https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 17:27:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901239 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 14:16:43 +0000 periwinklebee 2901239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetCaroline: @Tionn3: Thank you both! Having DH take DS to the playground on weekends has traditionally been a winning strategy, but lately we've been having bad luck with the weather (lots of pouring rain) and it's only going to get worse as winter approaches. So I think finding some good indoor spots will be helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901236 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 14:02:46 +0000 Tionn3 2901236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are having this problem (maybe to a lesser degree, it's mostly about being held by Daddy) with our 20 month old DS( 21 months on Monday), except it's a daddy preference. It's been going on since he learned to walk at 10.5 months old. Our household is a shit show some weeks. We do the best we can, and I know DH resents me sometimes, no matter how hard I try to take up the extra slack of parenting and household tasks. So I guess I'm speaking from the other side. It sucks in a different way. </p> <p>My advice is to make one weekend day a week a split day where you trade off taking care of LO while the other takes time off to do some quality me time or to get things done. On weekdays, if my DH needs to do something in the house unimpeded by DS, I will take DS to the park, or run errands with him (which he enjoys). Keep the lines of communication open and don't be afraid to say "Hey I need you to take DS out of the house for like 4 hours while I do some stuff". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901226 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 12:31:20 +0000 SweetCaroline 2901226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I haven't read everything in great detail, but can daddy take him outside to play to give you a break? That allows me to either rest or get $h*t done around the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901218 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 11:13:19 +0000 periwinklebee 2901218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all, super helpful!!! I do travel sometimes for work (though fortunately done with that now until post-maternity leave). So DH knows he can handle LO on his own for an extended period, and LO generally will have a great time with him, except when he's reminded by something of the fact that mama exists but is not around 😂 </p> <p>I really like the idea of establishing "these are the things that daddy does, it's okay if you don't like it but this is how i t's going to be," exactly as @cake2017: says. And lay down the law RE I'm doing X on my own now unless someone needs to go to the ER (love it @bhbee: !) The line between picking your battles and letting your toddler run the household can feel really fine, ugh... </p> <p>I also agree that it's easiest for everyone if I can leave the house, just slightly annoying when what I need a break to do is stuff around the house or what I really need is just ten minutes to relax and not an extended break.... Much of our house is unusable now due to some much needed renovations, hopefully it will get easier to hide when they are done (if that ever happens!) </p> <p>@pachamama: I've wondered how much he senses some sort of change coming, versus it just being bad timing. He doesn't really show any signs of understanding when I've tried to explain there's a baby in my tummy, but who knows, I've definitely realized ex post that sometimes he understands more than I give him credit for. I am completely expecting the 9 months of difficulty (minimum, hah!) once the baby is here... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901196 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 05:21:49 +0000 pachamama 2901196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think he probably understands you're having a baby very soon too and knows you're not going to be his one and only. My son was 3 but he got really difficult the last month of my pregnancy (and for 9 months after, ha!). Once you have the baby, you will definitely need your space from DS1... it's very hard to manage 2 little kids so the more he can do on his own or with daddy, the better... for everyone! This coming from someone with a clingy, not-independent 3 year old who made life with a newborn literally almost impossible (not his fault, just the way little ones are with a new baby at home). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901194 Thu, 31 Oct 2019 04:55:37 +0000 caitcat 2901194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: These sorts of things have worked wonders for us too! </p> <p>I still find it easiest if I just leave the house (or hide in the basement!) so the kids don't even think I'm around...but that's not always realistic. Giving those kinds of options and drawings boundaries about who is available and when has really helped my girls see that mom and dad are on the same page. My 4.5 year old has gotten SO much easier about this. My 2.5 year old is still totally mommy-obsessed and it's more of a struggle. </p> <p>Another thing we've started is that I'll have special "mommy time" with each girl a few times a week. You'd think that being home with them all day would count for something (haha!)...but this designated one-on-one time that we label and make "special" has been big for filling some of their mommy-neediness. Each girl has their own special time (while the other hangs out with dad or plays independently), we set a timer for 15 minutes and they get to call all the shots on what we do. It's always funny to me to see what they pick, because it's usually so simple - but it's helped a lot to label it as special time and let them know they're in charge of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901187 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 23:43:08 +0000 LCTBQE 2901187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I will write you more about this later, but i have empathy. in our house it’s BAD and it’s a daddy preference, so I can speak to the other side. Xx </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901185 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 23:17:59 +0000 bhbee 2901185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: gave great advice in general - also just wanted to say I feel you on the dh part and “well he just wants mama” - soooo been there and honestly we’ve never had parental balance but I think really set roles help. So if you’ve already chosen Daddy does x y and z, then there’s no passing those off because kid is upset, figure it out. When I need time for myself I definitely find it helpful for someone to leave the house or at least set boundaries ... you are on duty until 3pm unless we need to go to the emergency room. So instead of the slide into kid is upset, gets more and more upset, eventually Mama called in, they have to figure it out. Much easier if someone leaves :happy: </p> <p>I hope it all improves. My oldest is my biggest clinger (even though she’s not my cuddliest which is funny!) and it definitely gets better over time but like sleep training or something it can use your help too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901184 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 23:12:25 +0000 DesertDreams88 2901184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others have said, I think some mandatory daddy time without you around. During the school year, my kids spend 3-5pm solo with Dad Mon-Fri without me usually and they love him as a result - and the preference only shows in the school year so I imagine it's because of that solo time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901180 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 22:41:54 +0000 cake2017 2901180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I believe he’s dictating and it can be broken. My two year old does this sometimes and we caught on and did the opposite of what he wanted with explanation.</p> <p>I would go away for the day and DH do everything. </p> <p>I’d also not tolerate the behavior when trying to use the bathroom etc. Bedtime can be taken over by DH also. It’s okay for him to cry but he has to understand that you two are the parents and you two decide not him. </p> <p>With my lo we would say i see you’re upset and that’s okay but daddy will read and put you to bed tonight. Would you like daddy or no reading and go night night....? </p> <p>We gave options that didn’t include me or his demanding wish.</p> <p>You’re about to have another baby so you need to be able to move and breath. </p> <p>Hope this helps and good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901177 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 21:28:01 +0000 Sams Mom 2901177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would your husband be willing to take him for an entire day and MAYBE a night? My son has flipped back and forth on who can do what for him, and would scream and cry anytime it wasn't the "right" parent. I do think some of the accepting/getting over it has come with him realizes Mommy works days and Daddy works nights so he just has to accept whoever's there and not be picky. I don't know if that would help though either. </p> <p>I'm sorry, I remember my son's Mommy only preference for a few months and I was at my wit's end. Like he would literally come find me at my sewing table to ask for a snack... Even though Daddy was sitting on the couch next to him. Or pre potty training, he wouldn't let dad change his poopy diaper. The list could go forever. </p> <p>Hopefully it's just an long phase that's coming to an end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901174 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 21:23:13 +0000 Jess1483 2901174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt like this with DS1 around this age (and with DS2’s arrival imminent). Then I got norovirus and quarantined myself for 24 hours. It was the first time my husband had to do absolutely everything with no way to hand responsibility back. It was a game-changer both for his confidence and for DS1 to get over the hump. I’m not suggesting norovirus :wink: but maybe a night in a hotel or a quick getaway with a friend? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901169 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 20:34:08 +0000 periwinklebee 2901169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm hoping for some insight from the hive on this one, as I'm really unsure of the best approach. </p> <p>My son (21 months) has always had some degree of separation anxiety and mommy preference. He always clings and often cries at daycare drop off, well over a year in (no other kids in his class still do), but we've at least seen some improvements. But his mama preference at home has been growing by the day for months, and has seemed to reach peak levels. </p> <p>He must always be in the same room as me (playing with daddy will not do), and if I need to run and pee or something, it seems to lead to genuine freak out that mama's going to disappear. He doesn't want daddy to give him the cracker, or carry him upstairs, or read him the book, etc..Hysteria results if daddy goes to get him from his crib when he wakes up or tries to be too involved in bedtime. And the list goes on and on. </p> <p>My husband is very good with him - and he'll have great fun with him as long as mama is there and engaged too - but getting a break can feel impossible. Sometimes DH is really, really trying. Other times I feel like it makes me a bit resentful because DH would rather be doing something that I would like to do, but rarely get to do because of DS's preferences, like taking a nap or just getting a brief break. And so it's very convenient for him that DS just wants mama, and he shrugs his shoulders and says "but he's so upset, he only wants mama". And it makes the parental balance worse. We're expecting LO2 in December, and it's hard to see how this state of affairs can mesh well with that either. </p> <p>In previous posts, people often say that clinginess/parental preference is a phase and you just have to ride it out, as resisting will just make them more hysterical (which seems true). On the other hand, it feels like DS is a little dictator demanding everything must be mama (by giving in, am I conditioning him to be entitled?), it's really exhausting for me, and complicates our efforts at co-parenting, which is ultimately important for my relationship with DH. So I'm not sure what to do - when to just ride with it and hope he outgrows it soon, versus more actively trying to enforce that daddy will do certain things, whether he likes it or not.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809360 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 18:20:33 +0000 nwm 2809360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>so much great advice here! i just wanted to chime in with a couple other posters who said they noticed a preference actually stemming from the preferred parent's unavailability. my DH is a super hands-on dad, and we also have a nanny who is with our son M-F, who has been with us since he was 4 months and has always had a great relationship with him. because of these two awesome other people, he hardly seemed to notice how generally busy my job is, until i had a nightmare work month at the start of this year. i had to be away a few weekends and the mommy preference suddenly went crazy, not only with DH but with the nanny as well. i handle the handoff with her in the morning (DH has already gone to work) and it was brutal for a while, with DS screaming for mommy to read him stories or feed him breakfast or whatever was going on. i have found that 1) since work got better this has gotten WAY better--it was definitely tied to just not getting enough time with me and 2) it has helped to give him a little bit of a sense of control. if he asks mommy to read a story before i go (or rather, demands that mommy read instead of nana), i will try basically always to find the time to stop and read a story and then do a bit of bargaining (ok, mommy will read you a story and then you are going to have so much fun playing with nana! ok?) and he is so much happier and makes a much smoother transition. just wonder if it could be helpful to treat it as a control issue and give some sense of autonomy or control over who's going to be hanging out with her? i also find when i did that more with DS, he was also more likely to pick DH or the nanny if given the option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809282 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 14:19:03 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2809282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: It's super tough to do, but my two sons couldn't be more different. What worked with my older son doesn't at all work with my younger son. DS2 is far more perceptive and LOVES to push buttons, while DS1 was more in tune with how his actions hurt others and didn't want to hurt anyone.</p> <p>DS2 reacts better when I'm more calm. I now know that every morning, he will whine when daddy doesn't get him, so I make it a game. I'll run in, tickle him, and run back out - not even giving him a chance to whine. I'll open the door a crack and peek in, and he'll hide his face...run back in, tickle, run back out. That immediately puts him in a goofy mood and he forgets that daddy isn't there to wake him up. Misdirection is key! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809280 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 14:11:59 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2809280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: You are exactly right - she's a perceptive kid, she likes to push buttons and test things out (we call her a baby lawyer regularly because she's always looking for workarounds and holes in our reasoning), so when he responds argumentatively, she only escalates. I've told him to approach things calmly and lovingly but he tends to escalate because he thinks he's teaching her that she's wrong, which only makes it worse inevitably. I really appreciate the suggestions, thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809269 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 13:49:21 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2809269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I'm in full agreement with so much of what GingerBee said. I think a lot of it has to do with the way your DH reacts to her saying the things she does. She may only be 4, but she seems really perceptive. She knows based on your DH's reaction that she's hurting his feelings, but she's doing what she's doing to get that reaction from him. I love GingerBee's suggestions in that he calmly says that it's ok that she doesn't want a hug, daddy to give her a bath, insert other thing here, but daddy enjoys spending time with her, and loves her. And he's never going to stop loving spending time with her. Telling her that she's hurting his feelings and that it's not acting nicely, is a great start.</p> <p>This was me with both of our sons. They both preferred daddy. Our 2.5 year old whines and cries every morning if daddy has already left for work and it's me waking him up. I take it in stride and know that it's a phase. I'll do something that I know will make him laugh or put him in a better mood, and he then reaches for me. If it's our older son who is 5.5, I'll just let him know that what he said wasn't very nice, and that I like spending time with him too. We also never give into their demands to see the other parent either until they've apologized for their actions towards the parent they've hurt. You don't reward them for doing things they aren't supposed to in other realms, this shouldn't be any different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809264 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 13:32:42 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2809264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: YES! Seeing how much she mimics, I definitely have learned to be intentional with my words. And with approaching things calmly, especially when it's the hardest. Awesome points, I'll talk to him some more today about all this, thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809256 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 13:15:41 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2809256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am also the non preferred mom. It was definitely hurtful for quite a while, especially when my son would say things like mama go away! While screaming at me ha </p> <p>DW is due with our second in September so it has shifted. He is still a mommy’s boy, but he is coming around to me and we only have occasional issues now. For me, I had to just remind myself that he is 3 and he doesn’t understand that he is being hurtful. It was hard but I just let it roll off. Now we do tell him that it’s mean and he needs to apologize, which he does kind of get. I’ve been much more active in doing things just me and him as well, which he is fine when it’s just us. That way both me and him get great one on one time together which strengthens our bond and makes me feel confident as a parent. I also try to focus on things his mommy doesn’t do with him that I enjoy. He likes roughhousing so that’s ‘my thing’ with him. Same with helping in the kitchen, going grocery shopping, etc. We do a gymnastics class together too whereas mommy does swimming. Not giving into his demands as well and DW saying she wants me to be around them helps too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809251 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 12:40:07 +0000 wrkbrk 2809251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: No advice, just commiseration. This is us too, but it's DW that DS prefers. We parent the exact same (in my view) and spend equal time with him but he just ADORES her. I mean, it's cute when it's not hurting my feelings, lol. He is too young to expressly say he doesn't want me, and he will take me if she isn't around, but if, for example, we both pick him up together from daycare he will run right past me and into her arms - ouch. Haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809250 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 12:39:14 +0000 gingerbebe 2809250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Its so hard. For a while, DS1 was being such a rat fink that DH and I got in a habit of walking away from DS1 after an altercation by sighing and saying "fine, I don't care." We didn't think much of it, until DS1 started walking away from US pouting "fine, I don't care." And then we were like NEEDLE SCRATCH NOOOOO - WE DONE BAD. </p> <p>DH and I were like we CANNOT use that phrase anymore because of COURSE we care and its NOT okay to just give up and walk away from someone you love. NO NO NO. Parent fail so hard. So now we say things like "I'm not going to talk to you if you're not going to be nice. It makes Mommy too sad." Or "You are not being nice to Daddy right now. Daddy loves you and I'm a nice Daddy, but you are being not nice. You can sit there until you can be a nice boy." Then DS1 usually comes after us and tries to mend things and we can more calmly correct him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809237 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 12:00:18 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2809237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I love this comment so much, thank you! My husband reacts very strongly to rejection in general, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if in these interactions (many of which I don't witness), he withdraws rather than engaging or articulating his feelings. I've talked to him about that, but your comment is a great reminder about the work he could be doing not only to remember that he's dealing with a 4 year old and he needs to rise above it, but also on learning from the experience. Thank you thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809231 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:48:40 +0000 gingerbebe 2809231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any advice on how to help your daughter per se, since as you say, she's 5 and there's only so much you can expect a child to understand emotionally, other than consistently reinforcing that she's hurting her father's feelings.</p> <p>Its thankless and awful and depressing as the parent when our kids go through these phases, but for me its easier to take the reins emotionally and ask myself how I can USE this particular phase for my family/my child's longterm benefit, even if it sucks for me. Like, if I have some positive outcome I can look to, I can better deal with the crappy period. For instance, we are going through a pissy attitude phase with our 3.5 year old - lots of eye rolling, attitude, refusing to comply with instructions, willful disobedience, etc. And trying to consistently parent through that in a positive way instead of just yelling at him is stinking hard and I want to rip my hair out. But DH and I had a talk and we were like WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE THIS PAY OFF SOMEHOW IN THE LONG RUN. Since we are Christian, we are trying to intentionally work in more Biblical instruction in our answers when the inevitable pissy attitude "WHY??" comes at us instead of just saying "BECAUSE I SAID SO!!" In some cases, we are literally answering him with Bible verses. Our son has a ridiculous memory, so we know that even if he doesn't comply, us repeatedly reciting those verses will get embedded into his brain and he will remember them (in fact, he goes around reciting them). And for us, if we get nothing out of this phase but him memorizing 5-6 Bible verses, that's still a long term win because he will know those verses forever and they may come in handy for him in the future.</p> <p>So, in your case, your husband can and should, as a father, use this as an opportunity to show your daughter that he will never stop pursuing her and loving her and being there for her, regardless of how she acts. You can explain to him that yes, this is an excruciating thing to go through as a father, but that this is one of those phases where if he puts in the work, it can pay massive dividends down the line for her sense of security, confidence, and ingraining a positive example of how men should treat her as a woman. If she doesn't want to be touched or held by daddy, daddy respects that and says "Okay, well it makes Daddy sad when you say mean things to me. Its not nice. If you don't want a hug, you can just say 'no thank you.' But I love you very much and I really love it when we have snuggles, so if you need a hug, Daddy is here." If she fusses about Daddy tucking her in instead of Mommy, acknowledge her feelings, but say "Daddy loves you and loves our special time so much. I am so excited to read books with you." And end every interaction together with "Daddy loves spending time with you - you are my favorite (insert name). Thank you for spending time with me." And perhaps you guys can start a habit of date nights with each individual parent in a scheduled way so that she knows there will be set times where she will spend time with Daddy and they can do something fun together and he can further have positive experiences with her - positive not necessarily in that HE will have a good time, but that he will have an opportunity to show her one-on-one what a loving, respectful father will do for her.</p> <p>Basically, he KNOWS its a phase too, but if he can buy into the idea that he can use this phase for something good for her, then perhaps he can grind it out with a better attitude. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809225 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:30:54 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2809225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: I actually agree with that idea, I think she wants more time with me and thus lashes out at her dad, so I've really tried to be more engaged with her and setting aside some time for us to do things together. Sometimes I worry that I'm having the opposite effect, though, because then she'll bring up doing XYZ with me and how she wants to do that all the time and not whatever she may do with her dad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809222 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:26:35 +0000 Shantuck 2809222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: We didn't try it until recently but it might be worth a try with a 3 year old. The premise of the book is that everyone has an imaginary bucket and when you speak unkindly to someone, it takes water out of their bucket and people with empty buckets feel sad. It's a tangible way for a kid to realize that when they say something mean, they take a little bit away from the person they said it to. The tangibleness of the bucket/water analogy has helped my son to understand that if he says something mean, it makes the person feel sad or empty. He will now apologize after he says something hurtful to try to help re-fill the person's bucket. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809219 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:21:19 +0000 bhbee 2809219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: what age do you think can “get” that concept in the book? I’m thinking definitely 6 but wondering about 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809217 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:20:11 +0000 creativemomma15 2809217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: this is something we struggle with with our middle daughter. We had been seeing a therapist for some struggles with our oldest and once mentioned in an email these Mommy preferences our daughter had been having. It seems counter intuitive but she said that it could be stemming from her needing more time with me and to be more intentional with that. We kind of went with it then. We didn’t let her dictate who got to do what with her but I tried to have more focused time with her and stuck with the routines we already had in place with her and her daddy. It did get better some. It all kind f evened out then that I don’t remember struggling with it for long but I will say that we are entering into it again now and this post has been a reminder to try to rethink our one on one time with her. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. It is exhausting for both parents! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809210 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:09:32 +0000 codeitall 2809210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DS is 3yo and definitely has a daddy preference. Transitions are also the hardest for us. He wakes up to me while DH has already left for work and just cries for Dad...</p> <p>What has helped me to feel better and calmer about battling the daddy preference is to go on special mom adventures. We do lots of trips to museums, stores and parks. Sure, sometimes he cries when we leave Dad at home to study, but he usually recovers by the time we get somewhere.</p> <p>I won't say that it has actually helped the parental preference from my son's POV, but it has helped me cope with it. I just feel better knowing that he does like to do fun things with me and I'm doing the best I can to nurture our relationship. It helps me react calmer to his whining for Dad in the morning too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809204 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 10:57:15 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2809204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: Thanks, I'll check that out! I'm trying to figure out what may be causing this, because it's so odd. I would even understand it to some extent if there was a disparity in how much time we spent with her or ways we engaged with her, but we're really so very equally hands on, and we even respond to these issues the same way. The only thing I can think of is that DH's emotional intelligence isn't as strong, so he tends to respond to any negative behavior on her part more critically/argumentatively rather than from a place of understanding and calm, but even then, he's such an even-keel guy that he never raises his voice and arguably he's even more permissive with her than I am. I'll check out the book for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809198 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 10:21:45 +0000 Shantuck 2809198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Somebody here recommended the book "How Full Is Your Bucket?" when we were having some issues with not nice behavior awhile back. We actually talk about that book whenever my son says something not nice (I've gotten the "I wish I had a different mommy before") and it is a more tangible way for kids to understand how the things they do and say make others feel. That might be worth a try to at least start lessening the occurrence of the behavior... </p>