https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 21:16:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927849 Thu, 05 Jan 2023 14:33:51 +0000 togetherthroughlife 2927849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here’s one thing to consider — your line about the team being stretched thin even if you were to return half time at first.</p> <p>Consider that they’re currently down a WHOLE person. And you coming back half time for spring and summer would be them gaining your expertise and commitment back for 50% more than they have of you on your leave which is 0%. So I would reframe that as a big plus for them (if the other option would potentially be you not returning at all). As you prepare to pitch that half time ease-in to your boss I think that frame of mind could be helpful to consider! Moms are some of the most efficient, creative, and amazing employees in any work situation. We get stuff done. I’m sure your half-time presence would be more beneficial to them than someone brand new. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927845 Tue, 03 Jan 2023 22:07:42 +0000 Chuckles 2927845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I worked part time when DS was a baby until he was 2. I thought it was the best and worst of both worlds. The positive was that I could get out of the house a bit, do a job I liked, and interact with other adults. But the downside to being home much more than your spouse is that I ended up being responsible for *everything* at home. I went back to work primarily for financial/getting health care reasons, and I think I could have been happy working part-time for a long time. I made some good friends with kids the same age in our neighborhood. Working full-time with two kids is really hard. </p> <p>I would echo what some other people have said - I loved having a nanny when DD was a baby. She could be on her own schedule and I knew she was getting a ton of attention. I do think kids benefit from going to preschool/daycare once they are into the older toddler stage. I also agree with what others have said about staying home when the kids are older. Now that I could be a room parent or have more time to volunteer at my son's school, I am a little sad that I can't do that. With some jobs you could totally still do it, but I'm a teacher with a 40 minute commute, so I can't just pop out for a bit. It's also really hard to do any after school activities during the week since we get home close to dinnertime already.<br /> Whatever you decide, you always change your mind. And there's always pros and cons, so any decision can be the right decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927835 Thu, 29 Dec 2022 19:55:34 +0000 MACSUNSHINE 2927835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Congratulations! There is no one size fits all and I think the workforce is changing. I think gaps are going to become more common place, keeping up your skills would be a key depending on your profession.</p> <p>Lots of good opinions, I had my third in 2020 and had planned on trying a true stay at home experience during that leave but unfortunately COVID had other plans. Similar to you, I don’t need to work financially but question mentally if I need it. I have continued my 80% schedule which is nice but honestly I work 100% so I am starting to face that. Just be aware that part time is challenging and managing expectations. Summers can be hard as you have school aged children too.</p> <p>And to echo @shantuck, a former coworker had told me it gets harder when kids get older. I am choosing to continue to work as long as it makes sense but as my oldest is now 7, the commitments are even crazier. Daycare/nanny make life easier with babies and young kids in my experience. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927834 Thu, 29 Dec 2022 16:57:27 +0000 LemonJack 2927834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It definitely is a personal decision that only you can make. The one piece of advice I would suggest is if you aren’t totally sure, to go back to work for awhile and see how you feel once you’re back in that environment. </p> <p>With all three of my maternity leaves I felt like you do right now. However, I was never 100% sold on the idea of staying home, so I went back to work each time to test the waters. My youngest is now three and I’m still working because it’s what works best for me and our family. I have friends who have made different decisions though, and all are happy with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927832 Tue, 27 Dec 2022 23:09:20 +0000 Shantuck 2927832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My old law firm had a roundtable discussion right after I had newly returned to work with my second and one thing that struck me was some of the female senior partners telling us how lost some of the other moms who stopped working felt when their kids went to college (though I get everyone’s situation is unique). After having my third kid, I reduced my work hours to an 80% schedule (in the law firm world, it means my billable hours target is reduced) and this seems to be working for me. I like that I am keeping my career active even if I’m not able to throw my all into my career at the moment.</p> <p>ETA: I’ve actually found that bigger kids have been more of a wrench into my working mom life than littles. My 5th grader really needs a lot of help studying for tests, etc. I think you just need to roll with whatever life throws at you and hopefully find a job with flexibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927810 Thu, 22 Dec 2022 12:27:26 +0000 periwinklebee 2927810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First congrats! I haven't been around much and was so happy to see that you have a second child!</p> <p>One thing I'll say is that I think there can be a huge amount of variation in the quality of daycare and the quality of available nannies in an area. We did a nanny search but ultimately felt pretty confident that daycare was the more enriching, better place for our kids, even though it is a lot less convenient and more stressful for us as parents. But we could have easily reached a different decision with a different set of daycare teachers and nanny candidates. </p> <p>I think I would actually love staying home - and having a career with little kids is HARD. I'm aware that I'm giving up a lot not to be home with them and sometimes get frustrated about what I feel like I'm achieving with that. However, I will definitely continue to work. I like my job and in my industry it would be nearly impossible to come back after a gap. Also, even though we could get by on my husband's salary, his industry tends to have big booms and busts and I think we'd both find it stressful for him to be the sole breadwinner and provider of health insurance. I don't have a huge amount of money left after paying daycare, retirement contributions, and taxes, but given I'm an older mom who spent a long time in graduate school, being able to make retirement contributions makes sense. I wish more of daycare costs were tax deductible, I think it would change the financial calculations for a lot of parents. </p> <p>Good luck and congrats again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927809 Thu, 22 Dec 2022 09:27:29 +0000 MamaCate 2927809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@karenbme: hey this is such a tough decision to make and you have already gotten a lot of great advice. I just wanted to chime in to add that it is possible to go back to work and send your baby to daycare at 3 months because that is what ended up working for us.</p> <p>My first didn’t start daycare until 5 months because they didn’t have a spot before then, but with my second we sent him right at 12 weeks when I went back to work. At that point we had already been at our center for over three years with our older child and liked and trusted the staff and directors. I think for me my comfort level was really influenced by the care the teachers showed for my baby and the relationships we built. The baby room was very chill and loving and only had 8 babies for two staff max, and they were always being loved on and played with and taken care of. So having peace of mind about my kids getting what they needed was hugely helpful in being a working parent.</p> <p>the decision on my side also had a lot of factors—with my first I absolutely definitely had to go back for financial reasons so it wasn’t even a consideration. For my second, I had some more flexibility but ultimately we determined it would make sense financially for us if I worked. But I was working a job that was a good fit for me, with coworkers I really liked, and decent flexibility to allow for work life balance. I also really like talking to adults about more complex concepts so staying home felt like it would be hard.</p> <p>The last thing to think about is that it might help to make a decision for a shorter time period—this is the plan for the next 6 months/12 months/whatever. If working sounds best for now, try it out for a while and if something changes with your work or your kids or your daycare situation, then you can reevaluate.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927805 Tue, 20 Dec 2022 14:33:45 +0000 pachamama 2927805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@karenbme: ack this is SO hard. it is the essential modern mother's dilemma. I was in a similar position. I am a professional (teacher) in a job I love so much. The thought of sending my baby into a daycare made my stomach churn, so I stayed home for a year. MISTAKE!!<br /> I did not anticipate how depressing, tedious and damaging it was for me to be home with my 2 kids. You sound like an educated, motivated woman with a great career. For me anyway, my identity was basically stripped away when I was a stay-at-home mom. I fell into a profound funk that took me months and months to bounce back from. I should have gone back to work way earlier but I stuck it out until my son was one, then we got a nanny.<br /> Like someone said, I think the best route is getting a nanny. That's what we did and it was the best decision we have ever made. We had a great nanny, our son never got sick, his needs were met (when often at daycare they weren't), and I was happy and comfortable at my job. She gave me my career back! SO maybe this is an option? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927803 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 22:27:26 +0000 nwm 2927803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i love my job and knew that i wasn't really cut out to stay home just by how overwhelming i found 24/7 childcare responsibilities, but would echo @JJ2626: that given your financial flexibility you might consider a nanny. i had thought i would prefer daycare but once we found a nanny we trusted i think it really eased the transition to be leaving the kids at home rather than taking them and dropping them somewhere. especially if you find someone who really dotes on your kids as our nanny does. she's been with us close to 7 years now and we would be lost without her. also, if you are able to be remote, it means that you can have a lot of the benefits of working from home (seeing your kids randomly throughout the day, taking little breaks to feed or play with them) without the drawbacks (not being able to get any work done at all). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927802 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 21:36:44 +0000 LadyDi 2927802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I decided to stay home after I had my second because I was very miserable in my job and it made more sense to step away from a career that made me unhappy than to look for a new job while I was super pregnant. I then got pregnant very quickly with my third and decided to stay home for awhile. I do enjoy a lot of aspects of it but to be honest if I loved or even enjoyed or got a sense of fulfillment out of my job I probably wouldn't have left after my second. I enjoy working, particularly critical thinking, but I was so unhappy and unsupported in my role that it began to affect my mental health. I work part time now, it's not a lot of money but I like thinking about something that's not kid related. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927801 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:56:42 +0000 agold 2927801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Look into getting a nanny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927800 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:46:22 +0000 Lahela017 2927800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: yes, I love the flexibility we have as a family because I stay home. We also don't have to spend our weekends dealing with groceries, laundry, and housework either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927799 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 14:44:04 +0000 caitcat 2927799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I stopped teaching full-time when my oldest daughter was 1.5, just before I got pregnant with our second. I'd known for a while that I wanted get into curriculum design instead, so this felt like a natural transition point. My husband was traveling a lot for work at the time, and the logistics of both of us working full time were complicated. I needed more flexibility to take my daughter to speech and OT appointments through the week than teaching allowed. Being home simplified SO much for our family. </p> <p>I did freelance curriculum work for the first couple years I was home, mainly in early mornings and during naptime. Working in the margins of the day was exhausting (wouldn't recommend it!) but it helped make it financially feasible for me to be home at that point. Now my kids are 5 and 7 and both in school full time. I'm working part time from home and I feel like I'm finally striking the balance I'd hoped for. I definitely lucked out with a part-time position that isn't just spilling over into more work for less pay though. I know lots of women who have found themselves in that situation going part-time. </p> <p>Having me home was 100% worth it for our family through those early years, but I didn't love it in the baby/toddler stage. My kids weren't go-with-the-flow kind of kids who played nicely during moms groups or tagged along for outings without melting down. I had a lot of hope for things getting easier when they got to be 3-5ish, but covid hit, and that upended things. Most of my friends who stayed home with kids knew it was what they wanted and had planned on it. I went into it more reluctantly, but am still confident it was the right choice for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927798 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 13:17:20 +0000 catgirl 2927798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before DD was born I was a preschool teacher and then a nanny (we were moving frequently for DH's job at the time and it was easier to find short term nanny positions than a job at a preschool). DH has always had a complicated schedule - he works every weekend, does not have the same days off each week, and his hours are different day to day (at the time could be 8a-5p, 1p-9p, or occasionally 8a-9p). So at the time it was easy to decide to stay home. It seemed silly to take care of other kids while paying for someone to take care of mine. It also meant we had a lot more flexibility to do things as a family because we could make plans around DH's schedule. </p> <p>I enjoyed staying home with DD when she was little. It brought me joy. It has allowed DH to really excel at his job and we have all enjoyed the way this works for our family. </p> <p>The plan was for me to go back to work part time when she started elementary school. Of course she started kindergarten in fall of 2020 with a hybrid schedule - so that plan didn't work. She is now in 2nd grade and I am signing up to be a sub in our district. I won't need to figure out child care, can say yes to days that work for me, and can still maintain a lot of flexibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927796 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 12:33:08 +0000 Corduroy 2927796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went back to work after having my two. One thing to keep in mind is that if you decide to go back you're not committing to working forever. You can change between working and not working many times as your kids grow. </p> <p>I decided to keep working as long as it made sense for us. So far it's been manageable. My kids are now 9 and 7 and I don't regret the years I spent working. </p> <p>Think carefully about converting your full time role into part time. I've seen it work some places but I've also seen a lot of women take on a full workload for less pay and still have to deal with all the daycare colds. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927795 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 11:59:19 +0000 Lahela017 2927795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a civil engineer (very male dominated field, and a gap in my resume will be hard because of ever changing technology), but I wasn't happy with my job, so for me the decision was easy to stay home. I think I sort of always knew I would. My husband is a computer programmer with a good salary and when we brought our house pre-kids we purposely got something we couldn't afford with only his income. I still have my old job, but only work as a reviewer on an on-call basis. I haven't done any work for like 6 months, but at least I sort of have something to put on my resume.</p> <p>I love staying home and wouldn't change it for the world. Once the kids are both in school I might look into a part time job, but I'm not sure it will be in my old field to be honest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927794 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 11:58:02 +0000 JJ2626 2927794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So for me, I just know I’m not cut out to stay home. I wouldn’t enjoy it. I would love part time but I haven’t been able to make that work in my career. For you, do you really want to stay home and not work or are you just worried about sending a little baby to daycare? Staying home full time is a huge life change. If it’s really mostly the daycare, then 1) pushing to start part time makes sense or just taking more leave even if unpaid so baby isn’t so tiny; 2) can you get a nanny? We had a nanny from 3 months and it was perfect. Way less anxiety because I knew more about what was really happening each day and just trusted her so much. And now we still have her in our lives almost 5 years later! </p> <p>I’d give it a little time too. Your baby is so tiny; of course you are anxious! And congrats on the new one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-make-the-decision-to-work-or-not#post-2927793 Mon, 19 Dec 2022 11:18:15 +0000 karenbme 2927793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to start off by saying I know I’m in a place of privilege to frame work as a choice. My husband and I are both in highly paid STEM jobs, and we could afford to live on either of our incomes with some belt tightening but no major inconveniences. I have 16 weeks of leave that I am 2 weeks into and already wondering how on earth I would go back to work and send my baby (and my 3 year old, who has been so much fun to spend time with) to daycare.</p> <p>On the other hand, though, I don’t want to completely drop out of the workforce. I work in a rapidly changing, male dominated field, and worry about how a gap in my resume would be perceived. Also the job I have now is exactly the job I’ve wanted for a long time. I work with great, smart people in a mission-driven organization, and there are few jobs I see as being a better fit for me.</p> <p>Right now my plan is to pitch a part-time transition back through spring and summer (our busy time is fall) to my boss when I get closer to my return date. She has been extremely flexible, but I know being even half a person down is going to be hard for the team. </p> <p>I’m wondering how others have made decisions about work-family balance with tiny babies. My first was born just before Covid and stayed home until she was 1, so I have no experience sending a tiny baby to daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912080 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 15:06:40 +0000 Grace 2912080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would. I think it’s important to help eachother get through this. I don’t think it’s going to be a short time, and we can’t do it alone. Having said that, I asked my husband if he would watch my coworkers kids when he is home with ours during the school closure and he said no. So if you refuse, you wouldn’t be the only one who feels that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912060 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 11:19:01 +0000 josina 2912060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: Since the mom doesn't have her own place (and we need SD to watch our two) we definitely don't want to send her there, nor do I think SD would want to do that.<br /> Good point about making sure to have those conversations up front to make sure everyone is on board, and having that 'trial week' to make sure it goes well. Its also crazy to think this could go on much longer than 4 weeks so we will definitely need points to reevaluate.<br /> @DesertDreams88: Thanks, SD is fine with watching her sister.</p> <p>I think we've decided to let her come but will be clear up front that if the mom (or anyone in her house) gets sick that her daughter can't come since she'd be next to get it and we want to keep our kids/family healthy.<br /> I'm going to talk with her about times /etc. and making sure she gets picked up on time each day as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912059 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 11:10:45 +0000 DesertDreams88 2912059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would help. A factory of 20 is small, and hopefully you can persuade the mom to take good precautions about exposure. We all need to help each other weather this storm, and that includes helping people keep their jobs if possible. </p> <p>I don't know the details of the situation, but I think your step-daughter's opinion is the most important here. It's her sister, and her responsibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912053 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 09:59:21 +0000 jennlin821 2912053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there are a couple alternate solutions here. Could you have the 9yr old sleep at your house during the school week? That way no one's sleep is interupted, she will feel more a part of your household and you will limit her exposure to her mom (for contagion purposes). She can go back to her house friday night-sunday. </p> <p>Or could your step-daughter live at her mom's for the month? </p> <p>Any way you choose to slice this, the biggest thing is comminicating expecations and rules. We all need to bend and help during this time, so do what you can. If you do agree, I would definentally say the first week is trial to see if it works for everyone. Then at the end of the week, sit down all together and have a family meeting to make sure everyone is still on board, and to work out any problems/kinks. We are all very tense and stressed so our breaking points are much higher than usual. Extreme open coomunication will be key to navigating this situation as you currently don't have ANY real commuication with that family. </p> <p>Good Luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912052 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 09:54:10 +0000 josina 2912052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: They were never married... letting her child stay in our home is as far as we would go to help in this situation.<br /> She does not have lots of money and is staying with a family friend because she hasn't gotten a place of her own since moving yet. We are not in a place to help her financially.</p> <p>@Mama Bird: No one is high risk thankfully.</p> <p>@raspberries: @SugarplumsMom: @charm55: Thanks for all the opinions, either way. Its good to have an opinion from people removed from the (awkward) situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912050 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 09:44:03 +0000 charm55 2912050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would. I think we all need to help each other out as much as is reasonably possible during these times. It sounds like she is in a really tough spot right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912047 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 09:33:43 +0000 Anagram 2912047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do it, if the 9 year old had no one else to watch her. If the Ex loses her job because of no childcare, are you all able to help financially? </p> <p>For me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable not helping someone I was once married to and shared a child with, if I was able to help (I’m talking about your husband here), especially if the SD is able to help and is willing. Unless you are super okay with the ex losing her job, maybe becoming homeless. I don’t know her financial situation, I just assume a factory worker doesn’t have tons and tons of money. Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. </p> <p>I just saw a post on my local mom group where a woman was saying her work was requiring her to go in, but her daycare is closed now and her 14 month old has pink eye. She was asking strangers if anyone could watch her—that’s pure desperation. That’s where we are at now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912045 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 09:17:13 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2912045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not if there's young children in the house. It's OK to protect your babies. Everyone else can just learn to deal with it :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912044 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 09:12:54 +0000 josina 2912044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: Thats a good point too. Hopefully we hear today about what she'll be required to do from home. </p> <p>We do have the option still to send our younger two to daycare and would 'possibly' do so one day to 1-1/2 days per week to give SD a day off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912042 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 09:03:32 +0000 Madison43 2912042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: having another kid around so their parent could work wouldn’t bother me, but if your step daughter is still is HS, I wonder how much remote work she’ll be assigned, and if she’ll actually be able to babysit her? Our sitter could not believe the amount of take home work her middle schooler was given. It wouldn’t make me not do it, just something to consider. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912040 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 08:45:42 +0000 josina 2912040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BUNBUN: We don't really have a relationship with SD's mom at all... it's definitely been strained in the past and now DH and her just don't communicate since SD is old enough where they don't need to. We JUST went through the child support battle last fall after a year+ of her not paying anything. </p> <p>SD is fine with it and the daughter would probably be more of a help since she's older and can play with our kids, 5:30 am is super early though, I'm wondering if she'll just come in and go back to sleep.</p> <p>Good point about if we do say yes, having her wash her hands, etc right away.<br /> We are all healthy so not too worried about getting it - I'm just trying to keep every away from it before my sister's wedding April 4th (although that could change with all these mandatory closings ! :sad: )<br /> I checked with my brother who works with SD's mom and there is less than 20 at the factory now, so not too bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-would-you-answer-this-coronavirus-related#post-2912038 Mon, 16 Mar 2020 08:42:19 +0000 raspberries 2912038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do it, assuming no elderly/immunocompromised people are in your house. </p>