We just moved long distance away from family and have plans to visit his side for christmas. He just started a new job a few weeks ago and has very limited time to take off so i am considering taking our two kids to see my side of the family over thanksgiving, but dh would have to stay behind in our new town with no family around.
There is not really another time I would be able to make the drive there with the kids due to time off as well.
watermelon / 14467 posts
No, I wouldn't. I would be so sad thinking about him all alone on a holiday that's all about family. I would plan a trip in the spring to see your side of the family or invite them to come and visit you for Thanksgiving.
coconut / 8079 posts
I wouldn't. It's my favorite holiday and I cannot imagine not spending it with him. I like @avivoca: 's suggestion of inviting family to come to you or planning a trip to see them in the spring.
honeydew / 7303 posts
@avivoca: @jhd: My family wouldn't be able to come here for thanksgiving. My step-moms moms health makes her unable to travel and they wouldn't leave her alone for the holiday.
We could probably go in the spring, but by then it would be almost a year since they've seen the kids.
pomelo / 5258 posts
I would if DH was ok with it. In fact I have dreams of DH using his generous vacation time to take the kids and visit his family without me since my time is so limited. Thanksgiving is a nice holiday but it's more about mish moshed groups of people and eating to me.
apricot / 431 posts
If my DH was okay with it then I would. I bet it would mean a lot to your stepmom to see the kids! Have a 2nd thanksgiving on another day with DH 
nectarine / 2461 posts
I would for sure, but I think people are too precious about the holidays, plus Christmas is in the blink of an eye and he'd get to do that. Would your husband enjoy 3 or 4 days alone to settle in at his job and generally chill while the rest of the world freaks out about turkey and black friday, or do you think he'd feel lonely/abandoned/depressed without you guys? I think I'd ask him and make the decision based on how he felt.
honeydew / 7622 posts
I wouldn't. Could he fly instead of drive? It's just the season of life you are in. I'm so sorry. The big move will all be worth it FWIW I'm proud of you 
watermelon / 14467 posts
@yellowbird: I completely understand, my FIL's health is poor and they will not come and visit us and MIL won't leave him for even a day trip (4 hour drive) so they haven't seen H since Christmas. But I would still stay home with him.
eggplant / 11716 posts
yup, I would.
This past Thanksgiving, I was on Maternity leave still so I flew with our two girls to Georgia to see my family for 2 weeks which would also be on Thanksgiving. Dh was going to fly in *just* for 2 days of Thanksgiving and fly right back out, but then one of his old friends passed away and he ended up flying to Texas instead for that funeral.
Either way...even if he'd had to stay and work, I would have gone alone. Our families live far away and only see our kids 1-2 times a year as it is, and it's because we make that effort to go. Also, my husband immigrated to the US at the age of 22 and isn't sentimental about American holidays, so he'd happily just chill at home watching football.
honeydew / 7303 posts
@ocean81: that's one reason I really want to do it. I know it would mean a lot to her. I think Dh would enjoy the break, but he would still be lonely.
@youboots: he would t be able to even fly in because he only gets Thursday off and the nearest airport to my parents is still a few hours away anyway.
@Corduroy: hahaha, ever since I was interviewing for the position I finally have now and taking multiple cross country flights for days at a time Dh has been dreaming about his "break" from kid life.
@Anagram: oh man, a whole day of football without the kid interrupting, he'd probably be all for that!! Lol
I did ask him and he told me to go. I even brought up maybe I could just go from Saturday-Wednesday and be back for thanksgiving, but I doubt I would even want to cook anything after driving that freaking long with both kids!!
nectarine / 2173 posts
I'm in a job where working some holidays is just part of life. We try not to get too bent out of shape about alternative arrangements. Since your husband is on board, I say go for it. Have a small nuclear family Thanksgiving as well before or after.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
@yellowbird: My DH works a job where he works some holidays. I take the kids to visit with family solo and we usually do our own thing another day and when people are able they move things around. Is your DH in a type of job where you wouldn't see him at all that day?
pomegranate / 3779 posts
I would if DH was okay with it, which I'm pretty sure he would be. He's not from the US, so he's not sentimental about Thanksgiving and I am sure a coworker would invite him along for Thanksgiving dinner, so is not like he would be sitting alone with a microwave dinner or something.
nectarine / 2180 posts
I would if DH were fine with it. I would plan to celebrate Thanksgiving when we got back, if that was important to him.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
Yah I agree with the PP, I'd definitely do a belated family Thanksgiving a few days or a week after I got back!
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
In the scenario you laid out where DH would be alone on Thanksgiving I would not go to visit my family. If he had plans too and spending time apart meant killng two social plans with one stone I would be up for it.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
Yes, but we don't care that much about holidays. We think any day is special enough go be with family and don't really elevate the holidays if that makes sense.
cantaloupe / 6017 posts
I did twice during my husbands residency, he didn't get the day off. It was fine. Christmas would have been harder for me. I'm not a particularly sentimental person about the holidays though, and neither is he. I brought my daughter to my parents and we enjoyed thanksgiving with family there.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I would, because holidays don't have to be celebrated just on a specific day!
pomelo / 5573 posts
I think if my husband said he was ok with it, I would. Maybe you could have a family Thanksgiving dinner the weekend before or after, so you still get that experience, and then he could spend the weekend golfing or seeing movies or whatever he likes to do.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
I would!
I took the kids to my moms the week before christmas and we celebrated an early christmas without DH. it sucked but we came home on the evening of the 23rd, and still had our family time.
clementine / 995 posts
Yes, I would. Sometimes DH has to work holidays so he doesn't always get Thanksgiving and Christmas off. We only get to see family a few times a year so if DH has to work I still drive down to visit with family. We usually do our celebrating together either before I leave or when I get back. We usually make a mini Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner to enjoy together.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
Yes I would as long as DH was okay with it (which I know mine would be.)
persimmon / 1436 posts
I have. We only had one LO at the time and I took her to see my family while DH was helping his parents move. Their old house was too small for all of us to stay and LO and I would have been in the way. It was fine.
I really wanted to be with my parents that holiday because of a recent death in our family but it would have been fine anyway.
pomegranate / 3983 posts
I did this once and then sort of regretted it because DH ended up going to a bar or something that night and that just made me sad. He was totally on board and encouraged me to go but in retrospect and having done a bunch of solo trips with the kids I think I'm not going to do that anymore unless it's for something really important.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
I wouldn't. My husband's old job forced us to spend some holidays apart and after that, we won't do it willingly. I would be really sad to be home alone on Thanksgiving and so would my husband.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
I wouldn't. I would look at doing Thanksgiving another time with my family so DH could come.
cantaloupe / 6171 posts
I would if it was the only time I could see family for a long time like you're saying, and we would just have a second "thanksgiving" on a different day together as a family. I haven't seen my brother/sil/nieces in almost a year and it sucks!
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
Last year I had to work Christmas eve and the day after Christmas. I sent Dh and LO about 6 hours away to see extended family. Now we have 2 lo's so we probably won't do that again.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I wouldn't want to, but if he's okay with it and pushes me to, then I would.
persimmon / 1095 posts
I would, doesn't seem like a big deal. I wouldn't miss Christmas with him but Thanksgiving is really mostly eating a turkey and being sleep so no biggie.
persimmon / 1445 posts
I probably would, but my DH wouldn't mind. If he was upset or didn't want me to go, then I would stay home.
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