https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 06:43:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents/page/2#post-2913327 Fri, 03 Apr 2020 18:29:40 +0000 JJ2626 2913327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: oh I am definitely still paying my nanny as we love her and need her when this is over. I’m not so worried about people calling the cops, though that would suck! I guess we’re just still trying to figure out what we are comfortable with since I know she can’t isolate as much as we are. We’ve made it work so far and could keep doing it but obviously would be better to have her. Plus I know she is bored. I think it’s time to talk with her and figure out what she wants. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents/page/2#post-2913326 Fri, 03 Apr 2020 18:24:38 +0000 agold 2913326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in California and I have my nanny come two days a week but I am only arguably considered an essential worker. My husband is an essential worker. No one will challenge your nanny coming to your house, and your neighbors are jerks if they call the cops on you because you are using childcare to try to get your job done to keep your income to support your family. I always give my nanny the option to not come if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so and I would still pay her because (a) i'm still getting paid; and (b) i value you her greatly and would want her to come back asap as soon as this shi*t show resides and I believe she would be poached in an instant if I let her go regardless of the reason. Nannies are getting swapped up fast around my neighborhood after people are "temporarily" letting them go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents/page/2#post-2913323 Fri, 03 Apr 2020 18:18:53 +0000 JJ2626 2913323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KNS: ok now I read the full order and you’re right. Nannies are ok in SF but the CA order still sort of says no. Why do they have to make this so confusing?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents/page/2#post-2913271 Thu, 02 Apr 2020 20:59:36 +0000 graceandjoy 2913271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am currently on maternity leave still, and if I am not furloughed after that... FYI we have 3 kids, 5, 3 and 2 months. </p> <p>1) I don't think either of our day time calls/meetings would be so insane that we can't make sure to accommodate each other </p> <p>2) Both of us can do a bulk of our work at night (sucks, esp with chores and stuff but such is life right now) </p> <p>3) Currently even as I am not working, the norm is I take the baby since he is EBF, and he handles both girls </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913254 Thu, 02 Apr 2020 16:02:10 +0000 JJ2626 2913254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KNS: I just looked at the SF website and they changed it back to say no nannies except for essential workers, which is the same as the state order. So I guess that’s that? Oh well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913194 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 17:05:34 +0000 KNS 2913194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Newsom announced in his press conference today that they were going to amend childcare rules. </p> <p>Not sure why it changed but it had been different from the other bay area counties. </p> <p>Not sure on our nanny, need to catch up with her and figure things out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913193 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 15:33:55 +0000 JJ2626 2913193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KNS: I wonder why they changed it? So will you have your nanny come back? Having her here would be life changing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913184 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 12:54:59 +0000 KNS 2913184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: Yes - they just updated it with the new order! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913183 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 12:38:55 +0000 JJ2626 2913183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pajamas: @Corduroy: Omg I just checked and they changed the SF order! It must have just been changed. The FAQs used to be very specific that no nannies were allowed unless they were providing medical care or the parent was an essential worker and the mayor even tweeted the same thing but the language is definitely different now. I’m so excited to talk to my nanny and see if she wants to come back though I am still kind of scared. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913174 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 10:59:31 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2913174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: She was already working for us 2 hours/day to do the morning routine and dropoff to preschool for my kids. She lost her main job as a waitress so it was kind of a perfect storm for all of us to help each other out. But we have friends who are doctors and they easily found a nanny to work for them on care.com. I've heard that there are lots of college students now home and looking for work via nextdoor and similar sites. I'm sure the supply of nannies is great right now. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913173 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 10:53:58 +0000 Corduroy 2913173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pajamas: Where did you find your nanny? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913172 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 10:53:17 +0000 Corduroy 2913172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: I'm also in the Bay area and my county's order says "Home based care for seniors, adults or children" is an essential business. I take that to mean we can hire someone in our home or pair up with another family. This is separate from the childcare facility restrictions. From what I read our counties are on the same order now as of yesterday's update. What part says no nannies? I'm curious because I want to be in compliance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913169 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 10:45:58 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2913169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: I live in Oakland, CA and just read our updated shelter in place order last night that definitely said childcare workers and house cleaners are allowed. I posted earlier that we hired our nanny to come a few hours/day because, like everyone else, it's just not sustainable otherwise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913165 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 10:26:10 +0000 JJ2626 2913165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Here in CA, I think the order specifically says no nannies, at least it does in SF so we had to tell our full time nanny to stay home and are still paying her. I am considering having her come back though bc this is just insane. We are really struggling. But-although I know she is isolating as best as possible she does have to go grocery shopping and to the laundromat so there is still some risk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913162 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 09:37:11 +0000 foodiebee 2913162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: I wish. I also wish my in-laws would consider isolating for two weeks so the could move in and help us, but that'll never happen. My motto is truly one day at a time at this point because if I think about this being the way it is for months at a time I might lose it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913161 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 09:08:27 +0000 skiierchck99 2913161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: we’ve had a sitter half days since daycare closed. I’m 32 weeks and have a ft job and while dh is home he has a senior level position and works like 70 hours a week, mostly in meetings, so he isn’t much help. I didn’t see any real way around it. In another week and a half we are going to manage two weeks solo so that my mom can move in till the baby comes after we ensure we aren’t carrying something. God help me, we had better be back to normal by the time my leave is over because otherwise we would have to hire a full time nanny or I would need to quit my job.</p> <p>Edited to add: the sitter is OB approved so long as she is isolating too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913159 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 09:04:00 +0000 krispi 2913159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Not yet, but if school and summer camps are cancelled, we will have to do something. Our summer camp for the month of June just sent an email a few days ago saying not to make payments right now as they are up in the air (they use the school as a facility). This isn't sustainable until July! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2913158 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 08:47:52 +0000 Corduroy 2913158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is anyone considering hiring a nanny to manage working through this? I haven't seen any discussion about it but I don't see how we can work through the end of the school year (or through summer?) like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912980 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 21:26:05 +0000 Pollywog 2912980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: my husband is a defense contractor. He needs 40 billable hours a week.</p> <p>I'm a federal employee. I'm required to get 40 hours of seat time per week. My workload exploded due to COVID, so I'm trying to get 60+ hours worth of work into 40 hours </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912962 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 14:41:31 +0000 Rocker2014 2912962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I'm essential personnel (I work in corrections) so poor DH is working and managing our 5 year old full time. He's doing an awesome job and fortunately works for a very understanding company that has always supported work from home and family time - but he still has conference calls most of the day and DD gets a lot less attention than she's used to and behaving exactly as expected for a kiddo who's been in full time care her whole life until now. I've done a tiny bit of flexible scheduling (all that's allowed at my job) so I can help him about 10 hour per week during business hours, but I'm still working during that time too, so it's a mess. We're all exhausted, stressed and barely managing. I bought this bracelet for my best friend and I, and we're wearing them constantly:</p> <p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Joycuff-Inspirational-Bracelets-Encouragement-Personalized/dp/B07CZFLS33/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?ie=UTF8&#038;aaxitk=D1JExFleLQ9kYYlztxhKDQ&#038;hsa_cr_id=9689027610501&#038;ref_=sb_s_sparkle" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/Joycuff-Inspirational-Bracelets-Encouragement-Personalized/dp/B07CZFLS33/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?ie=UTF8&#038;aaxitk=D1JExFleLQ9kYYlztxhKDQ&#038;hsa_cr_id=9689027610501&#038;ref_=sb_s_sparkle</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912960 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 13:55:20 +0000 karenbme 2912960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for the feedback! Sorry I've been AWOL--like some of you we're working seemingly every waking hour...</p> <p>I think DH realized he was in the wrong and he's been stepping up more in terms of taking time. He asked that I be more flexible during the day, and I asked that he commit to trying to have her for 4 hours whether that's 1-2 hour chunks or one long chunk, and I think we're both getting better. We're still checking in every morning and make a general game plan, but try to be flexible about switching off throughout the day if she's fussy.</p> <p>@Becky: My employer has always had flex schedules for those that can make them work, but my job right now is about 50% meetings/strategy, 20% supervisory and 30% independent work so for me a lot of the time this looks like having DD in my lap during conference calls, which everyone seems to be fine with, even when she pushes buttons. And then I do my work work after she's down for the night. That said I'm one of two people on our management team that has young kids and the other person has a SAH spouse, so there was a curve of getting people used to seeing the baby. DH is an engineer and his employer requires he bill his time and take dependent care time if he doesn't reach 40 billable hours in the week. That said, they have great benefits and he has 300+ hours of dependent care time available to him, plus they're offering the mandated additional paid leave even though they are not technically required to by law. So some of his coworkers are working 3/4 or even half time. We haven't discussed if he's gotten 40 hours each of the last two weeks (he's used to working 50ish hours per week), but I suspect he's gotten close and he has enough pto that it (thankfully) is a non-issue for us. His boss also set an example by announcing that he was building his schedule with at least 5 hours per week of dependent care time until schools open again, which was huge in terms of setting a tone. We'll see how it goes now that schools are closed through summer, but hopefully the tone doesn't shift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912957 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 13:21:58 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2912957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: I totally agree that managers need to let go of expectations but from all the posts I keep seeing it’s like we are all going insane trying to maintain full time jobs like it’s nothing to do that and have one or more kids at home with no childcare or school. Like it’s possible to just do the same as always, no questions asked. I thought maybe it was a Canada vs USA thing but some of my friends here in Canada are also facing the same pressures from their bosses. It seems completely bananas to me!</p> <p>In our situation, I’m home not working as my clinic is closed for 3 weeks currently so I’m looking after my 2 boys solo while DW works downstairs 6-7 hrs per day. She is government employed so can set her schedule and she typically comes to hang out with us for 1-2 hrs per day around lunch and all her coworkers are working weird hours too and their boss is totally ok with that. But it’s not the norm at all unfortunately. My clinic is rolling out telehealth shortly so we will have no choice but to split days between her and I. That’s what we were going to do before my clinic closed: her work 7-12 and me 12:30-5:30 and that’s all we can give to our jobs right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912951 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 12:39:03 +0000 HappyBaker 2912951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I’ve been super confused by this as it seems like employees who work for larger companies can’t use this at all. Companies with fewer than 500 employees seems like such a small group that unfortunately does not include me or anyone I know! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912940 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 10:44:18 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2912940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: We are handling things similarly to you and your DW. DH is a lawyer and I'm a consultant. I bill by the hour so I have to track every hour and am having to use sick time because there's not way I can work my normal load. DH is in-house so he doesn't bill but he's definitely stepped back his hours and his company is understanding. I feel a lot more pressure because consulting is competitive and hours/project based. There are some parents of small children, but we're a minority in the company for sure. Our CEO announced a sick time pool with a company match coming our way in addition to the added FMLA which will be so nice. Right now I'm working about 90% of my expected hours and am dying. I dream of just taking a full day with the kids and not stressing about work but that's hard when others don't have the same demands as me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912937 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 09:35:48 +0000 periwinklebee 2912937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>During my meeting this morning, every time I tried to talk my toddler started screaming "I'm pooping." I was trying to feed the baby while leading the meeting, which made dealing with the toddler difficult. He proceeded to take off his diaper and pee all over the living room in a bid for more attention (at least it was pee and he wasn't actually pooping). 😂 I felt bad because it's really not reasonable to expect a two year old to entertain himself. I really need to schedule meetings when DH can cover, but it's not always possible and I really want him to stay employed so... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912936 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 09:28:10 +0000 DesertDreams88 2912936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not that I think this is the appropriate route for most people, but I believe one of the most recent laws passed by Congress allows for family leave to care for children not in childcare due to their daycares or schools being closed. It would be paid leave of 66% for 3 months, I believe I read.</p> <p>I find it ironic that it took a pandemic to get paid family leave, but here it is.</p> <p><a href="https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/pandemic/ffcra-employee-paid-leave" rel="nofollow">https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/pandemic/ffcra-employee-paid-leave</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912935 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 08:22:53 +0000 wrkbrk 2912935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Exactly </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912934 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 08:22:22 +0000 wrkbrk 2912934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: Law firms have the same expectations of hours. Which is incredibly stressful - especially for moms because let’s be honest. We do the majority of the childcare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912933 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 08:15:44 +0000 Ajsmommy 2912933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: both myself and DH are currently working from home... prior to this my employer claimed "we were not equipped to work from home" and then suddenly within 24 hrs of the crisis here we are! HA</p> <p>Anyway to answer your question.. both DH and I are expected to put in our normal 8 hr days.</p> <p>DH is a manager over loan officers and I work in auto claims/risk mgmt. I'd hardly consider either one of us essential but as of now we are working our full schedules while DD (6) is home... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-are-you-negotiating-childcare-with-two-wfh-parents#post-2912932 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 08:08:02 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2912932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: I'm curious about how employers are handling this as well! DH and I are both really lucky in this respect. He's in IT in the federal government, so his work is very background support so he has to be accessible to his users but he's not on calls and meetings ever, really. His bosses are all also people with elementary school kids so they're all in the same boat. I'm a senior manager at a nonprofit that does training for federal government, so my job is more demanding right now because I manage multiple teams that does program delivery and we're adapting to virtual programming right now. So I ask DH every night if there's anything he's committed to work-wise that I need to make sure I'm free for to keep an eye on our kid, and let him know when I have calls so he can be on hand. Two weeks in it's been working well. My org also totally understands that we have kids at home and that we'll be working odd hours so there's been a ton of flexibility, even in the demanding situation we're in. My biggest challenge personally is just focusing on work when I'm not on calls - I immediately shift into parent mode and go hang out with my kid so DH isn't on his own all day, and as a result it's hard to sit and actually get things done unless it's before she's up for the day. </p>