https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 04:09:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fmla-question-2#post-2917553 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 12:24:17 +0000 DesertDreams88 2917553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>well, yes, for unpaid FMLA, as long as you both work at separate employers.<br /> I don't know what the "primary caregiver" aspect is.... I've never seen that in relation to FMLA. maybe that's a state-based phrase? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fmla-question-2#post-2917551 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 11:34:27 +0000 winter_wonder 2917551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pajamas: yep, he would be the primary caregiver. I am considering an international opportunity that would have me gone for 3-4 months (around 6 months after birth if we were to get pregnant). I definitely can't take it if he can't go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fmla-question-2#post-2917549 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 11:23:17 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2917549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winter_wonder: do you mean your husband would be designated as the "primary caregiver"? I think that's the only way that would work. Every state is different too as to what it will provide on top of the federal leave. I live in CA, and for example, here both partners get 12 weeks short term disability </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/fmla-question-2#post-2917548 Wed, 22 Jul 2020 11:09:51 +0000 winter_wonder 2917548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hypothetical question here. I'm not pregnant, but if I were to take 8 weeks off after birth and then my husband took 12 weeks at a later date would that be allowed? Even if it was say 6 mo after the birth that he would take it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2900122 Sun, 20 Oct 2019 20:56:59 +0000 MLE81 2900122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for all of the replies and advice! DH was hoping to take his leave after Christmas, anyway, so it’s helpful to know that this is probably the best scenario. I think he has some flexibility if I end up having a more difficult postpartum experience, but otherwise that will be the plan. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2900115 Sun, 20 Oct 2019 18:06:32 +0000 petitenoisette 2900115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Def think it’s a great plan to have DH take 1-2 weeks right away and then save the rest of the leave for later. I had a c-section and was totally fine a week later, even with our three year old home most of the time (though I didn’t drive until after my 2 week check up. I could have before then, the only thing my OB would have been worried about was if I was on narcotic painkillers but I jut took ibuprofen). . And if you think you’ll hVe help, even better. I have family around but just never really needed or asked for help after either of my kids were born. </p> <p>It would have been amazing if post the initial 2 weeks home my husband had had a second longer leave later on! Also If you wait and you’re in a better financial position due to overtime you might be able to do some family travel or more fun activities. Whatever you decide, good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2900108 Sun, 20 Oct 2019 16:18:37 +0000 ALV91711 2900108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: I wish we could have swung 18 months with DS2. </p> <p>My DH is self employed so he got no time off. He didn’t really work the first week with DS2 and was able to look after DS1 while I was in the hospital. </p> <p>In your situation I think I’d have him be home the first week and then take the rest after Christmas. As previous posters have stated the first couple months with the second isn’t as hard and by the time Christmas is done you will be tired and want the extra help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899922 Fri, 18 Oct 2019 08:36:28 +0000 Shantuck 2899922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my second, my husband had just started a new job at his company so he took off maybe 3-4 days when the baby arrived and then used the rest of his time at the end of my leave to help with my transition back to work. My husband actually had a job that involved a lot of travel at the time and my 4 year old was also adding to the nightly wake-ups. I ended up having my mom stay with us a few times when my husband had longer business trips (but also because I had postpartum complications and was back in the hospital 6 weeks after childbirth). My 4 year old had daily preschool so I didn't need to be the sole source of his daily entertainment, which also helped. I'd probably take the family help and have DH take advantage of a lucrative financial time to be working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899890 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 18:34:09 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2899890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I took leave as DW gave birth to both our boys, also in Canada but we didn’t get that partner 5 weeks because our sons were both before that! I’m so happy we have that now! </p> <p>Our first son I took 3 months off with part of that through EI and part unpaid, as soon as he was born. He was premature so it was sudden and he required a lot of help feeding so I was super glad to be there. Then I did a few months at 80% schedule so 4 days per week. This time, I took 5 weeks EI after he was born, 4 days per week at 80% pay for the year, another 4 weeks EI when he was 11 months old and tacked on a week of vacation to make it 5 weeks total. This 5 weeks coincided with the end of DW’s leave, summer vacation for our older son and obviously our younger wasn’t in daycare yet so it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to have all of us off together in the summer for an extended time.</p> <p>I absolutely would not have been able to go back a week or even 2 after either boy was born, personally.. It’s just so hard when you’re first figuring it out. We also have taken a very even split in feeding and night duties so I wanted to do my share as long as I could. That being said, almost everyone we know has done the 18 month leave option with the partner taking 1-2 weeks up front and then extended leave at the end. As in like 4-6 months at home with baby after the birth parent goes back to work. We couldn’t stretch it the full 18 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899855 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 12:44:50 +0000 foodiebee 2899855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a similar experience to @caitcat and we did what she said they plan to do. My DH took the first week off, then sprinkled his remaining time in later when our moms had gone home and I didn't have other help and sleep deprivation was weighing on me. It worked well for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899853 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 12:41:36 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2899853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband usually used a bit of vacation then took the 5 weeks later on. </p> <p>As a cautionary tale, it takes a while to get that first EI check. Like I think my husband was back to work before he got it. So bulk up savings to account for that too if possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899851 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 12:37:35 +0000 graceandjoy 2899851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do later for him, like you said to just pick up extra $ if you're nervous about money. Besides not sleeping and feeding 24/7, I actually think the 1st month is pretty easy as baby is sleeping all the time and you'd have help with household stuff &amp; your DD. </p> <p>I went through 2 maternity leaves with zero pay; it will be okay! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899844 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 11:36:35 +0000 bhbee 2899844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you can get some other help in the early days I’d wait and take the leave in January. I think 8 weeks old was a harder time than newborn for all my kids ... especially after the first when you know what to do. Plus January is cold and dark and company might be very welcome. And you can spend the extra money on some fun times as a family. Of course it’s hard to know what your baby will be like until they get here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899843 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 11:33:43 +0000 caitcat 2899843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure how helpful this is, since we haven't actually done this...but our plan if we have a third is for my husband to take a week off initially and then plan to take more leave a month or two (or maybe more?) later. With both of our girls so far, he took just two weeks off straight away. With our first, I really needed his help those first couple weeks because I had a difficult delivery and was in rough shape. With my second, I felt like I would have been okay without him after just a few days if he'd really needed to go back to work. It was a totally different experience. </p> <p>With both of our girls, the first 3-4 weeks (though exhausting), I felt like I was still running on adrenaline and could power through pretty well. I struggled way more after the accumulated lack of sleep caught up to me and when they became fussier around 4-6 weeks old. I would have killed for my husband to be home for a bit when my second daughter was about two months old. She was a pretty easy newborn in the first few weeks, but became a dreadful sleeper and was only really content through the day and night if I held her, preferably while bouncing/moving. I would have loved another pair of hands at that point! The novelty of the baby had also worn off for my older daughter at the time, and she was acting out a bunch more...so I feel like it would have been a welcome relief to have more help on that front too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/timing-of-parental-leave-for-dh-advice-needed#post-2899835 Thu, 17 Oct 2019 10:36:41 +0000 MLE81 2899835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m back again, asking for advice/feedback :). Thanks in advance to anyone who is able to take the time to read and respond!</p> <p>Our second baby is due Nov. 8 and my mat leave “officially” starts Nov. 4. (unless baby makes an early appearance). We live in Canada so I am able to be off for 12 months, mind you with only 55% of my salary in Employment Insurance Benefits. </p> <p>DH has the option to also take up to 5 weeks of parental leave, during which time he would also only receive 55% of his salary. While financially this would make it a tough 5 weeks for us, we can make it work, and we both want to take “advantage” of the opportunity with this baby since this supplemental parental leave wasn’t available when our DD was born. </p> <p>So the question becomes, when should DH take these weeks?</p> <p>Part of me feels like the first five weeks after baby is born will be the toughest and it would be nice to have DH home 24 hours/day to help with the baby and our 3.5 year old DD. However, this would mean that depending on when baby actually arrives, DH may miss out on good overtime opportunities at work which means more $$ for us. He’s a postal worker so November/December are extra busy months with lots of weekend overtime shifts for parcel delivery (he would not be eligible for these shifts if he is on leave). </p> <p>Another option is he could take a week’s vacation from Nov. 10-16, and probably a second week either before or after (depending on when baby comes) using accrued lieu days. He could then return to work until the end of Dec., pick up a lot of overtime to help beef up our finances, and then take his five week leave in January (or any other time within 52 weeks of baby’s birth, technically). Of course, this would mean he’d be working more and around less to help at home in Nov./Dec., but my mom is willing/able to step in to help if/while he’s working. </p> <p>Any advice on what makes more sense from both/either a financial and/or practical perspective? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864653 Thu, 03 Jan 2019 08:25:46 +0000 Becky 2864653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: That’s what I’m afraid of. PFL is still so new in NY that there just isn’t a lot out there about it unfortunately. I’d probably be best off waiting until 2021 to have #3 so I’d at least get 12 weeks partially paid and job protected leave, and maybe go out 2-3 days before my due date. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864650 Thu, 03 Jan 2019 08:11:11 +0000 gotkimchi 2864650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: in my state they can make you run everything concurrently, i talked to a lawyer to verify becuase I was annoyed </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864636 Thu, 03 Jan 2019 06:55:20 +0000 Becky 2864636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I won’t get fired if I take more time, but what I’m trying to figure out is if your employer can force you to take Extended Medical Leave and the NY Paid Family Leave and FMLA concurrently. I know they can make you run EML and FMLA concurrently and PFL and FMLA concurrently, but what’s not clear is if your employer can force you to run everything concurrently. Where I work my Executive Director won’t approve people just using sick/vacation/PTO to extend leave, and that’s within the employers right to figure out even though it’s not great for employer morale. Also within their right is forcing you to use all your PTO while on leave, meaning you won’t have any time left when you need to go to doctors appointments or the like after you return to work. I work for a non-profit governmental organization (state). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864607 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 21:52:33 +0000 Littlebit7 2864607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have short term disability and family leave insurance/bonding time in N.J. but I think it’s similar to ny. I didn’t even qualify for fmla with my first kidbut I got the N.J. family leave/bonding and short term disability; I was allowed to take 4 weeks pre birth due to my doc signing me out, 6 weeks post for a vaginal delivery and then 6 weeks of bonding time, all paid by the state. Note that it is 2 weeks more than FMLA covers but your employer can make you use two weeks of vacation. I think NY follows N.J. somewhat</p> <p>Will they fire you if you take more time? Is there a chance? Because your job wouldn’t be protected if you are out longer. If you think they won’t, try to negotiate a longer leave by using vacation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864606 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 21:49:57 +0000 Pollywog 2864606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you federal? Our FMLA doesn't have to run concurrently. So I planned to go on leave at 39 weeks (vacation), then I could take 6 weeks of sick and then all my vacation and then 240 hours of FMLA unpaid. We don't have parental leave, but delaying FMLA was a huge help for me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864580 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 19:53:10 +0000 Foodnerd81 2864580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did exactly what you describe- stop work two weeks before my due date, but I still got 12 weeks fmla after. It was company policy though (I think they mostly waned people to be able to wrap up what they were working on and not go into labor in the office). I had to use a week of vacation to kickstart fmla though, and I don’t think I was paid the entire 12 weeks after. It’s a blur, but I do remember fmla stared the day I gave birth. But I was in MA and I think it was a specific company policy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864573 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 19:29:02 +0000 PurplePumps 2864573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not NY here, but as I understand it leave is leave... be it EML, STD, paid parental leave... it all falls under leave that runs concurrent with FMLA. FMLA just gives you 12 weeks off leave time and guarantees your job... so if you take EML, you're on leave status and the clock starts ticking. The only way to get more than 12 weeks off I believe is that you have to take vacation time before going out on leave or after "coming back" from leave so that your employee status is actual active during that time.</p> <p>Is your employer really that strict with requiring you to come back after 12 weeks? They aren't really going to fire you if you want to take 13, are they? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864568 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 19:16:27 +0000 Becky 2864568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: I think my employer would require I use FMLA if I were to take a mental health break unfortunately ☹️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864566 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 19:05:51 +0000 Becky 2864566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: DD 1 was 5 days late, and I had about 7 working days off before that. DD 2 was on her due date and I went out 2 days prior so had 1 day off. I was thinking I’d have at least a week. Our head HR isn’t in our office so I could probably ask—I should probably bite the bullet. I’m honestly POed we don’t have PFL because it’s not hard to add onto our disability. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864563 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 18:55:08 +0000 LCTBQE 2864563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just gave birth in New York and I *think* the answer is no, but not totally positive. Is it too scary to just ask HR directly? The other thing is even if you planned for that, the baby could easily be early and nullify everything ☺️ (dunno if both your other kids were born at 42w or something of course). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864548 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 17:45:42 +0000 pachamama 2864548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: hmmm my situation is a little unique because I had a doctor's note and I'm a teacher (and therefore have a union) but what I did is take mental health leave for a while before giving birth (38 weeks now so still using my sick days ). It didn't affect my FMLA at all- that will start on the day I give birth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ny-momslegal-bees-paid-family-leave-fmla-amp-eml#post-2864517 Wed, 02 Jan 2019 16:27:45 +0000 Becky 2864517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're considering baby #3 over the next 1.5-3 years. Long question short: Is there a way to go out on leave before your due date (say a week) and then still get 12 weeks after the baby is born? </p> <p>We don't have PFL yet (gov't organization) but I'm moderately optimistic we will by then. We have Extended Medical Leave instead of Short Term Disability. Current EML policy is that EML and FMLA must run concurrently. EML pays part of your salary until your doctor releases you (so 6 weeks post-partum for vaginal delivery), and you must supplement that partial pay with your vacation and sick time. You must exhaust your vacation and sick time during any leave you take past that 6 weeks too. My coworkers who have gone out on leave since I've been here have only been allowed to take 12 weeks total (to equal what is job protected by FMLA). One went into labor at work, the other went into labor before her due date, so both were able to take 12 weeks postpartum.</p> <p>I'm wondering if you can use EML (say 3 weeks: 1 week before baby is born, 2 after baby is born, also running FMLA concurrently), and then follow it with 10 weeks PFL. This would total 13 weeks of leave, which pushes you one over what's protected by FMLA. (I know PFL increases to 12 weeks in 2021). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/health-insurance-for-newborn-please-help#post-2833899 Fri, 13 Jul 2018 19:49:03 +0000 Iced Tea 2833899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So long as your company has previously paid premiums surrounding a birth while using this insurance plan, I'd assume HR's answer is the more reliable one. </p> <p>Anyway, it's mentally more comfortable to assume you're going to pay it (and potentially be pleasantly surprised), then the other way around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/health-insurance-for-newborn-please-help#post-2833838 Fri, 13 Jul 2018 13:08:53 +0000 math.nerd 2833838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Iced Tea: YES. These are the issues. The language is deceptive. I agree - the issue is the difference between 'covered' and when premiums are incurred. And I think each plan/state has different rules about this. </p> <p>We've been screwed by the "accepted" language as well. When I tell people about how much my medical bills are they always ask, "but isn't that covered". and the answer is always "yes, but when something is "covered" an my co-pay is 30% of some outrageous number, it's still super expensive!"</p> <p>Coverage doesn't mean 'paid for' it just means subject to the rules of your particular plan (which clear as mud on their own!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/health-insurance-for-newborn-please-help#post-2833837 Fri, 13 Jul 2018 13:00:46 +0000 jape14 2833837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there is some confusion here. I'm not in the insurance industry, nor do I live in CA, but I do have an HMO plan in a different state.</p> <p>To my knowledge, covered does not mean free coverage. It just means your coverage (within the terms of your plan/premiums) is extended to the baby on the mother's plan within 30 days of birth to allow time to get them added to the plan as an independent being. In my case, there was an additional premium charge taken from my paycheck to pay for that 30 days of coverage, the month after my children were born.</p> <p>here are the actual numbers from my paystub:<br /> August - pre-kid, individual premium $128<br /> September - kid born, charged new individual + child premium ($246) + additional pro-rated premium for coverage of baby happening after birth, before added to policy ($118) for total charge that month of $364<br /> October - charged new individual + child premium of $246 </p>