DH is a student and the area he's most interested in has jobs out of state. We are both very close to our families here in KS and are struggling to decide if we would move out of state for a good job. I know it's actually really common, just not something we'd thought we would do until now. (I could be a SAHM and we could be very comfortable).
Tell me, have you moved away from family? How does it work for you? Is it worth it for a good job?
60 votes
pomegranate / 3604 posts
i voted im eating ice cream BECAUSE I ACTUALLY AM!
*mind blown*
3 questions:
- how much do you rely on family now?
- how often could you visit?
- do you think you could enjoy being a SAHM?
ETA: RE: Last question. I'm asking as a general open/honest question, not as a veiled put down towards SAHM. Just wanted to clarify so nothing is misunderstood.
pomegranate / 3759 posts
I think we would if it came up. I think being financially stable is important and hopefully he can still get a job relatively close to your families.
I am gonna go eat ice cream now 
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@sera_87: haha I am too!! 
We don't 'rely' on them as much as we love having the close relationship with J. On a weekly basis he sees all of them and I love that, I didn't have it growing up.
Since I'd be a SAHM my life would be more flexible.
I would go freaking banana sandwich happy! Yes! I was supposed to be a SAHM from the get go but DH went back to school...jerk.
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
It definitely wouldn't be my first choice but we'd move for the right job, especially if it offered more financial security.
nectarine / 2163 posts
voted yes. we live a 7 hour drive/1 hour flight away from my mum, and a 22 hour 3 plane trip from my ILs, for a job that lets me SAH.
@sera_87: has very valid questions to consider!
pomegranate / 3577 posts
We moved about as far away from family you can get and still be in the United States...we did it for the adventure and for the job.
But I have to say, not having family available in a pinch is going to be tough. Then again, I haven't lived near family in the past decade, so I'm not the homesick type. We figure everyone is a plane flight away!
And, I wish I had ice cream...
pineapple / 12234 posts
I think we would do it if it meant life would be comfortable and we wouldn't struggle.
I'd want to visit often though, like 4 times a year. I'm super close with my parents and so are the LO's!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
We moved away from family because my DH got a really good job. It's been 5 years and we have no regrets. We still see our families often.
nectarine / 2667 posts
I voted ice cream, because A) I wish! and B) my answer is maybe. We moved away from family for my husband's job.
PROS:
Stable work
Both happy with our jobs
Able to buy a house
Financially comfortable
Fun adventures & new people
CONS:
$$ spent on visiting family
Very few friends in the city - can get lonely
Hard adjustment period for me
Tough with the baby not seeing family often/having their support
So, I think it's worth a shot. Best case would be moving somewhere where you already know people. It's been hard to make friends and all our pre-move friends live 1+ hour away.
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@Penny Lane: I thought the questions were great too!!
@Espion: haha we've never been too adventurous, but maybe this will kick start it
This isn't at all something that will happen right away, just looking for some perspective:-)
coconut / 8498 posts
We live in the DC area, and our families live in Alabama. DH actually moved here right after college, and I followed when we got married. We will stay here because we love DC, love the "family" we have here, and DH loves his job. It's hard at times. Recently my uncle passed away, and I couldn't get home on such short notice. It was really hard to be away. And it's sad to think that LO is the only cousin that lives away from other cousins. They will all know each other, but she'll be kind of a stranger. We wish we could move everything we love about DC and AL closer together, but DC is the winner at ths point.
honeydew / 7687 posts
We've moved every year for the past 4 for DH's work, both further and closer to family. We've never been super reliant on family since we're not used to having them around so it's been a complete non-issue. Right now we live an hour from the inlaws and 5 from my folks and it's fine. I 100% would consider moving if I were in your shoes - I love staying at home 
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@HLK208: yeah the closeness of j to our parents/my brother is what makes me sad to think about.
@mewtill: I think I'd have to essentially start over w/friends. The places he could get jobs aren't where anyone we know has moved 
maybe HB could hook a sista up
@Weagle: I'm sorry about your uncle. we only have one niece and nephew (and no more will ever happen) but our parents would def struggle.
@scg00387: yeah being a SAHM is really the biggest draw. If we stayed here I'd just continue to work and we would have a similar income when combined.
pomelo / 5789 posts
Since I was 18, I've always lived a plane ride away from family. I miss them occasionally, but I call mom almost every day and my dad weekly. I have no siblings.
My FI has only ever lived with family. He was still living with his mom at 30 when we met.
Early on, one of our talks was that if things worked out and we started a family, I didn't want to be tied to Florida.
Even though he told me he was willing to move, I honestly don't know that he really considered it as an option until LO was here.
I admit, I was the persuader, but once he saw that we would be able to have a better quality of life he got onboard with the idea.
By moving to TX, he will have better career opportunities, I can "afford" to be a SAHM, we can afford a house with a back yard vs our FL condo, the weather is better and it's way more family friendly.
I know it's going to work out for me, I'm curious how it will effect him. He's used to seeing his mom and siblings weekly. None of them help with LO, so that's not a factor.
I would think about a nearby state, where you could still do a long distance drive if necessary. ( COME TO TEXAS!!!!)
Where are you guys considering? What does your DH do? (Wall me if you don't wanna share on a public post!)
Do you get a lot of family help with J, or is it just the closeness you'll miss?
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@wheres_c: I didn't realize he was so close w/his family! I hope this is a good move for you two three! We actually might be looking at tx! He was a rig mgr on an oil rig for 10 years and is now getting a Bach degree in petroleum engineering. Kind of limited options for job locations...
We get lots of little breaks like a movie today bc my mil was here, dinner on a weeknight since I have a longer commute, but more than anything ill miss the closeness.
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
I don't think I'd *want* to do it, simply because I'm really close to my family and DH's. They all live within 45 minutes (most are 15-20 min away). Growing up, I was really close to my grandparents/cousins/etc. and I want our LO(s) to have that too.
That being said, we have talked about it before. We are both teachers and NC is currently ranked #48 in the country for teacher pay. If we moved to another state, I could be a SAHM while DH taught, which is something that's definitely not an option now. I'm okay with working now, if that means I'm close to family. However, that may change once we have more kids (#2 and maybe a third).
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
I would 100% move if that meant DH getting a good (better) job. In fact while looking for jobs, we have consistently looked at several positions out of state. We don't feel limited to live where we are just because my family is here. I love them to pieces and they are an amazing support system for us, but I also wouldn't mind living somewhere new if it meant a better life for my little family.
We also don't plan to live here the rest of our lives. We're not sure what the future holds, but once I get more experience at my job, and hopefully finish school; we just might look more seriously into moving.
grapefruit / 4110 posts
We moved away years ago and then they all moved away. We are now looking to move closer for a crappier job. BUT we need that connection. I have great friends but it is really hard and friends are not the same as family.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@babyjmama: oh how cool! My cousin is a manager at a petroleum company in Houston (although she travels a lot for work.) she makes BANK!
If the pros outweigh the cons and you're actively looking out of state, Le me know and I can pass along his résumé.
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@wheres_c: wow cool!! He still as a while but heck yes! What city r u moving to? I think I know but not for sure... (You can put it on my wall!)
@brownie: I'm thinking there's no way it could be permanent but maybe 5-10 years.
@lilteacherbee: that's my hesitation, until now we never would have, but the pay basically doubles...not that it's all about $$ but it sure doesn't hurt.
pear / 1554 posts
We moved out of the country because DH was offered a good job and great benefits. We don't have family close by at all but we are able to afford a housekeeper who also helps with LO. When I have my next baby in December, we will fly my mom out to help us. She's retired so she can basically stay as long as an extended visa will allow her. I miss living near family but the the benefits and lifestyle definitely outweigh that.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@babyjmama: my thought process though, is despite missing the weekly closeness, you can still keep up a connection these days.
We Skype/FaceTime with my family and FIs dad that's in Peru. I'm great at finding cheap flights so my mom, who is retired comes to visit every 3 months or so. Since I'm at home, I find that the quality of time I get to spend with her is better.
I also haven't done it yet, because things are hectic, but if I found cheap flights I'd stay for a week with her twice a year.when you are a SAHM you have that luxury!
I went to England for 3 weeks, to visit my grandma because I was a WAHM.. I would never have been able to do that as a working mom. The flight was the only expense and I got to spend quality time with her.
I guess this reply is my long winded way of saying that I feel you can still stay connected, even when you're away.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
We moved across the country almost 5 years ago for my job.
It was a great career opportunity. We were newly engaged (now married). For us, we were young and didn't have kids at the time.
It was good for us to move because it helped us not have to rely on family and friends. Our relationship is stronger because of it.
It can be hard socially to be away from family and friends. We would need a 5 hour flight to go home. It's hard missing family milestones.
We are planning on moving back to the area but looking back it was a great opportunity for us and my career. I'm pretty sure, if it weren't for this job, I would be stuck in PA. It was an opportunity that I just shouldn't turn down.
Now, if we had kids and a house, I'm not sure if I would have uprooted our family.
pomelo / 5789 posts
@mynoahbear: having retired parents helps! My mom is retired and I see her 5-6 x year.
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@bluestriped bee: I think you hit the nail on the head...having the roots of kids and a house make it more difficult. Not impossible. Just hard.
@wheres_c: is it bad that j and I face timed my dad two nights ago? He lives less than a 10 min walk away!! I agree that the options for contact could be different-quality over quantity.
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