https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 21:42:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/another-how-to-do-this-politely-question#post-2927918 Tue, 24 Jan 2023 16:58:09 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2927918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my 9 year old daughter's best friends is a lovely kid and I've gotten to know her parents a bit and they too are lovely but it's one of those "we're friends because our kids are" type of relationships. For a variety of reasons that I'd rather not share with the parents, I don't want my daughter to go over to their house for playdates. I'm happy to have the girl over at ours, I'm happy to meet up in other places, and I enjoy socializing with the parents, so it's nothing against them personally nor a safety issue but for other reasons that I've observed on a couple occasions that I'd stopped over at their house, I really don't feel comfortable with my daughter being at their house. The mom asks me about having my daughter come over on a regular basis though - like, every week. And I'm starting to run out of excuses/ways to say no. But I also don't know how to handle this politely because I don't want to disclose why and I can't really say we don't do playdates at people's houses because that's not true with other friends/families, I just have concerns about their house specifically. Any suggestions on how to ideally put this to rest but not hurt anyone's feelings? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-invitations-to-church-from-kids-to-kids#post-2927855 Sat, 07 Jan 2023 14:55:05 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2927855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's been a long time since I've popped up on here, so glad to see folks are still around. Would love opinions on a situation I'm dealing with some friends who are devoted churchgoers. We are not at all religious, which our friends know. However, they still periodically invite us to their church. It's happened a couple times over the years and usually around big events their church was doing so we always just said thank you but we can't make it. However, yesterday, one of the kids who my daughter is closest to, handed her an invitation. When we opened it this morning, it was a handwritten invitation from the girl to my girl to come to church with them. Not a special event, just regular services. The mom, who I talk to daily, didn't mention this to me. My daughter kind of shrugged and said she'll ask her friend about it (though I honestly think she might just forget), however, I'm really not sure how to handle this. I'm fine saying no to invitations but this feels different. I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings but I've said in the past that church and religion is not for us so now that this has shifted into beyond just special/community events, it feels more intrusive. Am I overthinking this? Is there a way to handle this that isn't going to jeopardize the friendship? Or does this now start to tell me something about the friendship itself? Would appreciate perspectives. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/thank-you-gift-idea-2#post-2926059 Tue, 11 Jan 2022 03:01:34 +0000 Corduroy 2926059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My neighbor did us a huge favor the week between Christmas and New Year's. We were traveling and there was a ton of rain at home and he came and started our broken sump pump for us daily while we were out of town (we're on a wait list to get a proper one installed). </p> <p>I bought his family a local treat from the area we were visiting, I carefully hand carried it on the plane, and I planned to deliver when we returned with a gift card or something but I didn't get to it the night we returned. The next day my family started testing positive for Covid. That day the neighbors left town for a week due to a loss in the family. </p> <p>So now a thank you is past due and I'd like to do something for them for their loss but we still can't see them in person and I don't think I'm really supposed to be going out and about for a few more days. My best idea is texting/emailing a Door Dash gift card but I'd really like to do better for this wonderful family. Any ideas of something more heartfelt I can send or do? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-friends-ex-husband-is-a-jerk-talk-me-off-a-ledge-of-going-to-yell-at-him#post-2915727 Thu, 21 May 2020 21:38:51 +0000 Chuckles 2915727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest and closest friend (we've been friends for 35 years) was married to a guy who is a nice person and tries to be a good dad, but he's also a mess in terms of being a functional person - can't keep a job, some mental health issues (which are not his fault and don't make him a jerk), doesn't pay bills, constantly getting parking and speeding tickets, etc. Anyways, they separated probably 18 months ago and have been in the process of divorcing. </p> <p>He is living with a roommate and has still been coming over to their house multiple times a week during the pandemic to see their children and watch them while she works and picks up groceries. My friend knew his roommate was an uber driver, so she knew that he was potentially exposed when he would come over. </p> <p>HOWEVER... it turns out that this whole time the ex husband knew that his roommate is a crazy person who believes covid-19 is a hoax and doesn't ever wear a mask or wash his hands extra, even when driving for uber. And now the roommate is very sick and tested positive. And ex-husband never shared this info with my friend. I'm super livid that he didn't tell her that he was actually at very high risk for getting sick so that she could know the real risk of him coming over. He didn't lie to her, but he definitely omitted something important. I really want to send him a nasty message, but I'm trying not to. Plus, he's now posting "woe is me, I'm the victim" stuff on FB. I'm like, you live in close quarters with someone who was doing very risky stuff. Of course he got sick and you were exposed. That was your choice not to make any attempt to figure out an alternative temporary living situation. Also, we are in an area with very high rates of infection. </p> <p>Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get this off my chest to avoid giving him a piece of my mind (which I still might do). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-have-older-kids-#post-2914878 Sat, 02 May 2020 20:33:31 +0000 bhbee 2914878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Any fun ideas for how to keep them connected to their friends? My 5yo doesn’t care that much but I’d like to do more for my 8yo. What have you been doing / invited to? Any ideas to share?</p> <p>Another mom organized a cute zoom tea party. She dropped off packaged mini donuts and juice and they painted together and then ran around doing a scavenger hunt like “find something round” “find a toy with wheels” etc. We did a zoom one week where a few girls read their poetry assignments to each other. They have about once a week zoom for their class (there’s no actual instruction for us) but it’s a big crowd. Sometimes we yell across the street at a neighbor friend! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-schools-are-closed-are-you-leaving-the-house-much#post-2911842 Fri, 13 Mar 2020 20:17:57 +0000 Alba4 2911842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Schools are closing throughout the NY metro area...NJ, NY, and CT and many for at least 2 weeks. I feel like chilling at home is best for public health, with occasional trips for necessities or hikes and visits to parks. </p> <p>I have plans to celebrate a big birthday with my friends tomorrow night, but am thinking of cancelling. Isn’t going to a restaurant a bit risky at this point? Wouldn’t it defeat the purpose of closing schools and working fro m home as much as possible?</p> <p>Just curious to hear what y’all think... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/have-you-ever-backed-out-of-being-a-bridesmaid#post-2907590 Sun, 05 Jan 2020 18:01:46 +0000 MoonMoon 2907590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Brief background: friend from school asked me to be one of her bridesmaids a few months back, wedding in Sep 2020. I'm not very close to her and don't know her family or other friends at all. I agreed, but it's dawning on me now that it's a lot of commitment and time, and I have such precious little time off from my job, the thought of using it for dress shopping, bachelorette events, etc is causing me some resentment, I have to admit. I've already missed out on dress shopping (hers and ours) because I work nights and weekends and the schedules don't work for me. </p> <p>I'm so worn down from work, family, and now dealing with infertility and the depression that goes with it. I know I can't be a good and supportive bridesmaid. </p> <p>My question is, is it ever ok to back out? Will this really mess up her plans, if the wedding is 8+ months away? What would be the best way to go about this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ice-breakers-getting-to-know-you-games-that-arent-dumb#post-2906833 Mon, 23 Dec 2019 13:33:11 +0000 HappyBaker 2906833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m starting a book club, and while I personally know everyone coming, it’s a co mingling of a bunch of different social circles so a lot of the people coming don’t know each other. I’d like to get to know each other a little better at our first meeting - any ideas on how to get that flowing without it being super lame? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-does-a-single-woman-in-her-30s-make-friends#post-2901492 Mon, 04 Nov 2019 13:47:30 +0000 graceandjoy 2901492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In a brand new town? I'm crowd sourcing for my friend! </p> <p>She is in her mid 30's, newly single, moved to a brand new city and started a brand new job. She said she has co-workers to hang out with after work sometimes, but not at the comfort level yet to really let loose with. Or people at her age bracket mostly have families, and going out with the younger 20's crowd seems weird... </p> <p>I gave her some suggestions but want to see what the hive has up their sleeves! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-your-female-friendships-are-you-allowed-to-express-your-true-feelings#post-2899579 Tue, 15 Oct 2019 09:18:34 +0000 Ajsmommy 2899579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For example if you get let down or disappointed by a friend can you show them or tell them and it is ok? </p> <p>Or if you are mad or upset can you tell them?</p> <p>Or do you have to fake it or hide your true feelings for the sake of the friendship? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-worry-about-your-kids-making-friends-wdyd#post-2895846 Fri, 30 Aug 2019 09:02:56 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2895846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter just started first grade and I'm growing worried about her making friends. She's an only child, very social and very drawn to other kids, always wants to join others, but she hasn't really made any friends over the last year of kinder and all summer at camp. She had a few kids in kindergarten that she would socialize with and we tried to foster those connections by getting to know the parents but nothing ever took root long term and then we moved to a new school/area and are starting all over again. We would ask her about who she played with at camp and she couldn't give us a single name of a kid (though all the counselors loved her). Yesterday kiddo told me that she's been playing with her school desk-mate but then the girl told her that she wanted to play with someone else. The way kiddo put it was "I think she was tired of me" though she wasn't particularly sad about it, as far as I can tell. I worry sometimes that she might be a little too much for other kids because she's very excitable and chatty and wants to do all the things and doesn't have the best understanding of social cues, and she has no trouble going off on her own and doing her own thing but she's definitely someone who needs her social bucket filled. </p> <p>I'm guessing I'm probably overthinking as usual and in full transparency, I suck at making friends and I'm probably projecting that here, but especially given that she's an only child, I really want her to build a group and I'm not sure whether to do anything beyond what we're already doing (asking questions, trying to foster connections anywhere we can, etc.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/since-i-apparently-suck-at-woman-woman-friendships-advice#post-2887668 Wed, 12 Jun 2019 13:11:54 +0000 Ajsmommy 2887668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I admit that I am not good at female friendships. Never have been and I've commented before about this affliction... LOL.... I am blunt, honest and probably rude sometimes. I tell it how it is and that's that. I do not drink alcohol. In the past I've gotten along better with men then woman. I have had lots of girl friends and usually what ends up happening is that they move on and slowly cut me out... I end up being the one seeing them on fb doing things while I am at home. </p> <p>I'm ok with this for the most part and it only occasionally hurts. </p> <p>I find myself in a situation now and I am hurt and annoyed and my gut is telling me to just cut ties and forget it. But bc I suck at this stuff I thought I'd run it by some others.. lucky you's!! </p> <p>Co worker, known each other for approx. 6 yrs. Had first kids within 6 mos of eachother and really bonded. Talked all the time, texted, went to first bday parties, met up to play a few times. I went through infertility and she was supportive and understood, her and her DH went through a rough patch and I was in turn there for her so much so as to even offer her a place to stay if she ended up needing/wanting it. We ended up pregnant with our second lo's and had same sex kids again. So for 5 years we are what I consider good friends... like probably my closest friend bc I see her daily. </p> <p>Well the last year has changed. She started to run (ie marathons, 5k's etc) I don't.... however I kept up the friendship UNTIL I noticed that she wasn't coming to talk to me anymore and if I went to talk to her she was often talking to someone else ( a new co worker who came in last year or another co worker who runs). Every time I'd go try to talk to her she'd be with other people. Ok.. that's fine but she completely stopped talking to me. Then when her DD's bday came around she told the new co worker that she wasn't inviting us bc her DD only wanted school friends.. which is TOTALLY OK, but she never even mentioned it to me. Why would she tell this new, not so close friend but not me who's been friends for 5+ years and who's been to every one of your DD's parties?? This is when I really started to take note of the fact that she completely stopped talking to me. She'll talk to me if I go to her but she's making NO effort to seek me out.</p> <p>I feel hurt and annoyed. I don't want to have to seek out a friend!! And I'm hurt that she's now talking more to the new girl than me when we have all of this close history. </p> <p>Anyway the new girl said my friend has told her there is no issue and she thinks the issue is mine.. I said I'm over it and i'll just move on..... </p> <p>Thoughts.. am I mishandling the situation? Am I being hurt bc of my history? Am I too quick to say I don't care, i'll move on? Should I broach the subject or just let it go........ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-you-have-ladies-nights#post-2876392 Wed, 13 Mar 2019 17:17:54 +0000 Alba4 2876392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m just curious. </p> <p>My best friends all live within an hour of one another and we try to get together every couple of months. Still it is challenging since we all have different schedules and my ability to have someone watch my kids is kind of limited (since my husband works weekends and evenings). My family and in-laws are 1 hour or 2.5 hours away. In additions, I don’t have a babysitter nor the extra $ to splurge on going out and getting a babysitter. I’m feeling sad we can’t get together more often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wedding-date-question#post-2874150 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 12:55:38 +0000 Mrsbells 2874150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When you receive save the dates for out of town weddings, when do you expect to get the actual invite with date? We have an out of town wedding this year and our kids are part of the wedding party. We are about 6 or 7 months away and havent been told the date yet and plane ticket prices are going up! We also have other vacations and events planned and cant tell if this will clash. Is it rude to reach out and ask for more details? Or is it better to just wait and see and then if the final date doesnt work just decline? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871350 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 11:03:03 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter hit it off with a girl in her class recently, so we connected with the girl's parents to see if we can get them together for play dates, etc. The mom is very sweet and we've enjoyed getting to know her, however, there is very definitely a strong neediness vibe that I've had a bit of a hard time managing. I try really hard not to judge - I have a very hard time making friends myself - but this mom has latched on to DH and I in a way that makes me a little uncomfortable. IE, she put us down as emergency contacts/authorized pickups for her daughter without telling us. We only found out because she called us last week asking to pick up their daughter and we said absolutely but would need her permission and she said the school already had it. We invited her for dinner the same night we picked up her daughter and had a really hard time getting her to leave. It was 9 PM, her daughter was clearly tired and starting to melt down, and she just kept on chatting with us, despite us trying to hint at bedtime, etc., and then sent a note about another playdate the next day. She has talked repeatedly about being there to pick up our daughter if we needed someone to and even bought an extra car seat (which we appreciate, but again, we barely know each other) and doing all these things together. The biggest concern for me, beyond all that, is that her husband gives me a really bad vibe. We've met him a few times, he barely says anything, my DH took the girls out for a playdate with him when I was out of town and said the other dad basically didn't say anything the whole time. The mom really doesn't censor, so we know a lot more than we should at this stage of our relationship about both their backgrounds and it sounds like he's basically a drifter going job to job and she's trying to keep them afloat financially, but he doesn't want to leave our very high cost of living area. </p> <p>Anyway, I definitely don't plan on having them pick up our daughter or having her be alone with them when I have the weird vibe, but I'd love any advice on how to manage someone who's very intense like this mom. She's very sweet and I really don't mind hanging out here and there, but I feel like eventually it's going to become obvious that I'm resisting her advances and I don't want to cause hurt feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-remain-friends-with-people-who-do-not-initiate-plans#post-69039 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:11:06 +0000 Andrea 69039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a few friends that I really enjoy spending time with but I always have to initiate. Does this mean that they could care less if we get together or not? I know some people are just lazy, too. Sometimes I do get tired of always being the one to initiate, though. How about you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friendships-and-kids#post-2866355 Mon, 14 Jan 2019 07:58:10 +0000 cyoung 2866355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anyone else feel like they are just losing friends with each kid they have? Maybe it's just where I live but I'm 26 years old and I have 2 little toddlers and I'm pregnant again. I've noticed as time has gone on less and less of my friends want to hang out. Now most don't have kids. Maybe that's why. Ive noticed people I went to school with are having kids later and later. Only one of my friends have kids but we don't hang much due to having a hard time getting together cause we have kids so young. We see each other only every other weekend. But my other best friend never comes over anymore or wants to hang out. She works from home as an artist. Idk I've been told to get into mom group locally but we don't have any. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-disappointment#post-2862622 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 11:02:25 +0000 skiierchck99 2862622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First world venting/sad post here.....in November I gave my bff the heads up that I was going to host a small bday party for my daughter's first birthday in February and let her know the weekend. She lives a short flight away but her parents live near us so I suggested it could be a good combo visit trip and we talked about me flying to her too when her dd turns 1 about 2 months later. Cut to today....when she lets me know she is going to Florida to have her dd meet the grandparents that same weekend. I made some minor comment of surprise and she basically told me that she hasn't met the grandparents yet so that's more important.</p> <p>I know really is not a big deal in the grand scheme of life, but I'm disappointed and hurt. I would understand if it was about money, or an unavoidable conflict (wedding, etc), but the grandparent visit, while important, seems like it could have been any weekend. What's more, this is a common theme in our friendship - she'll come out to see her family and I feel like it's an imposition to try to carve out time with her. Yet, she's asked me to book a trip up to visit them this winter. </p> <p>Tl;dr is that I feel unimportant to my bff and it's making me sad right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friends-covering-during-labor#post-2860580 Thu, 06 Dec 2018 10:41:02 +0000 LindsayInNY 2860580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have two girlfriends who are basically on call until baby arrives. They’re willing to handle DD at daycare, overnight, you name it. I’d like to give them some sort of thank you, regardless of what sort of help we end up needing (like if one is out of town at the time, I still want to give something). I can’t do wine because both are wine snobs and I won’t be able to measure up! Suggestions? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/saying-no-to-going-out-on-weekdays#post-2849775 Mon, 08 Oct 2018 10:15:44 +0000 MsBAM 2849775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey, </p> <p>I wanted to see if I’m the only one that thinks this way or not. A friend of mine who doesn’t have kids invited me to her birthday dinner on a weekday after work. I work full time days and hate being away from my LO (16mo) at night during the week bc our time is so limited on weekdays. I get home around 5 and start his bedtime around 730 at the latest. I don’t want to go to the dinner for that reason. I miss him so much during the week and I look forward to those 2 hours with him during the week. Does anyone else feel the same way or do you still make plans regardless? </p> <p>On top of that, I get up at 5am daily so I have a chance to ready myself before LO wakes up and by the time I put LO to bed I feel like I still have a million things to do, as I’m sure all parents feel!! I feel guilty bc I’m going to say no but the way I see it is my LO comes first. How do I politely decline in a way she will understand? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-isolated#post-2843934 Thu, 06 Sep 2018 10:06:02 +0000 Modern Daisy 2843934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need some advice and/or commiseration. Over the past 6 months I’ve been feeling more and more isolated, like I’m all alone on an island with no friends to talk to or hang out with. The friendships I do have seem to be growing distant, not because of any kind of falling out but more because people are too busy. I feel like because I never joined a sorority or some kind of large friend/Mom group I’m now left on my own to try and drum up connections and arrange get-togethers, which I’m not very good at. All the other moms I know have friends from other walks of life or lots and lots of family and therefore hanging out with me usually gets crossed off the list since other connections are more important to nurture with so little time available.</p> <p>I really want a group of friends who are willing to meet up regularly and who hopefully I can grow close to over time. Do any of you have this? How did you get there and what advice do you have? Or if you feel like I do feel free to pity party below! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/advice-needed-nice-way-to-tell-a-friend-to-leave-me-alone#post-2841909 Sun, 26 Aug 2018 21:21:34 +0000 irene 2841909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, please, no judgement and please be kind. </p> <p>I have posted previously (refer to <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friendship-honest-or-fade-away" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friendship-honest-or-fade-away</a> if interested). </p> <p>I have (had) a very good mom friend since DSes' birth. We did almost everything together for the first 5 years of our boys' lives. </p> <p>Until earlier this year, I felt that we have grown apart. Our DSs (both 6 yo boys) goes to different schools and have different friends, activities. My friend has found a new friend that has basically replaced me, and a new social circle. We used to spend 80% of time with our kids together, until February to early June we only saw each other once every 1-2 months. Between February to early June, I was ditched or stood up by her 50% of the time, and for the handful of times we saw each other, we were mostly only doing what she wanted to do. I felt distasteful and hurt about this, and felt the friendship has run its course and wanted to move on. </p> <p>Then my mom got sick in May, and she passed away last month. I was away for most of the summer to tend to these matters. I am an only child. My dad passed away years ago, and she was my only parent left. I was reading what @MrBee: wrote about his mother's death ( <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2017/09/11/my-final-parent/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2017/09/11/my-final-parent/</a> ), and how it was the loneliest feeling. I can not identify to it more. This level of loneliness is incomprehensible. Even though now I have my own little family DS and DH, I felt like I am the only person left in the world. </p> <p>Since I came back, I became even more bitter and resentful to my friend. She reached out to me for little things like dinner, or seeing her new puppy and what not, which I turned her down. DH guilted me into answering her text, and we did go out to dinner 2 weeks ago. I thought I'd at least be able to be cordial and pretend nothing happened. But no.... I was cold, mean, I wasn't engaging in any conversations, I wasn't even giving her eye contact. I felt very bad afterwards. I didn't reach out to apologize, she also didn't reach out to me. I thought for sure this will end our friendship. I was sad but I was glad.</p> <p>Then just now, she texted me again and said she'd like to go to apple picking with us. ....?</p> <p>I've been trying to understand what exactly is wrong with me. I am not doing well at all mentally. I am wondering if subconsciously I can not handle both my mom and my friend left / was leaving me, and that's why subconsciously I am trying so desperately to start fresh and to leave her first. Or maybe I am scared to continue to be friends with her, because at this moment, I can not handle being stood up. It will break me (as if I am not already broken).</p> <p>I wanted to say OK let's go apple picking, but then I am a little afraid I'd behave as poorly as I did at dinner 2 weeks ago. No one deserved to be treated like that. Or like I said, I am really afraid we'll set a date, and she just change on me / didn't show up last minute because "something came up". I am afraid to be "left".</p> <p>I feel that maybe I should tell her politely to leave me alone for a few months at least. I have once texted her that I needed some time, but she didn't seem to get it (or she thinks 2 weeks is time). I don't know how else to communicate that I need to be left alone (for a long time) in order that we can still remotely be friends, or even acquaintances, in the future. </p> <p>That was the story. Please be kind and please (try to) withhold your judgement. What would you suggest I should do? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friendship-honest-or-fade-away#post-2837858 Fri, 03 Aug 2018 21:32:15 +0000 irene 2837858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a close friend to whom I met at prenatal yoga. she had the same due date as I did. We were close for as long as our DSes were born. We had playdates. She had a divorce when our DSes were 2, and I was there to support her through that, selling her house...etc. My DS knocked my front teeth off (long story) when he was 3. She, being a dentist, fixed them for me before I had to get out of town in 2 days for a high school reunion (!!!), her portion of work completely free. We saw each other every other week (she had her DS every other week). Our DSs were BFFs and we were BFFs, life was great.</p> <p>6 years later, the dynamic seemingly changed. Our kids went to different schools and they no longer talk about wanting to see each other. My friend is obviously doing very well and has recently gotten a country club membership, and things have started to shift there. We still attempted to see each other whenever we could.</p> <p>There was an incident in February. We got tickets to Disney on Ice at 5:30pm. We planned to carpool at 3:30pm or so to fight Sunday downtown traffic. I didn't know her ex had her DS that weekend. It ended up her ex was late, and couldn't return her DS until late ("4:30-ish"). We went to pick up the tickets from her at 3pm so we could go first. Somehow we decided to stay and wait until 4-ish, and they still haven't shown up. I decided to leave with DS and she said she would make her ex drop them off at the arena. At the end the traffic was so terrible we were stuck until 6-ish pm in order to get into the parking lot, and we missed a good first half of the show. However, they got in just fine because they didn't have to park. At 5:30 she called me to see where I was and I screamed at her on the phone. After we finally got there, I was so angry I wasn't able to talk to her until the show was over. My bad (and I apologized afterwards), but I was furious that she shouldn't have OK'd to the event if she knew her ex was taking her DS out of town. And he was not known to have his ducks in a row. Had I knew and not get the tickets, this whole thing would have been avoided.</p> <p>I felt that since then, our friendship cracked. We were planning a Disney trip toward the end of the year, and one thing after another she "postponed" it indefinitely. Every time we were to plan a thing, or I asked her for a play date, things always fell through. When we finally agreed to go somewhere, it would always, always ended up being changed to going to her country club (us as her guests) instead, or she'd flat out cancel on me on the day of the event. She had this thing where if she didn't want to do something, she wouldn't tell you until 10 minutes before. She would always end up not being able to go. She stood us up for mother's day -- we were going to meet at a family event at the art center, but after DS and I got there, she texted me explaining how many errands she had to run, and how now she realized it was for younger children (it was not), and she probably couldn't make it. Poor DS kept asking why his friend wasn't there yet. :-(</p> <p>On top of that, recently she met a friend who was also a single mom with an esteemed profession (lawyer) with a DS. That friend had been posting pictures of them going to places that WE had previously talked about we would go together. And then she seemed to have started building her country club of friends.</p> <p>At first I felt bad and I felt responsible for the "crack", as I screamed at her on that faithful day. I apologized to her and we have talked about it. She reassured that she was OK, but it didn't seem to be better. I even talked to my therapist about it. </p> <p>But now, especially after the past few months where I had to go back to Hong Kong to see my mom (who suddenly got ill, and eventually she passed away last month), I felt that I am over with the friendship. When my mom was still in critical situation, my friend would suggest frivolous fun things to do such as picking peaches...etc. I was very annoyed and turned off. </p> <p>I felt that ultimately we have moved to different places in our lives. I felt that her friendship to me was no longer genuine as she has found new friends that is more "appropriate", and she has moved onto a completely different social circle. She no longer needs me, and that is her way to distance me. I don't want friends like that.</p> <p>If you watched The Real Housewives of NYC, it was very much like the fall out between Bethenny and Carole. It can not be explained but something has changed.</p> <p>Sorry to have typed an essay. Do you feel that I overreacted? What would you do if you were me - do you feel that I should continue with the friendship, or if I should talk to her about what I feel, or just fade away? This has been bothering me for a while and I had no one to talk to about it. DH thought I was crazy but I am just very over it. Please hold your judgement and be nice.... thanks for your input :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-be-honest-and-when-to-fade-away#post-2830612 Tue, 26 Jun 2018 08:38:30 +0000 Modern Daisy 2830612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you made the decision to intentionally distance yourself from a friend, were you honest about it or did you decide to “ghost” them? What were your reasons?</p> <p>I love my friend. She is an amazing selfless person and has helped us so much since we moved to this area 3.5 years ago. Her 4 year old son is my 4yo sons best friend and they get along great. But her other son (9) has always had behavioral issues and they have been getting worse. Whenever we get together he is mean to our son picking on him, bossing him around and even physically harming him. He’s also extremely rude to adults and has no respect for other people’s property or personal space. Now, my son also has behavioral issues and even goes to a special needs school among other things so I’m certainly more sympathetic to this than the average person. But her sons behaviors have been getting so bad that it’s been very upsetting for our son and ontop of that it’s clear that my friend doesn’t believe in discipline so she literally ignores him completely as he destroys our property and tortures our son. It’s gone on for too long now but we’ve finally decided to maybe not end the friendship completely but at least never allow her son near our son. It will soon become obvious what we’re doing and I’m sure our 4 yo’s relationship will suffer as a result.</p> <p>Now I’m wondering.. should I tell her our plan? Explain our reasons why? I would obviously leave out any judgy comments about her parenting style and keep it to the facts about how upset the interactions make our son. But she is always complaining about people telling her she needs to use discipline and I’m afraid she will jump to this conclusion and get mad. Will it do more harm than good? What have you all done in similar situations? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/hostess-gift-for-sprinkle#post-2828566 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 23:05:32 +0000 crazydoglady 2828566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Two of my friends are throwing me a sprinkle and I can't think of any good hostess gifts! Both are moms of young children and like farmhouse type decor. I was thinking in the 25-40 dollar price range. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friendship-struggles-as-a-parent#post-2825873 Fri, 01 Jun 2018 20:03:26 +0000 Stardust17 2825873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just looking for some perspective....</p> <p>Back story: the “friendship” in question began about 6 years ago when I responded to a childcare needed advertisement for a family. In the last 6 years, I have not only babysat for this family (I was single and no children at the beginning) but moved in with them when the Dad of the family underwent a bone marrow transplant. I have loved their 2 kids as my own and have always thought very highly of the family and considered the Mom to be a close friend. Fast forward to present day and I’m now married and a mom to a 1.5 yr old. I still babysit for this family every week and we asked them<br /> to be our daughters “Godfamily” when we found out we were expecting. I’m a very sentimental person and take my relationships very seriously. However, in the last 6-8 months, the Mom has changed. Honestly, I’ve bever felt like they have done anything “special” for my daughter since she was born (like offer to babysit/spend quality time her, come to her dedication after party or her 1st birthday). I’m not asking for much but my daughter adores the 2 kids—like her own brother and sister. The mom has recently bought a new home in a very high end neighborhood (we had been neighbors) and her attitude just sucks. She used to tell people I was a “great friend that happens to also be an amazing nanny” but yesterday, not only did she publicly humiliate me in front of her new “high society friends” by ignoring me at swim practice I take her kids to, but she introduced me as “my nanny” in a very snobby way. Like it was more of a status thing for her. This is just an example but little things like this keep happening and it’s really pushing me away. I have already decided that I’m going to quit being their nanny at end of summer (mostly for reasons outside of the recent situation) but I’m stuck on how to move forward.<br /> Yes, I’ve tried a number of times to talk to her (gone to dinner and whatnot) and all she talks about us herself that I walk away defeated. I despise confrontation and while she may acknowledge my feelings, she is the type that will try to turn it around and make me feel stupid or bad for assuming she meant to hurt me. But she talks bad about alot of people and if the next best thing comes along, then what used be isn’t good enough for her (like our neighborhood before she recently moved—both are brand new neighborhoods but houses in mine are in the upper 300k and her new home was 600k)<br /> What would you do? Like I can move on without talking to her but how do I handle the “Godfamily” status? I know my daughter will grown and make different friends but I hate seeing this happen. Asking them was a big deal and a decision we took seriously. But she’s just not the same person.<br /> I could just use some advice and encouragement. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-sick-3yo-boy#post-2823033 Thu, 17 May 2018 04:22:26 +0000 ElbieKay 2823033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My boss's 3yo is having open heart surgery next week.</p> <p>What are some good gift ideas for him and/or their family? I need to procure something by Tue to give to my boss at the office on Wed.</p> <p>I have know my boss for six years and worked for him for four. He has gotten me promoted twice, got me a nice gift when my son was born, and was very supportive during my last pregnancy and maternity leave and so far has been great during this pregnancy too. So I would like to do something nice, and it's ok if it is a little spendy.</p> <p>They also have an older daughter who I think is around 5 now. I am happy to get something inclusive for her too. I sometimes get an older sibling gift when I get a baby gift. Not sure if he same thing applies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-upset-with-one-of-your-best-friends-for-forgetting-your-birthday#post-2821212 Tue, 08 May 2018 18:17:53 +0000 crazydoglady 2821212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just curious...</p> <p>Hint: I was the one who forgot. 🙊 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/doing-something-nice-to-make-up-for-missing-birthday#post-2813498 Sun, 01 Apr 2018 21:05:42 +0000 Lighthouse 2813498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Long story short, I’m missing my good friend’s daughter’s dohl (first birthday). The first birthday is a really important celebration in Korean culture and I’m so sad to miss it. I’m also really bummed because for a variety of reasons I was unable to attend this friend’s bachelorette party and baby shower. She’s been super understanding but I know she’s been disappointed we haven’t been able to celebrate these big milestones together. Is there anything I can do to show her how much I care and wish I could be there? A birthday gift is a given, but something else to recognize the significance of the celebration? Thanks so much for any suggestions! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/friend-ignores-baby-when-visiting-advice#post-2809759 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 09:18:38 +0000 MsBAM 2809759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi!!</p> <p>I have a really good friend that’s really nice BUT when she comes to visit she just says hi to my 9mo LO but other than that she pretty much talks the whole time she’s over and ignores him (I don’t think she does it purposely). So, I’m left trying to socialize with her and I’m trying to keep LO happy and entertained... but it’s hard and exhausting bc she talks the entire time! Last time she came over I had a tv show on for him and she seriously asked me to turn it off. I think she’s just oblivious to it all because she doesn’t have kids. If I tell her I have to feed him and take him to another room she’s totally understanding of that though. Anyone else have friends like this? </p>