https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 05:16:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2849416 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 09:38:22 +0000 buttermilk 2849416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to update my post. I think we’re officially on the other side of this! She’s had about a week straight of 0-1 MOTN wakeups. When she does wake up it’s usually around 5 or 6, and doesn’t fight me too hard about going back to her bed after some hugs and kisses. Bedtime is also becoming less and less dramatic. She still panics a bit when I leave, wants a ton of kisses, wants to potty again, etc. but she is no longer chasing after me or my husband repeatedly. Yay!</p> <p>I think what helped was my super nanny style repeatedly putting her back to bed without much talking or emotion, and our sticker reward system. I adjusted the goal each time based on what she was having success with and she got to pick out a toy once she achieved it. Things are sooo much better! Thank you everyone for your help and tips. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846753 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:24:52 +0000 kiddosc 2846753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: @buttermilk: I think if you put the gate up now, then the problem is likely to be solved before baby comes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846750 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:05:30 +0000 buttermilk 2846750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: her room opens directly into the new baby’s room so leaving it open at all won’t work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846734 Fri, 21 Sep 2018 10:23:51 +0000 erinbaderin 2846734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: Have you considered not carrying her back to bed? We put a gate on the door and a nightlight in the hall. B slept on the floor for about two weeks, I’d either move him back to bed when I went to bed or just cover him with a blanket, and then he just started staying in bed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846689 Thu, 20 Sep 2018 21:49:55 +0000 lilyofthewest 2846689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Solidarity. Mine is still awake. I dread nap days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846680 Thu, 20 Sep 2018 20:13:25 +0000 buttermilk 2846680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tonight I offered her a second potty after books which she took. Just to get it out of the way so she hopefully stayed in bed after lights out. But of course she then also wanted a THIRD potty literally 3 mins after. I stood my ground and refused. She starting to not want to do the hug kiss thing now bc she knows I’ll leave right after. But we did it and I had to carry her back to her bed 20 times before she stayed there. Oy! At least I didn’t yell. Hope this ends soon. </p> <p>@MrsADS: Hi! Seems like this is a very typical threenager thing. I do still think she’s phasing out naps, but she’s always been pretty resilient on the sleep needs front, and I think there are other underlying issues here (aka she’s turned into a natural manipulator lol). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846650 Thu, 20 Sep 2018 13:36:18 +0000 brownepiano 2846650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a little potty in my DS's room for a long time because he wasn't allowed out of his room during bedtime/naptime for ANYTHING. After a while I took it out because I got tired of him pooping in it. When it was just pee at night it was fine. </p> <p>We had a lot of bedtime battles both boys fighting over who got to have mommy put them to bed. I got tired of it so we instituted mommy nap time (since I'm home) and daddy bedtime. No exceptions for several weeks until they stopped asking. I'd say whoever can be stronger and no nonsense at bedtime should take over 100% for a while. Probably daddy because you'll have a baby to deal with soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846555 Thu, 20 Sep 2018 07:44:33 +0000 MrsADS 2846555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey lady. I think some of this is the age bc Matthew is also stalling and flipping out at bedtime and for forever he would just go to sleep, no big deal! Now almost every night I have to go back in once or twice (at least) because he's crying, destroying his room, etc. </p> <p>We have a thingy on his door handle so he can't open it. But he's not nighttime potty trained yet. So that makes it a lot easier. I try to be consistent but sometimes it's easier to go in, give him a few more hugs and kisses and then he'll go to sleep... vs. if I just let him scream, open his curtains, take every book off his bookshelf, etc. it will be 2 hours before he goes to sleep. Although I think that's reinforcing bad behavior, so... IDK. Bedtime is still really early - I find I have to build in time for his stalling. Lol. Maybe you could try to move bedtime back just by 10 minutes every few days? To see if it's an overtired thing. </p> <p>Bedtime is definitely easier on no nap days, although I do think he still needs the nap. He's a wreck without it. So hard to know what to do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846553 Thu, 20 Sep 2018 06:58:53 +0000 ineebee 2846553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: That’s awesome!!!!! Way to go!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846552 Thu, 20 Sep 2018 06:25:06 +0000 buttermilk 2846552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It went okay last night. She came into our room 3 times between 2-3am. Each time one of us handled and silently put her back in bed over and over each time she got up. After that she stayed in her bed til 7! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846540 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 22:11:42 +0000 BadgerMom 2846540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: That sounds great! Stay firm and I’m hopeful everything will get much better quickly. I’m never sure what to do with the extra potty requests either. They scare the crap out of me cuz, what if?! Maybe try bargaining your 3 hugs/kisses and see how she responds. Need an extra potty trip? Ok, but that means you only get 2 hugs/kisses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846513 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 20:39:45 +0000 Mrsbells 2846513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: yes I think dont let her come in your bed at all as she won't be able to do that with a newborn. Its hard at first but she will adjust quickly </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846512 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 20:31:53 +0000 Foodnerd81 2846512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: I love your chart! Beautiful. </p> <p>I don’t really have any advice, just that my now 5 year old was the same way at that age. She is still not a great sleeper but better than back then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846509 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 20:25:09 +0000 caitcat 2846509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: my daughter always asks to go potty again as I tuck her in. I’ve had some luck with saying I’ll come back in 10 minutes to check and let her go if she still needs to. Most of the time she’s asleep by that point now, but on occasion she is still awake and will go again. We just then repeat our goodnight hug routine quickly afterward and that’s it for the night. She’s had major potty training issues though, so I’m a little more sensitive to her maybe needing to go than I thought I’d be at bedtime.</p> <p>Also, your chart is very cute! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846496 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 19:56:46 +0000 buttermilk 2846496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, we were together all day so no nap. Started bedtime at 7:30. We made this lovely chart together, lol and talked all day about the routine and how I was only doing 3 hugs and 3 kisses (we talked about it and picked the number together earlier). It went well until after the 2 songs when she said she needed to potty again. I know she didn’t need to go bc we JUST went. I kept refusing but eventually she just left the room on her own to potty. I tried to not talk much. Three hugs and kisses. She begged me for more, chases after me each time I left the room. Each time I silently carried her back to her bed. Didn’t give in to her requests for more. Had to do it about 8 times before she gave up and stayed there. </p> <p>I also set her ok to wake clock for 6am at which point we will all just get up together instead of letting her sleep in our bed for the last hour. I think that was confusing her. </p> <p>Not sure exactly how to handle the extra potty but I’m thinking of letting her trade the extra potty for her 3 hugs/kisses if she really wants to potty more. Idk. </p> [attach=3993/18/pfbxam.600x450.E7A40FC4-2263-4830-BAAB-FE05C5AAC0D0.jpeg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846322 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 10:09:45 +0000 BadgerMom 2846322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @wrkbrk:. It's really just like sleep training only at an older age, and there is no right or wrong answer.<br /> But as a parent, I think you have to decide what you're comfortable with as far as crying goes. </p> <p>I think at this age they become master manipulators especially around bedtime/night. I really don't think the vast majority of the time that they really "need" those extra snuggles, they're just stalling. If you really want these antics to go away quickly then I think you have to setup a clear routine and stick to it even if she's screaming her head off. You're probably going to want to put something on her bedroom door so she can't get out of her room. She's going to get REALLY upset at first, at bedtime and in the middle of the night. But eventually she will know you mean business and it will just become the norm.</p> <p>With that said, I do use my mommy instinct occasionally when I know things have been particularly rough outside of his sleep routine, but this is after things are well established, and it is by far the exception not the rule. Still, sometimes those nights set us back a bit and we have to play tough love all over again subsequent nights. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846307 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 09:53:57 +0000 wrkbrk 2846307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: I didnt read all the responses but you may just have to let her be hysterical for 1-2 nights. When DS gets off of his routine (after a trip where we co-sleep for example) I know we will have one shi**y night where he cries and screams for us, and then he goes back to normal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846269 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 08:05:20 +0000 Ajsmommy 2846269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bedtimes are hard.... At 3 my DD would also use multiple stall tactics.. I started setting a timer on my phone and I'd snuggle her for 3-4 mins and then when the timer went off I left... It worked most nights but I don't think it was the best idea bc some nights if I hadn't used the timer I'm 100% sure she would have been asleep in 3-4 mins but bc of the timer she stayed awake..</p> <p>Anyway, FF to now, DD is almost 5 and I now lay in bed with her every night until she falls asleep. DH wants me to change that but I feel like she'll only want/need me to do this for so long and she usually falls asleep very quickly.. like some nights it's less than 2 mins! Of course the other issue is that I am usually so tired I fall asleep just as fast :shocked: and dont' wake up for 2-3 hours!! That is what DH dislikes..... but I can't help it, I'm tirrrreeeedddd</p> <p>Anyway, good luck. I hope you get it figured out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846267 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 07:54:58 +0000 ineebee 2846267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: I totally agree about 100% consistency with the hugs/kisses. Our toddlers are so keen on figuring out where and how rules can be bent. So if she realizes you’ll sometimes budge on the hugs &amp; kisses at the end, especially wen she goes ballistic, then she’ll do it! If after a few (probably painful!) nights of sticking to exactly what you said, it may get better!</p> <p>One thing I’ll add is that when I talk to my son about emotionally charged things, especially a new rule/system that he isn’t going to like, I tell it to him (and remind him of it) at a happy time, or a time that is totally unassociated with the change, like when he’s enjoying a snack or something. It’s also helped to go through all the contingencies (even if you cry, even if you ___, we will still say goodnight and leave your room). </p> <p>Good luck! It’s so hard not to give in to the desire for affection! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846268 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 07:54:58 +0000 MamaCate 2846268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: I think you are absolutely right that you can set a rule about hugs and kisses but she will still meltdown...at first. </p> <p>If you set the expectation and kindly but firmly hold the line she will eventually realize that the meltdowns aren’t getting her what she wants and have to adjust. You might want to give her a say in it (outside of bedtime when she is calm) so she can feel like she has some control over it.</p> <p>You will have to put your game face on and have a plan to manage meltdowns and crying but consistency is going to be the key to long term sanity. And you will get over this hump! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846264 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 06:55:58 +0000 buttermilk 2846264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caitcat: @erinbaderin: thank you, these are good ideas! I should pick a hug/kiss routine and stick to it. Bc you’re right it doesn’t matter how many kisses I give, she still melts down no matter what. </p> <p>Today she is home with me which will mean no nap. I wonder if bedtime will be easier... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846259 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 05:06:48 +0000 caitcat 2846259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds so hard. We've had a lot of bedtime and middle of the night waking drama with my previously good sleeper from about age 3 - 3.5. It's starting to get a bit better as she consistently doesn't nap anymore...but gosh it was hard and she and I both were exhausted.</p> <p>We've gone through so much of the "one more hug, one more kiss" dance and subsequent meltdowns at bedtime (and sometimes in the middle of the night). It kills me because I feel like the worst mom in the world saying no to one more hug or one more kiss. But I also found that my daughter would flip out when I left whether I did one more hug or twenty more hugs. I didn't often give in to "one more hug, one more kiss" request but I realized that even if I came back for one more on occasion, that probably left my daughter with some uncertainty over how me leaving would go. And I think that confusion or slight variation in routine was tricky for her. </p> <p>We ended up coming up with a set goodnight hug and kiss routine together and she knows exactly what to expect out of it. In addition to a hug and kiss, I give her kisses on her palms (so she can squeeze them and "have them" when I'm gone) and she gives me kisses on mine too (because she insists I'll need them when I leave as well!). She knows that once we've done that routine, I'm heading out of her room. She kept up begging for one more and sometimes seriously melting down over it, but after being super consistent for a while, we finally had more peace when it came time for me to leave at bedtime. At this point, a couple months in, we can say goodnight pretty pleasantly and bedtime is generally not a battle anymore. </p> <p>We did practice the new routine a bunch during the day in the beginning when we "pretended" bedtime to get used to what it would look like. I also had her pretend to be the mommy and tuck her stuffed animals into bed with the new routine for some familiarity too. </p> <p>I hope you are able to work out something that works for you and your daughter soon. I found bedtime drama so draining in our house, and I feel for you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846258 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 04:40:04 +0000 erinbaderin 2846258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the problem is you have a strict schedule until the end, where she knows she can manipulate you, and sometimes it works and sometimes she gets yelled at so it’s confusing for her. What if you set a timer? She gets as many hugs and kisses and byes as she needs for three minutes, and then you have to go. Or something that worked for us when my son was that age was letting him have some say in it - we’d ask “how many hugs do you want tonight? How many kisses? How many high fives?” and then he’d pick a number and we’d stick to that. Sometimes he’d say “six thousand” but “onetwothreefourfivesixseveneight SIX THOUSAND!” usually worked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846257 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 04:30:16 +0000 buttermilk 2846257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: usually no tv in evenings. we usually do a puzzle or play baby dolls or something after dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846256 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 04:13:20 +0000 buttermilk 2846256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I think you may have a point about.letting her come in at 5am. It might be confusing her. She must have just stayed awake from 4-5 waiting bc I just head her walk into our room. I’m downstairs bc I can’t sleep. </p> <p>Ugh this was so much easier when I just let her sleep in our bed but I can’t do that with a newborn on the way right? I also think the sleeping with us is contributing to bad behavior at bedtime. </p> <p>Sorry for all the posts guys, I’m clearly struggling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846255 Wed, 19 Sep 2018 03:39:01 +0000 buttermilk 2846255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: you think I shouldn’t let her come in st all? I keep making the wake up clock earlier this past week bc I want to set her up for success. First it was 6, then 5:30, now 5:00. She stayed in her room all night until 4AM just now. I led her back to bed, snuggled her and rubbed her head for about a minute, then told her goodnight, hug and kiss. She had a total meltdown when I left her room. She asked for a kiss from her (sleeping) dad and I refused. It got ugly. I feel like such a bad mom screaming at her in the MOTN. I cannot take this. I have not problem giving her a little comfort but as soon as I get up she starts getting upset and it’s like it doesn’t even matter. And it’s 4:30 now, I’m so wound up I can’t go back to sleep. How on earth do I solve this?</p> <p>I can try the visual thing but we have a strict schedule. Pajamas, brush teeth, potty, 2 books, lights out, 2 songs, then hug kiss and bye bye. It’s the hug kiss bye where she falls apart. It seems so cruel to deny her more hugs. But she’s gonna freak out either way so maybe I should try. @MamaCate: I like that idea of 3 kisses bc she’s 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846248 Tue, 18 Sep 2018 23:33:47 +0000 MamaCate 2846248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: I think you got a lot of good advice and my daughter had some similar issues. I think the “one more hug/kiss” can be really potent for child and parent because can be a request for nurture/connection but also a stall tactic. </p> <p>When my DD was 3 (and recently moved into her big girl bed) we made a rule that you get 3 hugs and 3 kisses because you are 3. We have kept this rule ever since. It is nice because it sets expectations for both sides. If she wants more kisses you say “oh you got your 3 kisses tonight! More tomorrow!” We also do a far away kiss and hug at the door and close the door. Just a thought if that helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846246 Tue, 18 Sep 2018 23:18:08 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2846246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Jess1483: that a visual schedule might be a game changer.</p> <p>We started having nap issues with our son right before he turned 3. He went on a nap strike, and started fighting against the routine we'd used for years, and it was so frustrating! I put together a visual pre-sleep schedule similar to what I'd use for one of my students (I'm a former kindergarten teacher), and it worked like a charm. I used photos to portray each step we do before nap, and he got to manipulate a clothespin from one step to the next. The last "step" after "I lay down and go to sleep" is "The clock turns green and I get an M&amp;M." He is a big fan of that step! Happy to share the schedule we used if you think might help for your bedtime routine. Congratulations on your new baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846243 Tue, 18 Sep 2018 23:01:36 +0000 Mrsbells 2846243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@buttermilk: honestly at that age comprising and letting her come in the bed at 5.30 is more confusing for her. If you tell her she is a big girl now and has to stay in her bed the whole night and then stick to that she will adjust much faster<br /> For bed time I agree with @Jess1483: that having a very strict consistent schedule will fix this. Our routine at that age was bath time, story time, saying a prayer and switching to the night light. Our rule was no more talking after the prayer except to say our special goodnight. If she tried to ask for one more thing I would just repeat repeat saying goodnight and leave. Its hard to walk away when you think they need you but lingering and extending the conversation just makes them keep expecting that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-bedtime-with-my-3-year-old-is-becoming-an-absolute-nightmare#post-2846241 Tue, 18 Sep 2018 22:51:45 +0000 DesertDreams88 2846241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you giving her any TV in the hour or 2 before bed? That makes bedtime so much harder for us, I think it makes his brain go crazy. </p>