https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 00:24:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2487545 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 13:31:21 +0000 PawPrints 2487545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@narwhal: Hooray that it went well! Hopefully she will keep her word. My mother had a really hard time keeping my pregnancy a secret from 6 weeks until 12 weeks, especially from her own mother, but she was respectful and kept her promise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2487481 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 12:43:20 +0000 Mrs. Marshmallow 2487481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Update: We decided to tell them. My mom was super surprised, and was very respectful about keeping the secret. She did text me this morning saying it was going to be hard to keep it from my Gramma until she's home from her winter away in April, but she's invested in being part of telling her, so I think that will help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2478625 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 14:14:59 +0000 alphagam84 2478625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't. We waited until 12 weeks and had an ultrasound done. 6 weeks is so soon to tell. If you're feeling bad or need an excuse about not drinking just say you're taking an antibiotic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476902 Sat, 27 Feb 2016 10:17:15 +0000 Mrs. Marshmallow 2476902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JenGirl: @HellOnHeels: Thank you so much for sharing - this gives me hope. My husband and I discussed it yesterday and we think if we are firm with her and clear what not telling anyone means she will honour us. I will leave the final decision until a few days before! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476796 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 23:53:37 +0000 HellOnHeels 2476796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to chime in and say that even though DH wanted to "ask my parents" about proposing, he didn't because he knows my parents have big mouths. And so, he was super worried about telling them early but I wanted their support. We told them at 6 weeks and they didn't tell a soul until we told them it was okay at 12 weeks. Not even my brother!<br /> So with that, just wanted to wish you good luck! Hopefully it won't be a problem for you and can just celebrate the little one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476753 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 22:27:05 +0000 Rockies11 2476753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told everyone in our immediate families when we found out about our first. With our second, I was bleeding a lot so we told our immediate families and then it got spread around way more than I was comfortable with under the circumstances because my husband is a huge blabbermouth. It worked out okay in the end, and I don't think I regret either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476700 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 20:58:59 +0000 JenGirl 2476700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know your mom, but my step-mother is notoriously awful at keeping secrets but she kept our pregnancy secret for a month. She did great. I just had to be very specific and clear and she honored my wishes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476360 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 14:52:10 +0000 JennyLayneAZ 2476360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, my husband can't keep a secret apparently, and everyone that we know was told on the same day that I got a positive test lol Luckily, it's worked out and I'm 31+6 today with a healthy baby girl. I thought we'd tell our closest friends and my parents/his mom that weekend, but by the time I got home he kind of spilled the beans that he'd told a lot of people already. He started to tell me "Aunt Roxy said congrats" and I interrupted him - you told your aunt already?! LOL OK I guess I need to call my parents before it goes viral on Facebook. </p> <p>So, that's my story. But, I say, tell your family whenever you feel ready to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476221 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 13:13:43 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2476221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@narwhal: Good luck! I think that sounds like a good plan and to use the CP as a reminder to her that loss isn't this foreign thing that just happens to other people, but there is a real risk here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476189 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 12:54:41 +0000 petitenoisette 2476189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told my parents at 6 weeks (I think we saw them once before that but waited another week or so) and my husband's not until 13 (we would have told them at 12 but happened to be seeing them then). I was NOT comfortable with the idea of my in-laws knowing about a miscarriage and I thought they would also be really upset if it were to happen. </p> <p>My dad ended up drinking too much at a neighborhood party and excitedly telling the mom of a friend of mine :shocked: I would never have even known but then my mom told me! I think my mom did damage control and asked her not to tell anyone and she didn't so it turned out fine (and I ended up having a health baby girl). Initially after it happened I was like well next time they won't be finding out til 12 weeks but I think we'll probably still tell them early again but maybe try to hold off until 8. </p> <p>As far as your situation, it sounds like you want to tell your mom and have a good opportunity but I would just stress how important it is to you that she wait to announce. Personally I 100% do not understand how other adults cannot keep their mouths shut (my dad included!) and even more so on FB. I would also make sure your FB settings are set so she can't tag you in anything just in case... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476149 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 12:28:24 +0000 blackbird 2476149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents blabbed to everyone, despite me asking them not to, at 6 weeks. Then I miscarried at 12. They then proceeded to make inappropriate/unsupportive comments, and advise me how to not lose the next one, so now they don't find out until 12 weeks. If your gut says she will blab.....well....my experience has gone poorly in that regard! BUT if your parents would be supportive, I say go for it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2476140 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 12:22:39 +0000 Lilbear 2476140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With our first pregnancy we shared the news with our parents at 6 weeks. Big mistake. My MIL told a relative who tried to call me out at a family party when I was only 9-10 weeks along. She also called/emailed/texted me 3x a week wanting to know "if she could tell people" yet. It caused a lot of stress and resentment at a time when I did not need to be dealing with that. Not to mention that I had spotting during my first trimester, so I was often extra scared about the viability of my pregnancy anyway and didn't want the whole world knowing just yet. </p> <p>The 2nd time around we learned our lesson. DH's parents found out when I was 4 months, and mine found out at 3.5 months. Way less hectic &amp; stressful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2475935 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 10:29:57 +0000 Mrs. Marshmallow 2475935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your stories and advice. </p> <p>As of now I'm leaning towards announcing it. Using our CP as the reason we want to share earlier for their support. I think I'm going to tell my mom that I will trust her to respect us and she is being told because she's an adult and can keep a secret, vs. threatening her or something. I'll also make it known that not telling anyone, means absolutely NOBODY. </p> <p>She used the loophole with my husband that she promised she wouldn't tell me... not other people. So I think if we do go with it, he'll be able to use that as an example about how this isn't fun like a proposal, it's a real fragile situation that we want our parents support for, but not other random people that might find out if the worst case scenario happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2475916 Fri, 26 Feb 2016 10:18:58 +0000 stiletto_mom 2475916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told my brother as soon as I found out but not my mom or in laws because of the same reason (they're big mouths).</p> <p>I'm REALLY glad I didn't tell the moms because I miscarried 2 weeks after just before my ultrasound.</p> <p>I wouldn't want the added pain and burden of telling everyone about the miscarriage. </p> <p>Err on the side of caution. You won't regret it.</p> <p>I'll still tell my brother next time, but mom's and rest of the family will have to wait until 12 weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2475032 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:26:25 +0000 Torchwood 2475032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you truly don't want people to know early on, I don't think you can risk telling your mom. That being said, I preferred to have support from friends and family during my losses, so I don't advocate waiting to tell. But that's how I felt; it doesn't work for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2475018 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:20:15 +0000 MrsKoala 2475018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first pregnancy: We told no one until after 12 weeks and our second ultrasound.<br /> Second pregnancy: Told only two people right away. I lost that pregnancy and was glad I didn't tell anyone. Most of our families don't even know we had a miscarriage and in some ways, I'm happy about that. I'm a pretty private person. I can see how that would seem cold or odd to people but it's the way I am.<br /> Third Pregnancy: Told our families and one friend at 9 weeks after seeing the heartbeat and the first ultrasound. </p> <p>All that being said, if you think that you would tell your families anyway should you have a loss, then tell them. If you wouldn't then wait until you personally feel comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2475009 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:15:18 +0000 Pirouette 2475009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my first, i chose the perfect opportunity rather than the best time in my pregnancy, and ended up telling my parents before the pregnancy had been confirmed. It was such an amazing moment for our family, and I knew that they would've been my support system if anything went wrong. Plus, they got to share in the excitement from the very beginning, the highs and the lows, and it was a huge source of comfort to me.</p> <p>with this pregnancy, we waited until after the first appt and told around 11 weeks. I think everyone maybe felt a little shut out, and I felt kinda bad not telling them sooner because I see them all the time.</p> <p>If I had to do it all again, I would tell them immediately like the first time. But, i trust them and they would never tell a soul without my permission. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474992 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:08:25 +0000 HLK208 2474992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told both sets of parents at 6-8 weeks. I felt like if we miscarried, I would be okay with telling them because they would be there for support. But I really stressed not to share our news until I was out of the first trimester. Even when I miscarried, it was really hard calling both sets of parents and telling them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474979 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:04:35 +0000 Veggiemama 2474979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would assume that they will not keep the secret so decide how much that really matters to you. </p> <p>We told our parents and IL's at 7-8 weeks because we were supposed to go on a huge family trip with my in-laws but I had terrible morning sickness so we couldn't go. My parents were under strict orders to not tell anyone until 13 weeks but they complained about it a lot because more of my husband's family (siblings and spouses) knew because of the trip. It was really stressful for me and I found out later that my mom basically told all of her friends and some family anyway. </p> <p>So the second time around everyone found out at the same time at 12 weeks. We missed being able to tell some people in person but I felt a lot better about it overall, like it was on my terms and I didn't feel pressure to share the news before I was ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474972 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:02:43 +0000 mrsjd 2474972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am 12 weeks tomorrow and I've only told my mom in our family. I told her a few days after the positive test because (1) I knew she can keep a secret (she and my dad are divorced), and (2) I wanted her support if something bad happened. I had a chemical over a year ago and it sucked only to share bad news instead of good news (I told her when it happened). </p> <p>So my in-laws and my dad still don't know. We just sent a package today to my in-laws. I saw the heartbeat again this week but I still get nervous. We'll tell my dad soon too. </p> <p>That said, there's no one size fits all. Do what feels authentic to you! The stigma about sharing early is stupid. </p> <p>Also ironically, a close family member and his wife are due the same week I am. They told the whole family before they'd even had the first ultrasound. They still don't know about me. Going to be an awkward surprise. But (as far as I know), they got pregnant really quick with no losses. It took me two years and a loss. I'm super cautious and scared and haven't been comfortable sharing. </p> <p>So again, do what makes you feel good!</p> <p>Haha, I should also say that my husband has been the worst in terms of oversharing - he's told his work and a ton of his friends. I was annoyed at first but they're all really sweet and respectful (they knew it was early). Also, it's his news too and he just can't hold himself back. So we have a weird situation where we have friends that know before our family (we live out of state, which is part of the issue) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474964 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:00:34 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2474964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ds: told my in laws and my mom and step dad while we were all on family vacation when I was 10 weeks. I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks 5 days.<br /> Told my dad at 12 weeks after us.<br /> Miscarriage: told my mom at like 5 weeks because we were travelling together and I wouldn't be drinking. Ended up telling DHs parents when we found out about MC. Never told my dad.<br /> This pregnancy: told my mom at 8 weeks when she helped us move. I had an ultrasound already. Told DHs parents at 12 weeks after an appt when we heard the heart beat. We were going to wait until the next week (Christmas) but his grandma died and we wanted to share some good news.<br /> Told my dad at 13 weeks after the scan on Christmas Eve :)</p> <p>I think it's totally up to you. But if she is a blabber I wouldn't tell personally. I didn't want everyone knowing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474946 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:53:15 +0000 Mrs. Marshmallow 2474946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U. @travelgirl1: I had a CP in October, and it's been hard with NOBODY knowing, so in that sense I do want them to know... it's just hard because I don't want *other people* to know.<br /> @gingerbebe: my mom and I go to the gym together, and I think she might figure it out! </p> <p>thanks for your advice everyone! I am definitely balancing the decision between wanting to tell my mom, and wanting her support regardless of outcome from the beginning, and fearing she will rob me of telling people myself. On one hand the one thing is more important to me, and because I've already had an early loss, I'm trying to celebrate right now vs. live in fear (easier said than done). On the other, if she told someone I'm close with before me I would lose it... or if it ended up on Facebook, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474933 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:48:19 +0000 delight 2474933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told our parents both times after scans at 8 weeks. We ended up losing one of our girls in second trimester and now I'm not telling anyone until after we have had the panorama test at 10 weeks. My mom has a big mouth too so although it's hard to keep secrets from family, I want to make sure that this time we have a healthy babe before telling anyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474926 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:45:40 +0000 PawPrints 2474926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>6 weeks, after we had seen the heartbeat on an ultrasound. I would take advantage of the fortuitous timing, but definitely be firm about the wall of secrecy. Most people are reasonable once they know your boundaries are not flexible. If you want to layer it on a bit, mention something about the risk of miscarriage before 12 weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474918 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:44:20 +0000 erinbaderin 2474918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With our first pregnancy, we told everybody at 12 weeks. With the second, my in-laws were visiting from England, staying with us, from 6-8 weeks so we told them but reinforced it was so early, we just wanted to be able to tell them in person, and to not tell anybody which worked out ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474912 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:41:27 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2474912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told both sets of parents and our siblings within a week of finding out (~4.5 weeks along). They are respected our wishes to not tell anyone else until we were 13.5 weeks and announced on Facebook.</p> <p>For me, if something happened and I had ended up miscarrying, I would have wanted and needed their support in addition to DH's. So for me, that is not a reason to not share the news. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474911 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:41:07 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2474911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are divorced. I told my dad the first time pretty much as soon as I found out. His immediate response was how he couldn't wait to share the news. We lost that baby. I waited until the heartbeat 8 weeks to share with him the second time. Again he said he couldn't wait to share the news; however I suggested he hold off until I was a bit farther along. I don't know if he did or didn't because nothing ever got back to me.</p> <p>With my mom I told her shortly after confirming the pregnancies both times. I told her we were waiting until the 8 week appointment to share it with others like my bro and dad. Given how the first pregnancy ended she was 100% on board. Come to find out she shared the news with her new beau. The first time I met him he asked me howhat it felt to be pregnant. I wanted to slap them both. I hadn't even heard the heartbeat yet. </p> <p>Based on my parents I say keep the news to yourself until you're ready for a) others to know and b) people to bring it up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474895 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:35:04 +0000 avivoca 2474895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First time, they knew as soon as we found out. The second time, we told them a few days later because we were still in shock. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474893 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:33:20 +0000 gingerbebe 2474893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would tell both sets of parents at the point you would feel okay if other people found out. It sounds like you don't trust your mother to keep her mouth shut, so if you would be really upset by having other people find out through her, I would just not tell them until you were ready to go public. This might be easier said than done, however, if you have bad morning sickness (mine kicked at 5 weeks and didn't go away for a long time). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/telling-parents-debacle#post-2474889 Thu, 25 Feb 2016 15:31:00 +0000 travelgirl1 2474889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on how you would feel about them knowing if you miscarried.<br /> I miscarried before anyone in our families knew and I was so, so sad they never celebrated that baby. After that we told them we were pregnant right away. I wanted to celebrate with them, regardless of what the outcome would be.<br /> But, everyone is different. </p>