https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 23:28:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858856 Wed, 28 Nov 2018 13:24:32 +0000 Jennibenni 2858856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snarkybiochemist: @LabradorLover: I’ve just put the date in my phone, that is a great idea so I can remember to check in with her each year on the anniversary day. </p> <p>@Mamaof2: Wind chimes sound beautiful, I think that’s a lovely idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858846 Wed, 28 Nov 2018 13:09:26 +0000 LabradorLover 2858846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lost my father almost 3 years ago exactly one week before Christmas. He was only 47 and I was 24 so this was a very tragic time for me. Not sure if this is a good idea or not but I figured I would throw it out there. </p> <p>My two closer cousins got me a shadow box for Christmas with some nice "Greatest Dad Ever" stickers and an ornament that I could put his picture in. I loved the idea and found it to be very thoughtful. I was able to put one of his shirts in it along with some other things that reminded me of him. I have it right in our hallway where I can see it every day. It is something that makes me smile everytime I walk past it. </p> <p>I also recommend remembering the date and following up with your friend each year. It sounds terrible but I almost expect people to text me on that day (because I just really need the support) and get upset if I don't hear from someone important. Prayers to your friend and their family. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858784 Wed, 28 Nov 2018 10:04:37 +0000 Mamaof2 2858784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: How about wind chimes? We got my mom some when her mom died and had it engraved to say "Listen to the wind and know I am near" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858781 Wed, 28 Nov 2018 09:57:58 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2858781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: Set a reminder in your phone or something to remember her next year at the time of his death. That was one of the hardest parts for me was the next year I was in a funk and felt like I had to keep reminding people why. It would have been amazing if someone had reached out and just said, hey just checking in I know this might be rough. It seems so far away right now but it will be awesome for your friend. I know personally I didn't want anything anyone else picked out in terms of remembrance items, eventually I got a necklace made with his handwriting, but it was my choice in my own time frame. A gift card for food and a simple card might be nice (particularly around the holidays) where grief might hit her strongly again as she realized that this is the start of not having her dad at a holiday celebration ever again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858746 Wed, 28 Nov 2018 08:43:28 +0000 Lahela017 2858746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with all the previous comments. I think another card let her know you are thinking of her and perhaps a gift card for take out would be very nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858703 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:29:49 +0000 irene 2858703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: Honestly, a handwritten card trumps taking her out to coffee. Truthfully. Depending on how she is, sometimes she may not want to talk about it, and then it is awkward that you are putting her on the spot. At least that's how I feel when a more extroverted friend who kept pushing me to go out, and finally I was out and I had to think about what I want to say about my mother's passing. argh. But then again you know your friend best.</p> <p>Another thing is, do not just text her. Send her a card in the mail at least in the next couple of weeks/months. Texting is easy. Buying, writing, and sending a card requires effort and it shows that you are really thinking about her. Not saying you shouldn't text her, but text plus card if you want to be nice and thoughtful :silly: </p> <p>And wow I agree with @thepicklemonster: a gift card together with a handwritten card would be very very nice. Do that :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858701 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:14:33 +0000 Jennibenni 2858701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Thank you! I appreciate your help. I do check in with her often but I’d just like to send her something thoughtful. We don’t live in the same city so I can’t take her for coffee or anything like that and I want her to feel cared about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858699 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:11:50 +0000 thepicklemonster 2858699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: Oh also I just remembered. One of my friends sent me a massage gift card a few months after my dad died and it was sooo nice. I am also pregnant and was working really hard at the time so I think her card said something like “I know you’ve had a rough few months, go take care of yourself” or something. It was SO SWEET. But I think it was more in response to my pregnancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858698 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:11:43 +0000 lamariniere 2858698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the above. I have also lost a parent and really, all I wanted was for friends to check in on me from time to time. Just a little 'thinking of you' type of message can mean a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858695 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:07:15 +0000 Jennibenni 2858695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@thepicklemonster: Thanks for your insight! Yes I guess I should have expressed myself better but I want her to know that I’m still thinking of her and that I know it’s not business as usual. Maybe something I could give her when she’s having a rough day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858693 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 23:03:59 +0000 thepicklemonster 2858693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>(edited for typos) I lost my dad in June and all I’ve wanted/ needed is my friends to check in. I got a lot of cards and messages in the first few weeks which was so lovely but then life went back to normal for everyone but me. I have a few friends who continued to check in with me and that meant so much more than any gift. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858691 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 22:50:29 +0000 irene 2858691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have good suggestions, but I just want to chime in to let you know you are a great friend. I think flowers and a handwritten card is more than enough. My mom recently passed away, and those two are the best things that I have gotten. Personally, I'd say I'd rather leave her alone and don't try to rub it in and get her something that reminds her of him.... you don't know where she is in terms of mourning. Mourning does come in stages, and it is very tricky if you send something (bigger than flowers and cards) in the wrong time. I have recently framed my mom's picture when she was much younger and hung it up, but that's very personal and I am not sure how I would feel if a friend, or even my husband, would give me that.</p> <p>I'd say maybe send her another card in the mail after a while and let her know you are thinking about her, and you are there for her. That would be very heart warming. Of course I am interested to see what others suggested. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/gift-for-friend-whose-father-died#post-2858685 Tue, 27 Nov 2018 21:45:50 +0000 Jennibenni 2858685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My very close friend recently lost her father. At the time of his death I sent her flowers and a handwritten card, and I’d like to get her something meaningful that would help her remember him. I can’t decide what is cheesy or trite vs what is special? Any ideas? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/persian-mamas-i-need-some-guidance#post-2850917 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 11:22:05 +0000 babycanuck 2850917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry about a really awkward question.</p> <p>My hubby unexpectedly lost his best friend of 25+ years. He was Persian, though I don't know offhand if he was Muslim or Christian.</p> <p>I'm trying to prepare myself for an cultural sensitivities and what I might need to do to follow suit if they go with a traditional Persian funeral. If any of you have any insight, or any websites I should check out, please let me know. Google hasn't been very helpful, other than in Iran most people are buried quickly and in linen (similar to my own Jewish background). </p> <p>Also - are flowers acceptable?</p> <p>Thank you. :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809559 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 13:45:50 +0000 FaithFertility 2809559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: Thank You, It is what I needed to hear! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809518 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 12:02:25 +0000 LBee 2809518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you should feel guilty. She has explicitly said she will reach out to you when she is ready (as has her husband). I went through a rough period last year and I told friends repeatedly that I wasn't up for visitors - it was too emotional for me and I couldn't handle it. I would have been really frustrated had a friend (especially a best friend) completely ignored that. I know this is hard to hear, but by doing so you are putting your feelings above her feelings. I would feel guilty if you weren't doing what she said she needed. Do what you can from afar (it sounds like you've done lots of great things) then just give her space and let her grieve.</p> <p>FWIW, I do know a bunch of my best friends reached out to DH still (he was less of a mess :silly: ) and checked on me / asked how to help. We also had some people say things to DH like, "our kid is dying to see DS, mind if we pick him up and take the kids to the park by your house for awhile?" They then picked up DS and dropped off dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809491 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 10:42:09 +0000 FaithFertility 2809491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why do I feel so guilty? I'm going to lunch with co workers today and just feel awful that I haven't talked to her!</p> <p>I pray she is ok!! They have gone through so much in life already!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809372 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 19:03:42 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2809372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't had a MC but when things go wrong I usually don't want to be around too many people at first. I like the idea of dropping something off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809326 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:50:44 +0000 youboots 2809326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This happened to a close friend. I just showed up with a dozen doughnuts a few days later with the intention to just drop them. But we had a short visit and I got her meds and water and picked up a few things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809319 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:26:53 +0000 FaithFertility 2809319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank You all it is my heart that wants to hug her, and I need to be respectful!</p> <p>I just made a bag of things for girls and a gift card and a card, bringing it to sitters now, hopefully there LO is still there!</p> <p>If not I'll drop it off at thier guatd gate </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809316 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:15:54 +0000 babypugs 2809316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are a good friend. It sounds like she needs alone time to process; she might feel obligated to put on a happy face if you showed up and that's a lot of pressure. I love the idea of dropping something sweet on her porch then letting her husband know. She'll reach out to you when she's ready. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809315 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:13:46 +0000 Mrs D 2809315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FaithFertility: I am one of those people who always responds with "no no, we're all set"...even though help or something would be appreciated.</p> <p>Like the gift card there are other things you can do and just text and say...I dropping something by...it'll be on the porch at 4pm or whatever....that way she knows you will be in her driveway at 4pm...she has until 3:55pm to decide what to do.</p> <p>Of course you have to respect and understand completely if she doesnt want to interact. Sometimes people need it not posed in a question, because they will always politely decline... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809314 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:13:21 +0000 snowjewelz 2809314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think sending the care package is a great idea; shows that you really care without intruding physically. I think you've been a great friend to let the know you're there for them; I'm sure she'll reach out when she's ready. It's so hard :crying: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809312 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:11:41 +0000 Veggiemama 2809312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: @FaithFertility: Yes! The day after my MC a friend texted me "dinner's on your porch," she included soup, bread, salad, homemade snacks and some activity packets for my kids. It was so thoughtful and literally nourished me and my family during a really dark time. I wasn't in a place to be able to visit but it was just perfect what she did. I still get choked up when I think about how meaningful it was to me!</p> <p>I am really sorry for your friend, it is so awful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809311 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:05:16 +0000 FaithFertility 2809311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: Thanks that is my thought too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809310 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:04:50 +0000 FaithFertility 2809310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raspberries: Thank You, I needed that, as I said above I'm making her a care package, just little things to show I care or flowers are a good idea too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809308 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:04:19 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2809308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If someone showed up right after my MCs I would have hated it, tbh!</p> <p>I think you're being a great friend and offering things! Drop of snacks or a meal on the door step and text that it's there. Or things to keep the older kids busy. Sorry she's going through this, sounds so terrible. I'm sure when she is ready she will reach out.</p> <p>ETA: my friends and I dropped of a gift card for meal delivery and a fave dessert to our friend after her MC. We just sent a text "check your door step when you're up for it". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809307 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:02:58 +0000 raspberries 2809307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh gosh, please don't just go over out of the blue - she and her husband have both said she's not up for talking yet and she'll be in touch soon. Everyone deals with loss in their own way - she might just need a little bit of time to herself to process things and grieve with her family.</p> <p>It seems like you've reached out repeatedly, so she knows you'll be there when she's ready to talk - she just has to get there on her own terms. If you want, you could send flowers or fruit or something, but I really think you just need to wait until she's ready. I totally have sympathy for you - it can be so hard to watch people you love suffering. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809306 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:02:37 +0000 FaithFertility 2809306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: agree, I also am battling a cold so.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-10#post-2809305 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:02:11 +0000 FaithFertility 2809305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tinyperson: I agree, I just feel horrible! I'm making a package for her and giving it to our sister that watches both our kiddos so she can give it to her DH! </p>