Hellobee Boards

I would say "no, they have telekinesis which I think is pretty unnatural."

The word that my OB uses is "spontaneous". This came up as one of her assistants was pregnant with twins and she was telling me about how they weren't sure when she would start her leave. I think I reacted with something like, I don't know what I would do with twins - I guess you figure it out as you go but that I was thankful I was pregnant with one because I wasn't sure that mentally I could handle multiples. She then responded that the twins were not spontaneous and were a long time coming. I had a conversation with the assistant where I told her that I was sorry her journey wasn't what she thought it would be but that I was excited that she had found a means to having her family. It was a candid conversation where I learned about her infertility journey.

People ask that???

I think this is a hard topic. I read so much around here about how many people don't want to be shunned for their infertility or losses and how they wish they could more comfortably talk about these situations. But then there are clearly people who still feel like these are taboo topics unless the person experiencing these things brings it up. I get that as humans we maybe don't always use the right words but hopefully we are working toward pure compassion and comfort intentions and not just being a punk.

@Caly: I LOVE "we bought them"! That's hilarious. The other day my husband looked fondly at our son sleeping and said "Remember when this guy was just $12,000 cash"?

@PawPrints: I don't know, I don't consider them the same questions. I think twins or multiples fascinate people. They fascinate me; I find them really interesting. And the idea that in some cases, they do run in the family is as equally as fascinating. My sister in law is a twin and my brother in law is a twin (both are the spouses of my husbands siblings and unrelated). Twins run deep in their family. I also have another cousin who had twins via IVF and twins also run in her family. I'd never ask a mom I just met "Hey those kids look like twins, how were they conceived? Naturally?" yuck. awful question. But "Hey those cuties look like twins! How amazing! Are there any other twins in your family?"
Thats pretty harmless IMO, and mom or dad could respond yes or no. And hey, if you wanted to ignore me or give me a bratty comment, I'd feel bad and move on. Or if you wanted to tell me your IVF journey, I'd listen, genuinely.

ugh. Weird questions from people about pregnancy/children irk me. I don't have twins and haven't done IVF and I also don't ask this - I leave it up to the mama to speak about her experiences if she wants to/it comes up in a normal conversation not some intrusive weirdness that basically asks about conception.

@bluestriped bee: I didnt realize people ask that question, I would find that a bit rude and intrusive

I can't believe people say 'natural'! However, I never associated asking if twins run in the family to mean IVF. I remember when that was a fairly common response and it was out of innocent curiosity. This was before IVF was common (I'm no spring chicken). I can see how the meaning has changed over the years. I'm grateful to know that it can be offensive and stay clear of it entirely.

I have been asked a lot if they are natural. It is an odd way of asking because it kind of implies the opposite of that would be unnatural. In general I try to be polite to people because they just aren't aware of what could be a bit insensitive. I usually just say yes they are natural. Sometimes people will go on to ask if twins run in the family and I say nope, no twins, we are just the lucky ones.

On lady got me on an off day. We had gone to the park because the boys were being particularly rough and needed to get outside and I am afraid I was a bit rude. She asked if all three boys were mine. I said yes. She had that crazy look on her face where people are trying to figure out how I could possibly have three so young then She said oh are the twins natural. I said I just met you and you want to know if my husband put his own sperm in my vagina or if a doctor did it. I think that's a topic for a second or third play date not a random park meeting. Not my finest moment.

I've been asked many times if I had my twins "naturally" and also if twins run in my family. I usually launch into an explanation about how identical twins is random. But, on occasion I have responded that they were BOGO.

Both my husband and I have fertility issues & loss and thus I am very interested in the TTC process, in all shapes and forms - NTNP, surprise babies, TTC, IUI, IVF, donor sperm and eggs, etc. So, honestly, whenever I meets moms of multiples, I am very curious and in a sense wondering that maybe this is was the blessed outcome of the hard road of IF. I don't think I've ever asked anyone directly, because I already knew the back stories of the moms of multiples in my life. I also have the same interest when people have babies really spaced out, or later in life, etc. but I don't ask.

Also, I'm an over-sharer, so I have a hard time understanding why people are private about this stuff. I personally have been very open about our (relatively short) journey, that's just how I roll. I think conversations are a way to normalize and remove the "shame" of IF and loss. There is sadness, but shouldn't be shame.

Hmm interesting... I've been asked whether twins run in my family and I don't even have twins (but my mom is a twin..and I don't think people are asking is she's the result of IVF.) I guess I won't ask that! Some of these stories are crazy!

@sunshineandsushi: this is how I respond these days.

I am only 15w into my twin pregnancy and I have no idea how many times I have been asked weird questions. So I just say that no twins don't run in our family and that we got a buy one get one free deal. And that they are just spontaneous twins.

I only talk about it with friends who tell me about it. My close friends are very open about how they conceived their multiples. I don't ask strangers about it because I don't think it is polite.
I'm not surprised that you are being asked because people seem to think that other people's fertility is their business.

@Mrs. Train: I would have loved to see her response!!