https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 00:26:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ex-spouse-not-taking-social-distancing-seriously#post-2912749 Mon, 23 Mar 2020 20:28:13 +0000 Orange Lily 2912749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ex-spouse and I just separated (like, last week) and are sharing parenting time about 50/50. He just had my 3YO daughter FaceTime me and I can hear all his friends chatting in the background. I fucking lost it! We are on a statewide lockdown, and of course all he can think about is himself. I'm dealing with all the stress of this lockdown with DD's preschool closed, so I can only work part time, so I can only make half my usual salary, and am dealing with the personal losses of being isolated from friends and family. My parents live down the street from me and I am not even taking DD over to see them to avoid exposing them, and I definitely can't take the risk if I know that he is exposing her to so many germs. And he is having a dinner party???</p> <p>This probably falls under the category of things you can't control when you are separated from your child's parent (or together with them, for that matter), but it is maddening that he is playing with her health and mine, and being such an irresponsible jackass. Of course, these are many of the reasons that I wanted to separate from him in the first place, particularly his utter lack of empathy or responsibility beyond the tip of his own nose. Thank goodness I moved out and I can ride out the lockdown in my own apartment. With no childcare though, I do really need him to watch her for half of the week, even if he is exposing her to germs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-vent#post-2910850 Thu, 27 Feb 2020 13:45:27 +0000 Chuckles 2910850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. I just need somewhere to vent. It's the standard, why does my DH need direction to do anything. He's great about staying up on the dishes and taking out the garbage because those are his things. But he doesn't think to do anything else. I just went back to work after maternity leave, the baby was sleeping great but now her sleep is crap, and our son has flu this week. I have been saying all week how exhausted and overwhelmed I am. DH stayed home with sick kiddo this morning and I came home at lunch so that he could work a half day. He let DS have screentime literally all morning, except for breakfast, and then DH did nothing. Not even emptying the dishwasher. Didn't think to help me with the laundry, clean the litterbox, straighten up, nothing. I know I could have asked him to do stuff, but I'm so stressed that I didn't even think about it until I got home. I don't want to be mad at him, but I totally am. And my mom and i have been helping with the dishes all week when we've stayed with DS, so he hasn't even had to do all of that. Thanks for "listening ". :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mental-load-what-do-you-not-do#post-2862691 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 21:51:05 +0000 LCTBQE 2862691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Was talking with crazydoglady, and we noticed there have been a lot of mental load/emotional load posts and related themes in other posts lately. Just thought I'd start a mental-load-positive thread to give and get inspiration on what to NOT take on :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/household-management-app#post-2855184 Tue, 06 Nov 2018 10:53:09 +0000 periwinklebee 2855184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love my husband to death, but he is not the most organized (to put it mildly). So I end up being the one who keeps track of all the day to day tasks involved in raising our son, running the household, and managing finances. For work I use project management software to keep track of everything that needs to be done and remind my team of tasks and deadlines, and I'm wondering if there is something similar for household management. (The app I use for work is a bit pricey and overkill for managing our household). I'd like an app where I can create tasks that need to be done and have it automatically send my husband text message reminders at pre-specified times, or at given frequencies until he marks the task as done (i.e. you're picking DS up from daycare today, call the bank, etc). Anyone use an app like this they have found works well? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/division-of-labor-at-homemental-labor-edition#post-2848078 Sat, 29 Sep 2018 12:19:04 +0000 MrsSCB 2848078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This has been a source of tension for me lately, and I’m wondering who else can relate. How do you feel about the division of labor between you and your partner? I’m not talking about physical things, like caring for children or cleaning, etc. I mean the mental labor. Who keeps track of doctors appointments, or even selected and knows who the doctors are? Who signs up for activities? Who plans what to cook? Who notices when new clothes are needed because of a changing season or outgrowing the current ones? Who researches and signs up for daycare and preschool waitlists, or remembers back to school nights? I feel like my husband believes we’re equal because we both do things physically around the home. But I just CANNOT get him to understand the amount of energy that goes into mental labor, which I feel like I do at least 95 percent of, if not 100. It’s getting really hard to not be resentful. Especially now—I’m pregnant and exhausted, and my brain is tired. But I feel like we just argue about it, and then nothing changes. Can anyone relate? FWIW, we both work outside the home full time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/co-parenting-vents#post-2803176 Fri, 09 Feb 2018 11:13:06 +0000 nana87 2803176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just have to vent! </p> <p>We just got a call (at 11:10am) that lo1 has a fever and needs to be picked up from daycare; usually my schedule is flexible and I do it, but today I have a meeting at 12. I call dh, and he goes, "oh no I can't, I have a haircut at 12!" UMMMM WTF DUDE, MY WORK MEETING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR HAIR. He continues, "but I already paid..." Wtf. Seriously, wtf. He IS picking lo1 up, after all, but gaaaaaaaah. Some things should just be obvious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/just-need-to-vent-3#post-2791045 Sat, 09 Dec 2017 10:47:01 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2791045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't want to complain to anyone in real life but need to get this off my chest. O is going through a sleep phase where she's waking up once or twice each night. It's not horrible, but in general I've been getting less sleep. Last night she was up 4 times and I got up all 4 times with her. DW offered once but then didn't get up and fell back to sleep. Then O woke at 5:40 for the day. Guess who got up. DW slept peacefully until 7:15. And I'm the one with a cold! I'm feeling grumpy and resentful (not to mention tired) and we leave on a drive this morning to visit my in-laws. UGH! Thanks for listening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sah-moms-sick-day#post-2782431 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 21:55:45 +0000 justjules 2782431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tonight I caught a horrible stomach bug. I’ve been doubled over in pain/ hovered over the potty for hours. I am a SAH mom to DS (24mo) and DD (6mo). If this keeps up I don’t know how I can parent tomorrow. What do you fellow SAH moms do? Do you ask your DH to take a sick day to help? Our families are across the country so they is really no one I could call. DH has a demanding job so I feel bad asking him to stay home :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/co-parenting-after-divorce-1#post-2301359 Thu, 24 Sep 2015 18:44:56 +0000 bpcmarj 2301359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there are a few divorced bees on here. How doyou handle coparenting? Do you all spend time together as a family? What happens when new SO's enter the picture?</p> <p>My parents took coparenting to an extreme on some level. Even living together with my mom's husband when I was in my early 20s. We always had holidays, birthdays, whatever alltogether. They rode ttogether to games and school events. I had very good role models on how to be civil parents after divorce. </p> <p>I just moved out a week or two ago. So far we seem to be handling things OK, but any tips or pointers are much appreciated! DD is totally fine with the "you have two homes" explanation and hasn't asked too many questions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-how-do-you-manage-2-kidsim-struggling#post-2738158 Sun, 21 May 2017 11:31:02 +0000 Ajsmommy 2738158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So dd is 3.5, ds is 3 mos and I just returned to work. I get home around 415-430 and I pick up the kids. Ds goes to bed around 615-7. </p> <p>I'm completely at a loss on how to do every I need to do by myself with the 2 kids. I feel like a complete failure. </p> <p>Dh works until 6, if he's at the office he won't get home until 7pm.</p> <p>Dd likes to get some outside time when we get home, I have to Make dinner, bathe them and then get ds down and then dd. </p> <p>It sounds doable but I feel overwhelmed. It's only been two weeks so maybe I just need to give it more time??</p> <p>Eta : If we're home by 435 then we get in the door, nurse ds and then we can get outside and walk to the playground. Get the at about 5. Play for 10-15 mins (which isn't much). Walk back home. Get home 530. Make quick dinner. Eat around 6 and then it's time to put ds down. Why does this stress me out so?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/co-parenting-when-spouse-is-experiencing-anxietydepression#post-2764340 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 10:10:07 +0000 runnerd 2764340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really know where to stop or end with this, but DH and I have had a very rough year since our LO2 was born. Our marriage has been rocked, and we kinda hit a breaking point in the past week, and came to some realizations that our problems are secondary and the root is since we became parents, for the past 3 years his anxiety has been building, issues with feeling like he isn't good at being a dad, thus causing fights with us if he withdrawals, then not feeling like good husband, more fighting, round and round we go. Before we had our 2nd we were able to build in more breaks.</p> <p>Not to say that I don't have my own issues, but he started individual therapy last week and it seems they agree that he is experiencing depression/anxiety for first time in life do to the life transitions.</p> <p>It has been really hard to co-parent lately, because let's face it, our kids cry and tantrum a lot, and within 5mi of disagreement, it's been triggering his anxiety/panic attacks.</p> <p>Has anyone been through this? How do you manage your anxiety co-parenting when your spouse is having issues keeping him from operating at 100%? I've always gotten upset in the past, but I've adjusted my mindset to realize this isn't about me or the kids, and I'm trying to take on more and more until we get these issues sorted through. He's always been the rock in our relationship so this is new for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-doesnt-like-to-play-with-kids#post-2764104 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 19:59:03 +0000 cat620 2764104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a SAHM and my husband works full-time, so I naturally spend more time with our kids (4 and almost 2). I feel frustrated that my husband doesn't spend more time with our kids than he does. When he comes home from work, he will usually change and then sit in his office/library room reading or doing more work. He comes out for dinner, but he will often go back in there after we eat. Weekends are similar in that he will spend hours a day reading or working without interacting with us. If I do talk him into going somewhere with us, like the park, he will come along but will spend the majority of the time on his phone. If I ask him to help with the kids, he will complete tasks such as changing a diaper, getting a snack, or helping with bath time. But it's literally a task to be completed and he doesn't do anything beyond that. It's very rare to see him sitting on the floor with the kids or playing with them in the backyard. If I ask him to spend time with the kids, he'll say "what do you want me to do?" like he either has no idea how to play with his kids or he has no desire to do so. I think this is mostly due to his personality. He's a very introverted and intellectual person, so his favorite hobbies are reading and learning things. He says when the kids are older, he wants to teach them things related to technology, but he doesn't think their current ages are enjoyable. I feel like I'm the only parent who plays with them or even gives them any attention. Any advice on what to do or anyone out there with a similar spouse? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-you-major-parenting-roles#post-2753710 Thu, 29 Jun 2017 21:53:46 +0000 travellingbee 2753710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me: all meals and grocery shopping, I usually put LO2 to bed, pick up from school for both and I drop of LO1 at school<br /> DH: drops off LO2 at school, baths, he puts LO1 to bed, usually</p> <p>During the school year DH helps a lot with getting the boys reading in the morning while I get dressed etc, but over the summer, I do all of that. We split any wake ups. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-me-help-you#post-2750644 Thu, 22 Jun 2017 06:24:43 +0000 Ajsmommy 2750644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Title should read:<br /> Help me Help my husband UNDERSTAND.. why it's not ok for him to have a massage scheduled for Saturday (2 hrs) and to also play golf on Sunday (4+hrs).</p> <p>He just can't understand why I told him he can do one of those things. </p> <p>"they aren't related so why are you acting like they are"</p> <p>anybody?? anybody see where I am coming from here???</p> <p>ETA: we have a 4 mos old and a 3.5 yr old </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740372 Thu, 25 May 2017 17:44:53 +0000 IRunForFun 2740372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is only 4 months so the title is an exaggeration, but recently she seems to have an aversion to DH. When he looks at her, tries to engage her, holds her, etc, she immediately starts crying, and nothing he does calms her down or comforts her. At first I thought it was an obvious mommy preference, since I stay home with her and I've got the boobs. </p> <p>But, then I was at my parent's house, and she happily hung out with my mom and with my dad, no crying, smiling at them, the works. </p> <p>DH and DD spend a fair amount of time alone together, usually at least 30 minutes to an hour weekdays and a few 2 to 3 hour stretches on weekends. He's done night duty, he does a lot of baths, he changes plenty of diapers. So the whole, they need to spend more time together/he needs to be more of a caretaker doesn't seem to ring true here. </p> <p>It's to the point where she'll be screaming inconsolably in his arms, but the minute I take her she's all smiles. He's soooo frustrated and sad about this, and I'm frustrated for his sake and because I never get a break! </p> <p>Anyone else experience this? Advice? Tips? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/annoying-or-no#post-2686935 Thu, 26 Jan 2017 06:32:37 +0000 Ajsmommy 2686935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This scenario happens a few mornings a week. Dd, dh and I all wake up at the same time. I go get dd bring her into our bed and proceed to get ready.... Shower, hair, make up and get dressed. This entire time dh stays in bed on his phone (fb/email). By the time I'm done and ready to leave then he gets up to start his routine. </p> <p>Dd then asks to go downstairs with me.... So I take her down and get her situated (drink, snack, TV). Then I leave. Dh still upstarts getting ready. . He presumably comes down in 5-10 mins. And dd is ok to go up the stairs on her own if needed.</p> <p>Would this irritate/annoy you??</p> <p>Dd is 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-expect#post-2686132 Wed, 25 Jan 2017 03:24:09 +0000 Cherrybee 2686132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>.... Your other half to take off work if your mum was taken into hospital the evening before with heart failure? </p> <p>My mum was rushed to hospital by ambulance yesterday evening. She has heart failure causing fluid in her lungs. It was all very scary. She was stable when I left her at 11pm, but hadn't yet been moved from resus to a ward, and hadn't yet been seen by a doctor (the nurses did the x ray and hit her started on the drugs she needed to clear the fluid). </p> <p>Of course, I've been awake all night. I should have just stayed with her, really. </p> <p>Then, this morning he got up and got ready for work, leaving me to do the school run and source childcare for the baby so I can go to the hospital. I raised it with him and he pointed out that his parents would gladly help out, I just need to call them. When I showed my displeasure, he said "do you actually want me to call in to work?" and I didn't know what to say because, yeah, I do, but am I just being a drama queen? So I said go but have your phone on in case I need you to leave at sudden notice. He agreed. Then his LIFT arrived - he is going to a meeting 25 miles away and has not taken his car. So if I do need him, he can't leave. </p> <p>It's 8.30 and I haven't heard from my inlaws yet. </p> <p>Am I expecting too much? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-gets-up-with-the-kids#post-2679888 Fri, 13 Jan 2017 18:53:15 +0000 Bao 2679888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it's the weekend or a day that both you and your SO have off, who wakes up with the kids in the morning? </p> <p>DH works all week so he usually gets to "sleep in" on Saturday, and he will get up with the girls on Sunday. Some days we will both get up with them. Unfortunately on the days I am allowed to sleep in, I get up within 20-30 minutes of him going down with the girls. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-you-happy-with-the-current-division-of-labor-in-your-house#post-2656246 Wed, 23 Nov 2016 15:00:00 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2656246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's better in my house than it was, say, when DD1 was born but it still has a long way to go. Definitely a work in progress. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/are-your-kids-better-behaved-when-with-the-opposite-parent#post-2650839 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 14:45:31 +0000 sorrycharlie 2650839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been working lately and my kids are very used to me doing bedtime most of the time, or split with my husband's help if he's not working.</p> <p>The last couple nights I haven't been here for bedtime..they go RIGHT. DOWN.</p> <p>Like..my toddler walks to her crib and puts her arms up. What in the ..it's not fair! Bedtime is a screaming mess for me lately. Everybody is obsessed with me, apparently. </p> <p>I'm kind of jealous. They used to go down easy for me, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-use-positiverespectful-parenting-techniques#post-2631015 Mon, 03 Oct 2016 13:10:01 +0000 yellowbird 2631015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Spinoff from another thread on positive parenting. If you use these techniques (no time outs, your child is a whole person whose emotions are valid, no yelling, etc etc.), does your SO actively use these techniques as well? Do you discuss parenting techniques together? Does he/she do their own thing? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-you-disagree#post-2622180 Thu, 22 Sep 2016 19:15:00 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2622180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do/would you handle it whe one parent (who usually doesn't do many of the consequences), is alone with the LO's and implements a consequence (without you there) that 1) you believe to inappropriate for your LO's age 2) rolls over to the next day, therefore, making you the one to execute it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-is-the-fun-parent-1#post-2618377 Thu, 08 Sep 2016 20:31:07 +0000 mrbee 2618377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely me!</p> <p>These days, Bee does more of the work (feeding the kids, putting them down) and I do more of the fun stuff (carrying them around, playing games with them, going on trips into town just for fun, etc.) It's probably partly because I'm a kid at heart and it's not very hard for me to relate to a 4 and a 6 year old (can't decide if that's a good thing, or kinda sad). In any case, we all have lots of fun together!</p> <p>Who is the fun parent? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-going-shopping-solo-a-break-for-you#post-2611003 Thu, 25 Aug 2016 15:58:42 +0000 Bao 2611003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If your SO were to say he would stay with the kids while you ran to the store to grocery shop or just get a few household items, would you consider that a nice parenting break? I'm about to go grab just a few things from the store solo, and I'm super excited to get "me time" even though I'm not doing anything super special. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-has-a-better-handle-on-the-nighttime-routine#post-2607733 Sat, 20 Aug 2016 15:02:17 +0000 Bao 2607733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Out of you and your SO, do one of you have a better handle on the nighttime routine? </p> <p>I think DH and I both do pretty well with the bedtime routine for the girls. The only thing he struggles with (or maybe he just has more patience with) is the stalling. I get out of their rooms much faster than he does when I'm doing the routine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592215 Mon, 25 Jul 2016 14:31:58 +0000 BSB 2592215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Was it hard? Did you ever consider marriage counseling during the first year? Or did you need it later like after the first year? Do you think parenthood is hard in general and it's not always bad in the first year. </p> <p>Do you think there were other reasons? Maybe a pregnancy? Financial issues? Anything not-parenting related like job issues? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/middle-of-the-night-wakings-does-your-so-help#post-2587978 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 18:20:34 +0000 Alba4 2587978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just curious to see if you had help from your SO during the newborn/infant stages in the middle of the night... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-partner-reliable-mostly-a-vent#post-2586259 Thu, 14 Jul 2016 11:44:43 +0000 erinbaderin 2586259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine kind of isn't, and it makes me nuts and is so frustrating and I don't know what to do about it. Some recent examples:</p> <p>1) on Tuesday I left him with the baby (4 months) while I took the toddler to gymnastics. Just before I left I said "he needs a clean diaper". Come home two hours later, baby is stinky, husband says "oh yeah, whoops!"</p> <p>2) left the baby while I went to run an errand and pick up toddler from daycare. Said "he needs to go down for a nap in about half an hour, and play with him, don't just put him in a chair while you play on your phone, ok?" Husband, annoyed, says "I know how to parent." Come home an hour later, baby is lying on play may, husband is installing doorknobs, I ask about a nap and he said he forgot. </p> <p>3) I said "ok, I'll do the nap, can you go play with the toddler and in 15 minutes turn the bbq on for dinner?" Half an hour later I've gotten the baby down, come out, toddler is playing alone, husband is still installing doorknobs, has not turned the bbq on.</p> <p>4) Baby wakes up from nap. Husband says he'll go get him. I ask if he can also take the monitor up and plug it in. Three hours later baby is asleep again, I go to get it, it is in his bathroom, dead. </p> <p>He's not usually this bad - he's been home for a few days and so the annoyances are mounting up - but come on! It's so frustrating to be the person who has to be in charge and remember everything - I have two babies to take care of, I don't need a third! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-feel-guilty-taking-breaks#post-2568335 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 18:11:20 +0000 Bao 2568335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH just got home from work (7pm) and we have been planning to go to the park this evening, but since he worked so late I want to stick around the house and just relax. Part of me wants to go and spend time with him and the girls but the other part of me wants to get some time to myself. Does anyone else ever feel guilty in situations like this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-gets-sick-when-the-kids-do#post-2566694 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 18:45:00 +0000 regberadaisy 2566694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>85% of the time DH will get sick when one of the girls so much as sniffles. :bummed: I've been lucky and don't generally get sick when they do. </p>