https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 13:16:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2875073 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:17:46 +0000 lindseykaye 2875073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: I really love this perspective &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2875071 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:13:39 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2875071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also had a friend say that the reason to have more kids wasn’t because you want your kid to have a sibling, you want the joy and experience of getting to know another cool small person. That helped me let go of my age gap concerns and just go for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2875058 Tue, 05 Mar 2019 14:32:19 +0000 Mrsbells 2875058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038: So we have 3 kiddos.. there is a 4.5 yr gap between the 1st two and a 2 yr gap between the last 2. I honestly prefer the bigger gap, it was much easier having an older sibling that was much more independent.<br /> I think seeing are kids interact with each other is just beyond description, we really wanted them to have that sibling experience and they love each other so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874873 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 13:43:15 +0000 macintosh 2874873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually just came to the decision that I want have a 2nd. DH has always been on board but it's really not up to him since he can't physically help much. </p> <p>My only chance would be a FET (we have 4 frozen embryos from when DS was conceived). I'd like to time it so that DS starts kindergarten before the 2nd is born, so that means waiting until early 2020 to do a cycle.</p> <p>It took me a while to be certain because of course pregnancy is exhausting and having an infant is even more so. When I think about how much love and joy DS brought to our family, I'm so excited to for him to have a sibling :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874869 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 13:34:45 +0000 castilrm 2874869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I are almost a decade apart. My parents wanted a second child but had trouble conceiving (and this was at a time that fertility treats were not terribly known about or easily accessible), so they tried for a number of years. My sister and I weren’t very close during childhood but once I was in college and she was in her late 20s, we became very close. But a 4-5 year age difference is not as drastic and I know a number of families with that age difference between their kids - they’ve all loved it, and you can see the older siblings really doting on the babies.</p> <p>For us, we have two girls 3 and 1. We always said we wanted two, and while part of me misses the idea of being pregnant and having a newborn again (especially bc part of me would love to try for a boy), I think that feeling would always be there regardless of how many kids we had so I try to not dwell on that nostalgia and just focus on what we’d lose if we had a third. We also live in a very high cost of living area, and we would almost certainly have to move if we had a third, which means we wouldn’t live close to family and we’d miss out on having our friends (and their kids) as part of our immediate circle. Also, not having a third kid was solidified after we flew cross country this last time and I had to struggle through multiple tantrums by both kids on the flight back. Don’t know if I would have it in me to have a third kid yelling at me too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874842 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 12:00:51 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2874842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm the baby of 3 in my family and my whole life just felt like families were complete with 3 kids. After DD1 was born, I 100% wanted 2 more but DH is one of 2 kids and was more in the camp of 2 kids. I got pregnant with DD2 and anticipated a big fight between me and DH about #3 after DD2 was born. But when she was born I just knew immediately that our family was complete. And now when I see newborns I seriously shudder--not with excitement but with dread. So I know we are done. DH got a vasectomy a few months ago when DD2 was about 16 months. I asked him to wait until she was a year just to be absolutely sure but it was no question for either of us. If you are on the fence, just wait it out and see how things change. You are certainly not too old to wait a while. Enjoy your one kid life for sure! It's such a personal decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874841 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 12:00:37 +0000 peaches1038 2874841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: ok, I am totally going to flip a coin!! thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874840 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:59:51 +0000 peaches1038 2874840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@poppygirl15: thank you!! it sounds like your two get along really well!! I think DS would be awesome as a big bro, so that definitely sways my decision a little! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874838 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:57:23 +0000 peaches1038 2874838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: thank you! I appreciate hearing about what your relationship with your sister is like as an adult. It seems like having siblings close in age would result in closer relationships, but I am beginning to see that isn't always the case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874837 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:55:19 +0000 peaches1038 2874837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmacSLP: thanks for sharing ! we have definitely joked about just getting a puppy!! good luck TTC!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874836 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:54:33 +0000 peaches1038 2874836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: your comment about parenting being easier and better, but the juggle is harder really hit home with me. I've spent the last couple days really reflecting on that. thank you for sharing that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874835 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:53:24 +0000 peaches1038 2874835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ALV91711: thanks for your perspective! I think DS would make an amazing big brother, so hearing how your two get along is just so sweet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874834 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:52:17 +0000 peaches1038 2874834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: thanks for responding! Some days, I feel like someone is missing, but then others, I feel so happy and content. It is so confusing. Though, I try to think about the long game and then it seems more like we should try for #2 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874833 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:50:16 +0000 peaches1038 2874833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: thank you so much!! I love that story about Christmas! It's nice to hear about your experience growing up and how it is now, as the parent. really helpful, thanks! I am also thinking about how relatively easy our life is now and how it seems like so much work to go back!! Completely worth it, I'm sure, but I am just so undecided. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874832 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:47:53 +0000 peaches1038 2874832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tanjowen: thanks for your response! Most people I have spoken to agree that a 4+ year age gap is pretty great with the downside being logistics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874831 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:46:27 +0000 peaches1038 2874831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: hi friend! that is one thing that I worry about - I feel like I didn't soak up every moment when H was a baby bc I always thought I would have another one. I'm trying my best to be present now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874830 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 11:44:58 +0000 peaches1038 2874830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: thank you so much for your response. It is very reassuring to hear that others don't automatically KNOW for sure what the right path is. I hope whatever decision you come to brings you peace and happiness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874786 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 02:34:09 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2874786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my older daughter I honestly never felt like something was missing but we had always wanted two and when she was around two I started to want a second but could have gone either way. I had to change jobs so we couldn’t try for awhile and they are 4 years apart. The age gap has been great bc my older kiddo is so understanding and independent and I think if she was younger she would be more jealous and clingy. To decide about a second, I literally flipped a coin and knew as soon as I did it that I wanted it to come up heads aka have a second baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874784 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 02:01:01 +0000 poppygirl15 2874784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted at least two and we've toyed with the idea of a third. However, I've never thought about a third and thought "yes, I absolutely need a third to complete my family." On the other hand, when DS was born, I distinctly remember thinking "oh, here's the missing piece of my heart." I still feel like that; our family wasn't complete without him. Don't know if that helps with that part of your question. </p> <p>In terms of the large age gap, my kids are 3 years 8 months apart. I was 35 when my second was born, my husband was 36. Mind you, we suffered a miscarriage in between DD and DS, which contributed to the age gap. But, I love it. When DS was born, DD totally understood what was going on. She got it when I told her I couldn't help her and needed to nurse. She could actually be helpful and grab things for me/watch the baby for a minute. And, now that they're almost-3 and 6, they play together well and truly love each other. I was really worried that they'd be so far apart in age that I'd never get to see them play together, but that hasn't been the case at all.<br /> Oh, another nice thing about the large age gap is we haven't had much jealousy/rivalry. They're into different things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874761 Sun, 03 Mar 2019 20:41:08 +0000 Becky 2874761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to chime in and say we are planning about a 4.25 year age gap for hopeful baby #3 and I am really looking forward to it. Our first two are 2.5 years apart and while they play pretty well together now the first 18 months were very, very hard for me. As time goes on I question more and more why I wanted them so close in age (even though they get along pretty well). I used to be concerned about a large age gap between #2 and #3 but it honestly feels like a relief to me now—the thought of being able to enjoy a pregnancy and not have to take care of a toddler and a newborn seems so much easier! Also my sister and I are 6.5 years apart. I always wanted a closer sibling but we also lived in a rural area and weren’t close to extended family so had fewer socialization options which definitely made it worse. I couldn’t care less about our spacing now. We got along well (at least in my opinion) and still do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874750 Sun, 03 Mar 2019 16:54:58 +0000 mrsmacSLP 2874750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038 : I could’ve written your post, except the larger age gap. DS1 is turning 2 in April, and at 18 months we finally felt secure so we decided to get a puppy (cue headbashing now). Things are getting better again so I brought up baby #2 and my husband has waffled between one and two and finally just said “we’re not complete”. That made the decision. IUD is coming out in May. </p> <p>We have also opted that if we don’t get pregnant by October (I got pregnant on my first cycle last time) that we will be taking permanent measures and keep DS as an only and he’ll have a lot of doggy siblings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874674 Sun, 03 Mar 2019 06:15:11 +0000 ElbieKay 2874674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I originally thought I wanted two kids. But I wanted to see how it went with the first one. Being a FTM was overwhelming, and I was not ready to consider TTC #2 until my first was over 18mo. (We are older parents so I felt some time pressure.)</p> <p>My husband would have been fine with just one — he is an only child and apparently never wished for siblings — but was game for a second.</p> <p>Well it took us two years to get me pregnant. And then baby #2 turned out to be twins. So our family is DEFINITELY complete!</p> <p>We have a 4.5 year age gap, and so far it is AWESOME. My son is pure sugar to his baby sisters. I can’t believe it. When he was 2yo, he used to get jealous when I held our cat. Now he is more independent and so clearly the older brother. He is affectionate towards the girls and complains when they are asleep because he wants to be with them. And they totally adore him. Nursing is annoying when he is around because they are so distracted by him. It is basically the cutest thing ever.</p> <p>ETA: Additional children is a lot more work logistically. The juggle is hard. But the parenting is so much better and easier. I know how temporary everything is, so I have more perspective on the hard parts and I also appreciate the cute baby stuff because I know how fleeting it is. I am enjoying these babies more than my first as a result. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874660 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 23:07:36 +0000 ALV91711 2874660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Originally we planned on 2, then 6 years ago we had DS. I love him dearly but was so exhausted I was pretty sure I didn’t want to do this again. Until he was 3 we both felt that one was good. I don’t know what changed but near the end of him being three we realized we were open to a second. We stopped preventing. I got pregnant but lost that one pretty early. After this we both knew we for sure wanted a second. It took 9 months to get pregnant again. In this time I had begun to accept the fact that we were only going to have one and could see how great our life would be. We were actually going to stop trying in the new year of that year, so he came at the last possible second!</p> <p>DS2 was born when DS1 was 5.5. I love the bigger age gap. DS1 is more independent and can help if needed. Now that DS2 is 6 months he is always laughing at his big brother. It is hard to be going through all this baby stuff again after being long done but definitely worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874652 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 21:36:56 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2874652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: very similar to you as our plan was always 2 and we also had thoughts during DW’s pregnancy being like ‘oh man imagine this with 2 kids instead of 1?! Are we nuts?! Our life is so easy now and we are about to start all over!’ It helped to think that the hardest times, for me at least it’s the newborn crap sleep phase, would only be temporary and then we’d have another awesome little toddler/preschooler if we can just tough it out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874651 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 21:32:10 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2874651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a 3 year 10 month age gap between our boys, ages nearly 4.5 and 6 months. We are for sure done, and always planned on having 2. We discarded our last frozen embryo from our IVF last month, which was a little more emotional than I thought it would be but we/I feel totally complete now.</p> <p>After DS1 was born it was a big shock to us and it took a while to come around to the idea of having another and I swore we would never have 2. But around 18 months that started to change. Life got easier and he was so much fun that I actually started to get a bit of baby fever! But DW is much more practical and we knew we wanted to wait until our older was starting school so we could avoid 2 in daycare costs and for DS to be more independent. I am sooooo glad we waited because I literally can’t imagine having 2 super needy kids in diapers and barely scraping by financially. Going from 1 to 2 is hard in a different way...it’s more just constant and relentless. But it’s easier in many other ways because there’s confidence in your parenting second time around.</p> <p>For us, we need to do IVF to conceive so there was no chance of a happy accident. We had to be all in from the start. We did a couple IUI’s and that really solidified that we were on the right track when they didn’t work out. It’s hard to explain but I felt like there was something/someone still missing from our family. Now I feel content and like we can move on to the next chapter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874649 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 21:28:08 +0000 lindseykaye 2874649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m coming from a place where DH and I always wanted two and planned for that. Our two girls are 6 yrs apart - the youngest just born in December.</p> <p>It was really hard to actually have our second - the idea of disrupting our lives and our awesome kid right when we are getting some of our lives back was tough! There’s more than one occasion where we said “Are we really going to do this?” but we’ve had the fact that it was our plan all along to help our confidence and take the plunge.</p> <p>Having two kids 4+ years apart and myself being half of a sibling set who are 5 yrs apart have both been wonderful. As a kid it allowed my brother and I enough separation to live our own lives but we are close enough in age to have a good few chunks of time able to do things together despite the gap. At this point we are very good friends. Not super duper close but we get along beautifully and have for many years.<br /> We’ve joked because we often go long periods without catching up... then we showed up for Christmas with our families and bought each other the same gift (fancy gin, same brand), brought the same board game, and had our dogs in red hoodie sweaters 😂</p> <p>My own older daughter has been such a rockstar through this entire experience so far. We talked A LOT about what newborns are actually like, how our lives would be the same and different. She’s able to be independent when we need it and when she wants to do her own thing. The biggest thing that’s surprised me is how incredibly empathetic (towards us and the baby) she is. That’s something they would have been harder for her years younger. Not gonna lie, newborns are tough. Little babies who become toddlers and doing it all over again is so far both easier and harder but I’m so glad we are doing this again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874643 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 20:45:47 +0000 Tanjowen 2874643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038: We have a 4 year age gap, with 2 boys, now ages 5 and 1. I wanted a second, so not quite the same situation here, but we had trouble conceiving and wound up with a much larger age gap than we wanted or expected. BUT it has been great. Our oldest was out of diapers, slept well, a little more independent than a younger toddler, and able to be a big brother "helper." </p> <p>There have been some cons, such as we realize they will always be in different schools, so we will be going 2 different directions, and they have frustrations playing together, because the 5 year old wants to construct and the 1 year old wants to destroy...but when they do play well and love on each other, it is the sweetest thing ever. </p> <p>I'm not much help as I think it's one of those things where life with our first the first 4 years was great and I would have been happy with just him...but life is also great with the second coming along. Either way a win, kind of like you said - either way the outcome is lovely! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874640 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 20:41:13 +0000 wrkbrk 2874640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038: You know this already but it’s easier for me bc DW is dead set on one! I could do one or two. Like you, I’m sitting here thinking DS is awesome and has brought so much joy to our lives, why wouldn’t we add to that?? But DW encourages me to enjoy him - especially while he’s small - without the pressures of more kids. And I will say that does make sense. We are now officially the only of our friends with one and there are some amazing aspects to it. So long story short I’m no help but I feel your pain! I’ll just add that a five year gap is what I’d want ideally - I know so many now adult sibling sets with a five year gap who are best friends. ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874635 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 19:44:47 +0000 catgirl 2874635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really have anything helpful to add because we are in the same place. Though with an even larger gap - our DD turned 4 in December. </p> <p>We have always disagreed on whether to have one or two. Before DD was born I was pretty set on one while DH wanted two. After she was born we both changed our minds which was a confusing time. Originally we had set DD's third birthday to make a final decision, but then we found out we would be moving but didn't know when, so we bumped it to her fourth birthday. In the past six months or so DH has made comments that he might like another. Well some life things have happened that mean even if we both want another we can't try for awhile. </p> <p>At this point our gap would likely be 5.5-6.5 years if we decide to do it. But we've decided to just not worry about the gap. I hope we have another, but I also recognize there are some amazing aspects of only having one. Like you said both ways seem lovely, just very different. I know whatever we decide we will have some struggles but we will be happy. </p> <p>As I said, not very helpful. But just know you aren't alone in the decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-know-your-family-was-complete-any-experience-with-a-4-year-age-gap#post-2874627 Sat, 02 Mar 2019 17:25:08 +0000 peaches1038 2874627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are trying to decide if we want to add to our family or if we will be one and done. DS is just about 3.25 yo and he is just awesome. Yes, he is a preschooler with big emotions and pushes boundaries, but he is seriously a pretty easy kid and so cute and funny and clever. DH and I both work outside the house full time and we live in extremely high COL area. We always thought we would have 2 kids, but when I got my IUD removed in January, I began to have second thoughts. Both DH and I could go either way and I feel like that is making the decision harder! I can imagine our life with just DS or with another child and they both seem lovely, just in different ways. If we do have another one, we would be looking at a 4.25 year age gap at least. Also for reference, I am 33 and DH is 34</p> <p>So! Two questions!<br /> How did you know your family was complete?<br /> Any experience with a 4+ year age gap? Pros? Cons? </p>