https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 03:35:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/unexpectedly-lost-husband-next-steps-amp-advice-from-those-who-have-lost-a-parent-at-a-young-age#post-2875428 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 20:42:36 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2875428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all. I have a friend who has recently unexpectedly lost her husband. She has two kids aged 6 and 2. She has asked for some advice on what she needs to be doing next? </p> <p>The funeral has come and gone, it's the life stuff, the setting things up for living without him that is overwhelming. What are things she needs to make sure she has in place? People and institutions she should call that she maybe hasn't yet? She wants to make sure she doesn't miss anything important but understandably she is having trouble focusing. </p> <p>Also, advice from anyone who has lost a parent at a young age would be appreciated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874222 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 18:48:55 +0000 mrbee 2874222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's coming up on 2 years after my mom passed, and I still struggle at times. Recently I saw a picture of my daughter and she looked so happy and with such a big smile that I thought, "Wow, my mom will get such a kick out of this picture!" Of course I totally forgot in that moment that my mom is gone. Then it just hit me like a ton of bricks and the grieving process all over started again. I was pretty surprised that grieving from this realization was not a short process! This happened four days ago, and I am still thinking about this a lot.</p> <p>I would like to have a way that I could share stuff with my mom. I've tried visiting her grave and talking to her, but it is still too much for me. I can visit her but mostly I just apologize to her and cry. My mom was Japanese, so growing up we had a small Buddhist shrine in the house to our ancestors and would light incense there. I could do that and put pictures in there for her?</p> <p>I think I am struggling because the way the court system works here, rather than have a trial all at once... you have to go to court for one day every month. So for the trial for my mom's murder, I have to relive it pretty regularly and it is a challenge to process this emotionally and also grieve. So I think the grieving process is being extended beyond what is typical, and I am not sure how to handle it in the meantime.</p> <p>If your parents have passed away, do you ever get the urge to share stories or pictures with them? How do you handle it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grieving-while-pregnant#post-2854126 Wed, 31 Oct 2018 10:03:10 +0000 rpparker 2854126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey Bees,</p> <p>Feels weird putting this here but I'm kind of at a lost and this is such a supportive community. </p> <p>I lost my dad on Sunday. I am 31 years old and 38 weeks pregnant (tomorrow). He was healthy and just 71. He was riding his bike, after a beautiful day sailing his boat, and apparently started to feel out of breath. A motorist stopped and offered assistance. He was in a somewhat rural area where we have a bay house but a volunteer fire department is close by and there was a nurse and a member of the fire department there within minutes. My dad collapsed while they were on the scene. They had a CPR machine (didn't even know that existed) and a defibrillator. They got a sporadic pulse once but after a second shock, they never revived him. They continued CPR en route to a hospital and continued working on him for another 20-25 minutes. The fire chief was kind enough to share all of this information with us. I am forever grateful that he was doing something he loved, after a perfect weekend, he was not alone and received excellent medical care. I am also finding peace that he died quickly and never had to experience losing his independence in a nursing home or similar situation - he would have truly hated that. Since this happened at our family house on the coast (about 4 hours away) I have not been able to join family there. I am hoping for a good appointment this week so I can maybe meet my mom at their primary residence about an hour from my house just so I can be with her for a day or two. This pregnancy has not been complicated but I am already dilated to 2 and have been told to "stay close". He didn't want a funeral but we are planning a weekend together after the baby arrives. </p> <p>I'm struggling the most right now with being somewhat isolated at home. My brother has been with my mom and they have handled all the business so far with me just checking in via phone. I'm hoping that if I can be with my mom this weekend I'll feel more connected. Secondly, I am growing increasing anxious about giving birth in the next few days and weeks. How am I supposed to be happy right now? I don't want to diminish this perfect gift we have been given, I don't want her birth to be clouded by my grief, but I am not sure how I can be emotional there for her right now. I was rushing this pregnancy along and now I want it to slow down to give me more space between the two events. A friend gave me good advice that it was totally ok to feel both happiness and totally heartbreak at the same time but balancing that on top of the normal postpartum stress and grief stress seems unbearable. I plan to bring this up to my doctor tomorrow but he's kind of cut and dry (which I typically like in a doctor) so not sure how much help he will be. I will also try and line up a therapist because I know this will be a long, hard process. My mom was also super involved in the birth and care of my first but I know she can't provide that now either.</p> <p>Thanks for reading and letting me put it out on "paper". I'd love to hear other experiences of balancing grief with motherhood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-ttc-after-dampc#post-2854348 Thu, 01 Nov 2018 20:04:43 +0000 avolzone 2854348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I miscarried at 6.5 weeks with an oblited ovum and had to have a D&amp;C a few days later. This is my first loss and I never realized how much I wanted to be a mom until that wasn’t an option for me. I had my follow up 2 weeks after my surgery and my doctor said I could either wait a cycle to TTC but there would be no increased risk if I got pregnant again without a cycle. I’m so confused about whether to wait or just try. My husband and I got pregnant on our first try after I had my IUD removed (which was in for 5 years) so I’m not sure what my cycles were like to start with. You hear of success stories and also others who experienced 2 MC in a row for not waiting. What should I do? I want to be pregnant again but I’m not sure how I would handle having another MC or if I would blame myself for not waiting? Any advice??? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-friend-lost-her-baby-at-33-weeks-what-to-do#post-2802608 Wed, 07 Feb 2018 07:44:19 +0000 SweetiePie 2802608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I learned that a friend of mine, who was only 5 days behind me in pregnancy, lost her 33 weeker yesterday.<br /> We were part of a local new moms group together when our first LOs were born. We’ve all kept in touch over the last 3.5 years and do pretty regular dinners and group emails. The other moms and I would like to do something for her but no clue what.<br /> Any ideas?</p> <p>Thanks :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pregnancy-and-infant-loss-awareness-month#post-2778547 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 08:28:39 +0000 winniebee 2778547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. October 15th is a day of remembrance. I will be attending a memorial service at my hospital that evening to remember our baby boy that we said goodbye to in June 2016. Will you be doing anything this year to remember a pregnancy or infant loss?</p> <p>If you'd like, share the name of the baby that you lost. We can call remember together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/loss-of-spouse#post-2775478 Mon, 25 Sep 2017 19:54:11 +0000 Boogs 2775478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anyone have experience with a young widow and their young child? Any suggestions for ways to offer support, send well wishes, etc? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-parents-have-passed-do-they-ever-come-to-you-in-your-dreams#post-2694267 Thu, 09 Feb 2017 19:15:00 +0000 mrbee 2694267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been missing my dad since he passed last year, and am shocked at how quickly my memories of him are slipping away. I remember how his six o'clock shadow felt on my cheek when I would give him a hug after work. But he had such a distinctive scent and I can't even describe it - and I can barely conjure up the sound of his voice anymore.</p> <p>The funny thing is, sometimes I do hear him... through me. The other day I was laughing at something and it turned into a wheeze of sorts (I was recovering from a cold), and I realized that it's exactly how my dad used to laugh. He would hold his laughs in until they turned into this wheezing laughter, while his eyes would twinkle from the joy of his little joke to himself. I went from laughing to almost crying in that moment, but mostly was just grateful to hear my dad again.</p> <p>I keep thinking that eventually, I'm bound to dream about him and I can hear his voice then. I mean, that's a thing right - where people who have passed visit you in their dreams. But it hasn't happened yet, and so I was wondering: if your parents have passed, do they ever come to you in your dreams? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-go-to-every-memorial-service-or-funeral#post-2670604 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 14:59:44 +0000 youboots 2670604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't want to post a ton of details but if you have found peace with the person who has passed do you still go to a service? Do you go to every service regardless of travel? Do you believe it is for you to say goodbye or so that others see you pay your respects? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-death-to-a-25-year-old#post-2624746 Wed, 21 Sep 2016 09:34:17 +0000 Jass 2624746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH grandfather passed and we need to go to our home country and my 2.5 year old will be traveling with us. How do I explain his death to her as she just met him in May and has memories of playing with him. We will be staying at his grandfather house and thereis no option of staying at hotel. So how do i explain his death to my daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-have-a-recording-of-your-parents-voice#post-2619669 Sun, 11 Sep 2016 17:45:18 +0000 mrbee 2619669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't find a recording of my dad's voice, and I truly regret not making one!! I used to be able to hear his voice so clearly in my head, and now the memory is fading. Oh what I would give to have saved an old voicemail he left me... he has been on my mind, and I just want to hear his voice again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-your-parents-passed-how-often-did-you-talk-about-it-with-your-other-parent#post-2615105 Thu, 01 Sep 2016 20:23:21 +0000 mrbee 2615105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad passed earlier this year, and I know it's on my mom's mind every day. Every now and then, I will mention to her that I'm thinking of him - like the other day, we saw a nice sunset over my dad's favorite island and I told her that, "Dad would've loved that." She agreed, and I could tell she was glad that I still think about him.</p> <p>I know this year has been really hard for my mom, since she was married to my dad for almost 50 years. I wish there was more I could do! We visited his grave together on Father's Day, but we usually visit his grave separately because it's a pretty private experience for both of us.</p> <p>I'm going to have a small family celebration to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this December... she was really looking forward to that, so I think she will be happy to honor it as a family. I will ask her for her thoughts on it beforehand, of course.</p> <p>If one of your parents passed, how often did you talk about it with your other parent? Were you able to help them process their grief... or should I just give her space to process this all on her own? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-send-death-in-the-family#post-2601389 Tue, 09 Aug 2016 19:13:28 +0000 mediagirl 2601389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband's only uncle (his dad's only sibling) passed away unexpectedly yesterday. We can't go to the funeral because of obligations here. We want to send something. Do we send flowers to the funeral home? To his aunt? Send something else?</p> <p>His cousins are all up there so his aunt has support. Since we can't be there, we want to send something. Thoughts? Suggestions? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-and-funerals#post-2584651 Tue, 12 Jul 2016 10:19:22 +0000 travelgirl1 2584651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What are your thoughts on kids attending funerals?</p> <p>We have an almost one-year-old and a three-and-a-half year old. Both are great kids. Both find it hard to sit quietly in church, understandably.</p> <p>DH's uncle's funeral is next week. It will be a full requiem mass, but aunt is saying it will be a celebration and children are very, very welcome.</p> <p>Initially I was going to keep the kids home then join everyone at the wake with them. However, the more I think about it, I wonder whether I should take them. DD, especially, has asked a lot of questions about death lately. Part of me wants her to know it is okay, even if people she loves are crying, they are okay and funerals are part of life. We English are SO stiff upper lip about everything, especially people crying. I want my kids to be more socially accepting of this stuff.</p> <p>Anyway, is this too much too soon? Even though it will be deeply religious, my MIL especially is very understanding about kids not being able to sit still in church. She says it's their way of talking to God and I think the family would be okay if there was a bit of kid noise (I obv would take them out if too much).</p> <p>Also, I think the kids would really cheer everyone up. Especially DH's aunt and daughter, who gave stressed not to wear black, it's a celebration etc. But obviously I don't want to upset my daughter.</p> <p>Very torn on this one. Thoughts? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/35-year-old-talks-about-death-amp-grief#post-2554472 Mon, 23 May 2016 08:17:51 +0000 snowjewelz 2554472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Any advice? Not my LO, but a family we're very close to is on the brink of loosing their grandma, and the mom is very stressed out about wanting to do the right thing for her 3.5 yr old through this difficult period. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-you-visit-the-cemetery#post-2555133 Tue, 24 May 2016 01:33:40 +0000 mrbee 2555133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's been 4 months since my dad's funeral, and I've only visited him at the local cemetery twice. I would like to visit him more, but I find it really hard. I always go alone, as it's just too hard for me to visit him with someone else there... I usually just want to talk to him, and that gets me really emotional.</p> <p>I have it in my head that I should visit him at least once a month, and I'd like to bring fresh flowers (there are lots of beautiful wild flowers on our property). I'm not ready to do that yet, but I'm working toward it... I want to tend to his gravesite, and you need to do that at least every few weeks.</p> <p>If you've lost a loved one, how often do you visit the cemetery? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bringing-baby-to-funeral#post-2483747 Thu, 03 Mar 2016 19:00:47 +0000 antigone 2483747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My uncle died yesterday. His funeral is Saturday, and my husband may be working. My baby is 3 months old, and arranging a babysitter is not an option. </p> <p>I'm not really sure of the etiquette in this situation. Is it ok to bring my 3 month old to a funeral? Obviously if he started crying during the funeral I would go outside. I'd like to say goodbye to my uncle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-your-lo-been-to-a-funeral#post-2481956 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 17:42:50 +0000 mrsjyw 2481956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's grandmother passed away last weekend and we just got back from a viewing and the funeral the last two days (out of town). All things considered it went well and both DSs (3 yo and 7 months) did fine during the service, meal, and visit the day prior. We're a Christian family and explained to DS1 that great grandma went to heaven to be with God/Jesus and we were saying our prayers and goodbyes to her. </p> <p>The only unexpected part was that FIL took DS1 up to the open casket, which wasn't my preference. But that thankfully went ok as well and he was ok with Fil's explanation that Ggma was in a deep sleep to go meet with God. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-be-angry-if-your-dh-forgets-your-parents-death-anniversary#post-2443305 Sat, 30 Jan 2016 22:33:44 +0000 Jass 2443305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Today is my parents death anniversary and ever since our marriage my DH has always forgot the day. And add to it he made a nasty comment on something to me in the afternoon. We haven't talked since and then he refused to accompany me to DD's BFF birthday party. I am feeling really mad at him right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/honoring-a-lost-loved-one-during-the-holidays#post-2393752 Fri, 18 Dec 2015 14:26:33 +0000 deerylou 2393752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For those of you who have lost a loved one, do you do anything special to honor them, during the holiday season? </p> <p>We unexpectedly lost my dad over the summer. My family is pretty tight knit and DD was especially close with him. I'd really like to somehow incorporate his memory in our Christmas celebration, but am coming up short.</p> <p>Anyone have a special tradition they'd like to share? Something toddler-friendly (DD is almost 2.5) that can easily grow with her. Religious elements are fine.</p> <p>Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390629 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 12:08:25 +0000 Mommy Finger 2390629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Today is the 4 year anniversary of my MIL passing away suddenly. I know that this is obviously a very tough day for DH but I don't know how to best support him. He comes from a family that doesn't like to talk about things so it's really tough for me to read him at times and find that balance of letting him know that I'm here for him and I support him without being too overbearing. If you have lost a parent (and if so, I'm so sorry for your loss), do you have any advice for me? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/would-you-bring-3-yo-to-funeral-and-explaining-death#post-2313223 Thu, 08 Oct 2015 05:33:12 +0000 hummusgirl 2313223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My FIL committed suicide yesterday and we are in shock. So a few questions:<br /> - Have you/would you bring a just-turned-3-year-old (my LO) to the funeral? I told him about the death in straightforward terms today and he's asked a couple questions about "Why did he die?" but seems to be ok.<br /> - What about a 5- and 7-year-old (my niece/nephew)?<br /> - Longer-term, any advice for explaining death (and suicide) to kids? </p> <p>Ugh this is awful. Any thoughts welcome, especially from those who have unfortunately been there done that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-mothers-day-since-losing-grandma#post-2155745 Fri, 24 Apr 2015 11:04:18 +0000 wonderstruck 2155745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really struggling to figure out what to do for my mom this mother's day. Her mom passed away last month, and we have two hard firsts coming up - May 1st would've been her 72nd birthday, and obviously her first Mother's Day without her is coming up. She told me she had a bit of a meltdown when the Mother's Day stuff started showing up in stores.</p> <p>If you lost your maternal grandma as an adult, was there anything special you did for your mom that first Mother's Day? I'm kind of at a loss here. I was trying to think of some kind of gift that would honor my grandma too but am having trouble coming up with anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/step-grandma-just-taken-off-life-support#post-2117717 Sun, 22 Mar 2015 19:12:11 +0000 tinyperson 2117717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My step-grandma was in a car accident on Saturday night driving to a friends house. It may have been a drunk driver, but we don't have all the details. She survived the accident, but had a heart attack afterwards. She was put in life support, but her sons took her off this evening. She has barely any brain function, so the doctors say it's a matter of hours or days. My nana died over 25 years ago when I was pretty young, so I don't really remember her much. My "Aunt Ethel" was more my grandma than my nana was. The last time we saw her was at my poppas funeral when LO was 4 months old. She was at my church visiting a fellow widow a few times over the past year, but as luck would have it, we were sick each time she was there and weren't out.</p> <p>Prayers for the family would be appreciated! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-grandma-passed-away-last-night#post-2111586 Tue, 17 Mar 2015 11:09:21 +0000 wonderstruck 2111586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like the title says...my grandma passed away in the middle of the night. I'm just trying to keep my shit together today so that my toddler doesn't pick up on how upset I am, but my head is kind of spinning and I was hoping to hear from others who lost someone close when their kids were little.</p> <p>I have 2 under 2 - my oldest will be 2 in May and my youngest is 5 months. So really not old enough to have any clue what is going on. I'm not going to bring them to the funeral, but my mom asked if I would mind bringing them to the viewing the day before - family wants to see them and I know they would help cheer her up. But I don't know...they have a separate room with food, chairs, tables, etc., that I can keep the kids in. But I don't know how the toddler is going to react or if he'll pick up on or be affected by how sad everyone is. If I'm crazy for bringing them or if I'm being over protective not bringing them. And now I have to go get some funeral home appropriate clothes for them and...ugh. I guess I'm just focusing on logistics right now because it's easier than actually dealing with her dying. </p>