The other day I was at the playground with my toddler. It was a busy afternoon, and there were a lot of kids and parents around. One older child, he looked about 5 or 6, asked me to help him with the money bars. He wanted me to lift him up, so he could reach the bars. I wasn't sure what to do in this situation, since I didn't know if his mother or whoever was there with him would want me touching or helping him. Some people can be really cautious when it comes to strangers, or they may not like the idea of someone helping their child (maybe they want him to figure things out on his own). What would you do in this situation?
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yes I would help!
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I would kinda say, Can you wait a minute and see if he asks again or if any adult makes their way over. If he does ask again I would consider giving him a lift up there.
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I would ask him where his parents are! Some kids get nursemaids elbow (like mine do) and so they have to be careful on the monkey bars.
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I am pretty sure I would help but it would depend on the kid. If the child looked capable of doing the monkey bars but just couldn't reach I would but if I had seen them barely able to do something else on the playground I would decline.
I have definitely given kids a couple of pushes on the swings or helped up a kid who wiped out at the bottom of the slide though. People around here seem to be pretty open to it which I really appreciate.
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I wouldn't lift a kid up onto the moneky bars, I know my 4.5 year old wouldn't be able to do anything and would just fall down!
I would give a push on the swings though, or help a child down from something.
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Same as @looch: I'd feel weird helping a kid with the monkey bars, but if a child needed help for something more significant (eg getting down from something, if they've fallen over, etc), I would help without a second thought.
In the scenario you described, I'd probably say 'I'm sorry, I need to stay here with my child. Is your mummy or daddy here? Maybe they could help you.' And leave it at that.
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@Ree723: same! I would help if they were scared or in a dangerous situation but that's it.
I'd ask them to find their parents! I wouldn't want them to fall because I helped. Or feel uncomfortable because a stranger lifted them up.
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I didn't help the child for a lot of the reasons you guys mentioned. I didn't want to be responsible if he fell or help him do something he wasn't supposed to. I think helping a child do something like the monkey bars is a lot different than helping a child in distress, which I would definitely do!
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I help strange kids at the playground all the time. I find there's a ton of parents that completely ignore their children once they get to the park, and those are typically the kids that want help playing.
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kids ask me for help all the time on the playground. but monkey bars can be dangerous so i might hesitate on that... otherwise i usually help.
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I wouldn't help with something as involved as monkey bars, but a starting push on a swing seems safe enough to do for an older kid.
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I would try to avoid helping and be like "where's your mommy?" It would feel strange to me, especially if I helped and then the kid fell from the monkey bars. I might help with something else, depending on what it was...
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I don't help anyone at the park, 16 mo DD included. If you can't get up you shouldn't be up there. The park is a place for free play, to explore your limits. Not to have mommy follow you around, assisting.
Personally I find the moms in the jungle gym to be one of my biggest pet peeves. Get out of there! Nobody needs you!
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@mrsrugbee: I'm the opposite...I have a problem with the parents who are no where to be found when their child is hurt.
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@mrsrugbee: This is such a great answer - love it!
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@mrsrugbee: Really? My daughter loves the playground but at 19 months she can't pump her legs on the swing. Should I not push her? And she can loves to climb up the rope ladder thing to get to the slide but she is still learning - she needs a spotter or she'll fall off and get hurt. How is she supposed to learn?
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I'm not sure if help with the monkey bars for safety reasons but I'd gladly help push on a swing, get down, catch a kid (younger) who I coming down the slide, etc.
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I wouldn't unless I saw her doing them before or checked with the parents.
@mrsrugbee: My kids at that age were super climbers but not quite as good at getting down or staying on their feet if a big kid comes running by while they're on a platform. that seems really dangerous at that age to expect them to climb down as well as they climb up and hold their own against other kids.
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@mrsrugbee: oh, then you'd absolutely hate me! I love a good tumble down the slide!
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@daniellemybelle: I repeat.. No grownups belong in the jungle gym. The swing is it's own thing but I wouldn't push a child old enough to propel themselves.
@looch: I find adults going down with kids super terrifying. One of the most common playground hospitalisations is from adults snapping children's femurs and tibias going down the slide. Nope nope nope!
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In that scenario, no. I would encourage them to ask their parent/caregiver for help. There may be a reason the parents/caregivers aren't helping.
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@Maysprout: ditto. Lo also can get stuck at certain places (only at this one park though.) good in theory to not help but especially if the park is crowded it's not practical for us.
@looch: Lo asks us to go on the slide too especially those ones where there are two side by side slides. We don't go down with her on our laps and we don't get in the way of kids.
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@2littlepumpkins: yup. And it's developmentally how it happens to learn to climb up before down. Id rather spot them while they explore and figure out how their body works than deal with the consequences of big falls.
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@mrsrugbee: So, I am genuinely curious. Does your 16 month old climb up the jungle gym on their own with no assistance? How do they get down?
I just don't understand how kids are supposed to learn how to manage the jungle gym if they don't have help. There is a learning curve.
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I'd also ask if his/her parent/guardian were around and go from there.
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I've helped before. I guess it would depend on the situation.
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@daniellemybelle: I just remind her to be careful when she gets close to gaps or tell her she can fall and that's it- she seems to have self I preservation drive. I feel like most places are self I explanatory to kids so she plays in them as designed.
For reference, here she is at the park, going down the big slide for the first time. Thats probably about as nervous as I've ever been watching her.
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@mrsrugbee: who said I was going down at the same time, or with my child on my lap? I am fully aware that's a big no-no.
I use my judgement. If there are a ton of kids, I stay off, but some of the kids on those structures are bigger than I am!
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@looch: I misunderstood, sorry. I really imagined your tumbles down the slide happening in tandem.
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@mrsrugbee: no problem. My son is 4, he doesn't want to go down with me anyway!
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@mrsrugbee: so the difference between your park and my parks (in an urban neighborhood), is that there would literally be about 50 kids running around, of all ages, knocking younger kiddos like yours down. Even the daycare centers bring their kids to our parks, because in our city, they do not have outdoor space. The local Pre-K program brings their kids, too.
This is why 98% of parents of toddlers in my neighborhood stick with their kiddos--it's necessary. And no one minds it here--it's expected. People would worry about the toddler getting knocked down if their parent wasn't nearby.
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@mrsrugbee: She's so cute
Like @Anagram: said, most of the time there are other kids playing when we are at a playground. But we have a play set in our backyard that is not nearly as easy to climb up. Maybe I will take a picture later. LO cannot get back down completely on her own and I don't think she'd be able to until she was closer to 3 probably. If she fell she would break something.
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@mrsrugbee: she is very cute. But like others said there's no other kids and the main skill is climbing steps, there's not much of a risk of falling, unless she's never climbed steps before. We go to elementary school playgrounds where stuff is a bit bigger. I guess you could say they don't belong there when they're little but they've gained great skills by challenging themselves.
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I would help for something like pushing a swing, but not for monkey bars. I fell off them as a kid and broke both wrists, so am wary of stuff like that with other people's kids.
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@Anagram: @daniellemybelle: this video happens to be on a day that it's empty but she has since been in there several times when preschools were there. On one occasion that structure contained a literal DOZEN 4-6year olds. In my experience kids don't shove eachother. DD's intereractions with older childen have always been neutral or if anything, they take it upon themselves to help her.
I guess I give kids a lot of credit...
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@aprild: I would tell him that he needs to ask his mommy or daddy to help, or ask his mommy or daddy if I can help them, then introduce myself to his parent(s) if we went that route.
I would not feel comfortable touching someone's kid without their permission. -
@mrsrugbee: your experience of not seeing jostling or pushing on the playground doesn't mean others are lying or perpetuating an urban myth of it happening. I agree with giving kids a chance to explore but it seems like you have a narrow experience of a small no pushing playground to make sweeping judgements about playground safety.
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This always makes me uncomfortable. I try not to, especially in situations like that.
Regarding the parents helping their kids...
Kids need a gradual release of support to learn. I want my LO to be safe in the least restrictive but safe situation. When he was 12 months and wanted to explore the gym id go up with him and support him. When he was 18 months Id usually stand on the ground and follow him to help remind him of the dangerous parts. Now at 2, I just stay nearby and watch him as he's very independent. This feels most comfortable for me and I am not, by any means overprotective. My son gets to do a lot of safe risk taking. @mrsrugbee: to say that parents don't belong there doesn't seem particularly respectful of other parenting styles. Maybe you prefer it that way, but not every kid has the self-preservation instincts that you say your daughter had. We're all just doing what we think is right for our own kid. -
"Is your family here? I think you should ask them because they know you best." I'd probably say something like that?
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