https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 09:30:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927928 Thu, 26 Jan 2023 17:07:11 +0000 agold 2927928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I am 100% on the same page as you on this issue. Just keep saying no, that this time she is asking does not work. If this mom can't get the hint, then that is another issue. You have to do what is best for you kid, so don't feel bad however you end up going about this. Best of luck and please let us know what you end up doing, if anything at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927925 Thu, 26 Jan 2023 07:58:24 +0000 cake2017 2927925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lahela017: I like this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927924 Thu, 26 Jan 2023 07:57:56 +0000 cake2017 2927924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I would feel and do the same thing. I liked the PP suggestions. I would also say “hey we appreciate the invites but it is better if my child has your child over to our home. It works best for us at this time. I hope you understand. Let’s plan something in the next few weeks for the kids at our home.”- i do not know how you feel weekly but to me that’s alot but if it works for you then plan something at your house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927923 Wed, 25 Jan 2023 16:15:38 +0000 Lahela017 2927923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: ok, that would bother me too. I don't suppose you have some cool toy/game/activity at your house only that your daughter would like to do with her friend? That would be another reason you could give. Say something like, "thank you so much for the invitations to your house, but DD really loves when your child comes over here so she has someone to play x with. I'm happy to host so the girls can play with x activity." (Do you have a swing in the basement, trampoline, gaming system, giant barbie collection, crafting space, etc?) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927922 Wed, 25 Jan 2023 13:35:11 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2927922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for the input. I wanted to stay neutral of the reasons why because I would never tell someone this is why I don't want my kid at their house so I do need to make something up (which I'm terrible at and I'm concerned about engaging my kid into a lie) or give a reason that is generic/non specific and I'm not sure how to do that unless I just keep doing it case by case. And maybe that's just the right answer. </p> <p>Without getting into specifics - it's a cleanliness issue. I'm by no means neurotic, I've been in and around some pretty unclean environments and am hardly a model for cleanliness, but theirs is really concerning to me. The family is typically pretty unkempt (particularly the parents) and the few times I've been at their house it just skeeved me out. There may be so much going on - possibly hoarding, other issues, who knows - so I'm not going to tell them this is why I'd rather not and I'm not judging in any way, it's just not an environment I feel comfortable leaving my kid in. So I welcome any suggestions :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927921 Wed, 25 Jan 2023 11:08:24 +0000 PinkElephant 2927921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also feel like I can't really give you helpful feedback without knowing your reason. </p> <p>One of my ten year old's friends prefers to be at her own house, so the balance of where they hang out is definitely off. I mentioned it to the mom, who I am friends with outside of our daughters' friendship, so I don't think there's an issue with anyone not wanting to be in my home (I hope, haha - now you've got me paranoid! :) ) The mom swears that she doesn't mind the imbalance. She says her house feels lonely when there's no one in it (she works from home and her husband works in the office) all day AND after school, and that the girls get along well so it's a pleasure to have them. Her daughter is a little more homebody and likes to be home where things are familiar; mine really likes to go out (and escape her siblings, haha). </p> <p>So maybe you frame it more as liking to be at home, or just say that it's more convenient for you, and you really don't mind the imbalance (unless it's inconvenient for them). That at least might slow the invitations. I don't know how the "meeting elsewhere" could figure into this explanation, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927920 Tue, 24 Jan 2023 21:35:40 +0000 JJ2626 2927920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah-I feel like we need to know the reason! Bc otherwise I agree, you kind of have to make up a lie of some kind or if you keep deflecting they may get the hint and stop inviting but they will probably be annoyed and I worry that the girl may ask your daughter. Does she mind that she can’t go over? This is tough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927919 Tue, 24 Jan 2023 20:55:20 +0000 Lahela017 2927919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like this is hard without having more detail, but I think you'll have to come up with some reason you can point to, since the invitations keep coming. I don't suppose you can say your kid is allergic to one of their pets or something like that...? I think you're going to have to give them some reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927918 Tue, 24 Jan 2023 16:58:09 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2927918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my 9 year old daughter's best friends is a lovely kid and I've gotten to know her parents a bit and they too are lovely but it's one of those "we're friends because our kids are" type of relationships. For a variety of reasons that I'd rather not share with the parents, I don't want my daughter to go over to their house for playdates. I'm happy to have the girl over at ours, I'm happy to meet up in other places, and I enjoy socializing with the parents, so it's nothing against them personally nor a safety issue but for other reasons that I've observed on a couple occasions that I'd stopped over at their house, I really don't feel comfortable with my daughter being at their house. The mom asks me about having my daughter come over on a regular basis though - like, every week. And I'm starting to run out of excuses/ways to say no. But I also don't know how to handle this politely because I don't want to disclose why and I can't really say we don't do playdates at people's houses because that's not true with other friends/families, I just have concerns about their house specifically. Any suggestions on how to ideally put this to rest but not hurt anyone's feelings? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927875 Fri, 13 Jan 2023 21:36:05 +0000 Lowell 2927875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My childhood best friend came from a very religious and not-too-shy about evangelizing family who attended a very charismatic church (think: speaking in tongues, etc.) while my parents were actively anti-religion themselves. My mom and my friend’s mom were also very close friends. My mom especially took a very bemused approach to invitations like this and kind of just rolled with it more often than not. I sometimes went, sometimes didn’t; I think my family viewed this as a cultural experience and also a way to hang out with my friend more. I think the other family viewed it as 90% “the girls get to hang out” and 10% “and we might save her soul in the process.” Honestly I never felt like I needed to “convert” in this - none of the ideas I heard about at church with her were at all reinforced in my own home, so it really just felt like a social hour to me that followed our Saturday-night sleepovers. 🤷🏻‍♀️ </p> <p>Agree with others that a direct conversation makes sense and would be helpful to clarify. The repetition of an unwanted invitation feels invasive to you so it might be best to tell them that they have made it clear that the door is open if the Spirit moves you in the future (to use language they might find familiar). They’ve done their part. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927874 Fri, 13 Jan 2023 07:27:42 +0000 togetherthroughlife 2927874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: For sure! I think you can be more direct and still remain friends. I think one of the biggest gifts that practicing Christians can give themselves is the gift of non Christian friends. With no aim to “convert” them. I hope that as your relationship with this family continues they will take your direct comments at face value and you guys can continue to just know one another as friends. Less pressure for them, less awkwardness for you, it would be a win win! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927867 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 12:39:35 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2927867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for the input, this is helpful. I would be surprised if the mom didn't know about the invitation - as some of you said, this did feel like a church activity or something that the kids did at the church's prompting to invite friends and the mom is very hands-on with them and church especially so I doubt she didn't know but certainly a possibility so I'll plan to ask that first rather than diving in on the assumption that she knew. </p> <p>As far as invitations themselves go, I appreciate that maybe I need to be more firm in stating that this is not part of our lives and we have no plans for it to be. The mom and I have definitely talked about how not practicing religion is an intentional choice my husband and I made due to our own personal circumstances, so to me that felt like enough to say that we're not interested but I can see that maybe I need to be very direct about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927864 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 09:05:47 +0000 poppygirl15 2927864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would rub me the wrong way, too. I definitely had things like this happen to me when I was growing up because people knew I wasn't Christian and it drove me crazy. Like others said, I would bring it up to the mom. Just politely explain what happened and say that while you/your daughter enjoy spending time with them, you don't attend church. Then, you could offer another time when you could hang out. So, "While we don't attend church, we were wondering if your daughter wanted to come over to watch a movie." Something like that. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927862 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 09:00:42 +0000 togetherthroughlife 2927862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’ve been part of “church culture” my whole life so I can definitely attest to the fact that a lot of American churches lean really heavily on “invitation” — make sure to invite your friends! neighbors! Family! It’s a bit exhausting honestly. I think a healthier perspective for churches would just be to … exist … and people know where to find you if they want to join. Ha. I would maybe tell the mom, “hey X invited Y to church with a handwritten note. I don’t want her to feel disappointed but as we have talked about before, we are not churchgoers! We appreciate you all thinking of us. Hopefully X understands. Have a good day!” </p> <p>I don’t think you have to assume the worst of the friendship, it’s just something their church is likely (unfortunately) prompting them to do to the people in their life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927861 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 08:59:58 +0000 cake2017 2927861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I think I will be the minority when it comes to my answer/opinion but I am a follower of Jesus! I believe in what the Bible says and my family and I attend a bible teaching church. </p> <p>We believe everyone has a free will, free choice(it says in the Bible)- that being said, if you do not want to attend that’s your choice! This also depends on what “church, “bible” and teaching they may believe”….but overall it should be respected.</p> <p>I would express that to your friend. Make it clear that it is not something you and your family would like to participate in and you would appreciate that they respect that(or however you feel comfortable sharing:)…after that- it should be respected especially if you make it clear!</p> <p>Also, kids are kids! I could definitely see a child doing that without the parent’s knowledge!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927860 Sun, 08 Jan 2023 22:44:07 +0000 Chuckles 2927860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if they've only asked a few times over the years, I wouldn't think too much about it. Also, when they've asked in the past, have you said that you're busy versus just saying, no thanks? Because if you've said that you're busy, that might indicate to them that you would be interested if you were free. And I agree with @caitcat: that I could see a kiddo around that age doing something like that without running it by her parents first, especially if it's handwritten. I actually think that would bother me less than a more formal invite to something like Easter.<br /> We aren't religious at all, and a friend invited my son and I to her Bahai holiday celebration. We went once because I thought it would be fun to expose him to different traditions, but then she asked a few more times. I felt a little bad to continually say no, but eventually she got the hint. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927859 Sun, 08 Jan 2023 14:26:16 +0000 caitcat 2927859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd sort of wonder if the kid just asked on her own (without running it by her mom first) too. I could see one of my daughters doing that and I wouldn't realize it ahead of time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927858 Sun, 08 Jan 2023 05:20:49 +0000 pachamama 2927858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A large (and obligatory) part of American Christianity and Mormonism is "spreading the word" so that's why so many churchgoers invite you rather persuasively (I'm sure you know this).<br /> I would say, "Sorry, we don't attend church." I don't think that's rude at all. What is rude is trying to convince someone to attend religious services you know they don't subscribe to.<br /> My colleague is a pastor for one of those non-denominational Christian "churches". He's always trying to get me to attend his services. I say "I am anti-indoctrination so save your breath." Now THAT'S rude ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927857 Sat, 07 Jan 2023 20:25:05 +0000 Lahela017 2927857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would really rub me the wrong way too. I don't think you're wrong to be feeling that way. I think I'd wait for the other mom to bring it up, and if she does I'd politely say I wasn't interested and I'd really appreciate it if the invites stopped from now on. No disrespect to them, but your family is happy with your decision to not attend church. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927856 Sat, 07 Jan 2023 17:40:28 +0000 LadyDi 2927856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it possible that the mom didn't know about the invitation and the girl just did it on her own? I can't remember how old your daughter is but my son is 7 going on 8 and I feel like he and his friends "invite" each other to things a lot without asking their parents because they really don't understand boundaries and social norms yet. Like my son's friend invited my son over on Christmas day right in front of his mom and we both just shrugged it off because obviously it wasn't going to happen. Anyway, if you guys talk daily it seems like you are probably pretty close and hopefully this wouldn't jeopardize your friendship. I think you can politely say thanks but no thanks without being offensive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927855 Sat, 07 Jan 2023 14:55:05 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2927855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's been a long time since I've popped up on here, so glad to see folks are still around. Would love opinions on a situation I'm dealing with some friends who are devoted churchgoers. We are not at all religious, which our friends know. However, they still periodically invite us to their church. It's happened a couple times over the years and usually around big events their church was doing so we always just said thank you but we can't make it. However, yesterday, one of the kids who my daughter is closest to, handed her an invitation. When we opened it this morning, it was a handwritten invitation from the girl to my girl to come to church with them. Not a special event, just regular services. The mom, who I talk to daily, didn't mention this to me. My daughter kind of shrugged and said she'll ask her friend about it (though I honestly think she might just forget), however, I'm really not sure how to handle this. I'm fine saying no to invitations but this feels different. I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings but I've said in the past that church and religion is not for us so now that this has shifted into beyond just special/community events, it feels more intrusive. Am I overthinking this? Is there a way to handle this that isn't going to jeopardize the friendship? Or does this now start to tell me something about the friendship itself? Would appreciate perspectives. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thank-you-gift-idea-2#post-2926070 Tue, 11 Jan 2022 14:33:02 +0000 lisa1783 2926070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my father passed, my work sent me soup, bread, and cookies from A Spoonful of Comfort. It was really nice to have the soup ready and not even have to think about ordering food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thank-you-gift-idea-2#post-2926069 Tue, 11 Jan 2022 13:24:17 +0000 ChitownRo 2926069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’d do a gift card to a local restaurant or bakery :)<br /> Hope you all are feeling better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thank-you-gift-idea-2#post-2926063 Tue, 11 Jan 2022 09:35:20 +0000 erinbaderin 2926063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that a gift card and just a note saying how grateful you are is probably enough. We also have great neighbours and I'm sure that if you felt comfortable asking them for this favour that they probably also do favours for you and don't think of it as a big of a deal as you do - we've done some favours for our neighbours that they thanked us for over and over and we honestly didn't see it as a big deal, we were just happy to be able to help (and, I'm sure, vice versa). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thank-you-gift-idea-2#post-2926059 Tue, 11 Jan 2022 03:01:34 +0000 Corduroy 2926059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My neighbor did us a huge favor the week between Christmas and New Year's. We were traveling and there was a ton of rain at home and he came and started our broken sump pump for us daily while we were out of town (we're on a wait list to get a proper one installed). </p> <p>I bought his family a local treat from the area we were visiting, I carefully hand carried it on the plane, and I planned to deliver when we returned with a gift card or something but I didn't get to it the night we returned. The next day my family started testing positive for Covid. That day the neighbors left town for a week due to a loss in the family. </p> <p>So now a thank you is past due and I'd like to do something for them for their loss but we still can't see them in person and I don't think I'm really supposed to be going out and about for a few more days. My best idea is texting/emailing a Door Dash gift card but I'd really like to do better for this wonderful family. Any ideas of something more heartfelt I can send or do? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-friends-ex-husband-is-a-jerk-talk-me-off-a-ledge-of-going-to-yell-at-him#post-2915948 Wed, 27 May 2020 21:47:48 +0000 Chuckles 2915948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: So, when I asked her whether she knew if the roommate was being careful, she said she had no idea either way, meaning she had never really asked. So I do think she should have been more careful to ask, since he's not known for being responsible.<br /> @Ms.Mermaid: He was in the hospital for a couple of days before coming back to their apartment, so it sounds like he's pretty sick. But I don't know, personality-wise, if he'll learn anything from this since I don't know him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-friends-ex-husband-is-a-jerk-talk-me-off-a-ledge-of-going-to-yell-at-him#post-2915946 Wed, 27 May 2020 21:15:30 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2915946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Please tell me the roommate is at least suffering a lot and maybe thinks it’s not a hoax..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-friends-ex-husband-is-a-jerk-talk-me-off-a-ledge-of-going-to-yell-at-him#post-2915784 Sat, 23 May 2020 13:40:01 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2915784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah he should have said something, but I’m a little skeptical that your friend didn’t have an idea this was the case. I’m not judging her, but it doesn’t sound like it was the world’s best kept secret. But regardless it’s great she has someone who has her back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-friends-ex-husband-is-a-jerk-talk-me-off-a-ledge-of-going-to-yell-at-him#post-2915739 Fri, 22 May 2020 09:05:31 +0000 Chuckles 2915739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: No problem! I realized it wasn't clear in my post. And he didn't even tell her, just posted about it on FB. She only found out because he called her to say that I was accusing him of keeping things from her, and she was like, "well, are you?"<br /> I mean, she could have been mad at me for interfering even if it came directly from him. Thanks. Hopefully she and the kids will stay healthy. He's supposed to get his results back today, but he may have been tested too early. Plus now he's still living with the sick roommate, so even if he doesn't have it yet, he's getting exposed every day. It just stinks because he was at least coming over to keep the kids company while she worked, but now he can't help out at all for weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-friends-ex-husband-is-a-jerk-talk-me-off-a-ledge-of-going-to-yell-at-him#post-2915737 Fri, 22 May 2020 08:52:20 +0000 erinbaderin 2915737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, that’s different - sorry for misunderstanding! In that case I wouldn’t be mad at you :wink: I hope your friend and the kids are ok! </p>