https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 02:57:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/books-for-the-grieving#post-2924780 Sat, 28 Aug 2021 15:15:05 +0000 bees_knees 2924780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my friends just suddenly lost her husband. She has three kids, (two teen girls, an 11 year old son). I'd like to send her and possibly the kids a handful of books or journals. Anyone have any recommendations specific to widows or teens who have lost a parent? I do have "Grief Day by Day" which someone sent my when my sister passed, and I like that one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/princess-bride-author-dies#post-2857152 Fri, 16 Nov 2018 13:53:02 +0000 RonjaL7 2857152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those of you that have commented on the Princess Bride book on my Christmas wishlist might find it interested that among all this seemingly random conversation, the author of the book died today?!</p> <p><a href="https://www.npr.org/2018/11/16/668572662/william-goldman-writer-behind-butch-cassidy-princess-bride-dies-at-87" rel="nofollow">https://www.npr.org/2018/11/16/668572662/william-goldman-writer-behind-butch-cassidy-princess-bride-dies-at-87</a></p> <p>I wonder if the price of the book will go up? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-handle-tfmr-in-annual-shutterfly-family-album#post-2856089 Sat, 10 Nov 2018 20:24:51 +0000 yellowbeach 2856089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every year I make a Shutterfly photo book for DH. It's our family album of the events of that year. It's his favorite present every year and our moms love it so much I give them a copy as well. I'm struggling with how I should handle Baby E (our TFMR for T21 in May) in the book. She was a part of our lives from Feb to May, and the emotional aftermath defined the remainder of the year for me. I still have her US photos and am sure down the road I will want to have them somewhere more permanent. I just struggle with the awkward questions that might come up in the next 2-5 years, especially as our 21 mo DD grows older and starts asking questions. Maybe this would be a way to start the conversation? Perhaps it will just create very awkward moments if new friends &amp; neighbors casually peruse the book lying on the coffee table... Any advice/thoughts/experiences appreciated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/miscarriage-with-normal-hcg-and-estrogen#post-2839115 Fri, 10 Aug 2018 16:24:53 +0000 LAZB 2839115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m 7w2d, I went for another ultrasound today and there is no longer a heartbeat detected. The baby is also measuring 6 days behind. I’m confident that I’m going to miscarry, and my doc said she’s not optimistic.<br /> I had blood drawn and my hcg (89,000) and estrogen (360 and should be over 300) are normal. Does this just indicate there is probably a chromosomal issue? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-child-to-a-classmates-funeral#post-2835159 Fri, 20 Jul 2018 21:41:13 +0000 kiddosc 2835159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just found out yesterday that a classmate and friend of our 6 year old was struck by a truck when riding his bike last weekend and killed. The boys have been in the same class for the last two years and while we didn’t typically socialize outside of school events and birthday parties they were a family that we would stop and talk to if we ever saw them out in public. DH is currently out of the country and we are waiting to tell E until he returns in a few days. E has only experienced the death of a pet before and I don’t really know how he’ll take it. </p> <p> I’m wondering how many people would consider taking their 6 year old to the funeral of a classmate. I was planning to see how he processed the news and asking him if he wanted to go, but really he has no idea what he’s getting into. The boy who died was a twin and I also thought that seeing the other twin may be helpful. </p> <p>The alternative is that I take him to the roadside memorial and we leave something there as a way to say goodbye. But typing that out seems traumatic as well... here is the spot where your friend died? Our whole school community is so shaken by all of this and I don’t even know where to begin. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/condolence-gift-when-sibling-dies-young#post-2830299 Sat, 23 Jun 2018 07:55:29 +0000 Amorini 2830299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH’s manages an employee at his company whose brother died for complications of alcoholism/diabetes. They have gotten to be friends outside of work so it’s more than an acquaintance but not a close friend. The workplace is sending flowers but DH wants to do something personally. There isn’t a place to make donations and the family/funeral is not close (so sending food is out). Knowing DH, he would like to do send/give a token gift to let him know we are sorry for his loss. I lost a brother less than a year ago to addiction so I feel for the guy, but I can’t come up with anything even from my own experience. I just remember that a handwritten card with a heartfelt personal note can feel so touching and yet I think DH feels like he needs to do more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/acquaintances-infant-passed-away#post-2815337 Mon, 09 Apr 2018 19:40:43 +0000 SweetCaroline 2815337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm looking for advice on how to support a family that my husband and I both know for different reasons. They have a preschooler and their infant just passed away unexpectedly.</p> <p>We'll be attending the visitation and funeral, as well as sending a card. What kind of token can we extend? Would it be strange or out of line if I sent the mom a gift certificate for a massage or pedicure and a note that she is on my mind and I hope she can take some time for herself? If that's odd, other ideas?</p> <p>Also, I don't know what words to say at visitation. I'll offer my condolences and ask how her daughter is doing. Other advice?</p> <p>Thanks for suggestions. It's an unimaginable situation I know other HBers have faced. I feel serious guilt for being emotional about this.</p> <p>ETA: if determined the gift certificate is appropriate, I would send it in a week or two, not right away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-read-support-for-fellow-momma#post-2812800 Thu, 29 Mar 2018 11:04:24 +0000 MamaBear87 2812800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does anyone have further contact info for Labradorlover? I would love to send her something for support during this horrible time for her.<br /> Can we set up something and send something over? </p> <p>I love this community. It chokes me up to see all of this support for her and completely judgement free. I can't imagine being in her position and I hope our support has helped her in some way </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mothers-day-for-mamas-who-have-suffered-a-loss#post-2734238 Thu, 11 May 2017 07:23:03 +0000 BlueWolverine 2734238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/todayparents/videos/10154664534097984/" rel="nofollow">https://www.facebook.com/todayparents/videos/10154664534097984/</a></p> <p>You are not alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-cmv-loss-story#post-2717107 Mon, 27 Mar 2017 20:06:12 +0000 Academicsocialite 2717107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I found out I was pregnant towards the end of July 2016. My husband and I were thrilled. We already had a 4 year old daughter and were excited to be expanding our family. I had a tough first trimester, feeling very tired and nauseous, but all the indicators for the pregnancy were good. All the genetic tests came back normal and we learned that the baby was a boy. We had an initial anatomy scan at 16 weeks and a full scan at 20 weeks and all looked great. We spent Christmas with my family, and shared the news with the extended clan and everyone was happy for us.</p> <p>Then at 26 weeks I went for a growth scan, which revealed serious abnormalities. The four ventricles of his brain showed abnormal levels of fluid and no one could tell us why. The head and abdomen were also measuring small (microcephaly), about three weeks behind normal development. The doctor had us both drawn for additional blood tests and performed amniocentesis to try to determine the cause. </p> <p>The following week, we had a fetal MRI performed which showed ventriculomegaly (the above mentioned fluid in the brain) due to the brain’s failure to develop. The baby also showed signs of fighting an infection, with an abnormally large liver and spleen. The radiologist told us that he couldn’t determine the cause, but informed us that these findings would have serious implications for the health of our son, with indicators for cerebral palsy and epilepsy, among other developmental issues.</p> <p>The following day, I got a call from the high-risk OB and he told me that the initial blood work showed that I was positive for a recent infection of Cytomegalovirus, or CMV. </p> <p>The doctor said he was positive that CMV caused our baby’s abnormalities. We finally had a name for what had destroyed our baby’s brain. (It was also later confirmed via the results of the amniocentesis). We met with a pediatric neurologist who told us about what we could expect our son’s life to be like – severely disabled and in pain, with grand mal seizures that would put his life continually at risk. After a grueling period of discussion and heartrending questions about our son, our older daughter, and the prognosis, we felt that we could not in good conscience put our dear boy through such pain. </p> <p>However, at 26 weeks, we were just past the cut-off for ending a pregnancy under current NYS law (24 weeks). Our team of doctors at Mount Sinai put us in touch with a clinic in Albuquerque, NM, which reviewed our case and approved us for a termination for medical reasons. </p> <p>Getting on that plane to NM was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had to kiss my little girl goodbye, knowing that when we returned, I would have to tell her she wasn’t going to have a little brother after all. I felt vulnerable and exposed, going to a strange place, and it was hard to shake the feeling that I was doing something wrong or unseemly, let alone “illegal”, even though every doctor and expert we spoke with agreed with our decision.</p> <p>I delivered my sweet, silent boy after a three hour labor. My husband was forced to wait in the waiting room because abortion clinics have to maintain patient safety and privacy by only having patients in the l&amp;d space. The doctors were kind and sensitive but it was incredibly difficult and emotionally devastating.</p> <p>We were the unluckiest parents to have this happen to us, but we are not alone in this. I so<br /> Appreciate the others on these boards who have reached out with kind words and support. Maybe someone will read this story in a time of crisis and be helped by it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/attending-a-babys-funeral-while-pregnant#post-2711306 Thu, 16 Mar 2017 09:38:11 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2711306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A close friend's sister lost her son shortly after birth.. I don't know all of the details but my friend sent me information for the services so I think she would probably appreciate if I attended. We've been friends for 20 years and I know her family fairly well. I'm really upset of course because it's so horrible. I will be 36 weeks pregnant next week when the service takes place. I am concerned about upsetting the parents or being a distraction and also my own emotional state. I think this would be unimaginably difficult for anyone but being so pregnant, I am sensitive about anything having to do with babies. I felt a little uncomfortable when people asked me about my pregnancy at a funeral over the holidays but that was for an older person and I don't think anyone at this service will care about my pregnancy- they'll be too devastated for the family.</p> <p>Sadly, my cousin had a stillbirth in January and I've had trouble processing that so to have another unthinkable thing happen so close to my due date is really hard for me. I know they are in pain I can't even imagine but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that these things do happen and life can be very fragile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-loss-at-16-weeks#post-2700352 Mon, 20 Feb 2017 21:16:36 +0000 Jruess 2700352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never been an active user but looking for some support. I went in for my 16 week app on Thursday and was told there was no heartbeat. The baby was measuring 15 weeks 3 days. I was admitted to the hospital immediately and started the process to deliver my baby. I'm devastated. The whole process was traumatizing. I went through delivery with no meds (my choice) and then ended up needing a d&amp;c for the placenta. Our baby was born on my youngest daughters bday. I just don't know how to process any of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/today-is-pregnancy-and-infant-loss-support-day#post-2637222 Sat, 15 Oct 2016 09:02:23 +0000 winniebee 2637222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Day. At 7 pm there will be a "wave of light" where people across the country light candles to remember all of the babies who are in our hearts. </p> <p>We will be lighting a candle to remember our son Dylan, who we lost at 18.5 weeks in June. I will also be remembering all of the babies of friends and family who left us too soon. I will be thinking of all of you who have suffered a loss. Wishing you peace, light, and love :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-a-family-member-with-significant-loss-that-we-are-expecting#post-2611394 Fri, 26 Aug 2016 07:53:21 +0000 NorthStar 2611394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Long back story, but my SIL and BIL lost their baby girl at 26 weeks last summer. She went in for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat, went through labor, named her, etc. They continue to struggle and I honestly can't even remember the last time I saw them (we live 3 hours away). </p> <p>We have tried for our second child for almost 3 years and in the last year of it, went through 3 IVF transfers (2 retrievals, and 1 frozen transfer). They knew that we were doing IVF but were not filled in details as each procedure went by. We did not give them specifics, so all they know is that we were struggling to get pregnant and using IVF as a means to get there.</p> <p>Well, the 3rd transfer worked and I'm now 15 weeks along. It is now approching the time that we should tell them about the baby. We didn't in July as that was their baby girl's birthday and not so far in August as BIL's father passed away two weeks ago. Their anniversary is this weekend. There never seems to be a good time, but we can only wait so long.</p> <p>Ok, my question, how and what is the best way to tell them about the baby? Having been through infertility for so long, I told DH that I do NOT want to tell them over the phone or in person. That puts them in such a hard position to be forced into a reaction. That isn't fair to them and I have been through it enough on the infertility side that I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm thinking a heart felt text or possibly an email (but I'm not sure how often they check their email).</p> <p>Thoughts of how and what to say? I wanted some more perspective. We did tell DH's other sister last night and she reinforced that this likely shouldn't be over the phone or in person. Thank you ladies :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/kids-at-funerals#post-2601328 Thu, 18 Aug 2016 18:15:00 +0000 Boogs 2601328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you usually take your kids to funerals? </p> <p>We usually do, unless we know it's going to be an especially long day or evening. To us, it's part of life and nothing for our kids to grow up being afraid of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/song-for-loss-mamas#post-2598005 Wed, 03 Aug 2016 18:37:12 +0000 winniebee 2598005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been meaning to post this for awhile. Mary's post today really gutted me and reminded me I have been wanting to share this song. </p> <p> A good friend sent this song to me on the morning that we delivered our third son (sleeping). It's actually written about a miscarriage and it's just beautiful....it truly speaks to me. Don't click unless you are prepared for years! Thinking of all the loss mamas here and sending you all so much love :heart: </p> <p><a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PFYm9LKsuUo" rel="nofollow">https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PFYm9LKsuUo</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bleeding-post-dampc#post-2582063 Wed, 06 Jul 2016 23:29:37 +0000 Makingbabyw 2582063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My doctor did not tell me how long to expect bleeding post d&amp;c and I am starting to get concerned. </p> <p>I got my d&amp;c on the 23rd of june (13 days ago) and am still bleeding. it is red, going through about one-two liners a day. I had to go into the doctors on the 27th because of immense pain where they diagnosed me with an infection. I end the prescription tomorrow and am wondering when to expect the bleeding to stop or when I should contact them again...? Any advice/thoughts? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-for-a-7-year-old-whos-dad-passed-away#post-2515387 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 20:06:17 +0000 mediagirl 2515387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our across the street neighbor passed away this weekend. The mom and son are pretty much on their own now. No family locally. We know they will be moving away but we would like to do something for the mom (we have that covered) and the son. Is t inappropriate to give him something? Should we just offer our condolences? What can you do for a boy who just turned 7 and lost his dad? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/a-personalized-book-for-loved-ones-gone-too-soon#post-2555920 Wed, 25 May 2016 05:05:09 +0000 BSB 2555920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://thestoryof-books.com" rel="nofollow">http://thestoryof-books.com</a></p> <p> :crying: </p> <p>What a heartfelt keepsake for kids to remember their loved ones. :heart: </p> <p>[attach=147/16/o7q9cl.600x556.image.jpeg] </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/questions-for-ob-after-multiple-losses#post-2401545 Mon, 28 Dec 2015 10:11:51 +0000 winniebee 2401545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had 3 early losses since September and have an appt with my OB for next week to discuss. Briefly, here's what happened with the losses.</p> <p>1: In September was EBF my then 9 month old around the clock still and we were not trying, but also not being super careful. Had no idea I was pregnant and randomly started spotting and cramping so took a test and it was very positive. Was shocked - Pretty sure I conceived on CD6. Had HCG tested and it was 78 and since I was still spotting, had it retested 48 hours later, was already down to 30. Had natural m/c. Chalked it up to bad luck.</p> <p>2: Made sure not to have sex for 2 months to give body a rest. Had sex one time in November, again not trying, but not being careful either. Ended up pregnant. HCG at 14 DPO was 19. Two days later it was 9. Had natural m/c. At that time, I was nursing 4x a day and R was 11 months old. Chalked it up to nursing/ maybe low progesterone due to nursing. </p> <p>3: Wasn't careful (but still, also not TTC) in December because who gets pregnant three times in a row? Sex one time and since I knew the timing made pregnancy possible, took a test early *just in case* I needed to have progesterone tested or something. The test was positive, but my OB's office declined to take a progesterone level and told me that they don't typically do that, instead offered that I could take prometrium (which is typically offered after 3 losses or if you have low progesterone) - I declined and the next day my pregnancy test was lighter, so I knew it was another loss. Even though I'm only nursing 2x a day and even though I only pump 2 oz at the times that he does nurse (baby is now 12 months) chalked this one up to nursing, I guess? </p> <p>I fully realize this all may be because of nursing; obviously many women get and stay pregnant while nursing, but that may not be the case for me. Aside from that, I'm wondering what other questions I should ask my OB? I'm 35 and otherwise healthy. We had an early lost before DS1 and but no real issues conceiving him (8 months total, including the loss). Conceived DS2 on second cycle trying.</p> <p>ETA: we do want a third. Timing wise would have probably started actually trying right around now. </p> <p>Thanks for reading and thanks for your input. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/putting-down-your-pet-what-do-you-tell-your-kids#post-2342138 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 10:25:24 +0000 sslm 2342138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Asking for my sister... her 11 year old lab is really not doing well and the vet thinks she's in a lot of pain. The vet told them they should consider putting her down. My sister is extremely upset, this dog has been around longer than her kids or husband. She was her companion when she was single and living by herself.</p> <p>Right now she's looking for recommendations on how/what to tell her almost 6 year old... any advice? In general about death, but also, do you tell them the whole euthanizing thing? Or do you leave that part out?</p> <p>Parenting is hard...</p> <p>(we are a semi-religious family so heaven is definitely talked about) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/embracing-grief#post-2323426 Fri, 16 Oct 2015 12:39:10 +0000 Herrade 2323426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to share this perspective on grieving with all of you who continue to struggle with the loss of a pregnancy or child, or who are burdened with the deep longing of infertility. So often, we are encouraged, or forced, or shamed into hiding or suppressing our grief. We are admonished to move on and get over it. But there is much healing to be had, and a greater appreciation for life, from embracing our sorrows. </p> <p><a href="http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/478/the_geography_of_sorrow" rel="nofollow">http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/478/the_geography_of_sorrow</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/october-15th-infant-and-pregnancy-loss-day#post-2317565 Tue, 13 Oct 2015 11:03:01 +0000 sandy 2317565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p> [attach=429/15/nw61xj.600x430.image.jpeg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/article-a-friend-posted-possible-loss-trigger-warning#post-2292738 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 16:26:16 +0000 coopsmama 2292738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A friend of mine posted this on FB today. The article is old but it's a pro-choice piece where the author discusses how his wife had bleeding shortly following their 20 week ultrasound (where they had a perfectly healthy baby) and was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix. Evidently the doctor recommended that they induce labor and end the pregnancy instead of going on bed rest or trying other measures to save their much-wanted pregnancy. They were unable to do so because of a bill that passed in Texas around that same time so the wife and her husband spent 7 (I think, not re-reading the piece) days living life and walking the neighborhood in hopes to get labor completely started. Note that the baby was still alive at that point.</p> <p>The piece is here: <a href="https://medium.com/@charlesv/denied-e639548e8b67" rel="nofollow">https://medium.com/@charlesv/denied-e639548e8b67</a> </p> <p>I read the piece and was quite confused by the whole thing -- I know of a few women who have faced similar sad situations and were never recommended to induce labor and were instead put on bedrest in the hopes of keeping the pregnancy viable. I have never heard of anyone's doctor recommending in a situation like this to induce while the baby is alive. Has anyone heard of this?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buddhist-ritual-for-mourning-a-miscarriage#post-2276211 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 18:07:10 +0000 magnolia 2276211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I heard this interesting story on NPR that a friend posted on her blog about a Japanese Buddhist ritual mourning miscarriage and pregnancy loss, now being used here in the the US and I wanted to share </p> <p><a href="http://www.npr.org/2015/08/15/429761386/adopting-a-buddhist-ritual-to-mourn-miscarriage-abortion" rel="nofollow">http://www.npr.org/2015/08/15/429761386/adopting-a-buddhist-ritual-to-mourn-miscarriage-abortion</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/social-events-after-loss#post-2270192 Fri, 21 Aug 2015 22:36:00 +0000 noelani 2270192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anyone have any suggestions for surviving large social events after a loss?</p> <p>We experienced a later loss several months ago (23 weeks, TFMR) and I am still having a tough time. My coping mechanism has been to withdraw from social obligations - I've always been fairly introverted and I feel most comfortable right now being by myself (without the pressure of having to put on a happy face for others). </p> <p>We have a family wedding coming up, and I'm DREADING it. It will be big and loud, at least 300 people. To make things more painful, we recently found out DH's closest childhood friend's wife is pregnant with their second, and that news was shared with us in a *really* insensitive way. </p> <p>DS is a ring bearer so I have to go, otherwise I would send my regrets. I'm dreading having to fake it around so many people, and I'm really dreading interacting with the couple who is expecting (I know that's not fair, but neither is loss, right?). </p> <p>Other than taking FULL advantage of the open bar, how to do I make it through?!?! </p>