https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 02:09:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-ideas-for-my-mom-recently-widowed#post-2925755 Fri, 10 Dec 2021 18:10:28 +0000 SweetCaroline 2925755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad passed away a couple weeks ago and my mom is learning what her life looks like without him, after 40+ years together. His death was unexpected. </p> <p>I am trying to think of Christmas gifts for her. She knows my dad would want us to celebrate Christmas for the kids. I am looking for things that are comforting, solo hobbies, or perhaps new things to learn. She lives in a very small town with few resources. She loves to cook, but that will look different now, cooking for one person. My ideas so far are: nice pajamas, a nice throw blanket, puzzle, suduko, happy books.</p> <p>I would very much appreciate specific ideas or off the wall ideas. Thank you :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-tell-kids-about-relatives-alcoholism#post-2928331 Tue, 22 Aug 2023 17:20:30 +0000 Chuckles 2928331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How have other people navigated their kids finding out about a relative's problem with alcohol?<br /> My uncle has a long term girlfriend with a very significant problem with alcohol (and past issues with drug use). They are around our kids a decent amount, especially because we have traveled with them in the last couple of years. She drinks throughout the day, a lot and every day, but it's usually from an opaque water bottle, so it's not super obvious. She also (and this is BONKERS) takes open containers of alcohol in the car (again, in a water bottle or other cup. not like a beer bottle) while my uncle is driving. I know that's not illegal in all states, but it's definitely illegal where we live.<br /> Sometimes by the evening she slurs her words a bit but she typically doesn't appear too impaired. When we travel she tends to "nap" in the afternoon. But sometimes she does get emotional, loud, or mildly argumentative by the evenings. If she was ever visibly drunk or doing anything upsetting, I would certainly remove the kids from the situation. Early on in their relationship, DH and I wanted to set the boundary that she couldn't be around the kids if she was drinking, but that became apparent over time that if we want to see my uncle, she will be there and drinking. I have a really small family, so I really want to maintain my relationship with him.<br /> We have a 10 year old who seems, so far, mostly unaware of what's going on. She also had a recent family tragedy, so the couple of times on a trip that she was being a bit erratic, I just reminded him that she is having a hard time right now. But I feel like at some point he should know. Right?? I'm not sure what my reasoning is though. She's very nice to him, so I don't want him to feel like he can't be around her, but she has a history of being very erratic and so I don't want him to get too attached or feel like she's always a safe person to be around. Also, my uncle is absolutely in denial/feels like he has to protect and take care of her. And while I know she knows she has a problem, she also seems extremely unaware of the severity. On a trip last year, she suggested that my husband and I leave the kids with her for a couple of hours so that we could do some sightseeing with my uncle after we watched her drink literally from 10am until 4. Thoughts? Suggestions? It just feels like a bananas situation to navigate, and I feel lucky that I haven't had to deal with anything like this before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-care-of-parents-and-babies-at-the-same-time#post-2928290 Sat, 08 Jul 2023 15:49:11 +0000 azbaby 2928290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It looks like my mom will have to come live with my husband and I very soon. Luckily we will have a small guest house for her to stay in but she's fiercely independent. We've known this was eventually going to happen but we thought wee had a couple more years.<br /> For anyone who has managed this how did it all work? We have a toddler and are hoping to have another baby next year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-cut-family-members-off#post-2928273 Thu, 15 Jun 2023 09:50:46 +0000 erinbaderin 2928273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm hoping some people still check in here, because I could use some unbiased opinions about if I'm reading a situation correctly, and advice going forward.</p> <p>So here it is: We have two boys, 7 and 9. My in-laws (husband's dad/stepmom) live in England. They have two other sons, who are my husband's half-brothers - #1 lives in a US state that's about a 90 minute flight from us, #2 lives in England. We didn't see the in-laws from 2019-2022 because of the pandemic, they visited last year (2022) and stayed with us for a few week. That was their third visit since my younger son was born (which is to say, they've met him three times in his life).</p> <p>For about the last six months, they've been talking about coming to visit this summer. At first they couldn't commit to a date because #1 was going to be in England for an event and they wanted to be there when he was. This made things like booking summer camps pretty tricky, but I tried to space out their camp weeks and off-weeks to try to maximize the chance that we'd have some dedicated time with them.</p> <p>Then the event got scheduled for the end of August, great! So they say that #1 is buying a house that closes at the end of June. They'll travel to him, stay until he gets the house, come to us for a visit, then go back to him for a few weeks, because it's easier to book round trip tickets. All in, they're in North America for five weeks. They tell us they'll come to us around July 2 and stay for two weeks. Cool, great, this actually works out perfectly because my kids finish school June 30 and don't have any camps booked for the week of the 3-7! I book a week off work. They insist they can't actually book their tickets to us until they arrive in the US for reasons that do not make sense to us but whatever.</p> <p>Then they come back and say that actually, #1's wife's parents are having a Fourth of July party, so they'll come to us on the 6th or 7th, and that now they'll only have time to stay for 10 days instead of two weeks. We point out that that means they miss the entire week of time we all have off, and they'll be here for 10 days during which the kids are at (expensive, specialized) camps all day and it would actually be much better if they could come on the 2nd as they originally said.</p> <p>Then they come back and say that last minute flights are really expensive from this city to ours, and 10 days isn't really enough for a good visit, so maybe they won't come, they'll just come for a month next summer. We push back, find some semi-reasonably priced flights, say that if they come on the 2nd and stay for two weeks that's a good length of visit, and that a lot of things could happen between now and next summer.</p> <p>They come back and say look, this trip was always about #1 getting his first house, it's a major life event, and they were always only going to "fit us in if there was time" (that is, indeed, a quote), that five weeks isn't long enough to visit us both, so they're not coming.</p> <p>So....I feel like I'm done. I've always felt like we were the second tier family, they've always focused way more time and resources on their two sons, and this just feels like being blatantly told "His new house is more important than seeing our grandchildren". The kids are disappointed because they thought they'd be seeing their grandparents in two weeks. I'm disappointed because I genuinely love these people and was looking forward to seeing them! And I just can't believe that somebody would casually toss off spending time with their grandchildren while they're young, and I don't want to put my kids in a place to be let down again.</p> <p>Thoughts? Help? My husband is fully done, I half feel that we should tell them plainly how we feel - that being said, they're his family and he has to take the lead. But also I might be too close to this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-relate-to-gen-zers-who-are-in-the-dating-scene#post-2928069 Mon, 06 Mar 2023 16:09:18 +0000 togetherthroughlife 2928069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey! This is quite a random topic but maybe there are others who have experience and can relate.</p> <p>I got married and had kids way before the other people in my generation of the family. Now I am a mom and a wife with a career and “established lifestyle” and I’m finding it hard to relate to siblings and other family members who are not in the same stage of life as me. I know this is not uncommon, but I guess I just wonder if I’m making enough (or the right kind of) effort.</p> <p>See, I got married before the age of Instagram and TikTok and Bumble and Hinge…and I’ve been told (and wholly believe) that I just simply have no clue what it’s like to date in this current day and age.</p> <p>There are girls younger than me in my life who I deeply care about, who casually date and I admittedly don’t know how to relate to them. I married young, I married the first person I was even in a serious relationship with! We got lucky but it makes me feel…out of touch. I don’t want to be out of touch.</p> <p>Does anyone have any thoughts or resources, blogs, books, ANYthing that could help me relate to those in my life who are just living a totally different romantic life than the one I have lived? These are special family relationships and I don’t want them to just fall apart. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dallasft-worth-texas-area#post-2927590 Tue, 18 Oct 2022 13:03:36 +0000 cake2017 2927590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi there! We really like this area but only visited one time. Would love to hear from anyone who lives/lived there and/or knows the area????</p> <p>If so, could you suggest the areas that may be best for families, great schools, things to do(family things)?</p> <p>Also, any areas to avoid (cities/towns)? </p> <p>We plan to visit some more and to gather more info regarding schools and planned communities as well! </p> <p>We like the Dallas area but would not want to live in the downtown area. We prefer suburbs, parks, body of water, walking trails, restaurants- single family homes etc.</p> <p>Any feedback on FT Worth area? never been but plan to visit too…. </p> <p>Any feedback would be helpful! TIA! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/8-year-old-lying#post-2927310 Fri, 29 Jul 2022 19:27:44 +0000 LemonJack 2927310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 8 year old is lying and I’m trying to figure out how to get her to stop. She lies about little things like if she was playing her Switch or grabbed a juice box, and also about bigger things like if she pushed her sister. I’ve tried the strategy of telling her that she won’t get in trouble if she tells the truth, and she often will own up to it after I say that, but her initial gut reaction is to lie. It’s really frustrating and worries me. Any ideas? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-adults-get-santa-gifts-at-your-house#post-2925760 Fri, 10 Dec 2021 20:48:36 +0000 karenbme 2925760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In my family growing up everyone got gifts from Santa, but in DH’s house only kids did. I’m wondering what other families did/do. This is the first year that DD has any concept of Santa, so we need to decide what our rules are going to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/share-my-story-type-book#post-2925749 Fri, 10 Dec 2021 12:02:32 +0000 josina 2925749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Has anyone done a share my story -type book, like Storyworth, or My Mom "In her own words", "Tell me your life story", etc. either an online version or an actual write-in journal?</p> <p>Looking for ideas for my parent's and want something they'll actually fill out as a nice memory item for us kids and their grandkids.</p> <p>Would love to hear what others have done or thoughts on either? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-this-appropriate#post-2925751 Fri, 10 Dec 2021 14:06:35 +0000 cake2017 2925751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just bought a new home. We have not completed any steps for it but my in laws went to the home without us knowing and walked through it. I’m upset about it. DH was too and spoke with them. Am I wrong to be upset…. i feel like they overstepped their boundaries especially on something special. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-plans-2021#post-2925286 Thu, 28 Oct 2021 20:56:52 +0000 karenbme 2925286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m curious how everyone is managing holidays and Covid risk this year. We’re still mostly social distancing and extended family (my parents and some of the siblings on both sides) are not. In the past we’ve done Thanksgiving with both sides of the extended family. I’m getting pressed from my parents to do Thanksgiving there in particular but they won’t even go so far to say there won’t be random people coming to the house. My dad literally said “we’re vaccinated what more do you want from us”. It hurts, but it think we’re going to bow out. We haven’t made a call on the other side yet because the family that isn’t social distancing tests regularly. We’re low risk in terms of death or serious disease, but our two year old is in a mixed age daycare and we really don’t want to be the ones to get someone else’s tiny baby sick. Never mind the logistics of quarantining with a two year old and two demanding jobs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-good-relationship-with-your-family#post-2925176 Sun, 10 Oct 2021 19:50:54 +0000 bhbee 2925176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mostly curious how it may have changed for better or worse over time!</p> <p>I don’t even know how I would answer this today. I feel really unappreciative to say that it’s not great because DH and I each only have one parent left and only one sibling between us. I know time can be short. But it just feels complicated and I can’t figure out how and when that happened. From age 23 on (when I grew up a bit) I would have said it was very good until about 5 years ago. I think I’ve changed a lot starting about 5 years ago and my mom has too - due to life events in our individual lives - and we’ve both gotten older and less flexible. I think knowing DH and having kids has made me much less tolerant of my family’s negative tone (I never used to notice it) and it makes me want to pull away and avoid the disapproval and sometimes just meanness. But of course it’s not all bad … I think it just really gets under my skin right now, and I struggle between protecting myself from negativity and feeling guilty about not engaging as much as I used to. </p> <p>Have you had ups and downs with your immediate family? How did you handle it and move forward? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wedding-gift-ideas-needed#post-2925126 Tue, 05 Oct 2021 12:40:31 +0000 Mommy Finger 2925126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My FIL is getting remarried to J next week to a woman he's been with for over 9 years. J hasn't been married before (but is age appropriate :happy: ) and we do really like her. The wedding is in St. Thomas and they've picked up most of the bill. I'm struggling with an appropriate gift to give them as I'm normally a "write a check to the happy couple" kind of gal but that seems a bit inappropriate.</p> <p>This will be the first time they both live together as they lived in towns that were about an hour+ away from each other before but they obviously don't need any of your normal wedding gift items. I was thinking about having something made that would show J coming into our family that they could hang at the their house but don't really know what I'm looking for. I've also never been to her house, where they will be living so not sure what her/their style is. The other thing is that they both really like wine so I know there are things out there about getting some good bottles of wine that they would open for special occasions. Other than that, I'm drawing a blank. </p> <p>Any ideas? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-niecesnephews-and-birthday-gifts#post-2924753 Wed, 25 Aug 2021 09:24:29 +0000 Mommy Finger 2924753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Random question. If you have older nieces and nephews, is there an age when you stopped buying them birthday and/or holiday gifts? I know my I stopped getting gifts from my aunts/uncles when I was about 13 but then again, I was one of like 17 grandchildren. This thought just popped into my head as my oldest niece is about to turn 19. I have no thoughts either way. Just wanted to crowd source. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-handling-covidsocial-distancing-differences-with-family#post-2921729 Thu, 31 Dec 2020 21:24:24 +0000 greencraftycello 2921729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How is everyone handling COVID/social distancing differences with family? BIL and SIL not taking it seriously, and it is causing stress. Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/recovery-gift#post-2922116 Sat, 16 Jan 2021 16:16:15 +0000 charleysmom 2922116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A family member will be coming home from rehab for an addiction issue. I want to send her a gift but I’m a little lost on what to get. I thought maybe a sobriety journal or jewelry but my husband said that may be too personal. He suggested an Edible Arrangement which doesn’t seem personal enough to me, lol. Any suggestions? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/1000-hours-outside#post-2922010 Sun, 10 Jan 2021 17:09:42 +0000 catgirl 2922010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is anyone doing the 1000 hours outside challenge?<br /> <a href="https://www.1000hoursoutside.com/" rel="nofollow">https://www.1000hoursoutside.com/</a></p> <p>I remember reading about it a few years ago and thinking it was cool but I wasn't worried about our outside time. Back then we were easily hitting 1000 hours outside in a year. Now between covid and DD starting elementary school I feel like she is inside so much. Our family loves a challenge and likes to have an actual goal - so I printed one of the trackers and we decided to try it! I think the tracker will be a great visual for all of us. </p> <p>It meant this morning we went to one of our favorite trails for 2.5 hours even though it was 25 degrees out! And this afternoon we made obstacle courses in the backyard for another 1.5 hours. We bundled up, had a blast, and I feel like we've all been happier today. </p> <p>So, anyone in? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-parents-issues#post-2921938 Fri, 08 Jan 2021 07:14:59 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2921938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know we've had posts on this before but I'm not quite finding them so figured I'd just ask. (warning, this got really long,..)</p> <p>How do you deal with your parents if there are issues that make your relationship with them difficult? Particularly if you want them to be involved with your kids and preserve the grandparent relationship but are struggling to maintain your own relationship with them?</p> <p>I've had some challenges with my mom in the past but this year has really exacerbated things significantly. In a nutshell, she's someone who wants to be very helpful and supportive and never "burden" anyone but goes about it in completely backwards ways that actually cause more problems for people. She's completely nonresponsive to any kind of criticism, perceived or otherwise, so it's virtually impossible to tell her why someone is upset with her and have her acknowledge it much less do something about it so whenever things flare up, it ends up being easier just to let it go rather than deal with it, and frankly, I'm just exhausted by it all and not sure what to do. </p> <p>In April, she and my dad both got Covid and she didn't tell me and in fact went out of her way to lie to me about it during the daily Facetime calls we were doing. Her rationale was that she didn't want to bother me. This wasn't the first time she'd done this - she's hidden surgeries from me, etc. - but it really upset me. I didn't say anything because I didn't really think it would do any good and frankly I was tired and overwhelmed myself. It took her 3 months to say a word about it, even though she knew I knew and knew I talked to my dad about it all and how much it bothered me, and when she finally did say something, it was in a brush-off "not a big deal" way that completely minimized how much it affected me. Since that time, she hasn't once texted or called me to talk, even though we were regularly before that. Again the rationale is that she doesn't want to bother me, even though I never alluded to being bothered. And though she never calls me herself, she will periodically say things like "well, I haven't talked to mommy in a while, she doesn't call me" to my daughter during their 2X/week Facetimes. In the summer, we went on a vacation thanks to a friend lending us a house on the beach unexpectedly, and when my daughter innocently asked if Bubbie could come during their Facetime, my mother said "mommy doesn't want me there." We hadn't even talked about us going at that point, the news was all of 2 hours old. The most recent thing is this week - when everything was going on at the Capitol, no one from my family checked in with us. My husband works at the Capitol, and we had friends and people we hadn't talked to in years checking in, but my parents and brother, nothing. That day was a Facetime day for my mom and my daughter, and my mom asked me how things are and I said they suck (my daughter was out of earshot) and she asked why and I said have you seen the news today and her response was "oh, the protest? what about it?" I left it alone. The next day she called me and tearfully apologized for not checking in with us (who knows what prompted that, I was very surprised). I told her I understood that she was preoccupied (my brother has Covid right now and work is pretty awful for her, so I get it to some extent) but that to us what's happening is a big deal. She then proceeded to unload a whole ton of her own emotional crap on me like how she feels "outcast" and how no one listens to her or respects her opinions (no idea what she's talking about) and then she hung up on me with "I'm sorry I'm such a terrible person and mother." Of course I am ever the caretaker so I texted her and told her that we're fine, no one is mad, I'm sorry she feels how she feels, what can I do to help. She didn't respond. And then I got mad at myself because f' that. I feel like I'm basically being gaslighted now. </p> <p>She and my daughter have an incredible relationship and I don't want to ruin that in any way, but I'm just really not sure what to do at this point for my own relationship with her. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and if it weren't for my kiddo, I probably would just disconnect for a while, but I don't really want to do that. Would love any suggestions/stories/commiseration/perspectives I haven't considered. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-overwhelmed-and-need-to-vent#post-2921074 Wed, 25 Nov 2020 11:05:27 +0000 Jessiemuller88 2921074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am just so overwhelmed and need to get it all off my chest. My husband broke his heel over the weekend riding his bike, and he is going to have surgery and will be off his feet completely for 6-8 weeks. We have a 4 year old and 11 month old twins. My parents and in-laws would normally pitch in and help me, but my dad just tested positive for Covid, and my father in law hunted with my dad all weekend and is also displaying symptoms. </p> <p>So family help is out for at least 2-3 weeks. It’s all on me. It’s only day four and I’m already exhausted from taking care of everyone, and I know I have months to go. I don’t know how I’m going to remain positive and keep it all together. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/xmas-present-help#post-2920982 Fri, 20 Nov 2020 13:52:57 +0000 Clementine12 2920982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did a family secret Santa and I drew my husband's aunt - late 60s, recently retired hairdresser. I'm lost on gifts. Do any thoughts come to mind?</p> <p>She's pretty healthy and owns a rental on the beach. My MIL suggested "something beachy" but...no idea what that would be. 2 grandkids, boys who love hockey who are late teens. Spending s/b about $30. I'm shipping it directly to her because of COVID.</p> <p>My husband is no help.. She's the only blank spot on my list :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/jackbox-alternatives#post-2919865 Wed, 21 Oct 2020 00:02:32 +0000 Corduroy 2919865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd like to set up an online game or activity to connect with some family members that aren't big on talking. I've played Jackbox but I'm wondering if you've discovered any alternatives. Any recommendations? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/resources-for-alcoholism#post-2918083 Sun, 09 Aug 2020 23:39:56 +0000 winter_wonder 2918083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A family member's alcoholism is really taking its toll on my parents. My mom especially keeps asking me what more they can do, even though I keep saying that they have already done so much and that if someone isn't willing to get help things won't change with the alcoholic.</p> <p>Can anyone recommend resources (articles, books, etc.) that might be useful to them? It's heartbreaking to see the stress they're under. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-visits-and-covid#post-2917494 Tue, 21 Jul 2020 00:07:40 +0000 karenbme 2917494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I’ve seen this piecemeal on a couple other posts, but what are people doing about family visits right now? My 9 month old is the first baby on my side and I got a call from my dad today telling me that he was going to be seeing DD at some point during the two weeks he’s off work (next week and the week after). They live 3 hours away and we’ve done a couple of mainly outdoor visits with them at a family cabin, but definitely aren’t comfortable with them coming to stay overnight at the house. They’ve been much more lax on quarantine than us. For example they are dining out at restaurants and see friends and my little sister, who has fully reopened including going to bars, a few times a week mask free. Meanwhile we limit trips to the store to one per week and change plans if there are too many cars in the lot for a hiking trail. The easy answer is to meet up outdoors again, potentially at the cabin, but driving 3 hours with an infant is a pain and we need to board the dog on short notice and we kind of don’t want to. But my dad won’t take FaceTime for an answer. It’s also made me worry about what will happen around DD’s first birthday, which is in October, and then the holidays when the weather will likely make outdoor compromise visits impossible (we’re in VT). </p> <p>I’m wondering how others are handling these situations or how you plan to as this drags out. None of us are in hotspots, but just because thousands of people aren’t getting sick every day around us doesn’t mean it’s not present. For now I told him DH and I would talk about it and see what we’re comfortable with, but we don’t need to talk, we want to say no, and that’s going to be a problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-visitor-aita#post-2917446 Sun, 19 Jul 2020 20:50:50 +0000 Mama Bird 2917446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I guess this situation was kind of my own fault, but I have no idea how I should have reacted when it happened. AITA?</p> <p>We're in NYC. There are very few coronavirus cases, and they're not going up no matter what unsafe stuff people get up to. In June it finally seemed safe to start seeing my parents, and then we met up with the rest of our small family, outside. We didn't invite anyone over until this weekend, when it's DD's birthday.</p> <p>Today DH had to meet up with his aunt, and then they went to our house together. It was just us, the aunt, and her daughter. The aunt walks in and right away starts coughing, and her nose is streaming the whole time, and she's complaining about feeling bad... I didn't really know how to react, so I went and put my mask on. And kept it on the whole time she was in the house. I told her I was wearing it because I lost a stupid bet, but I don't think she believed me because several times that day, she started hugging and kissing the kids and I think it was obvious I'm pulling them away from her. When she was leaving she said something about feeling unwelcome. I'm sorry about that, but I really had no idea how to react. And I'd be a lot sorrier if DH and I both got sick at the same time and no one could care for the kids.</p> <p>For context - I don't like this aunt very much, but I've never been anything but polite, and I'd have done the same if anyone else came in coughing and sniffling. Also, she's constantly traveling all over the place even when it's unnecessary (and was doing that in March and April too) so who knows what she might have. But DH swears she never coughed once before they got here.</p> <p>I'm glad I'd insisted on not having everyone over at once (my parents and DH's brother came on different days). In hindsight, though, I should have seen this coming and said no to visitors, period.</p> <p>PS for the aunt's sake, I hope it's just a cold!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/family-conflict#post-2916463 Sun, 14 Jun 2020 13:26:19 +0000 macintosh 2916463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I live with my mom, disabled DH, and DS (5). My mom had always had some emotional issues that cause occasional blow-ups. When we bought a house together I knew this could be an issue, but I hoped it would help the financial stress on both of us enough to get along better.</p> <p>We’ve been here for just over a year and today was an awful blow-up. She started off being mad that I made us late for a hike with my brother and sil. I tried really hard to make light of it because honestly I know they don’t care.</p> <p>The hike was fine, but on the way back she made a comment that made my precocious 5 year old speak up. He said “you hate everything, grandma”. I laughed because it’s soooo true. She’s extremely negative all the time. She got very upset instead of taking the innocent comment as a chance to reflect and she jumped very quickly to threatening to move out.</p> <p>This is the same crap she did when I was a kid with my dad (who was no angel) but when she made my baby boy cry with her threats I had enough and told her so. No more threats, it’s cruel! She proceeded to argue every angle and threatened again to leave me with a house so cannot afford on my own.</p> <p>She cursed, yelled, called me a terrible parent, all in front of a 5 year old. Now that we’re home she’s sulking. She thinks she’s the victim, but she’s the one we have to tiptoe around all the time.</p> <p>I. honestly don’t know what to do, but if she doesn’t agree to get some counseling and work in these issues I don’t think so can live with her anymore. I also need her help financially, so i don’t know which option is worse. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-issue-wwyd#post-2914912 Mon, 04 May 2020 06:39:55 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2914912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On Tuesday, I found out that my dad is sick with COVID. When I found out, it turned out that he had been sick for 2 weeks at that point. My mother insisted that no one tell me (my brother knew as well) so that I didn't worry. My dad also told me that my mother had it first (she works for assisted living, where she was exposed, he got it from her) but was thankfully mostly asymptomatic. Thank God, my dad (despite being very high risk with chronic hypertension and a 40 year smoking history) never had breathing issues and has managed it at home and is now starting to get back to normal. </p> <p>I am livid, enraged, sad, disappointed - all the things. This is not the first time my mother has withheld information from me on the pretense of me not worrying, so I'm not in the slightest bit surprised she did this, but it's hitting me much harder this time emotionally than it had in the past. We have not talked about this since I found it - she has not said a word other than calling out "don't be mad" at the end of the nightly bedtime Facetime call she does with my daughter every night. I have not said a word, even though my therapist told me I should confront her. I definitely have a lot that I want to say, but I'm nearly certain it won't make a bit of difference. I doubt she's at all remorseful - when I've told her in the past how it impacts me when she doesn't tell me things (because duh, I still worry but now I'm also angry on top of it), she just brushed me off. She's acting like everything is fine and since we don't live close and there's really no impetus to resolve this and she has this standing time with my kid every night, she's not going to engage me herself. I imagine that I'll get over it eventually, but right now I'm going everywhere between wanting to loudly blast her to telling her she's never going to get time with my kid alone again (under normal circumstances, she takes her for a couple weeks in the spring and summer and now I'm wondering if she wouldn't tell me if something went wrong with my kid while in her care on the pretense of me not worrying) to just never talking to her again. </p> <p>Thoughts/ideas? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandparents-visit#post-2911893 Sat, 14 Mar 2020 14:26:03 +0000 karenbme 2911893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi, we were talking with my parents this morning and they mentioned wanting to visit from 3 hours away either next weekend or the weekend after. To me it sounds crazy because of all the Coronavirus measures that are in place right now. They’re both in their 60s, so more at risk of serious illness than the general population. I may be being overly cautious, but it just seems like a bad idea. If I were them I would just want to hunker down. Even as me, I just want to hunker down. There is less virus here than where they are, so I’m also a little concerned that they might bring it with them. And I know kids tend to be ok, but I worry so much about DD who is 4 months old. Idk, am I being crazy? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/helping-a-relative-with-mental-health-challenges#post-2910020 Wed, 12 Feb 2020 07:34:12 +0000 periwinklebee 2910020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm hoping some of you with more experience with mental health care may have some advice... I got a call from a relative early this morning whose husband seems to be having some sort of anxious breakdown - convinced he's going to be fired from work to the extent that he walked out of the office - she took him back to his boss who said everything was perfectly fine and his performance has been great. Convinced she's going to want a divorce, ranting and crying while making very little sense. He also has some problems with addictive behavior (i.e. gambling) but has never been medicated for mental health issues before. I suggested considering impatient care since he seems to be having some sort of breakdown, but they live in a rural area that's not very attractive to medical professionals and she said the quality of the place they can access locally is very, very bad (which I would guess is not a wholly unreasonable concern) and she's really scared of it. Backstory is that she has a lot of anxiety about mental health care and has never sought it because back in the 80s, a doctor botched her BIL's schizophrenia treatment, causing permanent severe brain damage. So she's absolutely terrified about medications for mental health issues and of mental health professionals. So I told her to do whatever she can today to get ahold of the GP that she trusts to get a recommendation and/or have him prescribe medicine directly. </p> <p>What are resources that I can direct them to? Anyone know of resources about how to medicate anxiety and the safety of medication? Or a way to find good quality impatient programs, in case it is required? I think he will ultimately need CBT but right now getting medication seems first order. </p> <p>Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/little-rock-az#post-2905339 Wed, 11 Dec 2019 06:02:36 +0000 bloved 2905339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have not posted in a long time, and I think last time was about possible relocation too. My DH and I live in a suburb of NYC but he has the potential for a great job opportunity in Little Rock. That seems like a whole different world to me, so I was wondering if there were any Little Rock (or AR bees at all) that could give insight into what it’s like, best suburbs, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-family-visit-coping-mechanisms#post-2903149 Thu, 21 Nov 2019 14:38:25 +0000 LCTBQE 2903149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People whose relationships with family are in the scope of complicated to unpleasant, give me your cheat sheet for how to get through the holidays. </p> <p>We are traveling to in-laws for FIVE. DAYS. for Thanksgiving, then my mom is coming to our house for Christmas. So far my strategy is try and stay the fuck out of the house when at all possible, focus on the kids and try to avoid talking about anything but them, planning activities with easy family members, and going to bed at 9:15pm. So mostly trying to keep busy and waiting for it to all be over. Wine is kind of a problem because alcohol generally makes me vomit after more than one drink, so, it's unfortunately not really in my arsenal. Usually my first line of defense is a 3-day-max visit, but for Thanksgiving, I lost. </p> <p>So how do you get through it?? </p>