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Does your LO have 1 or 2 friends she really clicks with? I would rather start small by solidifying friendships with 1-2 kids. Maybe do more regular play dates or encourage her to play with them at school a little more.

My older LO is very shy around new people or in new situations. She has been with the same group of kids for the last almost 3 years so she is very comfortable around them now. But if we go to a party where there are other kids, she is very slow to warm up to them and would rather stay with us.

If a child is shy, it's hard to change that - it's her personality! And pushing a shy kid to be social makes things worse (not saying that's what you do, just a general comment). I would be upset if my daughter's teacher said that she had to work on her social skills because she was a shy child.

Me and my daughter are the same and i definitely would not hold her back for that. its just our personality! from my experience, i don't think some outgoing people *get* quiet people. we're just more observant, take in our surroundings, play with who we're comfortable playing with. i've encountered many people who think this is a flaw, but its not at all. and it just makes you feel worse when people say or act like its a flaw. (haha can you tell i have a bunch of bitterness from this?!) so i would just keep encouraging your daughter to play with her friends at school, and put her in the grade she is ready for academically. if the shyness was affecting her ability to learn or participate, thats different, but from your description she sounds fine and normal!

ETA- my daughters preschool sent me a video of her and her friends dancing too. For the first part of the video my daughters just watching. But then at the very end she does a small twirl! Haha makes me laugh every time I watch.

I have a big problem with schools pushing extroversion as a measure of success so I would be really cautious. I'm an introvert who is very happy and social once I'm comfortable in a setting, but still prefer smaller closer groups of friends and intimate gatherings. And my eldest is just like me so I always tell his teachers he is an introverted child who needs to warm up to everything - even new toys.

I would just make sure she is happy, feels secure and stable, and confident, first and foremost. Introverts, in my experience, who get pushed too hard at an early age have issues with self esteem and it can be crippling. But if allowed to get comfortable and settle in, really bloom.

I think it's important to push just enough where your kid can function appropriately and feel confident enough to do a little more stuff like public speaking, group collaborations, and being polite to new people or new surroundings, but it can be done super gradually over a long period of time. I remember just starting kinder for me was mentally and emotionally really overwhelming. I never suffered or anything, but it was just a lot to take in and I would need to play with my brother for hours or just zone out in my room when I got home. I didn't do any other activities other than church for kinder and first.

Show and tell, selling fundraising items, team sports, book presentations, choir, band - all these things were not things I was naturally inclined towards, but I did things like that a few times a year growing up starting in like 2nd or 3rd grade and it was easier to grow into those skills because the utility of those skills could be explained to me more and I was more into the groove of school.

Plus my parents always encouraged me to do the things that I liked doing - having play dates with just 1 or 2 friends, reading all the time, hanging out quietly in my room, etc.

@gingerbebe: THIS!! "I have a big problem with schools pushing extroversion as a measure of success so I would be really cautious."