https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 23:30:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911324 Sat, 07 Mar 2020 19:33:45 +0000 wrkbrk 2911324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My four year old has to be constantly reminded that we don’t take our pants and underwear off when friends are over 😒 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911183 Thu, 05 Mar 2020 11:28:08 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2911183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: Same here! DS is very excited that he and his little brother share the same body parts and likes to talk about it. </p> <p>This morning while on the potty my 4 year old told me "my penis is big." So this is when the size competition starts? LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911181 Thu, 05 Mar 2020 10:49:32 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2911181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bahaha amazing! My older son has recently discovered his little bro also has a penis so there’s a lot of pointing and glee in the bath ‘he has a penis too! Little bro did you know you have a penis like me?! I’m going to squirt the water gun at your penis!’ So lots of consent and private part talk going on in this house ha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911154 Wed, 04 Mar 2020 19:33:17 +0000 winter_wonder 2911154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LOL! 😆 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911145 Wed, 04 Mar 2020 16:04:59 +0000 PurplePumps 2911145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol omg... things I never thought about as a boy mom. Penis jokes start early huh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911133 Wed, 04 Mar 2020 09:20:23 +0000 josina 2911133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Lol! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911122 Wed, 04 Mar 2020 00:36:08 +0000 bhbee 2911122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hahaha my son would totally do that. A couple months ago dh and I were having a conversation about private schools while ds was in the next room (but not part of the conversation). DS comes in and says “I’ll show you private school!” and whips down his pants. Simultaneously dying of laughter, totally impressed he made that joke at 4, and hoping he wouldn’t make that joke in public! I’m still laughing just thinking about it.<br /> Having a son has really opened my eyes about how ingrained the obsession is!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-not#post-2911120 Tue, 03 Mar 2020 23:29:11 +0000 Corduroy 2911120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tonight I took my kids to an elementary school fundraiser at a local restaurant. I finally got a table and sat down to question my life choices amid the chaos of the successful fundraiser. As I sat there I realized my 4yo was playing with his penis under the table. </p> <p>Me: "Stop playing with your penis."<br /> 4yo, extremely genuinely: "Mom, I'm not."<br /> Me: Oh, sorry.<br /> ....<br /> continue the long wait for food<br /> ....<br /> 4yo: "Wait, what did you say?"<br /> Me: "Stop playing with your penis?"<br /> 4yo: Oh yeah, I'm doing that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-do-not-want-kids#post-2870837 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 12:58:21 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2870837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ALV91711: I have a feeling it will. Right now she also wants to be a professor (she thinks that's what I am because I teach adults, so it's easier to roll with it LOL) and a mom because I am one and an explorer (that's her own thing). I grew up wanting to be just like my mom too, and then in high school went a very different route (and then came back around again 10-15 years later, ironically) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-do-not-want-kids#post-2870803 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 08:47:52 +0000 Lindsay05 2870803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually just say that she can do whatever she wants when she is a grown up as long as it makes her happy. We haven’t gotten into the sex talk yet but I think generalizing it to start is a good way to approach it. Details will come when they are ready to handle it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-do-not-want-kids#post-2870801 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 08:37:50 +0000 ALV91711 2870801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: it will be interesting to see if her opinion changes over time. </p> <p>My DS who is 5 talks about when he has kids one day. I just hope he doesn’t make me a grandma too soon!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-do-not-want-kids#post-2870796 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 08:25:05 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2870796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: Wanted to cosign this comment. This hasn't come up with my daughter but whenever she talks about family in the mom-dad structure, we always make a point of saying that families come in all kinds of configurations. And any time she brings up wanting to be a mommy, I tell her she gets to decide. Because she might decide not to have a partner of any kind and be a parent, or partner with someone of whatever gender and decide to be a parent (or not) and I want to leave those areas as undefined as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-do-not-want-kids#post-2870732 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 18:58:11 +0000 mrsbookworm 2870732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 4yo said the same thing. I told her that it’s her decision and she doesn’t have to have kids if she doesn’t want them. Then I asked her why. Turns out, she doesn’t want a c-section like her mama. 😂. I guess my frank discussion of the different ways babies are born made an impression! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-do-not-want-kids#post-2870709 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 16:19:22 +0000 irene 2870709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is a good answer, except I'd probably say:</p> <p>When you meet a nice boy you are planning to marry, tell him you don't want kids. Make sure he doesn't want them too. Then you won't have kids.</p> <p>Because, if the boy wants it and the girl doesn't, it will brew a lot of problems (personal experience) so personally I would ease that in lol. But who knows, maybe your DD would want them a few years later, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870626 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 09:03:44 +0000 foodiebee 2870626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I loved that episode!! I think it's called White Guilt for anyone wanting to listen. It gets back to the whole "colorblind" way of thinking--"I don't see color!" actually makes talking about race a negative thing, which only makes for a society filled with adults who lack the proper understanding/vocabulary for approaching respectful conversations about race and privilege. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/i-do-not-want-kids#post-2870551 Tue, 05 Feb 2019 18:09:41 +0000 DesertDreams88 2870551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it was an OK answer, though it's a bit heteronormative and restrict sex to only something that married couples do. And if that's your family's view on things, that's fine. Just a different perspective.</p> <p> I personally think that 6 years old is definitely old enough to start learning the basic biology of things but if you don't feel comfortable for that, you probably have a bit more time to warm up to the idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870511 Tue, 05 Feb 2019 12:17:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: I really love this approach to speaking to kids and helping them navigate their world. I feel like I need to do some more research on rearing children. My SIL is a social worker and says LO has high EQ, but I could probably develop it a bit more. We were recently at Starbucks and LO wanted to sit at the handicap- designated table and I explained we may have to get up if someone that was less mobile needed to use it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870476 Tue, 05 Feb 2019 09:57:43 +0000 nana87 2870476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is something I think about a lot and still feel so flummoxed about sometimes! Particularly because I'm an academic whose research deals with inequalities, but in ways that are completely not developmentally appropriate for explaining to my kids at this stage ;)</p> <p>Our daycare is part of a larger education institution which includes a social justice pedagogy, but for kids under 5 the emphasis seems to be on acknowledging differences of all kinds and talking about how wonderful they are because they make us unique and also noticing qualities that we share. And then when we do talk about prejudice and discrimination, emphasizing that stereotypes aren't "friendly" or "kind" and we want to work against them. In terms of talking about abilities (because there are a lot of kids with special needs and also mixed-age classrooms), they use language like "everyone is working on different skills," whether they be physical (ie, monkey-bars), cognitive (recognizing letters) or social-emotional (self-regulation, like my daughter as a 4 year old once told her teacher "I'm working on not yelling at my friends when I'm mad!" lol). They also talk a lot about belonging to multiple, sometimes overlapping different communities, like family/school, neighborhood, city, country, etc, which can later be zoomed out to get kids thinking about community/political activism. </p> <p>But all that said, it's hard in practice when stereotypes come out of lo1's mouth (lo2 is just learning to speak so hasn't asked yet) . She is exposed to a lot of diversity since we're in NYC, and I have tried to keep my explanations grounded in the realities she knows. So like, the one time it really came up was when she was around 3. We were traveling and I had brought 2 mini baby-dolls for her and lo2 to share--one with dark skin, one white. Lo1 out of nowhere started saying she wanted the white one because it was "prettier" and she liked its skin better :shocked: I told her that wasn't kind, and talked about the people she loves and knows who have different skin colors, and she was like, "oh yeah, I forgot!" and then played with both. There's a natural tendency to try to group/categorize people at this age--she's also said similar head-scratching things about what boys vs girls can do when we have always emphasized gender neutrality (like, boys can wear dresses if they want, girls can play with trains, girls can marry girls, etc), so it's just gently redirecting that helps. And books that have messages about diversity and inclusion in developmentally appropriate ways, like she really responded to "Same Same But Different," "Marlon Bundo," "Julian is a Mermaid," etc. We recently got one by Chelsea Clinton "She Persisted" that starts introducing historical barriers, and she liked that one a lot too and it prompted some discussions about how racism and sexism function by limiting opportunities </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870433 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 23:41:01 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2870433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're all some shade of brown, and I've only once tried to explain black and white and it was just confusing to my six year old. She does understand that concept of ethnicity, just not really race. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870393 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 19:23:14 +0000 lamariniere 2870393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think about this often. We live in SE Asia and my Caucasian looking children are a minority (they are 1/4 Chinese, but you can’t tell), so we have white and Asian family on three continents. Their school is probably half white, and the other half is a mix of mixed-race kids and Asian kids. Being mixed race myself, on the rare occasion that I go to school I feel like I fit in, which is the first time I’ve ever had the feeling of “hey, I look like these people”. There a few other races like African or people from the Middle East. I only know my LOs main teachers. So when they talk about the teacher from dance class or a teacher for drawing class, I ask what language the teacher speaks, or I ask if the teacher is French or Thai or something else. I am still not sure what my kids see when talking about different traits, or what they notice when it comes to race. Even with my 8yo, I don’t know if he can describe what typical SE Asian traits are. We live in a condo with at least 30 different nationalities, so my kids do see people from literally all over the world. But I’m concerned about my kids understanding racism and I’m concerned about them understanding white privilege, especially when we leave Asia. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870389 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 18:01:04 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, I have some work to do. LO told me he and I as well as his Latina teacher and his Asian friends are white. DH and his black friends are brown. I asked where he learned about white and brown and he said “good question.” </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870369 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 16:12:20 +0000 daniellemybelle 2870369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is a great episode of The Longest Shortest Time podcast about this. When we avoid talking about race with kids, they infer that there is something taboo or shameful about it. We are very open and matter of fact with our kids. She's been talking about skin color and racial differences from a young age and at 5 she still does. She knows what "black" and "white" mean in common usage but usually says "brown" "gold" and "peach." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870344 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 13:15:54 +0000 erinbaderin 2870344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say my son was about 3 1/2 when he was trying to describe one of his teachers to me and said "She's light grey..." Me: "Um...she's light grey? Her hair?" B: "No, her skin is light grey, like mine." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870343 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 13:11:13 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2870343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: thanks for that link, I’ve read it a couple times before and I am getting something new out of it reading its again which is great because clearly I need to start the discussion with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870339 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:59:35 +0000 Mrsbells 2870339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: DD used to be the only brown skinned girl in her daycare class and by the time she was 3 she knew she was different and would tell me she was chocolate flavor and her friends were vanilla.<br /> In terms of describing people I have been teaching her to find other ways to describe people if possible so for kids in class she knows usually that even if they have the same first name they usually have a different last initial. In fact my 2 year old son also knows this because a boy in his class has the same first name as him but he knows that they have different letters after that.<br /> Aside from race, I have noticed young children may describe people in less than flattering terms, calling people big/fat/chubby etc. So I just try to reinforce not describing people by how they look and focus on what they do or what they are called. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870333 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:36:56 +0000 krispi 2870333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I totally agree. The relatives I'm referring to are from my childhood and are now long dead and gone. My parents never made those remarks that I heard, but they didn't correct them either. They were a lot more accepting of diversity but didn't ever have frank conversations with us as kids. I guess that's where I'm trying to forge my own way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870332 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:29:52 +0000 ElbieKay 2870332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@krispi: I am not tolerant of older relatives making racist remarks. I do not excuse it, and I will correct them in front of my kids. I think it is important not to excuse that sort of attitude just because someone is an “elder”. That is how racism gets justified from one generation to the next.</p> <p>Same with sexism. I am determined to raise my son so that he does not feel entitled to male privilege. And it is just as imperative to set that example for my daughters 💪🏻 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870330 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:10:28 +0000 Anagram 2870330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: oh man, I heard the NPR segment about that chapter and even so, I've learned that if you leave kids with no information on a subject, they will fill in the blanks themselves.</p> <p>I take the kids shopping more often than my husband (I just mean to the supermarket or Target) and they will always beg for any little trinket or art/craft thing they see, so my standard answer is that I don't have money for that today. I felt like I was doing a good job by teaching them about budgets and not buying fun stuff every time we grocery shop.</p> <p>But....my husband, who takes them far less often, DID happen to buy them a little trinket or new container of playdough or whatever when he took them, twice in a row.</p> <p>So the next time I took them to Target, I prepped them in advance and said, "remember, we are only buying things on the list. We are not buying toys or craft supplies for ourselves". And then DD1 piped up and loudly said, "Yes, because mommies don't have money! Only daddies do!" </p> <p> :shocked: :meh: </p> <p>So then I had to circle back and say......well, I *have* the money, I just don't want to spend it on extras every time we go shopping, because then we aren't on budget. But I'm sure my kids were still wondering why daddy doesn't have to stay on budget and can buy special treats. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870329 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 12:10:25 +0000 peachykeen 2870329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know whether this is good or bad... </p> <p>My girls go to a fairly diverse preschool. They have white, black, Latina, and Syrian teachers. One of the black teachers in DD1's 2-year-old room referred to herself as chocolate so now DD1 (4.5) calls people chocolate and vanilla (in a very respectful/matter-of-fact way, luckily). She also has questions about the hijabs that her Syrian teachers wear - I give her a very basic answer but encourage her to ask the teachers themselves. So far it seems like she's learning/encountering race &amp; ethnicity in a healthy way, but being white I know that is hard for me to truly judge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/first-time-your-kid-used-race-to-identify#post-2870326 Mon, 04 Feb 2019 11:39:58 +0000 JennyPenny 2870326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I remember reading the chapter in Nurture Shock about actively discussing race and being blown away by it. I haven't talked to my 4 yo about race yet and I'm now realizing I need to do so as the major point of the article is that kids will pick up on differences on their own and if you don't explicitly teach the ideals you want them to have then they may be more prone to a natural in-group bias. This appears to be an excerpt if anyone is interested in reading. <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/even-babies-discriminate-nurtureshock-excerpt-79233" rel="nofollow">https://www.newsweek.com/even-babies-discriminate-nurtureshock-excerpt-79233</a> </p>