https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 01:15:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-to-seek-couples-counseling#post-2924593 Sat, 07 Aug 2021 23:36:18 +0000 anonymous23 2924593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello, I have a different profile but felt more comfortable posting this under an anonymous name. </p> <p>My DH and I have been having a rough time of it for well over a year now. In all honesty, things haven't been great for us for a long time since I found out about a year after we got married that he is an alcoholic. He's been recovered for almost a decade now but he never sought counseling, etc. to deal with any of the underlying issues. Essentially, I've long felt that I'm not with the man I married because the man I'm with now is constantly angry. He never feels "big" enough and he always feels like everyone is wronging him. I don't know what to do. I will admit, I am sure I am not handling his emotional needs as well as I could. I don't want this to at all come off like I have no part in things not going well. I know I undermine him at times and that makes him even more angry. I just sometimes get to a breaking point where I can't stand how he's treating me or especially our kids.</p> <p>My question is, when do I demand couple's counseling? He has always refused when I've brought it up in the past but we were talking about divorce tonight. While there's part of me that's just done, I would like to know that I tried everything and to me that means counseling. I will say, I've done individual counseling but I can't fix our relationship on my own.</p> <p>I would really love to hear from anyone who's had any experience with this. Thanks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/shout-out-to-my-dh#post-2922815 Fri, 05 Mar 2021 12:46:21 +0000 Chuckles 2922815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hellobee is always a great place to vent and ask for advice about our SO's when they are driving us crazy, but I wanted to give a positive shout out to my DH today. I got my second covid vaccine today (hooray!). I made sure I ordered groceries last night and am planning to do some cleaning and laundry today before I start to feel gross so that the weekend goes smoothly. This morning, DH asked me what I might want to eat for dinner tomorrow night. I assumed he was wondering how he would feed everyone, since I take care of all grocery shopping, meal prep, and cooking. And I was like, don't worry, I ordered groceries and made sure we have some easy things like mac and cheese. And he was like, but if you feel horrible, what can I make for *you*? And, as a typical mom, I responded, "I hadn't considered that." It was just nice to hear that he was being thoughtful and thinking ahead about taking care of me.<br /> Anyone else want to give a shout out to a SO? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/feeling-rage-y-at-dh-all-the-time#post-2922696 Fri, 26 Feb 2021 09:27:19 +0000 HappyBaker 2922696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure it's mostly fueled by pandemic burnout, but lately I feel SO ragey at DH, and am wondering if anyone else who has experienced this has tips to overcome it. </p> <p>I feel like I am (I AM) doing ALL of the things to keep our house, kids, and life afloat and yet he is still stressed and annoyed whenever he does have to do anything. We both work full time, and from March - September I had our 3 kids home with me while trying to continue to work full time -- DH has been going into the office and working regular full days this whole time. Luckily our kids have been back in-person school and daycare since September, so I am at least able to work alone from home now, but I'm doing 95% of drop offs and pickups which make my work day only 5 hours or so, and I just feel like I get no appreciation for managing to work and do literally all things for our family. In general I just feel "need-ed" out by the end of the day, like 24 hours a day someone needs something from me or the house needs something done or I need to order some supply we are lacking, and then the kids are finally in bed and DH will try to cuddle up to me on the couch and I literally want to SCREAM I just want to be alone and not be on the clock for anyone but myself. I feel like I'm being a raging bitch but also just want someone to ask "Hey what do YOU need?" </p> <p>I know we are so incredibly lucky to both still have our jobs, and have childcare right now, so I shouldn't be complaining, which is why I haven't mentioned this to real life friends or family -- but I am so unhappy right now and I'm hoping someone has some great advice as usually that is the case here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boyfriend-bought-me-a-ring-but-no-marriage#post-2922289 Tue, 02 Feb 2021 12:15:29 +0000 mrskansas 2922289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know this is a little off topic for this board but I've been here through infertility and then a divorce so I thought why not :wink: </p> <p>My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and we bought a house in December. We've both been married (and divorced) and each have children from the previous relationships. We can't have any more kids.</p> <p>Anyways, he bought me a ring. When he gave it to me, he said "here, I hope you like it. I love you." Granted, he has been somewhat upfront about not wanting to get married again and I have always respected that. Long story short, he basically wants me to wear this ring to show I am "unavailable" but it isn't an engagement ring. Everyone is asking if it's a promise ring and he says that it sounds "too high school." </p> <p>I didn't think I would be bothered by this but I am. I would be open to getting married again but I know he isn't. I guess this bothers me because now everyone is asking if we are engaged and I just have to say no. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation but also being called a "girlfriend" when I'm like 50 yrs old (28 now) doesn't sit right with me. I don't know what I'm looking for here.. venting? Advice? I just feel weird walking around with a beautiful ring on my hand that I don't want anyone to notice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/needing-help#post-2919017 Tue, 15 Sep 2020 08:26:01 +0000 Anonymous2 2919017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m a long time user on this site but don’t feel comfortable posting under my usual user name. </p> <p>It is with a heavy heart that I write this post and reach out for support and maybe some advice on this site. I know it’s gotten quiet over the years but I really need some help and and am hoping for some much needed support. </p> <p>My DH has become abusive over the last year. Mostly verbal but sometimes physical. I’ve forgiven him and stood by his side because I’ve believed in him because I see the good in him. </p> <p>We had a bad argument last night - over stuff - as in a physical object. He threatened me and when I backed down because he threatened to hurt me - the look on his face was indescribable. He had won and he was proud and it showed. It took me time to realize what was going on but I am so crushed - not just the threat but his reaction to shutting me down. </p> <p>I’m going to tell him today that I’m done with being afraid of him. I’m done with him hurting me. And I’m saying this because I am done. For myself and also for my daughter - because I won’t allow her to grow up in a home where her mom is afraid of her dad when he’s had a bad day. I won’t allow her to grow up afraid of the people she should be able to trust to nurture and love her - no matter what. So I’m going to tell him if he threatens me with harm or harms me ever again - I’m walking away and taking our daughter and dog with me. And I’m not looking back. </p> <p>I know it’s the right thing. Some might say I should leave now - maybe they are right, honestly I don’t know. But I want him to know the line I’m setting and if he doesn’t change his recent behavior (no he absolutely has not been like this most of the time we’ve been together) - he is choosing the ending. </p> <p>Important members of my family are aware of this situation (the verbal abuse only though) and would drop everything to help me if I needed it. So I’m not alone. But I feel like this is my decision to make and I have to make the best one - not just for me but for my daughter and even as silly as it sounds, my dog. I feel like I can’t talk to them right now and just need the anonymity of this blog to talk. I also have the advantage of being the breadwinner so I’m not in any way financially dependent on him - I say that to be clear it’s not money keeping me by his side during this time - it’s been love, hope and faith. I’m just not certain he can change - he has such anger inside him and he’s turned it on me lately. </p> <p>Sigh. I just feel so sad and hurt. And feeling like I’ve let myself down as I’ve let it get to this stage where I’d become a victim of abuse. I never thought I’d be in this situation. </p> <p>Thanks ladies, for letting me share and for your support over the years. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/husband-forgetful#post-2919055 Thu, 17 Sep 2020 12:02:15 +0000 Tionn3 2919055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband constantly forgets to sign in/sign out our child for preschool. The school got in trouble last year because of this (hopefully it wasn't just us but...I don't know), so they charge 12$ for every missed signature and you also have to pick up your child if you forget to sign them in. </p> <p>How do I get him to remember! I've tried texting him so he remembers. I've gotten mad at him, just literally nothing helps. So far he has not been subjected to any of the consequences the schools has implemented, because the school closed for the pandemic in March, and at the school he was in for the summer the staff signed in/out the children themselves for all the parents. I'm seriously pulling my hair out over this, and the only way I can think to fix it is to be in charge of BOTH drop off and pick up which would make me cut my hours because they have reduced hours from the pandemic. I'm also worried they will kick us out of the preschool if this keeps happening (though that has not been a proposed consequence...yet). </p> <p>If anything I'm just super annoyed, and scared we will lose our child care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-divorce-an-option-for-you#post-595054 Tue, 26 Feb 2013 16:25:42 +0000 MrsTiz 595054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hopefully no one here ever needs one, but if you did...</p> <p>Why or why not? I know most religions are against it, and others feel very strongly about their vows..but if not, what would cause you to consider it?</p> <p>Prior to marriage I would have only gotten a divorce if there was abuse or indefinitely. Now, I can't imagine staying in a marriage that I'm not happy in regardless of abuse or cheating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/divorce-need-help#post-2916098 Wed, 03 Jun 2020 10:23:24 +0000 Downandout 2916098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello, I am on an anon account right now because I am not ready to be public about this. If anyone wants to verify me, please let me know and I will be happy to do so. I've been a member here for almost 8 years.</p> <p>I need to talk to someone who has recently divorced or is separated. Long story short, but my husband and I are going to divorce, but I don't even know what steps to take to get this going and to get it done. I read last night about a legal separation and that seems like the best route, but I am honestly feeling pretty overwhelmed and lost. If anyone on here could give me some advice on what to do, I would be incredibly appreciative. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-wants-to-buy-a-gun#post-2911484 Tue, 10 Mar 2020 13:44:12 +0000 yellowbeach 2911484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So... I don't even know where to start with this one...</p> <p>DH is a bit of a pessimist and a prepper, and with all the Covid-19 stuff (which I agree is about to get crazy), he's told me we need a gun. He first brought it up 4 nights ago or so and I shot it down (will explain in a sec). He brought it up again last night and we ended up in a crazy argument over it.</p> <p>DH is very leftist and I think in another scenario, wouldn't even be interested in owning one, but the Covid stuff has him concerned about safety issues like all the other gun owners coming out into the streets and entering people's homes for food, supplies, etc. Psychopathological or not, this is legit in his mind, and I don't want to dismiss what for him is a legitimate fear.</p> <p>For me, I hate hate hate guns. It's also probably pathological from my perspective as well, but it's my reality. In 2010, I had an armed man enter our condo, shoot 5 people in the head with 3 of them dying. I took care of one of the two survivors when he knocked on my door pleading for help/safe haven. I admittedly have PTSD from that whole event, even though I wasn't a victim myself. </p> <p>I also have a job where I take care of people who on a whim, feel suicidal and unfortunately have a gun at the right place at the wrong time, and make a rash and sudden decision in the moment to kill themselves and/or other people. I see this about once/week. It's heartbreaking.</p> <p>I also have a 3 year old daughter, which to me, is a recipe for diaster in having a gun in the home. Many families in our circle of friends are also anti-gun and are up front about how they would not let their kids play at a home with a gun in it, no matter how safely it was stored.</p> <p>I also, prior to DH, was dating and living with a guy who had guns in the home. I have a distinct memory of a night during a period of depression in medical school, where I'd had a glass of wine too many, and thought for a second, remembered the gun close by, and then snapped out of it and called my mom to come pick me up (never told her why). Relationship ended shortly after.</p> <p>So for me, no guns in the house is a big thing. Something we talked about before getting married even. I told him I couldn't feel safe in my own home with a gun in it, no matter how well-secured. He responded back that he can't feel safe without it. And that in marriage we need to compromise, and I wasn't doing that. It's not like there's a gray zone to meet in the middle - it's a yes/no, you have the gun or you don't. Kinda like "are we having another kid or not." Can't compromise on that one - someone will have to lose if you feel differently. </p> <p>Thoughts? Advice? Reactions? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-word-this-text#post-2912643 Sun, 22 Mar 2020 22:08:44 +0000 Alexandra603 2912643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need to tell my friend that I'm pregnant and I'm dreading it. This was a very close friend - we have gone our separate ways in the last 5 years due to life circumstances and moving farther apart, but I still consider her a good friend. She has been struggling with infertility for a couple of years and is currently on her 3rd round of IVF. She has expressed many times to me how hard it is to hear about pregnancies and other people's kids so I know my pregnancy news won't be well received. Any suggestions on how to word the text in a sensitive way? What would you say? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/explain-logistics-of-divorce#post-2909648 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 11:22:23 +0000 runnerd 2909648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can anyone explain the logistics of how they asked for and started divorce process? Especially if did not move out?</p> <p>Bonus points if you did this while still very much wishing you stay married/loving spouse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/options-besides-marriage-counseling#post-2906338 Wed, 18 Dec 2019 14:20:13 +0000 yellowbeach 2906338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I posted a few months back about DH being depressed which was making things difficult at home. Flash forward now, we are expecting #2 in June and I'm worried about us. Big time.</p> <p>DH and I have always had a hot/cold relationship - full of fire and passion, both good and bad. The highs are highs and the lows are way low. That hasn't traditionally been my style in any previous relationships. We've been married 6 years, dated for 1.5. </p> <p>We've always had difficulty communicating. He gets very angry and tried to "debate me" with facts and verbatim quotes. I of course am emotional and don't care about a lot of those things, and am hurt when he puts "winning" above the damage these arguments do to us. I've suggested marriage counseling 5 or more times over the years, and he's always refused. Ironic too bc he criticizes his father for not dealing with his own mental health issues at the expense of his family (and a son who committed suicide at age 11). DH is a big advocate for mental health publicly and at work as a physician, but he refuses to use it as a resource to deal with his own depression or our communication problems.</p> <p>I'm resentful. And it's spilling out of me. We have the same stressful job, but he admittedly works full-time while I work 80-90% of full-time. But I am the primary caregiver for DD taking her to all of her numerous doctors appointments, taking on both the morning and the night routines. I just did 18 months of IVF by myself (he froze 6 vials and stopped going to any appointments). I carry all the mental energy of keeping the house functional and going. Most days I'm ok with that. </p> <p>This morning, like many mornings, I woke up with DD at 7:30 and got her dressed, made breakfast, practiced letters and kept her entertained so that DH could sleep in. At 11:30, she wanted to go for a walk and eat lunch at a favorite local spot, and I asked DH, who had now been downstairs on the couch playing videogames for 2 hours, if he could get the stroller out of my trunk so I didn't have to lift it. </p> <p>(Side note, he gave me this weird lecture 3 weeks ago and begged me not to lift DD or anything heavy as his mom had confided in him she had a MC when she lifted one of his brothers and "felt her placenta tear.." ok, whatever but I said I'd try to honor that as feasible). </p> <p>So he refuses to get up off the couch and do this. Now mind you, he'd declined to go with us and asked if I could bring him something back. And then refuses to even get the stroller out. I blew a gasket. Overreacted, probably, told him "fuck you," yes. But it's been a build-up. </p> <p>I walked to lunch pushing DD in the stroller, running through my mind of I know anyone recently divorced, or anything who would know a divorce attorney. I don't want to have those thoughts - but I have no idea how anything will ever change if he's refusing to go to counselling and keeps gaslighting me to think that I am being unreasonable and am just "emotional" and "hormonal." </p> <p>Reality check: I married a lazy man. Do I need to just accept that and pick up the slack? Am I fighting a losing battle trying to get him to do more? Is this STILL just his depression which I've looked past before, trying to be understanding, but he's still refused to seek help for? How do I unload my resentment? I know that's only escalating things. And how do you know when it truly is time for a separation?</p> <p>I have an email out to a counselor I saw a few times while dealing with infertility. Hoping to get in to see her on my own, even if DH refuses any outside help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-quickly-do-you-respond-to-texts#post-2908387 Tue, 14 Jan 2020 19:08:38 +0000 cake2017 2908387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When someone let’s say a good friend or SO, family members text you how quickly do you respond????</p> <p>It’s a pet peeve of mine when one doesn’t get back in a timely manner- within the day for me. </p> <p>I get it. We are all busy, kids, meetings, errands, work etc but I always find the time to respond back via text- my phone is always close by because of the babies.</p> <p>Sooo, let me vent... TIA...</p> <p>I text a friend- we go back and forth about something important i write my feelings and it’s no response the rest of the day until five days later today- a follow up to my texts. </p> <p>I just feel like it’s rude. maybe i’m over reacting or just sensitive to the fact.</p> <p>I’ve had one person just respond two weeks later- i gave up after that and stopped texting. 🤷‍♀️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/help-with-divorceseparation#post-2896752 Thu, 12 Sep 2019 14:22:57 +0000 Portboston 2896752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are separating. This has been 100% my choice and he is extremely unhappy about it. There is a long backstory that I do not want to get into but the jist of it is that we are not compatible in certain areas. We've been in therapy on and off for 6 years (since right after we married) and things just haven't gotten to where they need to be so I have chosen to end things. </p> <p>My questions:<br /> DH is refusing to lean on outside parties for support. He does not want to go to therapy alone and does not want to talk to his friends about things. He frequently texts me that he is having a hard time. I want to be compassionate and caring but his texts are guilt inducing. How do I ask him to stop leaning on me for support without sounding like a complete bitch? </p> <p>He flat out refuses to talk about anything except the schedule for our joint custody. I am ready to file but he wants to wait. This has been going on since the beginning of May and I would like to get on with things. Any suggestions on how to tell him that I would like to talk about things so I know where my life is going? Thankfully, we are refinancing our house and they are requiring an appraisal so that forces his hand there but we need to talk about health insurance for our son, savings, debts, etc. </p> <p>I know the majority of his reluctance to talk about things with other people, as well as talking about our stuff, is because he does not want to accept that its ending. I know that I technically can file without his input but I would like this to be as amicable as possible and for us to agree on everything before it goes to a judge. We are trying to DIY everything since I am in the legal field and we'd like to save as much money as possible. If need be we will go to a mediator but I know we will agree on all issues, we just need to actually talk about them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/why-is-it-my-responsibility#post-2898228 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 08:46:43 +0000 jennlin821 2898228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why is it my responsibility to hold everyone else up?<br /> Why is it my responsibility to come up with the plan the fix everything?<br /> to plan everything?<br /> to support everyone? </p> <p>Who is holding me, who is planning for me, who is coaching me?</p> <p>I'm tired of being the lightening rod. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/preventing-divorceseparation#post-2893811 Wed, 07 Aug 2019 10:30:39 +0000 Forestmaven 2893811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Long time lurker, first time poster. </p> <p>Has anyone been on the brink of considering separation/divorce but been able to come back? I feel like DH and I are in a bad place right now. We have horrible communication issues, and more and more recently I’ve been noticing things about him that I just really don’t like. The communication issues mostly stem from him not being on the same schedule as our daughters and me (not because he has a boss telling him when to be at the office, but because he’s not great at sticking to a schedule and he works a ton), and not being present when he is home (constantly looking at his phone). There are lots of other little things like he’ll unexpectedly be home for dinner and sort of help out the kids to bed but then it turns out it’s because he’s going to get drinks with some friend who happens to be in town (which means he’ll wake up late). He says I’m a horrible b*%ch because I’m always nagging him and telling him what to do, which I am a lot of the time: get out of bed, do the dishes, help me get the girls ready for school, be ready to leave at X time—okay its past X time are you ready? All things I wouldn’t have to nag about if he would just do them in the first place. He’s very focused on work and seems to think people who work more are somehow better, while I place huge importance on work-life balance and leave work at work. </p> <p>So is there a path back from this toxic environment? What are your tips? I’m going to a solo therapy session in 2 weeks (he’s not hot on going to therapy; I think it would be hugely beneficial but I also don’t think/know that he would respect a therapist even though they are trained professionals). I could really use some advice because I’d obviously prefer not to separate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883319 Sun, 05 May 2019 10:00:21 +0000 Portboston 2883319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bees who have been the ones to initiate a separation/divorce, tell me how long it took for your partner to accept it. </p> <p>I’m ready to walk away but DH is having an extremely difficult time accepting this. I’m trying to be empathetic and gentle with his feelings but it’s hard when I have experienced so much heart ache and disappointment over the years. Obviously I’ve had more time to consider this then he has since I’m the initiator, but I just want this to be over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/divorce-2#post-2884301 Mon, 13 May 2019 17:22:27 +0000 oskarsmommy 2884301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, after 14 years my husband and I are talking of separating.. any moms who have been through any part of this, I would love any advice you may have.. I am crushed, mostly for my kids.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-and-your-so-friends-first#post-2864339 Tue, 01 Jan 2019 20:53:28 +0000 crazydoglady 2864339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just being nosy. :wink: </p> <p>My DH and I were set up by a mutual coworker, so we weren't friends first. </p> <p>What about you? </p> <p>Including a poll, but feel free to elaborate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/grandma-visiting-vent#post-2878375 Wed, 27 Mar 2019 07:39:12 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2878375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 6-yo just asked me if grandma is coming to see her. I blurted some sort of distraction side-story because the actual story is grandma is going on a cruise and will be visiting somewhere in the country for only 1 day. So no, she expects us to go and see her even though it takes 3-hrs one-way to travel where she is 🙄</p> <p>I had to explain that IF it's on a school day, we won't be able to see her. Then she asks about what day it will be and I don't know because grandma only told me in May. To which my kid responds, "she should really plan stuff early so we can see each other". She continues how she misses grandma and she's never seen her here only where grandma lives. This right here killed me.</p> <p>I should add that we live more than a transatlantic flight away from each other! And so far, we've only been the ones that's flown to visit her. My mom has only visited us before DD was born. DD is her only grandbaby :sad: </p> <p>Are your parents this inconsiderate? I understand that she's living life like a single person, but come on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dh-is-traveling-and-all-i-feel-is-resentment#post-2871067 Fri, 08 Feb 2019 23:00:16 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2871067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH is going to Prague for a week with his brother. Neither of us has ever been outside of US/Mexico/Canada. We always said we’d go to Europe together when the time was right.<br /> We have a 4YO and almost 1YO. </p> <p>I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m resentful. But I tried telling him how I felt and he was so upset. So now? I’m pretending to be excited for him. I’m sending him info about things to do there. I bought him a travel book and put it on his desk with a bow. </p> <p>I’m sure I’m overreacting and being selfish. I guess I just can’t understand how it’s so easy for him to take such a big, exciting trip without us. </p> <p>Anyway... I guess this is just a vent. How would you feel? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/relationship-acts-of-love#post-2871176 Sat, 09 Feb 2019 21:35:08 +0000 bhbee 2871176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not THAT act of love ... but what little thing have you or SO done lately for each other?</p> <p>Baby pooped on our sheets down to the mattress protector so I had to wash them all ... we were both dreading remaking the bed, so I did it myself right after big kids went to bed. Then I texted him a photo and asked him if it made him hot :silly: </p> <p>It’s the little things, especially with parenting involved! I would much rather have an extra chore done for me than flowers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/angry-dh-v-oversensitive-me#post-2868738 Fri, 25 Jan 2019 09:54:45 +0000 BlueWolverine 2868738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am at a complete loss with my DH. He grew up in an angry house, with a father whose response to life is either happy or angry. DH has always said he doesn't want to be like his dad as a parent.</p> <p>We have a 6yo and 2yo. The six year old is working everyone's last nerve with the current potty situation. Yesterday, I had to leave work, go home and get her new clothes because she wet herself at kinder. Accidents happen, right? Except for with my DD, she hates going potty, probably put it off too long, and had the accident. Potty fights are an ongoing, incredibly frustrating part of our lives right now. </p> <p>So, today, I tell LO that I'm going to watch her go potty before school because DH thought she was faking. Which, I discovered today, she was. I have this drawn out battle with her about the potty - which I usually wouldn't do, but I can't leave work to bring her clothes all the time because she doesn't want to pee in the morning. DH gets involved and starts threatening to take away her birthday party, etc. DD is being ridiculous. Refusing to get on the potty. Telling me I'm not the boss of her. As soon as DH threatens to take her party away, she completely loses her mind. While I'm trying to help her potty, DH is stomping around the house with a face so mean you know he's super pissed. He asks where DD's water bottle is and I say I don't know. I ask DD where it is. She says she brought it home. DH continues stomping around and says, "I'm tired of being everyone's brain." I start laughing because that is RIDICULOUS. He's basically saying that he has to do everything. I almost lost it on him. Did he do anything to plan DD's birthday party tomorrow? No. Did he do anything about summer camps? No. Does he make doc appointments? No. But he's going to stomp around our house super angry making these pronouncements. Then he goes out side to move a car and slams the front door. Comes back in and slams it again. Won't even look at me.</p> <p>I'm so done with this. I found us a marriage counselor (you know, because he is the brain of the house) and we've been going and things had been getting much better. But in the past week it's been ridiculous. I feel like I'm in trouble all the time. I had THREE temper tantrums to deal with this morning (DD1, DD2 and DH!). I'm not going to do this for the rest of my life. </p> <p>However, in counseling, we've discovered that I am hyper sensitive to anything I perceive as anger. So, bees, does your husband slam doors? Make pronouncements in front of the kids like this? I'm just so over it and I don't know anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-support-a-friend-2#post-2852769 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 08:13:43 +0000 woodentulip 2852769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Without going into too many details, a friend confided in me that she has been having an affair. Our families are very close (emotionally and actually live nearby!), and she is one of my closest friends. The affair has been emotional in nature for a long time, but only recently physical. I am surprised by my incredible anger regarding this. I am mad for a variety of reasons, but as a result have found myself pulling away from her when I know she needs me to support her through navigating her actions in the past and going forward. </p> <p>I guess I am just wondering if anyone has advice about this kind of situation--how to separate my emotional response to a situation I am not actually involved in, and how to support her moving forward, whatever that looks like. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/changing-your-last-name-for-husband-again#post-2851934 Wed, 17 Oct 2018 19:57:42 +0000 Sams Mom 2851934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't want to get too far into it, because it's too crazy to go happen more than once in my opinion. </p> <p>If your husband became totally estranged from his parents due to multiple illegal activities, physical violence, toxic environment, and not being conducive to your husband's line of work (cop); would you be willing to change your and your child's last name? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-take-me-time-but-your-partner-does#post-2848451 Mon, 01 Oct 2018 16:08:48 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2848451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it fair to be resentful? </p> <p>My DH goes to a movie with his friend after work almost every Monday. He doesn’t get home until bed time. He also goes on a once a year boys trip with his brother and friends. These things relax him and probably take a little stress away. </p> <p>It’s totslly my choice, but I don’t do anything really without my kids. I work as a wedding photographer, so if I’m gone it’s because I’m shooting a wedding or at Starbucks editing. My only other outings are to Target and other necessity shopping. I sometimes go out for fun with my mom, but the girls are always with us. </p> <p>I know I can’t complain because I’m making the choice not to spend time with friends. But, I feel like I don’t have time to. I have tons of work to do and I’m already away from the girls too much with work. </p> <p>Anyway, I feel a little resentful after a really long, difficult Monday that my DH is going to a movie and I’ll be doing a photo session and dealing with dinner, laundry, dishes and getting them ready for bed with zero help. </p> <p>Vent over. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-is-date-night#post-2845308 Thu, 13 Sep 2018 19:48:21 +0000 irene 2845308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just talking to my new neighbor outside of our house. Their babysitter just arrived and they were about to go out and have dinner. I noticed their babysitter comes quite often, and I asked how often do they go out, Guess what. They said they try to go out every week ....!!! What?! Is there something I am missing? I forgot when was my last time of actually having a date night!</p> <p>Her DD came and whined and said she thought her mom was going to put them to bed. She said she will, they were just going out to eat. It is refreshing that people go out for just, say 2 hours during the week, so there is no big pressure of planning a big night out.</p> <p>How often do you go out for a date night? What is your form of childcare -- namely, do you hire a babysitter, or do you have reliable family help? If you have your life and marriage together please do share your tips and tricks!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-like-for-your-spouse-to-say-to-you#post-2835094 Fri, 20 Jul 2018 12:46:04 +0000 Mrs. Cereal 2835094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another post got me thinking... If you could have your spouse say one thing to you today, what would it be? For me, I would want my spouse to tell me thank you for making him dinner. I make dinner almost every night and he rarely says thank you and it would mean so much to me to hear it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-the-main-source-of-conflict-with-dh#post-2827142 Thu, 07 Jun 2018 16:34:42 +0000 DesertDreams88 2827142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since baby #2 has come, DH &amp; I have definitely been snipping at each other more. We never fight about money, sex, or chores, which I hear are the big ones. Our main issue is disagreement over how to spend time (personal time vs. 1-1 kid time vs. family time) and/or minor in-the-moment parenting decisions. It's most often when one or both of us get home from work, I don't know why, but I get so easily irritated at that time. What about you?</p> <p>Honestly in these scenarios I probably need to be more forgiving and less high-maintenance. :meh: </p>