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I have a lot of siblings and I'm only really close to a couple. I get along with all of them, and I'm friendly with all of them. I love them all dearly, but there are a few I'll never be "close" with. And its not a bad thing. I think it's just that we're SO different. I feel judged by a couple of them, like parenting, life choices (being a working mom), etc. So that is a factor for sure. I don't get a lot of support from some of them.
But my sibling I am really close with, we have more similar views/opinions, and even if we don't - we still respect each other and don't criticize the other for their opinions.
Also, gender has played no role in whether I'm close or not close with them

In large part because we have a narcissistic mother. We bonded over shared-difficulty with her! Now we are the very best of friends.

I'm friendly, but not close with my siblings. The biggest reason I can think of (besides our age difference), is we are both really independent and kind of do our own thing. Our family was never close growing up, so we didn't have those roots set when our parents got divorced and my dad died.

Great question! I would love to know the answer to this.

I’m 3.5 years younger than my brother. If he wasn’t my brother I actually think we would be great friends. I actually have a few guy friends that are very similar to his personality. The thing is growing up it felt like we were always pitted against each other and I came out ahead and he’s very bitter about that. He is now getting passed that – slowly but surely. I feel if our parents just didn’t pit us against each other we would have a better relationship but it was almost always who was doing better in the round of cousins (not super close to any cousins also because of this) so they (parents) can brag.

I’m trying really hard to not let this happen with my sons. I’m unreasonably worried about this.

My husband is the oldest of 3 boys, all 2 years apart. They aren’t very close at all either and his parents seem really supportive of each one and each of their interests. It’s just none of their interests really aligned and they are all so super different. I think they just couldn’t find any common ground. So there is that.

I mean I guess you can try your hardest to have your kids be friends but in the end it just might not happen. DH and I will drop anything to be there for our brothers if they need us but other than that… we aren’t very close to them. We wouldn’t call them to just say hi or catch up outside of family gatherings.

We are not close because my mum created an environment where only she mattered. She is a bully, and it was like every man for himself, but I'm not like that and would stand up for others. My siblings are just like her. Both parents contributed to a very unhealthy sibling relationship where competition was encouraged and parents mattered most. It created a lot of problems between us.

I am one of five siblings and I am close to all of them. I talk every day to two of them, and talk at least once or twice a week to the other two. I think the main reason we are all close is the way we were brought up. We were homeschooled and spent every single day together. We spent every day out riding bikes, riding horses around our property, building tree forts, etc. We were each others' favorite playmates even though we also spent lots of time with the neighbor kids. When my parents transitioned us to public school, that closeness stayed and we always looked out for each other.

I also have at least one thing in common with each of my siblings and those commanalities keep us close even in adulthood. For example, my older brother and I were home schooled the longest, did church youth group together, went to camp together for 8 years, and were the "older kids" who were usually in charge of the 3 younger siblings.

My sister right below me in age lives less than 5 minutes from my house. So we see each other almost every day.

The other 2 siblings are in college but we FaceTime often (daily with one of them).

Another huge reason I'm close with all of them is because I'm the only one with kids, and they all want to be close to their nieces. So they all make an effort to stay in close contact with me, so they can be in close contact with my kids I'm so grateful for that! They want to be a big part of their lives, and none of them have kids of their own yet.

My brother and I are only 20 months apart but I've always felt the need to care for him and take care of him. Even now as he is a grown and married man I like to help him whenever I can and when he needs it. Our personalities are similar and we're both firecely loyal which makes it easy to be close. Growing up we always had each other's backs because our parents worked 12 hour 6 days a week jobs as small business owners and we were on our own a lot.

Our parents definitely instilled the closeness too. We always had family dinner together went to church every Sunday and spent the day at the park or skating rink etc on their one day off from work. We shared a room until I was in 4th or 5th grade too! We've always been best friends.

My brothers are much older than me. 6-8 years older. Growing up they were always an authority figure, not a friend. Now that we're older we are closer in that there's less of a parent / child relationship. But I don't think we'll ever be BFFs. But I know without a sliver of a doubt that they will always be there for me. They have proven that time and time again through my life. We definitely have our differences and will never "go drinking together". But, My brothers ROCK.

@LuLu Mom: THIS:
"my parents raised us to be close and I would have dropped everything if they called and needed me,"

That's, I think, all I can hope and expect of our kids. They don't have to be the best of friends but I hope they will always have each other's back. Long after we're gone. I know siblings that are not like that and I think that's very sad.

My siblings are 16, 15, and 9 years older than me, so we didn't really grow up together, so that is a big reason we aren't close. I was actually very close to two of them up until I went to college, and no longer live in same town, so we grew apart since we don't have a lot of overlapping life experiences due to age difference. I'm still close to my oldest sibling, but more in a second mom way, and we really only talk once every few months.

Other reason we aren't that close is my mom died when I was 13 years old, and the dynamic of our family changed a lot after that - without her, my dad didn't "glue" the family together and plan get togethers and celebrations the way she did, so we just didn't keep the strong family bond we had before.

Additionally I disagree with some of their religious views that I think are bigoted, but don't voice it to avoid conflict.

I have two younger brothers (2.5 and 5 years younger than I am), and I would say that I close with my middle brother and pretty close with my younger one. The two of them are also close. I think in our particular case, it has a lot to due with how we were raised. We are all three very different, and have different priorities--although similar values. Our parents aren't close to their own siblings, and one of their goals as parents was that we grow up to be friends. They fostered and encouraged that, and I think they were successful.

This is a good question. I'm 6 years older than my brother, so off the bat large age gap and different genders. However, we're super close. I'm not sure why - maybe we were always expected to be respectful to each other. We both have huge hearts and love animals.... Hmm... Good food for thought, but we're very close!

My brother and I are 4 years apart and we were always close growing up, so I don't buy the whole age-spacing thing for closeness. I am the oldest and we were latch-key kids so we basically always played together and I was also very maternal and protective. My parents and he call me sister-mom because I was half mom to him. When he was a teen or in college, I could get through to him when my parents couldn't. As adults, he still always turned to me for advice and we made it a point to see each other a few times a year even when I lived across the country.

These days we don't necessarily talk that often (maybe once a month?) and there's a lot about his life that as a 30 year old man, I don't really control or have a say in, which is annoying sometimes when he makes choices that I don't necessarily think are the best. But in terms of big life decisions, he still calls for advice and we still consider ourselves very close.

As to why, I think just that our parents were strict, so we were at home together a lot. They also believed in birth order responsibilities, so they really instilled the idea that I was in charge and responsible for his well-being and that my brother owed me respect and deference as the younger kid. My family had a lot of hard times growing up because of my parents constantly having money problems and job insecurity, so there was a lot of sticking together through that stuff. These days, my brother and I are further brought together by the fact that we have to support our parents and we're constantly having to confer with each other about their affairs and health. I would say my brother and I are quite different in terms of personality, but ever since we were kids we've always found hobbies in common or ways to bond so that we could pass time together. So, even as adults, we always have found activities that we enjoy sharing - which for us is fine dining experiences, food and wine, and cooking together.

My bro and I were much closer when we both lived in city together. For about 5 years during our 20s , we lived 5 blocks away and it was awesome. Now my family lives about an hour outside the city, so we aren't as close. We still get along well, but it just isn't the same.

Our kids get along very well too so we try to get together regularly.

My brother is 3 years older and has always been super protective of me. To the point that it made us not able to be close when we were younger. It drove me crazy. We fought a lot as kids and as teenagers he was critical of everything I did. Who I dated. Who I was friends with. We have very different personalities. He is very pessimistic and I am optimistic. But he married my SIL 12 years ago and she and I get along fabulously and we all moved to the same city. My brother chilled out a bit and we all became very close. So, idk, I guess I'd say that our personalities made us not so close, but life kept us together anyway. I love him and his family and our kids play together all the time. It's very nice.

Why are you close with ANYONE? Mostly just personality fit, right? That's the biggest reason for me. Older brother is 4 years older, younger brother is 2.5. I always just connected more with one vs the other for no "reasonable" reason.

@looch: agree with this "So, I think the more parents try to force it or plan for it, the more they are wasting their time. "

My DH is constantly forcing his 2 sons to hang out and be friends with each other - they are 3 yrs apart - they are totally different kids with different interests and I could never understand why he was so insistent that they always include each other - if anything I think it drew them further apart

Growing up we were never forced to hang out with each other - me and my brother (2 yrs older) were the closest mainly due in part that we both had friends in the same families. My older sister and I (5 yrs apart) were totally different people and not close until we were both preg at the same time then we got really close and still are. My oldest brother (9 yrs older) were not close as kids but we are now.