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I voted equally hard for both. I know my husband and I both struggle with balance. We both do so much for the home and our jobs. While I am the default parent on sick days, he wishes he could be. I think it's really hard for him to be away all day (he's expressed many times that he wishes he was a sahd). Then when he's here, he has 1,483 things to do. It's hard, and while our balance is different, I think both struggles are valid.
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@jedeve: Oh I totally get that! I was actually talking more about threads I've seen mentioning habitual issues with division of labor. I feel really bad for ladies on here where it all falls on them bc it seems like they have a Husband who NEVER contributes. Very sad situations like that:(. And I'm not flaming anyone! I just feel genuinely bad for everything that is being put on them.
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@PrincessBaby: I agree. It kills me to see partners not pulling their weight. I imagine that would be intensely difficult (let alone having to process those feelings while having to take care of everything).
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The poll was meant to be a representation of men/women generally, though I'm glad to hear about so many involved fathers! On the whole, I think there are more single working mothers than single working fathers. I also think when one partner in a marriage works late and travels for work it's typically the man. In my household I'd be more likely to vote "about the same," but generally I think it's more difficult for women.
There was recently a news story about a woman who had a baby with Down syndrome and decided she didn't want to raise the baby so the father was going to raise the baby on his own. He's a great father and man for doing that, but it made international news. I can't imagine a woman making international news for deciding to raise a child on her own.
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I think in this exact moment the balancing act is more difficult for my husband. He's a "me, me, me" person so he can't understand that we have to get the baby ready for bed before we eat dinner now and as much as he likes going to be at 8:30 p.m. that's just not our reality anymore.
What makes it such a sore spot for me is I explained to him before she got her that we would need to make serious sacrifices and he made it seem like he could change immediately, although I knew that to be false since he hates change.
Anyway, my adjustment to this work/family balance hasn't been easy but I have found a way to manage it.
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@lawbee11: My husband had 3 separate people tell him "good job" a month or so ago, when he took our daughter on the bus downtown. Or, "Oh, daddy's babysitting?" -- No! Daddy is parenting!
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I think it's hard for both when they both work long hours and have commutes. If they both do that and they both put in effort around the house, it's just as hard for both of them.
It's harder at the beginning for the woman if she is breastfeeding and pumping because she naturally has more work put on her. But, if the husband is helpful and does things like brings the baby to her in the middle of the night and does bottle duty, then it's harder on both.
I guess I've never seen anyone gush over my husband doing husband things. He just does them. It's what he feels is his role as a dad and husband...
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@mediagirl: The only people that seem to gush over my husband doing his parenting duty are MY mom and HIS mom - apparently my dad and his dad didn't help out nearly as much as mine does! BUT both my mom and his mom were SAHMs and Hubs and I are both WOHPs, so it's a different situation I think.
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