of what Nana87 wrote above.
persimmon / 1064 posts
Meh. I'd eyeroll this but wouldn't do anything about it. To me it just sounds like something an old man says without realizing the actual words he's saying (like a figure of speech).
ETA: not saying it's right, or excusing the behavior, of course. If it seemed like LO noticed I would have a conversation with LO...and if it became something repeatedly said/modeled by FIL I would say something then.
I would have no problem calling my dad out on it, but in law relationship dynamics are tricky.
pear / 1622 posts
@jhd: has he said that before or something similar? I would be annoyed and let him know you know he's trying to be funny/connect but to keep in mind he's a role model and a role model should not say that. Hugs
persimmon / 1367 posts
For me, it would depend on your relationship with your inlaws the rest of the time. If the relationship is a positive one, I'd probably let it go as an offhand silly remark and keep modeling positive behavior to LO. If there were ongoing issues with feeling undermined or parenting not being supported, then I would definitely speak to DH and come up with a way to address it directly with FIL.
clementine / 874 posts
Ugh, that's hard. DH's family has a lot of name-calling sarcasm that I don't like and I made it clear to him that I wanted nothing to do with it and he laid down the law with the family before I ever joined.
In this situation, I would have popped back in or yelled from the other room "I don't think I'd say 'mean' and I'd rather DD not learn to call me that." Honestly, that's the crux of it and if it is awkward, well it wasn't your fault he tried to insult you to your daughter. Maybe being awkward will be enough to make it stick. I'd complain to DH about it so if he saw it happen, he could chime in, but I would only bring it up immediately after. Otherwise, he could claim he never said that and just get defensive.
coconut / 8079 posts
@periwinklebee: @nana87: @looch: @bees_knees: @autumnleaves: @Rocker2014: @codeitall: thanks for your perspectives, ladies. it helps to hear them!
I wasn't able to say anything in the moment, but I felt so strongly about it that I had to at least address it with LO. He said FIL did say that, he was being silly. So I think LO understood that FIL thought he was being funny. I told him I didn't think that was funny and said we don't call each other mean. My ILs say awkward/rude/insensitive things all the time. I'm trying to sort out how upset I am about this vs. other things they have said lately that were definitely over the line and hurtful. I'm pregnant and hormonal and not as able to let things go/ignore them as I usually am. 
And sometimes I wonder if ignoring things with them really does any good. I am very non confrontational and DH tends to be like "just ignore them. we don't have to see them very often" because we haven't found a good way to handle them. DH would step in and do something if I felt strongly about it, but I don't think this is really serious enough to warrant the drama! Sorry for the ramble.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Aww I am so sorry 
Kinda glad you heard it though so you are able to address your LO, and maybe your DH.
blogger / pomegranate / 3044 posts
I'd "assume" he was using it as a term of endearment and only refer to him as mean old grandpa in the future
coconut / 8079 posts
@snowjewelz: I am too. I felt like I should talk about it with him. My parents just don't talk that way. My brothers might say that about me if I told LO no or something but I have a very different relationship with my brothers vs my FIL!
pomegranate / 3231 posts
I would confront him about undermining me as a parent and minimize or cut off his unsupervised access to my child.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Sounds like he was trying to get a cheap laugh out of your grandson. Since you really didn't care for it tell him about how he has to an example. Kids mimic. If it were my FIL I wouldn't say anything because his interaction with LO is very non-existent. My dad sees LO a lot and when he does or says something we don't agree with I let him know and the reason behind it.
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