https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 04:51:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/escalating-mama-preference#post-2901169 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 20:34:08 +0000 periwinklebee 2901169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm hoping for some insight from the hive on this one, as I'm really unsure of the best approach. </p> <p>My son (21 months) has always had some degree of separation anxiety and mommy preference. He always clings and often cries at daycare drop off, well over a year in (no other kids in his class still do), but we've at least seen some improvements. But his mama preference at home has been growing by the day for months, and has seemed to reach peak levels. </p> <p>He must always be in the same room as me (playing with daddy will not do), and if I need to run and pee or something, it seems to lead to genuine freak out that mama's going to disappear. He doesn't want daddy to give him the cracker, or carry him upstairs, or read him the book, etc..Hysteria results if daddy goes to get him from his crib when he wakes up or tries to be too involved in bedtime. And the list goes on and on. </p> <p>My husband is very good with him - and he'll have great fun with him as long as mama is there and engaged too - but getting a break can feel impossible. Sometimes DH is really, really trying. Other times I feel like it makes me a bit resentful because DH would rather be doing something that I would like to do, but rarely get to do because of DS's preferences, like taking a nap or just getting a brief break. And so it's very convenient for him that DS just wants mama, and he shrugs his shoulders and says "but he's so upset, he only wants mama". And it makes the parental balance worse. We're expecting LO2 in December, and it's hard to see how this state of affairs can mesh well with that either. </p> <p>In previous posts, people often say that clinginess/parental preference is a phase and you just have to ride it out, as resisting will just make them more hysterical (which seems true). On the other hand, it feels like DS is a little dictator demanding everything must be mama (by giving in, am I conditioning him to be entitled?), it's really exhausting for me, and complicates our efforts at co-parenting, which is ultimately important for my relationship with DH. So I'm not sure what to do - when to just ride with it and hope he outgrows it soon, versus more actively trying to enforce that daddy will do certain things, whether he likes it or not.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-coping-for-dh#post-2809145 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 07:45:47 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2809145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is a few months shy of 5, and for reasons I can't really explain, the last few months she's been hardcore on mommy preference. Hubby and I are very equal parents - we work similar schedules so we tag-team daycare duty (he's the morning wakeup/dropoff person, I'm the evening pickup person), we're both home for dinner and on weekends so we're pretty equal in time spent with kiddo, and in fact, hubby is much better at being the fun parent than I am, so we get pretty equal time playing with our daughter, we tag-team sick days, etc. However, kiddo is still all mommy all the time, and hubby is having a really hard time with it, so I'm wondering how to help him cope. It tends to be particularly acute during transition times - ie, when she wakes up in the morning, she gets mad that it's not me (even though he's always the one to wake her up on weekdays); she wants me to read to her and put her to bed every night, even though we do it equally; she'll behave just fine during bathtime with me but throw fits if he's doing it, etc. A few times she's come out with "I want a different daddy" and things of that nature, and we talk very intentionally about how things like that hurt dad's feelings, etc, but she's still a 4 year old with the requisite emotional maturity. 90% of the time, after these transitions have passed, they have a great time together, but these flareups are really noticeable to him. It also doesn't help that physical touch/affection is his love language (and a very strong one at that) so he's feeling particularly rejected. </p> <p>I've talked to my husband a bunch about not taking it personally and I think he gets it intellectually but he's clearly very affected by this and I'm not sure how to help. Would love any ideas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772078 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 09:58:13 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2772078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is now 25 months old and in the thick of a little extra separation anxiety/need for consistency and routine and a strong parental preference. (Still co-sleeping half the night. And nursing at bedtime and in the early AM. And 2-year molars. YAY!) He was a high-needs/velcro/highly opinionated infant who has grown into a mostly happy, outgoing, and fairly stubborn toddler and who increasingly is loathe to let other people (babysitter, even local grandparents) care for him at times. DH feels like part of his reluctance at night is that he wants to make sure he is "in control" of (and that his mama is there for) the process. And we are now doing somewhat better by giving him a detailed explanation of what is going to happen "...and then mommy and daddy will come home and give you your bath" or whatever. But just recently and increasingly, if I'm in the room, he will say "no, mama do it" if his dad tries to help and for the last 2 days, when he wakes up next to his dad (watching him while I get a shower) in the morning, he just falls completely apart (screaming, crying, writhing) and won't be consoled until he finds me. He and his dad seem to have a really good relationship and play together often. DH is feeling really down and is worried that this is paving the way for him to have a sub-par relationship with his son in the years to come. I feel like it's probably a stage (everything's a stage :meh: ) and we'll make it through this. But the hysterical reaction particularly is miserable for everyone. Does anyone mind sharing how their experience went and how long it lasted? Any tips would be appreciated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-lo-had-a-strong-mommy-preference-and-then-you-had-a-baby#post-2740672 Fri, 26 May 2017 09:56:52 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2740672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another thread got me thinking about this. </p> <p>Graham (2 1/2 yrs) has a major mommy preference and always has, but it has gotten better. He loves DH and occasionally requests him or wants both of us or will only fuss for a minute about not being with me and then will happily settle in with DH to read, play, etc. </p> <p>I'm due in 2 months with our last baby. The twins definitely went through an adjustment period after G was born, so I know to expect a little behavior, insecurity, etc., but they didn't really have a parental preference. I'm wondering what I might expect with G having to suddenly adjust to mama being much less available. </p> <p>The situation makes me a little extra nervous because I've heard my dad talk about when his little sister was born. They're only 2 years apart, and he was never very close to his mom after his sister was born. He said that everyone said when the baby was born, he just stopped wanting anything to do with her and became a super daddy's boy. His mom was such a good, kind woman &amp; he obviously loved her very much as an adult, but he's told me that he thinks in his mind as a little guy he felt like she betrayed him somehow by having a baby, even though that's not rational in the adult mind, and so he just decided he didn't need her anymore and could do life without her (which is actually very much in line with his personality and somewhat in line with my little dude's personality--very, very stubborn &amp; independent). </p> <p>Thoughts on how to ease the transition for a little guy with a super mama-preference? Experiences to share? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-1-year-old-have-a-parental-preference#post-2701813 Thu, 23 Feb 2017 15:01:07 +0000 autumnlove 2701813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO 3 was all about me until she turned 17-18 months. My husband took a week off of work in January and she has been obsessed since then! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-when-sick#post-2671633 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 20:35:24 +0000 Boogs 2671633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does your LO have a parental preference when sick? </p> <p>My oldest definitely prefers me when he doesn't feel well. I don't usually mind, unless I'm not well, then thing get tricky! Thankfully my youngest is happy with either of us when he doesn't feel well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-wants-nothing-to-do-with-mommy-lately#post-2660243 Thu, 01 Dec 2016 15:44:00 +0000 paigeface 2660243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know I shouldn't let it bother me but our 15 month old seems like he wants nothing to do with me lately and it breaks my heart. He loves daddy, grandma and grandpa and always wants them over me if they are around which is most the time right now because we are living with them (for a couple months.) My mom keeps telling me its a phase but it still hurts my feelings. When he wakes up in the morning he wants daddy. When he wants to play he goes straight to grandma. Did anyone go through something like this? Is it a phase? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ugh-hysterical-parent-rejection#post-2632464 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 18:03:34 +0000 codeitall 2632464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So this morning did not go well. For the past few weeks, DS has been having hysterical overnight fits if he sees me in his room instead of DH. As in a writhing shrieking demon has replaced my almost 2 year old. Get DH in there instead and he calms right down. Fine, whatever, DH just gets all the overnight wake ups.</p> <p>This morning, DH left for class while DS and I were snuggling in bed as our daily routine before we get ready to go. Instantly I had a kicking child who refused to see me, touch me and shrieked bloody murder. And because I'm hormonal/pregnant, I managed 15 minutes before shouting back that I knew he loved DH more than me and broke down in tears myself. Definitely not the best morning for us.</p> <p>Eventually we both calmed down and when he could look at me again I hugged him and apologized.</p> <p>But it still really hurts. Is this normal behavior? Is there something I can do to prevent/curtail the hysterics? Any tips for keeping myself from going over the edge too? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/has-your-los-parental-preferences-eased-up-as-the-kids-have-grown-up#post-2568357 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 18:49:58 +0000 mrbee 2568357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids are 4 1/2 and 6 1/2, and they don't have a strong parental preference at this point! They love to spend time with either of us, and they seem to love it the most when we all spend time together as a family.</p> <p>I mean secretly of course I think that maybe the kids prefer me, but realistically they don't have much of a preference either way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-los-parental-preference-change#post-2557156 Thu, 26 May 2016 13:07:57 +0000 snowjewelz 2557156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like, ever? </p> <p>DD has always preferred me and in the fast few months is pretty much obsessed with me, even though DH spends much more alone time with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/super-strong-mommy-prefernce#post-2528388 Tue, 19 Apr 2016 07:55:00 +0000 LuLu Mom 2528388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Right now we are dealing with a crazy strong mommy preference, to the point that I can tell DH is getting sad, i think he doesn't feel as connected to our 1 year old as he does our older daughter (because of this.) How do you encourage a young child to spend more time with the less-favored parent? I want her to spend time with him when i'm home, she's fine when i'm gone and he's home with her. it is when we are all home that she will only be by me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-your-lo-is-in-trouble-with-one-parent#post-2524389 Thu, 14 Apr 2016 07:11:17 +0000 Bao 2524389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do they cry for the other parent? </p> <p>Both of my girls do this, if one of us says they can't do something or we are making them do something they don't want to do (like nap/go to bed) they will ask/cry for the other parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-does-your-los-prefer-right-now#post-2499667 Fri, 18 Mar 2016 12:53:57 +0000 mrsjyw 2499667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS1 probably would choose DH as he doesn't see him very much during the work week!</p> <p>DS2 is all about mama right now (also because he doesn't see DH very much). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mommy-preference-out-of-control#post-2469320 Sun, 21 Feb 2016 15:23:26 +0000 Foodnerd81 2469320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know similar threads have been posted before, but the mommy preference is getting out of control with my 2.5 year old. She's always preferred me, and I stay home so obviously spend way more time with her. It got really bad while I was pregnant and probably wasn't giving her as much attention because I was so tired, and maybe she sensed the change, but did get a little better. </p> <p>Now baby is 2 months old and the toddler doesn't want daddy to do ANYTHING for her. Everything is Mommy do it! Often she will be ok once they are doing whatever it is- like she insists she wants me to give her a bath but once he is doing it she's ok. But she says a lot of things like, daddy don't hug me, or today, no daddy, you can't love me. </p> <p>Right now she is having her biggest tantrum ever in her room. DH went in to try and calm her enough to rest during nap time and it dissolved into screaming and crying and yelling I need my mommy. I could have gone in and soothed her but then I'm just reinforcing that mommy is the one that fixes things. </p> <p>I've tried spending extra one on one time with her whe I can because I know the adjustment to sharing me is hard. DH tries to do special things with her but she makes it really hard. I'm at my wits end with being constantly pulled at in every direction but an infant who physically needs me (breastfeeding) and a toddler who freaks out if her dad tries to do anything for her. </p> <p>Any other suggestions? We tried doing swim lessons as a fun daddy daughter thing and it ended up with me having to get in with her instead because she cried the whole time with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/soothing-tools-for-dh#post-2469156 Sun, 21 Feb 2016 09:12:25 +0000 AggieDaze 2469156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I go back to work part time this week and DH is staying home with the baby a couple of days each week so we're able to keep him out of daycare until he's 4 months old. I'm excited that this plan is going to keep LO out of daycare longer but I'm nervous for DH and I think he's nervous too because the baby has been team mommy since birth (I breastfeed and have handled probably 90% of baby care while DH has wrangled our toddler). </p> <p>Any tips for DH on soothing a baby that won't take a pacifier? (LO1 took a pacifier until 6 months so this was less of a problem). </p> <p>I know DH swaddles, shushes, rocks, etc but the baby still ends up screaming most of the time DH tries to put him down for naps. Perhaps after a day or so the baby will just get used to the new norm when DH is home and not give him such a hard time? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-child-gets-injured-which-parent-do-they-reach-for#post-2416502 Mon, 11 Jan 2016 09:31:33 +0000 mediagirl 2416502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our 3.5 year old currently reaches for me when she gets hurt. She also calls for me when something is hurting, even if I am holding her, "Mommyyyyy. Mommmmyyyy it huuuuurts". It's heartbreaking. </p> <p>Which parent does your child call for/need when they get hurt? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/lo-asking-a-certain-parent-to-do-something#post-2377020 Thu, 03 Dec 2015 14:33:56 +0000 Bao 2377020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3 year old is in this phase right now where she wants a certain parent to do something for her/with her. I think it's more of a "what can I get away with" thing, or possibly stalling or seeing how much control she has over a situation. </p> <p>For example, when we are doing the bedtime routine if I start to brush her teeth she will say she wants daddy to, or if I start reading a book she will say she wants daddy to read. I try and not let it hurt my feelings, sometimes I will let him go ahead and do it but sometimes I won't. Or I will say mommy can read half of the book and then daddy can read the other half. Unfortunately, LO2 is picking up on these habits as well. </p> <p>Does your LO do this? If so, how do you handle it? I don't want it to turn into a thing where she thinks she can control us...but I also want to choose my battles! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/who-does-your-lo-call-out-for-in-the-motn#post-2356907 Sun, 15 Nov 2015 09:55:43 +0000 Bao 2356907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>99.9% of the time it's mommy. I think my kids are just wired to cry mommy when they are sad. They do ask for daddy in situations where I'm not letting them do something ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/does-your-lo-have-any-strong-parental-preference-right-now#post-2325842 Wed, 21 Oct 2015 20:15:00 +0000 mediagirl 2325842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Currently we're pretty well split, which is nice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mommy-preference-becoming-unmanageable#post-2325724 Mon, 19 Oct 2015 12:47:21 +0000 JoJoGirl 2325724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO has recently developed an overwhelming Mommy preference. It's gotten so bad, the mornings my DH is home alone with her (4 days/week), she does nothing but cry and scream for me and is inconsolable. It has started to really wear on him, aside from just hurting his feelings. </p> <p>I have some hunches as to why (he is stricter with her than I am), and we are discussing what to do, but it's just getting worse and worse. She's almost 2.5.</p> <p>Any suggestions?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-regression-and-fear-of-dh#post-2313820 Thu, 08 Oct 2015 14:41:32 +0000 littleredhairedgrl 2313820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have 2 weeks left until my scheduled cs with lo2 and lately A has been waking up so frequently during the night. She will throw her paci and doll out of the crib and scream until we come in. All she wants is a quick rocking and to be put back down but this happens 5 times a night for the past week (not including the time she wakes bc she is actually hungry for a bottle). </p> <p>When dh goes it to soothe her she screams and tries to jump out of his arms as if she is scared of him and will only calm down if she sees me.. last night I had to get up 6 times which is especially hard considering my serious need for sleep at this point. </p> <p>Is this something she is going thru bc lo2 is coming and she knows something is about to change or do I need to re-sleep train? and why does she fear dh :( he was in tears over it last night.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-check-in#post-2293309 Thu, 17 Sep 2015 08:52:38 +0000 mrbee 2293309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son has a preference for me, and it's growing stronger. My daughter still has quite a preference for her mom though. Last night she woke up crying so I went to her bed and said, "Aww, do you miss your dad?" She said, "No, I miss my mommy!!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-strong-preference-for-one-parent#post-2289201 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 23:35:11 +0000 Mrs Panda 2289201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see that there is a whole board on this and I know some blog posts have been written about it, but curious what some common strategies are for dealing with strong, in this case, mommy preference. DD2 is 1.5 yrs and while she is always happy to see daddy, she does not like him holding her. She is happy to play with him if she can do it while I hold her or she is sitting on my lap, but will cling to me if I try to leave.</p> <p>Both DH and I work outside the home, so she sees us both roughly the same amount of time (she doesn't spend all day with either of us).</p> <p>It makes DH sad because he has a very close relationship with DD1 who is 4, and wants the same with DD2...</p> <p>We have tried me leaving and taking big sister out so DH can hang out with DD2 alone, but she spends the whole time unhappy, whining, looking for me...</p> <p>Other ideas? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-your-lo-meanest-to-the-preferred-parent#post-2272150 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 21:40:27 +0000 mrbee 2272150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For my son, the answer is definitely yes! He even confirmed it this past weekend... but said he's not sure why he does it.</p> <p>For my daughter, the answer is no... mostly because she's still young and sweet and is almost never mean. Hope that never changes!!</p> <p>Is your LO meanest to the preferred parent? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-stable-is-your-los-parental-preference#post-2247855 Tue, 28 Jul 2015 10:35:36 +0000 mrbee 2247855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter has had a mild daddy preference for a while, but lately she has been switching teams to her mom! Have to admit, it stings a bit when she rejects me when I'm doing her bath or bedtime routine. She usually prefers whichever parent she's spending more time with, but since that's been pretty balanced these days... her preference is pretty unstable these days. Usually during the week she prefers me, but on weekends she will ask for her mother.</p> <p>How stable is your LO's parental preference? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/mommy-or-daddy-preference#post-2212601 Thu, 18 Jun 2015 18:10:35 +0000 mrbee 2212601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My poll numbers are down lately.</p> <p>[attach=1/15/nq5xpn.438x172.polls.png]</p> <p>My son is still really into me, but lately my daughter has decided that she loves her mom more. Which is fine, but it makes bedtime harder (since I put her down). And when she wakes up in the middle of the night crying out for her mom and gets upset when I go in there to comfort her, that's a drag too. Usually though she can be convinced to settle for me.</p> <p>Do your kids have a parental preference lately? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-dont-like-you#post-2243221 Wed, 22 Jul 2015 16:30:16 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2243221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3 yr old is starting to say she doesn't like DH. She says it out of nowhere and often times during bedtime (or when she's fighting to do something). He was her favorite up until summer break. But she's never communicated not liking anyone before. He's kind of a big pushover, so I'm wondering if it's a boundaries thing. DH thinks it's because he's the one that usually brushes her teeth, which she hates.</p> <p>Is this a normal phase? We have no idea how to deal. She usually says she doesn't like her papa and follows up with saying she likes mama. I'm starting to feel bad for DH and have tried to tell her it's not a nice thing to say, but she says it more after I tell her. Did your LO go through this phase? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-your-kids-openly-tell-you-which-parent-they-prefer#post-2232255 Thu, 09 Jul 2015 21:42:15 +0000 mrbee 2232255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our kids are all too happy to tell us which parent they love more at any given moment!</p> <p>It is kind of depressing to have a child tell you to their face that they love someone else more. But at least we know for sure that one kid loves mommy more and one kid loves daddy more.</p> <p>Do your kids openly tell you which parent they prefer? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parental-preference-and-it-is-becoming-a-real-problem-lately#post-2227230 Sun, 05 Jul 2015 21:20:13 +0000 irene 2227230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is 3.5 years old. He has always has a preference for mommy (me) since maybe when he was 1, or younger. It has grown to become a pretty big problem now. </p> <p>If we were in a car and DH talks to him, or just says his name, DS would start whining and cry "Mommy....!" and wouldn't respond to his dad.Or, if DS asked a question and DH answered him, he also would whine and cry "mommy...!" This, together with many other things. I can see it bothering DH, as he started asking DS what did he do wrong, hahahahha! It just cracked me up that a 40 year old man seriously asked a 3.5 year old what did he do wrong to deserve this. I feel bad for him but I don't know what I could do.</p> <p>I usually would correct DS, and said he needs to be nice to daddy, and it is OK for both of us to respond to him. He said yes but he still whines especially when he is in a bad mood. When we asked him, his reasoning toward why he wasn't nice to daddy was because, daddy always say potty words (well, I have to say, DH really made a big effort to reduce "potty words usage" in front of DS, but DS is being unreasonable too, sometimes he would complain to me that DH said "dude" and that's a potty word. I mean seriously?), amongst other things.</p> <p>It is not like I spoil him either. I am always very strict with him and I yell at him a lot of times. If there were a good cop bad cop scenario, I am always the bad cop. But I have to say that since birth, I am always the sole caregiver. DH never gives him a bath or puts him to bed. But DH also plays with him when he can. I understand that DS prefers me naturally, but sometimes the way he does it hurts his daddy's feelings.</p> <p>Is this a phase? Does this happen to any of you? Any solution and advice? When do they grow out of it? Thanks a bunch! </p>