at least 5-10 times this has happened -
my husband will be on bath duty and I hear my son's voice only, kinda solo playing, talking to himself. I walk by the bathroom and see my husband sitting next to the tub, scrolling Facebook.
Each time I have snatched my husbands phone - I just think it's a shitty message to send. Am I over reacting? Like talk to your kid - we both work crazy hours - be present the times you are with him!
pear / 1718 posts
I see how it could bother you. But I wouldn't snatch your husband's phone from him. Because I think that sends the wrong message too. Talk to him later and work it out then.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Bath time has morphed from bonding time to really another activity that LO enjoys and will wear him out before naps and/ or bedtime. Once I realized LO was very happy just being in the tub playing and splashing around I gave myself a little leeway not to try to entertain him and *make* bath time fun.
I always do bath time, so I am not sure if I would be upset if playing with his phone came with my husband taking over that task. If him being on the phone is a safety concern then raise it. Outside of actual bath time is your husband typically present in his interactions?
persimmon / 1130 posts
During bath time I sometimes get out a book and read because DD is content to amuse herself, so from that perspective I don't necessarily think it's an issue that he isn't entertaining your son. BUT, I completely understand your frustration with the phone itself. Both DH and I have been guilty of this in the past, although I'm really making an effort to be more present and leave my phone in a different room. I agree that I don't like the message that it sends.
honeydew / 7463 posts
Agree with @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: - what is he like outside of bathtime? Is he ALWAYS on the phone and checked out with the kids? Or is bathtime a moment when he sees an opportunity where LO is entertained and he takes it?
Like @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: my son is very happy playing by himself in the tub at this point. I interact when I'm washing him - usually singing songs and asking questions. But once he's clean he likes to just play and I sometimes just lean back and place an Amazon order or text a friend. And if he wants me to interact he'll tell me (mommy can you blow bubbles/spray me/etc) so obviously I put the phone down and join him. I probably do bath 1-2 times a week. DH does the rest.
I totally get what you're saying about him working and that is time to spend with your son. My husband does a lot of interacting with our son as soon as he gets home (1-1.5 hours before bath), he also gets him in the morning and does a lot on weekends. So if he found a spare moment to mess on his phone while sitting nearby and LO was safe I wouldn't care too much. HOWEVER if he was on his phone/FB as soon as he got home and didn't interact at all I'd be mad. Or if he gets home right at bathtime and that is his ONLY interaction I might be upset.
I guess I would try to look at the bigger picture and decide if it is worth it. If it's 5-10 mins out of the day when he's otherwise pretty present, I wouldn't say much.
honeydew / 7463 posts
@LemonJack: totally agree about trying to lay off the phone a bit! I also try to leave it in my bedroom When he's awake. And now that he's very verbal he'll tell me "put the phone down mommy!" So that really made me realize how much they observe and it's made it a lot easier to leave the phone behind.
BUT if he's happily entertained I don't have a problem with it.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
I would be incredibly upset with my husband if he snatched my phone (or anything for that matter) out of my hands and particularly if he did so in front of our children. We are a great check and balance for each other on the phone usage and will call each other out when needed, but we do it privately and respectfully.
eggplant / 11716 posts
No, wouldn't be annoyed at all by this. Whether it's Dh or Me, usually whoever is supervising the kids in the bath is sitting on a stool doing stuff on their phone. Our kids entertain each other and we keep the (clear) shower liner closed because they love to splash and we allow it with the liner closed.....so we aren't leaning in very close until the end when we actually wash and rinse them. Until that point, the parent on duty is just there to make sure everyone is safe while the other parent cleans up dinner.
We have enough connection time after work, during dinner, and during bedtime routine stuff and are happy to just let the kids play independently in the bath as long as they want.
pineapple / 12053 posts
I also wouldn't be annoyed unless the kid was under the water or something! I check my phone during that time too if the crazies are happy playing together!
kiwi / 625 posts
Totally agreed - I shouldn't have snatched his phone. I guess I get frustrated because most nights he comes home from work after our son is in bed - it's super rare that he is home to be there for bed time - so I just wish he would be more engaged during that precious time.
I am also generally over the phone addictions overall. So it was probably displaced frustration - I honestly would celebrate the day these things went away. No one has an attention span anymore - I find it so bothersome.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I would be annoyed if that was one of the only times they got quality time together during the day. DD doesn't need to be entertained while she's in the tub but she does like to "talk" to us while she plays. Plus we need free hands for when she decides she's done and tries to climb out. She's fast.
kiwi / 625 posts
He kept saying "I want mommy to come play with me". I guess I got the feeling he could sense dad was dis-interested. I'm all for letting my son solo play - and I would totally be fine if he was sending an email - or even amazing - placing an Amazon order for somerhing needed (yeah right) but facebook - for likely the 20th time that day - that's where the frustration comes from.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
I wouldn't be, but I also use bath time to relax for 10 minutes and zone out on my phone while DD plays. I'd never snatch his phone away personally, if I had an issue id just say hey, you haven't seen X all day, why don't you spend some time chatting. DH and I have to remind each other to be present sometimes. It doesn't have to be a big negative thing.
kiwi / 625 posts
not that this is any excuse, but I'm also 40 + 3 due any minute now, so I am super sensitive to this time we have left as a family of three, and the time we have to devote to our son before we are juggling both kids..
eggplant / 11716 posts
@catomd00: that's a good point that it doesn't have to be a negative thing. I know I really bristle when my husband tries to "correct" something he thinks I'm not doing right when I feel like I have a really legitimate reason for doing it. Co-parenting isn't easy, that's for sure. Definitely the kind of thing that should actually be discussed sans kids, at a calm moment.
coffee bean / 46 posts
Yes, absolutely I'd be annoyed. 1) Safety! Why aren't you paying attention? 2) For our family in particular, hubby and I have agreed not to use our phones/tablets in front of the kids unless it's an emergency because all they want to do is grab them from us and copy our behavior. That means no phones at dinner, in the car, while waiting on line, etc. So I'd be pissed at him for breaking our own agreed-upon rule.
pineapple / 12053 posts
@oskarsmommy: well shoot, at 40 weeks pregnant, i'd be annoyed about everything! 
pomelo / 5093 posts
I'd be furious if my husband snatched my phone out of my hand. Absolutely furious.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
I hate bathtime, so if DH is willing to give them a bath, I'll sing his praises and dance around the house regardless of what he does to occupy himself, as long as he is making sure the kids stay safe.
ETA: at any day past . . . Oh, I don't know, 36 weeks? . . . I'm generally annoyed by human existence, so regardless of whether the rest of us would be annoyed or not, I'm pretty sure you get a pass on this one since you're 40 weeks!
kiwi / 578 posts
It would upset me if my spouse snatched just about anything out of my hands! Right now, we are working on sharing and using gentle hands to touch others with DS, and I definitely wouldn't one of us to set a poor example.
However, I do think your DH needs to get off his phone 1) when supervising activities with a safety hazard and 2) when he doesn't get much one-on-one time with his child. He really needs to show your son that he matters and not give your child the impression that a phone is more important/interesting.
coconut / 8861 posts
I wouldn't be annoyed. We're present for our second kiddo's bath time since he's so young and needs monitoring. With our eldest, almost 5, he plays in the shower happily and independently. We give him timers for washing, hair washing, and final playtime. I've put away laundry during that time or sneaked a treat while he's in the shower. My husband and I sometimes check FB and Pinterest during that time too. It doesn't bother me to have him checking his FB in a quick moment.
persimmon / 1188 posts
It would annoy me if it was part of a bigger problem. I got annoyed with my husband once for answering work emails while giving our LO a bath- same reason, we both work long days and it's our limited time to be present with our child. My husband has worked on turning work off a bit but his work has a tendancy to occupy a lot of his time and energy and I just don't want that dynamic for either of us.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
DH does this too... Constantly on the phone! But I know he hates it when I nag, so I model it myself to be phone free while with the kids and just hope that he catches himself.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
I'm with @Anagram. Now, if I felt like DH spent no time with the kids and was always on his phone, then we would have a chat about it.
But, at 40+ weeks pregnant I can see how if that was something that irked me, he would be lucky he wasn't in the tub also.
pomelo / 5509 posts
It probably would annoy me if he didn't get a lot of time with LO otherwise. My husband works weird and long hours and doesn't get much time with DD and it drives me insane when the time he does get he just props her on his lap and plays games on his phone. Granted she's only 8 weeks old so there's only so much interaction to be had, but I keep telling him to try to engage her.
That being said, I am sometimes on my phone when I'm with her because it's impossible to be "on" all the time and I'd be pissed if DH snatched my phone from me.
I'd probably just try and talk about it. I have told DH I wish he'd get off his phone more when he's home and I try to gently remind him if I notice he's on it a lot. I'm sure he doesn't like it but...too bad.
honeydew / 7235 posts
I could see how you'd be annoyed (especially with baby #2 so close!)... but this wouldn't annoy or upset me. If there is EXCESSIVE phone use during family time that would bother me, but if its a few minutes, especially while the child is totally occupied in the tub, and he's right there, I think its fine.
kiwi / 625 posts
yeah - I feel like it is kind of excessive phone use.. But again, I totally get the way I handled it was no good! We talked about it last night and he is so great - he said he didn't mind that I grabbed the phone, that sometimes he needs a jolt to remember to be more present. But snatching like I did it sends the WRONG message to my son.
Thanks for the input ladies - lot's of hormones going on here!
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