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We've been together over 11 years & married 7 & so far so good. Between deaths of parents, major health issues, years of infertility, loss of our primary income, etc we've only gotten closer & couldn't be happier. We're expecting twins here soon, and hopefully that'll continue.
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Year 1 was tough for us, because I moved internationally to a country where i didn't know the language and I started a new job.
eta: every year has a challenge, I wouldn't say that means that the year is difficult.
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We've been married 2 years now and so far so good! I think maybe lately we've been more snippy than usual but I think that's just pregnancy hormones.
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I agree with @locavore_mama - it's probably bc most couples are combining finances and moving in together that first year...and combining families (it's hard letting of your traditions and blending into anther family).
For us, year 1 was great - the wedding was over and we were working and pretty must carefree and having fun. Year 3 was the toughest bc that was the year we had LO and the transition to me being a SAHM and adjusting to our new roles as parents. But year 4 has been the best year ever of my life :). We have our 5 year anniversary next week and I'm super scared/excited to see what happens next as we plan to add baby #2 soon
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Definitely adjusting to having LO (who arrived 6 weeks before our 2nd wedding anniversary). It's been 1000 times harder than I anticipated.
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Year 1 was no picnic, year 2 was a beast. Years 3 and 4 have been really good. LO will arrive a few months into year 5, and I'm a little worried because I imagine it's going to be difficult in ways we haven't even imagined yet.
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Year two for us as LO arrived a few days before our first wedding anniversary. I wish we had talked more ahead of time about expectations and sharing resposibilities...that being said, year three is definitely going better though I am nervous to see how adding LO #2 will change things.
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We're about 2.5 years in and so far so good. Although if I could vote for year -1, that'd be it. We moved in together a year before we got married and that year was ROUGH. I think it was a combination of wedding planning + all the adjustments of living with him for the first time that made it sort of a rough year for us. But who knows what will happen when LO is born.. I suspect that might be a bit rough on us!
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First year was so hard for us back then. I didn't even know if we could make it!
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Sweetie and I aren't legally married...but...I don't think that really changes the way we carry out our relationship.
Our first 5 or 6 months of living together (a bit over 2 years into our relationship) were really rough. Then things smoothed out for a bit until we bought a house together a few months ago. Time will tell, but, I think things are starting to calm enough that first living together year will still top this one for hardest.
With my ex-wife, our first year of living together was very hard too. We had pretty smooth sailing after that until we started to move apart in years 7/8.
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year 2 was the hardest but only b/c DH had some major health problems & needed several surgeries. i wish that had never happened, but the hard stuff brings you a lot closer together than the easy stuff!
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Though year 1 threw us a lot of challenges (DH went through company and structural changes I think 4 times?), this year (5 married, 7 since dating) is proving to be emotionally challenging and frustrating. I think having a baby is part of it, but also for work and maybe that 7 year thing?
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@MarieJ: Looking back, I'd say years 2 & 3. Year 1 was the 'honeymoon high' ... At the time, I would never say that ANY years were hard, but again, looking back after 5 years, I see how much better our relationship is now. We were also in school/grad-school during those years with NO money. Now, we're 'adulting' with real jobs ... it's nice!
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Year 1 was tough but it was more circumstance than anything else, we moved cities, away from most of our family and friends, and got new jobs. Hardest year with him was moving in together and adjusting to that. I'd say each year has brought new challenges but we had the most difficulty working through them our first year. I think not having a support system when we first moved had a lot to do with it.
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Year 1 for sure - omg the fighting. To be fair, we never lived together before, and we are COMPLETELY opposites so it took a lot of getting used to each other and a lot of compromises (and yelling). So much better now (year 3 and 5 months)
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@Adira: That's almost exactly what I was going to type! After our wedding people were always like, "So, how's married life?" Uh...pretty much the same as living together life, lol. But life with a newborn, little sleep, hormones, way less intimacy than before...yeah, that's tough!
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Year 3 for us. The year started out tough with my MIL's visit from hell during our first months as new parents. I never expected that my baby's first year of life would be punctuated by amazing milestones and marriage counseling. Expectations of each other changed a lot too in relation to chores, etc. Huge year of change for us. Year 2 was a little tough because of the pregnancy, but some of the issues from that led up to the boil over occurring in Year 3. I'm hoping that Year 4 starts and is better than 3.
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@Orvis18: Word on being nervous about adding LO #2 to the mix. I feel like we got our groove back around 6 months. Adding a pregnancy and another LO will definitely make things tougher.
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our first year married might have been the hardest, but I don't think it had to do with being married--we moved to a new city, into an apt that turned out to be terrible for us (cramped, dark, etc), and most of all, I started grad school, so our daily rhythm was just off. We had lived together before, but went from both having office jobs during normal hours to dh working at home and me working at home basically around the clock (bye bye nights and weekends!) except when I had classes and was on campus. My first semester especially was a REALLY hard adjustment.
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Our hardest time was during our fertility treatments. We had been married about 2 years. Being on hormones and all kinds of medications made me a nightmare to be around. I think that was the hardest. We also struggled during our adoption and having three boys but we didn't really have major issues. We were just kind of short with each other. We have been married 7 years and things are great.
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I would say with marriage nothing has been tough *yet* (going on 4 years married now - but 7 years total) but I will say the second year of dating was tough!
Glad we stuck it through. -
The first year was hardest for us. We got married young (21/22) and even though we had been together for a long time, we never lived together, so it was definitely an adjustment period.
The second year brought tough circumstances (m/c and TTC for 13 months), but I think it actually brought us closer together. We had to lean on each other more and we didn't argue as much about dumb stuff.
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@Raindrop: We had a tough dating year too. For awhile there, we fought and nearly broke up. I've noticed that when it gets really tough, fleeing is my natural instinct. When everything went down with my MIL, fleeing the situation and even my marriage felt better than what we were going through. It took a lot of conversations, etc. to get to where we are today.
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We just had our 6th anniversary, but we've been together for almost 12 years. The hard parts in our marriage were when I was really unhappy with the direction of my life, but I didn't really know how to articulate that feeling. I thought maybe our relationship was the problem, and I needed time to really figure out what the (actually totally unrelated) problem was. Year two of my daughter's life has also been harder for us, since she takes so much of our time and energy. There's just so little of those things left over for each of us, and for us together.
I'd say we're coming through it with really improved communication and self care skills, though. Overall parenting has drastically improved our lives.
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Marriage has been tough in the last 6 months (almost 3 years in) but the first year of us LIVING together was the hardest thing ever.
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Married 13 years, year 6ish and 13ish the hardest.
Year 6ish because we both had some growing up to do (married young and acted young for too long) this year because of enormous life stressers, including LO. But the first year with her was easy, so I know it isn't just her. -
Year 3 to 4 was hard because the transition to 1 baby from 0 was hard for us.
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The first year with a child.
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Only just coming up to 2nd anniversary, but year 1 was definitely tough. A lot of transition and some resentment. We've gotten into our own groove since then and couldn't be happier. I think year 4 may be a another tough one if things go as planned with our TTC. But, you never know!
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@erinpye: YUUUUP. First year with child was definitely the hardest for us too.
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First year was easy.
Second year was pretty good too.
Third year has been hard.
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Year three was hard. We had a lot of financial struggles, but it helped us to grow. I'm anxious to see how having a child affects the rest of year seven.
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We are super lucky....We've been able to adapt and everything's been cool so far at 2.5 years married, almost 6 years together. We were married a little less than a year when we got preg with DD but we just fall all over her, love that stinker so much:) No problems= We're both pretty laid back though and the fact that he works away for 3 weeks at a time means that when he's home, it's a total honeymoon:)
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Married 4.5 years. Year 1 was the hardest. Things haven't been that bad since LO arrived in May. I think because we went through so much to have LO, we are very gracious to each other.
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@MarieJ: I kind of think the whole first year of marriage thing relates to the first year living together. This was definitely the hardest for us as it is a huge adjustment. The first year we were actually married was no different to any other!
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Reviving this older thread because going through tough marriage years myself. 2nd year for us is the hardest. I thought year one was the harder because we just got married and had a newborn already. Toddler life and job issues going on prove to be harder than year one. Our LO comes to work with us so it’s draining (it’s a family business.) Anywho, do you all still stick to the years that you said were the hardest now?
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@paigeface: I wasn't on this thread but I would say when our first was a toddler and Dh had a lot of work hours and very little flexibility was our most difficult year by far. That was year 3/4 for us. In many ways I felt like we were living different lives! It's hard to explain but it was harder adjusting to that than the baby stage as a couple. We've been married about double that now. Hoping it doesn't get that difficult again!!
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We are just about to hit our second anniversary. I’ve found marriage easier - it was the time we lived together before we got married that was rough and I wondered if we would survive it. We did and marriage has been wonderful so far. We are trying to have a baby and I do worry about the stress that can cause if we are successful. We moved to Europe within the first 6 months of marriage and lived in a small hotel room for two months with the dog so I feel like DH and I can survive other challenges together and still love each other.
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We have been together almost 18 years. Met in college. Married for almost 10 years. I'd say the year after the first kid was the hardest. And it's been harder since DH has moved up in his firm and travels 80% of the year. Basically since our DINK lifestyle ended. It's nothing that hasn't been manageable, but we've had to manage our expectations for each other, home life, what we prioritize, since we have so little time together as a family. I mostly SAH; I think it would be much much more challenging if I worked full time. We have #2 on the way and I'm anticipating another hard first year.
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@Littlebit7: 18 years for us too
But only married for 5.
Same as @erinpye: For us it was the first year we had a baby. Had him right after our 2nd anniversary, so I guess the 3rd year? But it was purely because of the challenges of New parenthood and my PPD/PPA.
We had such a hard time figuring out roles and responsibilities and I was just a beast from the PPD. Didn’t realize that at the time, but looking back it’s like “aha! You weren’t a total asshole, I was the asshole!”
Prior to that, the first two years were amazing, despite multiple miscarriages and a diagnosis that meant IVF. I felt so extremely close to him during all of that and it really made me realize how important he is to me.After the first year of parenthood things drastically improved as my hormones leveled off and we got into a stride. Now, since our 5 year, I can honestly say I’ve never been happier in our marriage. I have such an appreciation for him as a father and a teammate. We’ve always said we’re each other’s best friend, but that has never felt truer than it does today. We are expecting #2 (with a lot of hesitation on my part) in Feb/March and we are going into it prepared for the hardships this time and I’m being proactive about the PPD so that hopefully it doesn’t have as much of an impact (I went totally untreated last time till the very end).
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