https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 00:31:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stepmom-to-special-needs-lo#post-2859823 Mon, 03 Dec 2018 15:51:45 +0000 snowjewelz 2859823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think in her case it's a little more than just fears and being uncomfortable; it's probably trauma from her little brother that was never probably processed/dealt with. </p> <p>I agree with above advice to A) seek our a therapist to get healing and freedom from your past trauma B) ask his mom how you can tangibly help, in and out of the hospital C) I think if you do set your mind to seeing him in the hospital, holding him, etc, then you need to spend some time pep talking yourself that no matter what you have to be able to put him first in those 10-15 or however long </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stepmom-to-special-needs-lo#post-2859679 Sun, 02 Dec 2018 20:18:32 +0000 Ms. RV 2859679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a mom of a special needs LO, I can tell you that it is full of doing stuff you aren't comfortable with but you just have to persevere through it. It sucks. But you get used to it. You just have to dive in. You'll get over your fears. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stepmom-to-special-needs-lo#post-2859638 Sun, 02 Dec 2018 11:42:03 +0000 PinkElephant 2859638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you comfortable enough with his mom to share about the loss of your brother and explain why you are feeling what you're feeling?</p> <p>It's not being a jackass to ask questions about the child's care - you genuinely don't know, and as his stepmom you'd want to be able to help. In his mom's shoes, I'd appreciate your willingness to learn. You can always frame your question with - "I'm sorry, I feel rude/mean/bad having to ask this, but....how does the feeding tube work/how do I do 'x'/what do I do when 'y' happens".." I am sure as his mom she's had to overcome all sorts of difficult emotions about his conditions, and can on some level understand understand how you feel terrible seeing him in discomfort. However, I guess you also have to understand that she may feel resentful that you have these emotions if she thinks you aren't "entitled" to them since he isn't biologically "yours" (although I certainly hope that she is glad he has a stepmom who cares to become involved!)</p> <p>I agree with others that perhaps seeing a therapist to talk about your childhood experience, along with being open with his mom, will help. Can you find out more about his long term prognosis? Is it likely he will soon pass away from his conditions, or are they manageable? I think it's important for you to understand the reality of his situation and how it (most likely) differs from your little brother's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stepmom-to-special-needs-lo#post-2859621 Sun, 02 Dec 2018 09:40:56 +0000 crazydoglady 2859621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: Took the words out of my mouth. </p> <p>@Boy_mommy: I honestly think you need to get past yourself in this because it really isn't about you...its about a little boy who needs the grown ups in his life to be focused on him. </p> <p>The last part of your post spoke volumes to me-- you are more worried about your personal comfort and how you are perceived than you are about learning to care for this boy. You really, truly need to take yourself out of the equation. I think therapy would be a good to start to manage your impulses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stepmom-to-special-needs-lo#post-2859607 Sun, 02 Dec 2018 08:01:31 +0000 Mrs. Snowflake 2859607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Counseling with a compassionate therapist would likely be extremely helpful. You need a safe place to work through your own emotions and trauma so you can be there for your stepson and differentiate between him and your childhood trauma. </p> <p>I am sorry you are experiencing this. Trauma is si hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stepmom-to-special-needs-lo#post-2859604 Sun, 02 Dec 2018 07:52:35 +0000 nana87 2859604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You need to find a way to the child’s needs before your own emotional response. From what you’ve described, you’re having a deep-seated reaction based on events you can’t even fully remember; being any kind of parent, step or birth or adopted etc, means your kid has to come first. Maybe that’s through some kind of mantra you tell yourself, like your stepson isn’t your brother, maybe it’s through breathing techniques, I don’t know. But therapy could prob help. </p> <p>It’s not really comparable but reminds me of when my husband’s father was first diagnosed with cancer, his impulse was to avoid it, and when pressed, he said he couldn’t handle it, he hated hospitals. Well, no one likes hospitals (unless they’re medical professionals!), but you have to step up and be there for your loved one anyway. No one likes seeing a kid in pain, but it’s more important to give the kid the love and care they need and project strength for them than give into ones emotional response, or at the least support their primary caregivers. You can’t make this about yourself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stepmom-to-special-needs-lo#post-2859597 Sun, 02 Dec 2018 04:51:27 +0000 Boy_mommy 2859597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just looking for a little bit of insight on how to handle something. For starters a little background info....the only full blood brother I had(have) was special needs and he passed away at 11mo, I was 3. The only memory I have of him is his funeral(and even that I had to seek clarification from my mother of if what I was dreaming/remembering actually happened or was it just a dream). Because of this any kiddo with special needs really pulls at my heartstrings, when the LO is close to me certain things are unbearable. When I was 14 my next to youngest little brother had to have an asthma treatment due to his age they used the oxygen mask because he wasn't old enough to hold the plastic tube in his mouth...I LOST MY SH**!! I could not handle it I walked out of the dr office crying while my mom had no clue what was wrong with me. Fast forward 12 years and now I am a stepmom to a little handsome guy with special needs. The first time I met him he was in the hospital with an illness that was effecting other parts of life causing seizures and the works....I was highly emotional and felt like a total jerk because I was "ready to go" after being there for only about 10 minutes. I wasn't actually ready to go I just couldn't handle seeing him hooked up to the machines and ventilator and such. Now slightly more than a year later I am still very distant when he is in the hospital but I can be in his room with him at his moms and talk to him and kiss him and such. I got brave a few months ago and asked his mommy if I could actually hold him. She obliged and it went shockingly well for all of about 5 minutes then as rude and mean as I felt I couldn't bear to hold him anymore. I want to get more involved in his care and learning the things he needs but 1. I feel like such a jacka** when I ask questions and 2. I don't want to be an inconvenience to mom because she has to bear with my emotions when trying to teach me things. Any advice on how to get past this block I have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2260527 Tue, 11 Aug 2015 06:51:07 +0000 erinbaderin 2260527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm 9 weeks pregnant and we have an almost 19 month old who's forgotten how to sleep through the night - he's usually up at least twice. Last night my husband slept on the floor of my son's room so that when he woke up, he could soothe him back to sleep quickly and I wouldn't be disturbed. He's planning to do the same thing tonight. He calls me every morning to let me know how daycare dropoff went, and gets so excited when it goes well. And he's just so darn sweet with our son, it makes me so happy to see them interacting.</p> <p>What a great idea for a thread! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259862 Mon, 10 Aug 2015 12:01:52 +0000 youboots 2259862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He is just awesome. He works so hard and is away from home between 5-12 nights a month. He is fearless with our girl. He had her for almost 12 hours on Saturday while I was working and sent me photos and updates all day long. He is great at picking up and helping out. When he can he will take T and let me sleep in. We have so much fun together and I just love the guy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259816 Mon, 10 Aug 2015 11:23:25 +0000 MtnBiker 2259816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: love this!</p> <p>My DH is my rock. My pregnancy, labor and delivery were rough. As soon as our son was born, he looked at me said "I got this, you rest," and I slept for 12 hours. I did not change a single diaper at the hospital. He was all in (he also loves babies). </p> <p>Now that I'm back at work too, he does the bulk of the MOTN wakeups since he can fall back asleep really easily (I can't). Never complains about it. He is always super supportive when I need me time and continues to encourage me to maintain my sense of self, chase my dreams, and continue to grow as a person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259781 Mon, 10 Aug 2015 10:58:13 +0000 snowjewelz 2259781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so thankful for my DH too. His schedule is a bit more flexible so he actually takes care of DD 1.5 days per week, and my mom/MIL step in for the rest. He does ALL the grocery shopping/cooking and handles ALL the outside yard work. I never help him with yard work but he will help me with my house cleaning chores! </p> <p>I do feel like I still do more of the parenting duties (when I'm home), and I don't really make him wake up too now for anything MOTN, but he is also very busy so I rather one of us get some sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259370 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 21:06:44 +0000 MoonMoon 2259370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: lovely!</p> <p>DH and I don't have family living close, so it's just us. Our relationship isn't perfect, but he's a great dad. He cooks dinner every night, if DS doesn't fall asleep at night, he stays up with him and helps him go down, often lets me sleep in after DS wake up, and he does more than his share of the housework, and works a super stressful job but still supports me as I work part time and go to school for a career change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259368 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 21:05:27 +0000 Tanjowen 2259368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH is gone 5-6 days of the week or more. He gets to come home to rapidly evolving toddler that sometimes will freak out and cling only to me.</p> <p>But he patiently digs right in and takes over bath/bed time and will cook and clean and fit in as much time with LO as he can. It makes me happy he wants to be as involved as he can and the love he shows our son. I told him tonight that it's hard for us both - hard for me to mostly parent solo and hard for him to miss so much. I appreciate all that he does for us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259360 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 20:59:19 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2259360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I SAH with our almost 2 year old and 3 month old. He works hard at a very physical job and is up for the day around 430 fairly often...when he comes home he says hello to the girls, holds the baby while I cook (if needed), takes DD outsode to play if she asks despite his work conditions often being in the 150 degree range and it's still so hot. He cleans up the livingroom every night and 50% of the time he rocks DD2 to sleep. He works to support us, listens to me whine and he adores his babies. He's a great guy and I don't give him enough credit.</p> <p>And my mom is amazing. She is working her first job ever since in was born...has become the manager and still completely takes care of her household. She watches my girls at least once a week on her days off so I can go to my favorite yoga class. She showers them in love. Plays games, is patient and always willing to help. She is so so appreciated. I adore her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259180 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 17:25:56 +0000 DesertDreams88 2259180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have kids yet (LO due in January) but DH is an amazing life partner. Even after 5 years, he's the one that does all of the grocery shopping and laundry, and 80% of the cleaning the house &amp; pool upkeep..... I have a more stressful job but we work similar hours (though I work like, maybe 5 more per week). I do all the budgeting and bills.</p> <p>When LO comes, we've talked about him keeping up with the chores, doing the bathtime/nighttime routine, and lots of LO time on the weekends. When I go back to work, I don't know what it will look like, but he's an awesome guy and we regularly discuss our work/life balance needs so I know it will work out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259164 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 16:44:51 +0000 rosegold 2259164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: this was so sweet!! </p> <p>dh is excellent with engaging our five year old and getting her to calm down when she needs it. it is definitely something i cannot get my head around but she looks up to him so much and i'm blessed to get to watch their bond as they both grow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259128 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 14:41:55 +0000 jhd 2259128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I SAH with our 15 mo old son. I am so thankful that DH works so hard and organized our finances so that we could make this work. I am not a numbers person so all that planning was on him! ;) He is really good at picking up around the house--I appreciate that at the end of the day he will pick up toys and help make the place look more presentable. He is an awesome daddy and LO adores him. He is always willing to help when I ask him.<br /> My mom has been a huge support to us since LO arrived. Lately she has been watching him at least one morning a week so I can go to the gym. I love all the little things she teaches him. They have little games they play and routines together which is so cute. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259124 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 14:21:03 +0000 Tidybee 2259124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: "He's either working or he's Daddy/DH and that's the way he wants it to be."<br /> THIS! it means the world to me that he wants to be "daddy" in any time he has away from work. It makes life easier when he jumps in with both feet without having to ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2259123 Sun, 09 Aug 2015 14:16:59 +0000 Corduroy 2259123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great idea for a thread. I have an 8 week old and a 2.5 year old so things have been rough as DH and I adjust to our new duties. Taking my exhaustion out of it, he is doing a great job. He gets up with the toddler at 5:30 or 6:00 every morning. He makes her breakfast, gets her dressed and takes her to daycare - quietly! When I'm up he makes me breakfast too. </p> <p>He works all day. He's supporting us while I'm on maternity leave and supported the decision to keep LO1 in daycare while I'm home. He turned down a job prospect that would earn 2x the money because we would never see him.</p> <p>When he comes home he watches the kids so I can make dinner. He gets the toddler everything she needs during dinner and does her bedtime routine. Then he cleans the kitchen. </p> <p>Somehow all this isn't enough for me in the moment all the time. But it is A LOT. Writing if out helps me appreciate it more in my newborn haze. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tell-me-about-your-amazing-parenting-partners#post-2258673 Sat, 08 Aug 2015 12:52:17 +0000 gingerbebe 2258673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a spin-off from the thread about the NYT article on co-parenting and how satisfied you are with the division of labor. It made me think about how much DH and I rely upon each other and other folks to keep things going at our house. I thought it would be nice to have a thread to talk about how awesome your co-parent/caregiver is or something amazing they have done lately. This can also include your nanny, daycare, babysitter, family member, whatever! Let's appreciate our village!</p> <p>My husband works so. dang. hard. to support our family and my parents. Two full time jobs, getting his MBA on nights and weekends, being there for me and helping with DS - he's Superman. He never complains about any of it and he doesn't have any hobbies or activities that take him away from home. He's either working or he's Daddy/DH and that's the way he wants it to be. </p> <p>We hire my mother to come help us with DS 3 days a week. She needs the income and she'll be watching DS those 3 days when I go back to work part-time in September. She loves DS SO much and he loves her too and its great to see their bond. I'm glad I have a trusted caretaker who can give me a break or let me sleep in a little bit and put up with DS' really insane feeding issues with only the patience a granny could have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/co-parenting-without-the-romance#post-564193 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 15:25:02 +0000 MrsSCB 564193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm curious to know what you all think of this new trend. Apparently it's becoming more common for people who want to have children but aren't in a relationship to find partners online to have kids with and actually co-parent, so it's different than a surrogate or sperm donor. It seems most common between single women and gay men. What do you think of this idea? </p> <p><a href="http://nyti.ms/WWAasz" rel="nofollow">http://nyti.ms/WWAasz</a> </p>